Tuesday, December 29, 2009

QUASI'S NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS FOR 2010

Around this time each year, many humans make what are known as New Year’s resolutions. From what I can gather, these resolutions are changes humans plan to make in the new year, such as breaking a bad habit or starting a new project of some kind.

Although New Year’s resolutions are made with the best intentions, I’m aware that most humans break them, usually before the new year is more than one or two weeks old. With that in mind, here are my New Year’s resolutions for 2010…

  • Stop begging for food while Steve and the female are eating
  • Stop shredding the arm of the couch
  • Stop leaving my cat toys scattered around the house
  • Stop grabbing Steve’s arm when he gives me a tummy rub
  • Stop smoking (just kidding!)
  • Stop climbing up screen doors
  • Stop singing operatic arias when Steve and the female are sleeping
  • Stop abusing catnip
  • Stop going up on the roof and pretending I can’t get down
  • Stop coughing up hairballs on the TV remote

And like humans who make New Year’s resolutions, I vow to be VERY diligent in adhering to each one of these pledges (and if you believe that, I have some acreage on the moon I’d like to sell you). Meanwhile, I wish all creatures, cats, humans and otherwise, a happy new year and all the best in 2010!

Saturday, December 19, 2009

HERE COMES SANTA.....

Well, we’re into the final week before the arrival of Santa Claus (or, more appropriately for us cats, Santa Claws), which means that if you haven’t done your Christmas shopping yet, you better get on it tout suite! Meanwhile, for your holiday pleasure and amusement, here’s the “Christmas” section from the “Holiday Fun (& Danger)” chapter in The World Is Your Litter Box….

Christmas: The mother of all holidays... a time for joy, goodwill, and complete madness. This is a holiday that is nothing but fun for cats. The Christmas lights. The presents. The tree. The tinsel. The ornaments. The egg nog. Deck the halls indeed!

Although many stores start selling Christmas stuff in July, or so it seems, most humans start their serious Christmas shopping the day after Thanksgiving (although, for extra thrills and chills, some masochistic humans wait until December 24th). This means the Christmas season lasts around one month – one full month of crowded malls and post offices, angry drivers duking it out over parking spaces, mind-deadening Christmas music, maxed-out credit cards, and endless unrealistic TV commercials showing rich people buying each other gigantic big screen TVs and other expensive presents that normal mortals can’t afford. Why do humans put themselves through it? I don’t know.

But forget them. What about us cats, you say? Just what’s so special about Christmas from the feline perspective?

Well, fellow reveler, let’s start with that most traditional of holiday traditions, the Christmas tree. A week or two before Christmas, most humans bring in a fir or pine-type tree from outside and decorate it with lights, tinsel, candy canes and ORNAMENTS. These colorful shiny balls may possibly be the best thing about Christmas – the way they dangle and glisten so invitingly, just begging to be batted at. Who can resist? Not me, that’s for sure. Or you either. And why should we? After all, if our humans were truly worried about damage to their ornaments, they wouldn’t hang them in such a tempting location. So don’t be bashful, fellow sultan of swat. Whack at those ornaments until your heart’s content. And hey, if you happen to knock a few (or several) off the tree, don’t sweat it. It’s Christmas!

Then there’s the yuletide thrill of climbing the Christmas tree. However, a word of caution here. A few years back, I shinnied up my tree all the way to the top. Just as I was getting ready to do my impersonation of the Star of Bethlehem, my massive kitty girth upset the fundamental balance of gravity and the tree topped over with a resounding, tinkling crash (those ornaments DO break if they hit the ground hard enough). Naturally, Steve was pretty chagrined... although, deep down, I think he thought it was pretty funny.

It’s also great to sleep under the Christmas tree. You can even pretend you are a present if you like. And there is nothing like a refreshing drink of cool, pine-scented Christmas tree water to really get you in the holiday spirit.

Another great thing about Christmas is the presents, or, should I say, the ribbon and wrapping on the presents. The amazing thing is, fellow cat, that after all the painstaking planning, the stupefying shopping and the manual dexterity-challenging wrapping of gifts, the actual present-opening ritual is over in a matter of minutes, leaving an orgy of detritus for you to play in. Oh the joy of taking a flying leap at a mountain of crumpled-up wrapping paper, the glee of scattering colorful ribbons and bows around the living room, the unparalleled pleasure of climbing into new, unexplored empty boxes, the ego-flattering self indulgence of posing for photographs amid the rubble. And because your human won’t want you to feel left out of all the gift-giving – and receiving – they will probably buy something nice for you. In my house, it’s usually just a trifle like catnip or a cat toy, but hey, it’s the thought that counts, right? Besides, on top of all the other previously-mentioned delights of Christmas, an extra present is merely icing on the cake. And, of course, when the merriment finally comes to an end and your human is cleaning up the wreckage, there is nothing better than a contented-cat snooze in front of a roaring yuletide fire.

NOTE #1: Many children-humans break or become disinterested in their Christmas presents within minutes of receiving them, thus leaving them for you to play with and break further, if you so desire. Also, be sure to investigate the presents given and received by adult humans. Most likely, you will find some nice new clothing to curl up and sleep on.

NOTE #2: Sparkly and inviting as it may seem, DO NOT EAT TINSEL.

NOTE #3
: Some humans will become very angry when you knock ornaments and other objects off the Christmas tree. Many will even create an ornament timber line, that is, they will only hang ornaments in positions above your reach. DON’T LET THIS STOP YOU FROM HAVING YOUR GOD-GIVEN RIGHT TO BAT AT CHRISTMAS ORNAMENTS. If ornaments are placed beyond your reach, climb up the tree and rock it back and forth like a bear at Yellowstone National Park. This will surely cause a few things to fall, or at least tumble to a place where you can get at them.

Along with Steve and his female, I wish all creatures, (cats and otherwise), a VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!

Friday, December 11, 2009

QUASI'S "I WANT" CHRISTMAS LIST

Well, fellow cats, once again it’s that self-indulgent time of the year when I make out my list of what I want for Christmas. I’ve been a good cat this year (well… pretty good), so I hope Santa will come through big time.

Here’s my “I want” list for Christmas 2009:
  • A new litter box (with a uniformed washroom attendant to keep it clean)
  • One of those retro Felix the Cat clocks
  • A subscription to Cat Fancy magazine
  • An iPhone with Hello Kitty ringtones (Steve got one and its tres cool!)
  • Enough catnip to keep me buzzed for a year
  • A Taylor Swift CD (Yes, I still have a crush on her!)
  • Opposable thumbs
  • A generous gift certificate to Petco
  • Socks and ties (just kidding!)
  • A nice new cardboard box to explore and sleep in
  • A new scratching post (that I can ignore while heading for the arm of the couch)
  • Some intellectually-challenging cat toys
  • The World Is Your Litter Box (hey, you just knew I had to sneak it in!)
  • World Peace
  • Food, food and MORE FOOD

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

NEW iPHONES FOR CHRISTMAS

This year, as a means of reducing their carbon footprint (and primarily because they’re cheap and lazy), Steve and his female have decided to forego the mind-numbing process of buying a multitude of Christmas presents for each other and instead, get new iPhones.

So over the weekend, while they went on the Apple website and watched videos about the iPhone and how to use it, I sat on the corner of the desk and tried to pick up a little info my own bad self. Now, I must admit, the iPhone seems to be very cool, but it also looks VERY confusing! Since Steve and the female are typically flummoxed by new technology, it will be lots of fun to watch them go completely bonkers as they try and figure out how to use these gadgets. Should be highly entertaining!

Because I secretly use Steve’s cell phone when he’s not around, I’m glad to see that the iPhone has a large keyboard, which will make texting much easier for me. After all, with no opposable thumbs, it’s pretty hard for us cats to text on a small keyboard. When Steve and the female get their iPhones, I should have no trouble mashing down on the keys when texting my kitty pals and telling them to meet me at the mall… or whatever.

Anyway, I’ll let you know how it goes when Steve and the female get their new iPhones, which should be within a week or so. I can’t wait!

Saturday, November 21, 2009

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Yes, once again it’s Thanksgiving week… that wonderful time of year when we all stop and give thanks for all the wonderful blessings we have. Yes, even in these difficult economic times, most of us have much to be thankful for. But still, let’s not forget those who don’t have as much as we do and hope that their lives improve for the better. And let’s also remember those who have given so much over the years so that we can continue to have the lifestyle we so enjoy today.

Now right about here, you’re probably thinking, “Hey, Quasi, those are very nice Thanksgiving sentiments and all that, but what does Thanksgiving hold in store for us cats?” Well, for your edification and enjoyment, here’s the Thanksgiving section from the “Holiday Fun (& Danger)” chapter of The World Is Your Litter Box


Thanksgiving: A good holiday for cats, even if it’s not so good for turkeys. At Thanksgiving, human families get together to gorge themselves and good feeling is in the air (as are an abundance of good cooking smells!) In most households with male and female humans, the male usually spends the day watching football on TV while the female toils in the kitchen preparing Thanksgiving dinner. In addition to providing engrossing tension and lively, entertaining arguments, this situation will afford you a good lap to sleep in, unless your male human becomes over-exuberant and spills beer on you, and plenty of interesting activity in the kitchen. Once the table is set, you might want to jump up there and make sure all the silverware, plates, and glasses are properly arranged. And when dinner is finally served, be sure to go from person to person looking as cute (and hungry) as possible. There is nothing better than Thanksgiving turkey. Yum! Then, when dinner is over and everyone is sated beyond the point of decency, including you, you can go into the bedroom and have a nice snooze on everyone’s coats, just like on New Years Eve and other holidays during cold seasons. Yes, there is much to be thankful for.

Along with Steve and Judy (my humans), I want to wish everyone - cat, human and otherwise - a very safe and happy Thanksgiving!

Monday, November 9, 2009

CAT CRUSH ON TAYLOR SWIFT

A couple nights ago, from my usual spot on the back of the couch behind Steve and his female, I watched Saturday Night Live, which was hosted by Taylor Swift, the very talented (and very cute) singer. About halfway through the show, I came to a startling realization, and that is… I have a BIG CAT CRUSH on Taylor Swift.

Now I know this is just a crazy fantasy and that nothing will ever come of it, but I find myself dreaming of Taylor Swift’s gentle touch as she rubs my tummy and her sweet, juicy lips as she kisses my nose and cuddles me. OMG, it makes me purr just thinking about it! I wonder if Taylor Swift is a cat person? And, dare I even think it… I wonder if she’s read The World Is Your Litter Box?

Oh well, like I said, probably nothing will ever come of my kitty crush, but hey Taylor… if you ever come to Burbank, there’s a great big furry white tummy waiting for you to rub! And if Kanye West ever bothers you again... just let me know and I'll give him a big, scary hiss!

Friday, November 6, 2009

STILL FLUMMOXED BY TIME CHANGE

Am I the only cat who’s still completely perplexed by the time change? Normally I adapt within a few days, but this year, for some reason, I just can’t seem to get my internal kitty clock synced up with human clocks. Maybe it has to do with global warming or sunspots or something. All I know is, when I wake Steve and his female at my formerly normal time of 7:00 a.m., it’s now 6:00 a.m., which makes them very angry to be awakened so early. Oh, well. If I get hungry at 6:00 a.m. (or what used to be 7:00 a.m.), they just have to get up and feed me, and that’s that! Hey, can I help it if my circadian rhythm is all messed up?

As far as I’m concerned, this whole concept of setting clocks ahead one hour in the spring and back one hour in the fall is one the worst ideas humans have come up with yet. It’s VERY confusing. I think all humankind should adopt the much-easier-to-use international kitty clock system, which is clearly divided into “awake” time and “nap” time. And since “nap” time lasts for around 20 hours a day, the remaining “awake” time would be much simpler for everyone to manage. Do we cats have to think of EVERYTHING?

Anyway, until humans come to their senses and quit monkeying around with their clocks twice a year, I guess we cats will just have to continue to “spring ahead” and “fall back” as the time change reminder goes. Just don’t blame us if we wake our humans up an hour early in the fall and let them oversleep one hour in the spring.

Friday, October 23, 2009

THE BACK-HOME-AGAIN DAMAGE REPORT

Steve and his female FINALLY arrived back home from their visit to Savannah GA and Charleston SC. Even though they were only gone six days, it felt like a lot longer. Of course, of those six days, I spent approximately 120 hours asleep, so mostly, I only missed them in my dreams. And, as usual, I was able to con my pet sitter into giving me an overabundance of kitty treats. Still, when humans leave cats alone, they MUST pay, and Steve and his female are no exception. Here’s the teach-them-a-lesson-for-leaving-me damage report:

  • 45 minutes of serious kitty scorn (I tried for an hour, but I couldn’t hold out any longer)
  • 1 unraveled and finely-shredded roll of toilet paper
  • “Accident” outside litter box
  • Demolition of the female’s favorite houseplant
  • 1 kacked-up hairball on coffee table, with fallout spatter on the DVD remote
  • All Tivo’d shows deleted and replaced with programming from Animal Planet
  • Uber-shredding on the arm of the couch
  • All books pushed out of the bookcase and onto the floor (except The World Is Your Litter Box)
  • Overwhelming smell of cat throughout the house
  • Cat hair on everything

And one final thing… Steve and the female said they only saw two kitties in Savannah and NONE in Charleston. I’m guessing that my fellow cats in the low country were sleeping off huge meals of kitty food and grits and were just too full and sated to go outside. Regardless, y’all, here’s a hearty shout out to every one of my kitty compadres in the South.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

HOME ALONE 2009

For one week, Steve and his female are taking a vacation, which they seem to do every year about this time. This year, they’re going to Savannah, which is in some place called Georgia, and Charleston, which is in some place called South Carolina. Why they want to go to these two cities is a mystery to me, but I hear they’re both very beautiful and historic, and that they both have lots of opportunities to eat indulgent amounts of delicious Southern food (now THAT’S something I can relate to!).

Nice for Steve and the female, but not so swell for yours truly. For you see, fellow cat, for one week, I’ll be home alone and left in the care of my pet sitter, who comes over twice a day to feed me and cater to whatever whims I might feel at the time. Now, right about here, you’re probably thinking, “But Quaz, in The World Is Your Litter Box, you talked about all kinds of ways to take advantage of your pet sitter. That can't be so bad.” Yes, that’s true, and I plan to do just that. But still, there’s nothing like having your own humans around to suck up to you 24/7, and when they’re gone, I’m forced to WAIT for things like food and attention. Unacceptable human behavior if you ask me.

So, fellow cat, as I always do when Steve and the female leave me home alone, I will make them pay dearly (as only a cat can). I haven’t yet determined the level and scope of household damage I intend to inflict, but you can bet it will be – shall we say – noticeable. And, of course, when Steve and the female return, I’ll scorn both of them (for a little while, anyway) to teach a lesson they shan’t soon forget.

Anyway, I hope Steve and his female have a nice vacation in the South, but they better bring me back something nice. Perhaps some catnip-flavored grits or a replica of Fort Sumter that I can lie on and crush. Please, God, just don’t let them come back talking like Rhett Butler and Scarlett O’Hara!

Monday, October 5, 2009

THE END OF BASEBALL SEASON

Today, according to my human, Steve, is the saddest day of the year. For you see, today, the words “Final Standings” appear on the sports page of the newspaper. This means that the regular 2009 baseball season is officially over, and for Steve, this is a tragedy on the magnitude of the Great Plague. Put it this way… in addition to being a cat nut, Steve is a MAJOR baseball nut. Steve grew up in the San Francisco Bay Area, and even though he lives in Southern California (home of the hated Dodgers), his favorite team has always been the SF Giants.

But forget Steve. What I’m sure you REALLY want to know, fellow cat, is how does the end of baseball season affect your ‘ole pal Quasi? Well, in our household, we have a very workable arrangement that allows Steve to watch zillions of baseball games without incurring the wrath of the female. Steve has MLB.TV, so he can watch all the Giants games on his computer in his home office (yes, I know… he SHOULD be helping me work on The World Is STILL Your Litter Box instead of frittering his time away watching humans running around on a baseball diamond). This leaves the TV (and the Netflix cue) free for the female so she can watch all the nauseating chick flicks and reality TV shows she wants. And when the female is happy, we’re ALL happy. Anyway, when Steve watches baseball games on the computer, he props his legs up on his desk, which creates the perfect lap space for yours truly. Yes, that’s right… hours of baseball watching translates into hours of high quality lap time and petting for ME!

During the Giants games, when one of the opposing players strikes out, Mike Krukow, one of the Giants announcers often says, “Grab some pine, meat.” For me, I’ll have to wait ‘til next spring for Steve to look at me, pat his lap and say “Grab some lap, meat.”

It’s going to be a long, cold winter.

Monday, September 28, 2009

The World Is STILL Your Litter Box

Lately, several erudite kitty (and human) readers of The World Is Your Litter Box, my ultra-hilarious how-to manual for cats, have asked me about the status of the follow-up, The World Is STILL Your Litter Box… so, as a means providing an update (and take advantage of yet another opportunity to shamelessly promote my writing career), let me first tell you that barring any last-minute complications, The World Is STILL Your Litter Box will be out in the spring of 2010. We don’t have a firm release date yet, but when we do, I’ll be sure to let you know.

Meanwhile, here is a partial list of chapters from the new book that are finished so far…

  • How to Tell If Your Human Is a True Cat Nut
  • What to Do If Your Human Puts You On a Diet
  • Breezy Excuses for Unacceptable Kitty Behavior
  • Cat Sounds and What They Mean
  • Fun Things to Do When You’re Buzzed On Catnip
  • How to Live with Multiple Cats and Alpha Males
  • Good Fighting (and Survival) Techniques
  • How to Baby-sit Guest Kittens
  • Why Cats Are Smarter Than Humans

Let me also apologize for being somewhat missing in action on the web lately, but as you can imagine, writing a book is very hard, time-consuming work… especially for a cat with a multitude of household responsibilities and a need to sleep 20 hours a day. But rest assured that Steve and I are working very diligently to complete The World Is STILL Your Litter Box, and when you finally read it, I think you’ll agree that it will have been worth the wait (if I don’t say so myself!).

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

WHY CAN'T HUMANS BE MORE LIKE CATS? (CIVILITY LESSON #2)

Just when I thought humans couldn’t be any ruder and nastier to one another, yet another incident occurred that made me wonder why humans can’t be more like cats. On the MTV Music Video Awards program a few days ago, Kanye West interrupted an acceptance speech by Taylor Swift, grabbed the microphone from Swift’s hand, and proceeded to tell the whole world that Beyonce was more deserving of the award. (To Beyonce’s credit, she graciously ceded some of her time on the program so Swift could complete her acceptance speech.)

Have humans (other than Beyonce) gone completely mad? Has it become fashionable for humans to yell and scream and interrupt one another? I know that hosts on talk radio and cable TV do it, but does that mean that all humans have to act like louts and oafs to make their point?

Here’s what I think humans should do to become more kind and courteous… in other words, to become more like cats. First, all humans should give at least one other human a kiss (which is the equivalent of our licking). Then, all humans should give another human at lease one delicious treat. And finally, all humans should take a nice long nap so they wake up refreshed, and hopefully, in a better mood. Hey, it works for us cats.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

WHY CAN'T HUMANS BE MORE LIKE CATS? (CIVILITY LESSON #1)

From my usual spot on the back of the couch, behind Steve and his female, I watched President Obama’s speech on health care reform, and quite frankly, I was stunned by the behavior of certain human members of Congress. Throughout the speech, I heard cat calls (and I don’t mean meows), and I saw several humans texting or Twittering while the President was speaking. Tres rude! One white male congressman even shouted out, “You lie.” Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t the President of the United States the leader of the free world and deserving of a certain amount of respect, even if you disagree with him?

Now what occurred to me while watching the speech, among other things, is… why can’t humans be more like cats? Let me give you an example. When I disagree with one of my fellow felines, I merely hiss at them and… well yes, sometimes a whap or two on the head are also required to drive my point home. But I don’t call other cats liars or Nazis or Commies or whatever. Even with enemy cats, I try to show a reasonable degree of courtesy and respect. After all, what are we? Animals?

Now I’m not suggesting that humans hiss at each other or whap each other on the head, but a little civility would be nice. All this screeching and name calling is getting humans nowhere, and for the rest of us, it’s mighty unpleasant. Disagree if you must, humans, but please try and keep the level of discourse out of the gutter. And it would also be nice if you could disagree more quietly. Hey, some of us are trying to nap.

Monday, August 31, 2009

FIRES IN CALIFORNIA

I’m sure you’ve heard by now that some very serious wildfires are burning in California, primarily in Southern California where it’s very hot. The largest one, known as the Station Fire, is burning out of control in the Los Angeles area. We live pretty close to the fire… not so close that we’re in any immediate danger, but close enough that we can see and smell the smoke in the air. It’s pretty nasty.

It seems that all the states in the good ‘ole USA are plagued with some kinds of natural disasters, whether it be hurricanes, tornadoes, floods or droughts. In California, from roughly August through October, it’s fire season. That’s because in most of the state, we get no rain between June and the late fall, so everything becomes tinder dry. Combine that with extremely hot weather, and you’ve got very dangerous conditions that all too often become disastrous.

At times like these, in addition to concern about humans, I worry about all the forest creatures and house pets (yes, even dogs) who are in so much danger. And, of course, emergency situations like this put a significant strain on all the animal shelters and rescue organizations. I know things are pretty tight with the economy right now, but if you have a few extra bucks, you might want to make a donation to the shelter or rescue organization of your choice. You’ll find a list of some of the more well-known animal organizations on the Litter Box website.

Meanwhile, here’s a big meow out to all the human firefighters who are doing so much and risking their lives to conquer these horrible fires. We can’t thank you enough.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

CAT VIDEOS RULE THE WEB!

The August 7 issue of Entertainment Weekly has an article of interest to all cats and cat lovers everywhere. I’m a little late with this information, but I didn’t know about the article until Steve’s female nicked a copy of the magazine from the gym. Anyway, the story is entitled “Hello Kitty,” and its all about how cats are the undisputed stars of the Internet. Yes fellow cats and cat lovers, according to the article, cat videos are the most watched videos on the web… in fact, some videos have been viewed over 4 million times. Let’s see dogs, politicians, movie stars and the Kardashian sisters top that!

As a public service to everyone who loves cats (and who doesn’t?), we’ve assembled the crème de la crème of the best (and funniest) cat videos on the web… all in one place for your convenience. Simply visit the official The World Is Your Litter Box website, click on “Fun Cat Videos,” and get ready to laugh your tail off. That’s entertainment!

Monday, August 10, 2009

CHILD PORN DOWNLOADED BY CAT? I THINK NOT!

Here’s a story that made the news last week, but bears repeating, I think. In Jepsen Beach, Florida, a human named Keith Griffin was arrested on child pornography charges after the police found over 1,000 illicit images on his computer. Griffin contended that he left the room while downloading music and when he returned, his cat had walked across the keyboard and downloaded “strange material.”

Nice try, chucko. Hey, I acknowledge that many cats (myself included) enjoy an entertaining stroll across our human’s computer keyboard from time to time, and I also acknowledge that I occasionally surf the net looking for racy images of Hello Kitty. But this allegation is completely bogus! If Griffin were truly downloading music, there’s virtually no way his kitty could have walked across the keyboard and brought up an entirely different web page. And furthermore, to bring up 1,000 images (according to mathematical probability statistics), his kitty would have had to walk across the keyboard no less than 978,432 trillion times!

Needless to say, the police did not buy Griffin’s explanation and took him into custody. His kitty, an innocent victim of blind justice (like Dr. Richard Kimble in “The Fugitive”) is being cared for by a family friend.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

NEW BOOK

Work on my new book, The World Is STILL Your Litter Box, is progressing nicely. As of now, Steve and I are a little over halfway done with the book, which will be out in the Spring of 2010. Some of the completed chapters include, "How to Tell If Your Human Is a True Cat Nut," "What to Do If Your Human Puts You on A Diet," "Fun Things to Do When You're Buzzed on Catnip," and "Breezy Excuses for Unacceptable Kitty Behavior." If you liked The World Is Your Litter Box, you'll LOVE The World Is STILL Your Litter Box. Who says literary lightning doesn't strike twice!

That's me in the photo, resting from an exhausting writing session and cooling my feverishly-creative kitty brain.



Thursday, July 23, 2009

THE DOG DAYS OF SUMMER

Have you ever wondered where the phrase “dog days of summer” came from or what it actually means? Well, with the hottest, sultriest days of summer upon us (in the Northern Hemisphere anyway), ‘ole Quaz decided to do a little research and find out.

Being a cat, I originally thought the “dog days of summer” meant that the weather was so hot, it turned dogs into panting, drooling oafs that just wanted to lie around and sleep all day (hey, wait a minute… the lying around and sleeping all day part of that sounds a bit like a cat!). But no. The term actually dates back to the olden days and has to do with the star Sirius, the brightest star in the heavens, which is also known as the Dog Star.

Sirius was nicknamed the “Dog Star” by the ancient Egyptians in honor of a god named Osirus, whose head resembled that of a dog (poor sap!). For around 20 days beginning in late July, Sirius actually rises and sets with the sun, so the Egyptians and Romans put two and two together and concluded that Sirius added its heat to the sun and made things extra hot… hence, the name “dog days of summer.”

Now this is all fine and good, but I DEMAND equal time for cats! Since we kitties are so cool, I think the powers that be should pick out a period in September or October, when things begin to turn a bit chilly, and call it the “cat days of fall.” Don’t you agree?

Monday, July 13, 2009

QUASI'S COOL CAT iMIX #2

Summer’s here and the time is right for dancing in the streets (as Martha & The Vandellas so eloquently sang back in the 1960s), so once again, for your enjoyment, I have created Quasi’s Cool Cat i-Mix #2. Yes, it’s another fan-tabulous mix of cat songs with classics such as “Cat Scratch Fever” and “China Cat Sunflower” alongside treasures including “Kitten I’m Smitten,” “Cat-A-Tonic,” and “Big Electric Cat.” Here’s the complete mix:

Put Your Cat Clothes On – Carl Perkins
Alley Cat – Bent Fabric
Cat Scratch Fever – Ted Nugent
Kitten I’m Smitten – When I Was 12
This Cat’s On a Hot Tin Roof – Brian Setzer
The Cat Song – Ray Stevens
China Cat Sunflower – Grateful Dead
The Siamese Cat Song – Peggy Lee with Si & Am
Cat-A-Tonic – Laurel Canyon Animal Company
Grey Cat – Peter Feldmann
The Kitty Cat Song – Lee Dorsey
The Cutest Kitten – Anthony Paule
Big Electric Cat – Adrian Belew
The Cat Came Back – Trout Fishing in America

Here’s a link…

Quasi's Cool Cat i-Mix #2

Proving, once again, that CATS ROCK!!!!

Monday, July 6, 2009

DAVE & PIPER'S NOT-SO-EXCELLENT ADVENTURE (PART 3)

After spending two disorienting nights in a hotel in Burbank, after an ultra-scary plane ride to New York, and after a couple weeks in discombobulating temporary living quarters, Dave, Piper and their human, Paula, are finally ensconced in their new home in lower Manhattan. Whew!

Dave and Piper now live on the 45th floor of a new apartment building on Liberty Street. For you kitties who can’t comprehend how high 45 floors is, it’s around the same height as Mt. Everest (trust me!). From their window, Dave and Piper can see the Statute of Liberty and the Hudson River, not to mention thousands of antlike people and cars down on the street. Yikes! I get vertigo just thinking about it! In fact, the other day, Dave chattered at a passing helicopter, thinking it was a pterodactyl or some other type of very large bird. And because the air is so thin at this altitude, Piper has to take frequent rest breaks when cleaning and preening for a hot night of clubbing (well… not really!).

Fortunately, all the furniture and household items (and cat toys) are now in place, so Dave and Piper are starting to feel right at home… in fact, that’s Piper in the photo dozing peacefully on the couch. Dave, meanwhile, has made his presence felt in the Big Apple by shredding the majority of Paula’s Sunday New York Times.

So after their not-so-excellent adventure, things seem to be returning to “normal” for Dave and Piper. And, hey, let’s face it… when you’re a kitty with a comfortable home, good food and a compliant human to love you, life is pretty good wherever you are.

Friday, July 3, 2009

HAPPY 4TH OF JULY!

For your pleasure and amusement on this 4th of July weekend, here's my personal take on the holiday from a cat’s perspective, from the “Holiday Fun (& Danger)” chapter of The World Is Your Litter Box...

4th of July: The birthday of America with lots of patriotic razzle-dazzle, but not a good holiday for cats. Most Americans celebrate the 4th with backyard barbeques that fill the air with noxious, cloying smoke (Fools! Don't they realize that all this smoke is contributing to global warming?) Then when it gets dark, after gorging themselves and drinking copious amounts of beer, they go and watch explosions in the sky. While some of these explosions are quite pretty (and quite psychedelic if you’ve been sniffing catnip), they are loud and VERY SCARY. Apart from seeing homes festooned with American flags and hearing off-key versions of the Star Spangled Banner played by horrible high school bands, and the possibility of eating leftover BBQ, there is not much for a cat to look forward to on the 4th of July except the return of sanity on the 5th. NOTE: The 4th of July is a time you outdoor cats should stay inside. Believe it or not, some twisted humans will actually go out of their way to torment cats with fireworks. OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!

Here’s wishing everyone (cat, human and otherwise) a safe, happy and fun-filled 4th of July! And remember... DON'T play with fireworks!

Monday, June 22, 2009

A KITTY HOSTAGE SITUATION AND HOW YOU CAN HELP

Here’s a story about a fellow Burbank kitty in a very bad situation and a chance for you to make your voice heard on his behalf.

Last February, a very cute Seal Point Himalayan cat named Kitty Pants, shown in the photo, slipped away from a house sitter and found himself lost in the big bad world (or, the wilds of Burbank anyway). A few days later, Kitty Pants was found by a neighbor and taken to the Burbank Animal Shelter, and here’s where it gets dicey. Although Kitty Pants had been reported missing by his humans, Jim and Amy Roach, the attendant at the shelter failed to check the lost pets book. As a result, Kitty Pants was placed in the “general population” and subsequently adopted by another family. And here’s where it gets even dicier. Because the new family adopted Kitty Pants legally, they refuse to give him back to Jim and Amy. The family was offered a reward and another Seal Point Himalayan from the same breeder, but as of this writing, they are still refusing to budge. So this has become, in effect, a kitty hostage situation.

Naturally, Jim and Amy are devastated and want Kitty Pants back. The Burbank City Council has become involved and the Kitty Pants story has found its way into several media outlets, so hopefully, the new family will bow to pressure and relent. Still, a few words from other kitty lovers would be extremely helpful, so I call on my fellow cats (and their humans) to raise your voices and help Kitty Pants find his way home. Contact the Burbank City Council (citycouncil@ci.burbank.ca.us) and/or The Burbank Leader (gnp@latimes.com) and let them know your thoughts. Also, I’m sure any ideas you might have as to how to resolve the situation would be greatly appreciated.

Meanwhile, check back from time to time for more information on Kitty Pants. Hopefully, this story will have a happy ending.

Friday, June 19, 2009

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!

This Father’s Day, I want to send a very special meow out to Steve, my human “dad” (shown here with me in the photo). Here are just a few of the many reasons why I love him - even though I may not always act like it…

  • He gives me attention whenever I want it
  • He gives me food whenever I want it
  • He pets me and makes me purr
  • He gives me 763 cat treats a day
  • He “lets” me claw the arm of the couch and the screen door with only minor protestations
  • He doesn’t care if I leave my cat toys scattered around the house
  • He leaves his shoes out so I can bury my nose deep inside and enjoy the delightfully-pungent aroma of human feet
  • He always makes himself available for quality lap time or chest time, regardless of what he might be doing
  • He lets me sleep on the bed at night and take up most of the room
  • He rescues me when I get into inextricable kitty jams like being trapped inside a closet or stuck up on the roof
  • He helped me write The World Is Your Litter Box… well, he typed it, anyway
  • He gives me unconditional love, no matter how much I might exasperate him

So, thanks Steve… you’re the best human dad a cat could have! And while I’m at it, I want to extend Happy Father’s Day wishes to all the other human dads out there, and to all our kitty dads, wherever (and whoever) they might be.

Saturday, June 13, 2009

DAVE & PIPER'S NOT-SO-EXCELLENT ADVENTURE (PART 2)

Dave and Piper (and Paula) arrived safely in New York City, although the trip was not without its share of excitement. Dave and Piper made it through airport security without too much difficulty (they were pretty zonked out on kitty tranquilizers, luckily for them). Also, Paula was flying with Dave and Piper’s pet sitter extraordinaire Laura, who came along to help wrangle the kitties and provide much needed comfort. Once on the plane, though, Paula and Laura had to mash Dave and Piper’s kitty carriers under the seats in front of them before the plane could take off. It’s a good thing cats are pliable! Then, about halfway through the trip, Dave came out of his tranquilizer-induced kitty haze and tried to chew his way out of his kitty carrier. Now THAT would have been an adventure if he had been successful. “Snakes on a Plane” would have paled in comparison!

Once in New York, and after taking a fairly non-eventful taxi ride into Manhattan, Dave and Piper were ensconced in their new home… their temporary new home, that is, because until Paula’s furniture arrives in about a week, the whole gang is staying in temporary housing. Dave and Piper seem to be acclimating pretty quickly, though. When Laura woke up the next morning and went into the kitchen, Piper followed her and loudly demanded breakfast. After all, to Piper, Laura is the food lady. And Dave is working on changing his laid back Southern California “meow” to a more New York-like “me-YO!”

We’ll have more on Dave and Piper once they move into their permanent home. Meanwhile, we send our love to all.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

DAVE & PIPER'S NOT-SO-EXCELLENT ADVENTURE

This week, Paula (our literary agent) is relocating from Burbank, California to New York City. What with packing all her stuff and the normal stress associated with moving, Paula has been pretty freaked out lately. But that’s nothing compared to what her kitties, Dave and Piper, are going through. Even though Dave is a rough-tough mancat (like me) and Piper is relatively fearless under normal circumstances, this has been a not-so-excellent adventure for them.

First, Dave and Piper had to endure the packing up of all the furniture and household goods… very traumatic when you consider that even moving a favorite paper bag three inches to the left can be totally discombobulating for a kitty. Then they had to spend two nights with Paula in a hotel… bad enough on its own, but there was NO MIXED GRILL on the room service menu! But that’s small potatoes compared to what’s going to happen on Thursday, when Paula, Dave and Piper fly to New York. After being transported from the hotel to the Burbank airport (scary enough right there), Dave and Piper must go through security, which means they will be taken out of their kitty totes and physically carried through the metal detector. Then they’ll fly through the air in a large metal cylinder with wings, thousands of feet above the earth, and land in an entirely different city. I get sweaty paws just thinking about it! Fortunately, Dave and Piper will be high on kitty tranquilizers provided by the hated vet, so hopefully, they’ll sleep through most of this.

Anyway, I’m sure all will end well. Once Dave and Piper get to their new home and the furniture arrives, and once they scent everything to their liking, all will return to normal and they’ll become official New York City kitties. And don’t worry, Dave and Piper… I’ll be sure to come visit, and when I do, when can go down into the subway and catch some delicious rats together!

Friday, June 5, 2009

IT'S SUMMER!

Another summer is just about upon us… time for humans to do all kinds of fun things like going to the beach, barbecuing and taking vacations. From a cat’s perspective, some of these things may SOUND fun, but they make no sense. For example, the beach… who really wants to go and lie in a giant litter box all day with a scary body of water nearby? And barbecuing… sure, it smells good, but don’t humans realize what all this smoke is doing to the environment? And going on a vacation… who would want to leave the safety and security of their own home to go through the hassle of dealing with airports and mobs of other tourista-types? To me, all this just sounds like more ways for humans to drive themselves crazy. Not to mention female humans who get bikini waxing? Yikes!

Now right about here, you might be thinking, I agree with you Quaz, but what about us cats? What makes summer special for kitties?

Well, first of all, it’s going to be hot for many months, so that gives you an excuse to take extra long naps (not that you really need one, but hey…). In many countries, even humans take long naps when it gets too hot to work. Also, summer is insect season, so this will give you an opportunity to chase down (and eat, if you so choose), all kinds of interesting bugs. A word of caution here, though… try and avoid bugs with stingers. Ouch! If you have a male human that likes baseball (like my human, Steve), you’ll have lots of opportunities for quality lap time as they watch zillions of games on TV. And if you’re a long-haired kitty, you might even get a lion cut to keep you cool and make you feel ferocious all summer long. You might even have a chance to lick a snow cone like the kitty in the photo!

At any rate, fellow cat… here’s hoping you and your human have a great and safe summer!

Monday, June 1, 2009

HAPPY LANDINGS (FORTUNATELY!)

Here’s a little story about a kitty escapade that could have gone horribly wrong, but instead, has a happy ending… or, perhaps I should say, a happy landing.

Last week, a 3-year-old cat named Lucky (appropriately) managed to work his way out a window on the 26th floor of an apartment in New York City for a little high altitude exploring on a ledge. The window had been opened just a few inches by Lucky’s human, Keri Hostetler, who wanted to let in a little fresh air before some guests arrived. Lucky was doing fine until he tried to turn a corner and discovered, too late, that the ledge he was on didn’t extend any further. Lucky found himself airborne and falling fast, but here’s the miracle… even though he landed on a cement balcony 26 floors down (on his feet, of course), Lucky survived with only minor injuries. He was taken to the hated vet, where he was patched up and is expected to make a full recovery.

So let this be a lesson to all you kitties who live in high places… better stick to cupboards and closets when you feel like exploring and leave the sky to birds, bugs, butterflies and humans with parachutes. And Lucky, we’re so glad you lived to purr another day!

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

FUN CAT VIDEOS

If you need some good laughs – and these days, who doesn’t? – we’ve got just the thing for you! As a public service to all cats and cat lovers, we’ve assembled the latest and best (and funniest) cat videos on the web… all in one place for your convenience. Simply visit the official The World Is Your Litter Box website, click on “Fun Cat Videos,” and get ready to laugh your hind end off!

And if you have or are aware of a fun cat video that we don’t have on the site, please let us know. Our team of highly-trained cat video experts (me and Steve) will check it out, and if it scores high on the Laugh-O-Meter, we’ll add it.

Meanwhile, click away and have fun. That’s entertainment!

Friday, May 22, 2009

MEMORIAL DAY 2009

On this Memorial Day weekend, amid all the shopping and BBQs, let's all take a few moments to remember the humans who made the ultimate sacrifice to protect and defend the way of life we enjoy and hold so dear. I wish there were no wars, but I give wholehearted thanks the men and women who fought and died in them on our behalf.

And let's also use this opportunity to remember all the wonderful kitties who graced us with their presence and have now gone to the rainbow bridge. Thank you for the years of joy you gave us, and thank you for enriching our lives with your unconditional love. We remember you one and all.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

KITTEN SEASON 2009

Hey fellow cats, it’s kitten season once again! Time for your human to go to the local shelter or contact a pet rescue organization to adopt a lovable little bundle of fluff that will bring a lifetime a joy to your household.

Now, you’re probably thinking, 'Geez, Quasi, I don’t know… kittens can be rambunctious and annoying. Won’t they disturb my napping routine?' Well sure, kittens CAN be a pain in the hindquarters, but they provide hours of entertainment, they make perfect little acolytes and partners in crime, and if you create a little destructive mayhem yourself, you can always pin the blame on them. And you never know… one of them might grow up to be a world-famous author like me (HA-HA!).

So if you have room in your house and heart, use your kitty wiles to let your human know that you want a new little friend or two or three RIGHT NOW! With kitten season upon us, there will be multitudes of kittens in need of good and loving homes. Besides… is there ANYTHING on Earth cuter than a kitten?

Saturday, May 9, 2009

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!

Where would we be without our mothers? Unless you’re Adam or Eve, the answer is… nowhere. Sure, your mom made you clean your room and eat disgusting things like spinach when you were a kid, but she also gave you (and continues to give you) unconditional love… something that can be pretty hard to come by in our hectic and sometimes heartless world.

Even though all mothers are special 365 days a year, only one day per year is set aside to officially honor and remember them. So, as a public service to humans, cats, and all other multi-celled organisms, I want to remind you to CALL YOUR MOTHER on Mother’s Day! And while you’re at it, why not get her something thoughtful like flowers or a box of candy… or, if you’re a cat like me, a nice, delicious mouse.

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY TO MOMS EVERYWHERE!

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

THE WORLD IS YOUR LITTER BOX 1-YEAR ANNIVERSARY


My, how time flies! It was exactly one year ago today (May 6th) that my hilarious how-to manual for cats, The World Is Your Litter Box, was released, and since then, it has brought untold enjoyment to cats and cat lovers around the world. Sincere and heartfelt thanks to everyone who bought the book… Steve and I really appreciate it! And if you haven’t yet bought a copy, what are you waiting for? If they don’t have it at your local book store, you can order it from Amazon or Barnes & Noble. For more information about the book and lots of other fun stuff, please visit the official The World Is Your Litter Box website.

Meanwhile, we’re hard at work on the second book, The World Is STILL Your Litter Box, and we’re shooting for a Christmas 2009 release. If you liked the first book, you’ll LOVE the new one.

We’re in the process of compiling a mailing list, so if you would like to receive periodic updates about the new book, including tasty and tantalizing excerpts, please send your email address to quasi@theworldisyourlitterbox.com. Your information will be kept confidential and I promise… we won’t try to sell you Viagra or offer you untold riches from some country you’ve never heard of.

Monday, May 4, 2009

HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!

Here’s an “ole” out to all cats and humans of Mexican heritage in honor of Cinco de Mayo… that’s the fifth of May for you non-Spanish-speaking people and non-Spanish-meowing kitties.

Cinco de Mayo is celebrated to commemorate the defeat of French forces in the battle of Puebla on May 5, 1862. At the time, the Mexican government had stopped making payments to its creditors, including France, so France decided to try and take over Mexico to teach them a lesson (and to replace tortillas with croissants, I’m sure). Well, things didn’t work out so well for the French, who were turned back at Puebla. Still, the French later prevailed and occupied Mexico until 1866.

Today, Cinco de Mayo is celebrated primarily in Puebla, although year by year, the holiday has gained popularity worldwide. Could that be because most Cinco de Mayo celebrations are accompanied by liberal amounts of cerveza?

Anyway, Senor Quasi extends happy Cinco de Mayo wishes to gatos and humanistas everywhere!

Monday, April 27, 2009

QUASI ON TWITTER!

As one of the coolest cats in cyberspace (if I don't say so myself), I've signed up with Twitter... well, actually Steve signed me up. Anyway, if you would like to follow me and stay current with all the latest minutia in my life (naps, mealtimes, work on the followup to The World Is Your Litter Box, etc.), please visit at twitter.com/QuasiCat. Be sure to leave your URL so I can follow you as well.

Are these Internet time-wasters great or what! And doesn't that little bird in the Twitter logo look delicious? (Hey, just kidding!)

Monday, April 20, 2009

EARTH DAY 2009

This Wednesday, April 22nd is Earth Day... a day when humans take the fight for clean energy and a cleaner environment to the streets (and the Internet, among other places).

The annual celebration of Earth Day began with the birth of the modern environmental movement on April 22, 1970. The concept of Earth Day was the brainchild of former U.S. Senator Gaylord Nelson, who felt that a nationwide protest was needed to shake up the populance and bring environmental issues to the forefront. Since then, millions of humans have particpated in Earth Day protests against the deterioration of the environment, and their efforts led to such achievements as passage of the Clean Water Act and the Clean Air Act. Way to go!

Needless to say, with global warming and other environmental problems such as unchecked pollution in developing countries, Earth Day is more relevant than ever. On this Earth Day, I urge all humans to do their part in making the earth a cleaner and better place to live. After all, a cleaner environment is good for cats and all other living things!

Monday, April 13, 2009

THE NEW "FIRST DOG"

Here’s something you’ve never seen on my blog before… yes, that’s right, a post about a DOG! No, I haven’t lost my kitty mind or become soft on doggie-ism. However, in the spirit of bipartisanship, I want to send a big meow out to the Obamas’ new puppy, which Sasha and Malia named Bo.

As you may already know, Bo is a Portuguese water dog, which means that his breed is trained to jump into the water and retrieve things… something a cat would NEVER do, obviously. Originally, President Obama intended to get a rescue dog, but the girls wanted a Portuguese water dog and pups of this breed are rarely available as rescues. So, the Obamas accepted Bo as a gift from Senator Ted Kennedy and will, instead, make a generous donation to the District of Columbia Humane Society.

Now, since Bo is just a puppy, and since all dogs tend to be rubes regardless of their stature, I’d like to offer him some tips from the feline perspective…

  • Don’t bite the president
  • Don’t lift a leg on the corner of the desk in the Oval Office
  • Don’t get doggie hair on important diplomats
  • Don’t eat Sasha and Malia’s homework
  • Don’t beg at state dinners
  • Don’t growl at Secret Service dudes
  • Don’t track mud in from the Rose Garden
  • And for God’s sake, DON’T hump the legs of female world leaders

That being said, Bo, I wish you a long and happy life as “first dog.” And the next time I’m in Washington, to show you what a good sport I really am, I’ll let you chase me under the bed in the Lincoln bedroom.

Friday, April 10, 2009

WHO'S CUTER? CATS OR THE EASTER BUNNY?


Who's cuter? Cats or the Easter Bunny? For your edification, here's the "Easter" section from the "Holiday Fun (& Danger)" chapter of The World Is Your Litter Box...

Easter: A nice holiday, but one in which our kitty cuteness is subject to competition and severely put to the test. For many, Easter is synonymous with that most adorable of holiday characters – the Easter Bunny Some adult humans buy real bunnies for the little ones and tell them it's THE Easter Bunny, and little humans, with their gullible under-developed minds, believe them. Now, if there’s anything that comes to close to rivaling a cat for cuteness, it’s a bunny. Like us, they have soft fur and cute little noses, which they tend to wiggle in an irresistibly-charming manner (damn them). And, what’s worse, this Easter Bunny character tries to buy the affection of little humans by bringing them candy and colored eggs. UNFAIR! UNFAIR! How can we cats compete with that?

Well, you could simply get tough and run the “Easter Bunny” off like so much riff-raff. However, doing so will NOT endear you to your human. No, the best thing is to meet the enemy head on and fight THEIR cuteness with YOUR cuteness. One on one. Mano a Mano.

But how, you ask? Well, first of all, remember that you are much smarter than the average bunny. After all, how many of THEM know the distance from Earth to the nearest Quasar? Very few, I can assure you. Hey, they don’t even know how to purr. Furthermore, because of your stellar personality and superior intellect (and because of the “How to Look Cute” chapter in this book), you have a full arsenal of cuteness ammunition at your disposal. Believe me, you have much more going for you than some Johnny-Come-Lately Easter Bunny. So be resourceful and don’t be intimidated. Trot out your most time-tested antics and attention-getting strategies. Use every word or sound in your vocabulary. Perform feats of astounding acrobatic prowess (let’s see an Easter Bunny run up a screen door). Sing cheezy Las Vegas-type ballads like Wayne Newton. Pout like an anorexic overpaid fashion model. Do whatever you have to do to send the “Easter Bunny” packing with his tail, cute as it may be, between his legs. And most importantly, remember that cuteness is only skin deep.

And if this doesn't work, simply let your human know that while the Easter bunny may be the "cuteness" champ this Sunday, you provide cuteness 365 days a year with no strings (or Easter baskets) attached.

So, happy Easter everyone! And don't forget... The World Is Your Litter Box makes an excellent (and inexpensive) holiday gift for the cat lover in your life! (Hey, you KNOW I can't pass up an opportunity to shamelessly plug my book!)

Sunday, April 5, 2009

THE CAT VERSION OF PASSOVER (PURR-OVER)

With due apologies to cats and humans of the Jewish faith, here’s a little story about the annual religious holiday of Purr-Over, the kitty version of Passover.

Many years ago, a big mean dog named Fay-Roe lived with his pack in Egypt. Fay-Roe despised all cats and kept them enslaved by means of his sharp teeth, horribly-bad doggie breath, thunderous bark and long sharp claws (Fay-Roe didn’t make it to the groomer too often). Yes, fellow cats, Egyptian kitties had to hew wood and draw water for dogs! They even had to clean up the yard after slovenly uncouth dogs used it as a bathroom (to this day, dogs still haven’t figured out how to use a litter box, the rubes!).

The leader of the cats was named Meez-es, who cleverly disguised himself as Charlton Heston (that’s him in the photo above). Naturally, all the kitties hated being enslaved by dogs and wanted to escape, so Meez-es came up with a plan. He arranged for a plague of fleas and ticks to attack the dogs, but leave the cats alone. While the all dogs were busy itching and scratching, Meez-es purred very loudly to create a distraction and all the kitties got away! Hence the name, Purr-Over.Before the dogs knew what bit them, the cats had escaped to the Promised Land (Paris? Hawaii? L.A.?) where they were adored and worshipped by humans as they should have been all along. The kitties were smothered with affection, fed whatever they wanted, and given treats day and night for 40 years (which is a VERY long time!) If you don’t believe me, read the Cateuronomy book of the Bible or watch “The Ten Cat-Mandments” if you can sit through it without falling asleep. And on this Purr-Over holiday, when your human is giving you treats, take time out to remember those long-ago kitties who suffered and struggled, yet triumphed in the end.

Friday, March 27, 2009

HAVE A NICE TRIP?

Here’s a news story that should give you pause (or, should I say… paws) for thought. According to the Center for Disease Control & Prevention, cats (us) and dogs (them) cause 86,000 trip-and-fall injuries to American humans every year…. although dogs, being the oafs that they are, inflict far more damage than us careful, thoughtful felines. Of course, some of these injuries occur when humans stumble over pet toys and food bowls. Can’t they just watch where they’re going!

Apparently, cats cause 11.7% of trip-and-fall injuries. Hey, can we help it if our humans trip over us when we’re weaving sinuously around their legs, racing around the house, or crowding them while they prepare our food? But if you think THAT's bad, how about this… dogs cause a whopping 88% of fall-related injuries. What rubes! Most dog-related injuries occur when humans take ‘ole Rover out for a walk on a leash and get roughly pulled or pushed, which accounts for the huge lead dogs have over cats in the injury-causing department. Clearly, we kitties have some catching up to do!

Fortunately, most of the injuries inflicted on our humans are not too serious… usually nothing more than a sprain or, at worst, a broken bone. Still, fellow cats and dreaded dogs, let’s try to be a bit more careful around our humans. After all, they can’t help it if they’re klutzes.

Friday, March 20, 2009

PHOTOS OF CAT READERS

Here’s a special meow out to Kali, Mazi and Simba (and, oh yes, their human Kathy) of Lancaster, California, who sent us some wonderful photos of the cats with their copy of The World Is Your Litter Box for inclusion on the Litter Box website. Steve and I are always VERY happy to hear from kitties (and humans) who are enjoying the book.

Kathy and her cats also have a blog titled “Bengal Cat Domination,” and the March 19th post features several photos of Kali, Mazi and Simba with The World Is Your Litter Box, along with some very funny captions and nice comments about the book. Here’s a link to the blog…

http://bengalcatdomination.blogspot.com/

And while we’re on the subject of photos, I'd like to remind all my kitty readers that we would love to have a photo of you posed with your copy of The World Is Your Litter Box so we can add it to our website. For information on where to send your photo, and for a look at our current gallery of erudite cats, please visit the “Photos of Cat Readers” page on the Litter Box website.

Monday, March 16, 2009

HAPPY SAINT PATRICK'S DAY!

March 17th, as I’m sure you know, is Saint Patrick’s Day… a day in which humans of Irish descent honor Saint Patrick by wearing something green and drinking lots of alcohol, most often something like Guinness Stout. In some places that tend to be a bit on the rowdy side, well-oiled Irish humans also like to fight and get all blubbery singing off-key versions of traditional Irish songs like “Danny Boy.”

So what’s in it for us cats, you ask? Well, Saint Patrick, being one of the patron saints of Ireland, is said to have driven all the snakes out of the country, which had to be a good thing for all the Irish kitties at the time. But for all you modern-day kitties (Irish or not), the best thing would probably be to stay out of your human’s way if they’re drinking or fighting, or both. You certainly don’t want to celebrate Saint Patrick’s Day by getting stepped on or squished. Also, many humans, Irish and otherwise, like to dress their cats in something green like a sweater or a little cap or something like that. I know, it sounds embarrassing, but in the spirit of the holiday, you might want to be magnanimous and let your human get away with it. Hey, they might even feel festive enough to pour a little Guinness in your water dish… if the luck ‘o the Irish is with you, that is.

Regardless, here’s wishing you and your human a very happy Saint Patrick’s Day. Erin go braugh
!

Friday, March 13, 2009

TAILS MAGAZINE LOVES THE WORLD IS YOUR LITTER BOX

Here’s a very nice review of The World Is Your Litter Box from the Tails Magazine e-newsletter for this week. Thanks to Renee Krejci and the entire gang at the Pet Media Group… we really appreciate it....

WHAT WE'RE READING

The World Is Your Litter Box: A How-To Manual for Cats
by Steve Fisher(Sterling)

This book makes for a light and funny read. Just be sure not to leave it where Fluffy can find it! In this handy manual, Quasi the 18-pound cat gives advice to his fellow felines. The book includes tips for cats on everything from how to look cute and get away with unacceptable kitty behavior to annoying humans who are allergic to cats. Quasi's writing will surely have you laughing out loud and Fluffy plotting world domination in no time!

Hard copy versions of Tails are available free at many veterinarian offices… yes, that’s right, the hated vet, and at other pet oriented locations. For more information about Tails Magazine and their e-newsletter, visit http://www.tailsinc.com/.

Monday, March 9, 2009

PURIM... AND PURR-IM

On March 10th, humans of the Jewish faith will celebrate Purim, which commemorates the day in ancient history when Queen Esther saved the Jews in Babylonian captivity from the hands of Haman, the royal vizier to King Ahasuerus, who planned to kill them. Each year, the deliverance of the Jews in Babylonia is celebrated with prayers, gifts, and a festive meal known as the Feast of Purim.

Now, here’s something you might not know... Queen Esther was also the supreme cat lover in the land at the time. So, after saving the Jews in Babylonia, she rounded up all the local Jewish kitties and gave them treats, toys, and the unalienable right to claw the arms of the couches. Today, while Jewish humans celebrate Purim, Jewish kitties celebrate Purr-im with a big party and lots of treats, including ham pate-filled cat cookies called ham-and-treatsen (shown in the photo).

Mazel Tov!

Friday, March 6, 2009

UH-OH, IT'S DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME AGAIN!

In their ever-amazing infinite wisdom, humans have developed something called daylight savings time, which involves setting the clocks ahead one hour in the spring and setting them back one hour in the fall. Why? Who the heck knows? To me, it just seems like one more thing humans have come up with to confound themselves and make their lives even more complicated. And, of course, there are always those dummies who forget to turn their clocks back (or forward) and end up early (or late) for work or whatever.

But Quasi, you ask, how does this daylight savings thing affect us cats? Well, as you know, all felines have internal kitty alarm clocks, but our clocks are not really sophisticated enough to be turned back and forward on a moment’s notice. We require a period of adjustment, and during that period of adjustment, our humans must pay for their folly. For example, let’s say you wake your human at 7:00 each morning. When clocks are turned ahead one hour, as they will be on Sunday, 7:00 AM becomes 8:00 AM… so, until your kitty clock resets, your human will be awakened at 8:00 AM, or, what used to be 7:00 AM. I know, confusing, huh? As Marvin Gaye once sang, it makes me wanna holler, throw up both my hands (or, in our cases, paws).

At any rate, make sure your human sets all their clocks ahead one hour before they go to bed on Saturday, or when they wake up on Sunday.

Saturday, February 28, 2009

HARD AT WORK ON NEW CAT BOOK!

If you're wondering why I haven't been posting as much lately, it’s because Steve and I are hard at work on the follow up to The World Is Your Litter Box. The new book is titled The World Is STILL Your Litter Box… hey, you can’t say the creative juices aren’t flowing around here! I’m very excited about the book so far. If you enjoyed The World Is Your Litter Box, I’m pretty sure you’ll REALLY like the new one!

As you can imagine, writing a book is very time consuming, (and VERY tiring, as you can see from the photo above), so I want to apologize for not keeping in touch with my blogging pals as often as I should. I certainly don’t mean to ignore anyone! I'll continue to post on my own blog (and yours) whenever I can. I’ll also keep you up to date on the progress of The World Is STILL Your Litter Box and let you know when it will be available, etc. And from time to time, I'll include a little "taste" from the new book for you to read and comment on.

Meanwhile, I hope everything is going well with you and I wish you all the best!

Your Friend & Kitty Author,
Quasi

Saturday, February 21, 2009

GOODBYE SOCKS

Socks Clinton, the former first cat, has gone to the Rainbow Bridge. Socks was 19 or 20, which for a kitty is a nice long life.

Socks was adopted by the Clintons’ daughter Chelsea when her father was the governor of Arkansas, and like the good cat he was, he brought much happiness to the entire Clinton family. When Bill Clinton was elected president, Socks came along to Washington and had complete run of the White House. There is no truth to the rumors that Socks clawed up Lincoln couch, shredded the Declaration of Independence, or kacked up excessive hairballs in the Oval Office. He did, however, delight in getting cat hair on important world leaders (actually, I don’t know that for a fact, but hey, ALL us kitties love getting cat hair on people, right?).

When the Clintons left the White House in 2001, Socks went to live with Betty Currie, President Clinton’s former secretary, who adored Socks and gave him a wonderful home for the rest of his life.

Nap in peace, Socks.

Monday, February 16, 2009

THE ECONOMIC STIMULUS PACKAGE - WHAT'S IN IT FOR CATS?

The multi-billion dollar stimulus package, intended to help resurrect the economy that was basically screwed up by short-sighted (and greedy) humans, was signed into law by President Obama on Tuesday.

Now this is all fine and good, but what I really want to know is… how will the stimulus package be of benefit to us cats? Needless to say, I don’t have time to paw through the thousand-plus pages of details, so I thought I’d pose a few question to my kitty friends in the blogosphere, who may have some answers.

Will the stimulus package…

  • Put more (and tastier) cat food in our bowls?
  • Provide us with better health care coverage for trips to the hated vet?
  • Help our humans find jobs so we can take extra long naps while they’re at work?
  • Put more money in our humans’ pockets so they can spend it on us?
  • Improve our schools so children can learn more about cats?
  • Help American workers build better and safer cat toys?
  • Help decrease global warming and increase global purring?
  • Help reduce our dependence on foreign catnip?

If anyone has the answers to some or all of these questions, please let me know. Meanwhile, let’s hope the stimulus package proves helpful to cats, humans, and all other living things.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!

Well, it’s that time of year again when a young cat’s fancy turns to love, although yours truly is a hunk-a-hunk-a burnin’ love 365 days a year. Still, there’s nothing like having a special day dedicated to amour for everyone to enjoy and remember how important love truly is. I hope everyone has someone special to share it with.

For your loving (and laughing) pleasure, here’s the “Valentine’s Day” excerpt from the “Holiday Fun & Danger” chapter of The World Is Your Litter Box

Valentine’s Day: A good holiday for cats. Love is in the air and typically, male humans give female humans gifts such as candy and flowers. This means you will have wrapping paper and ribbons to play with and flowers to sniff (and eat). If your human gets a box of candy and leaves the top off, you can have the sumptuous pleasure of licking and sampling each individual piece. Because humans tend to get all mushy and gooey on Valentine’s day, you can usually expect to receive a little extra lovin’ yourself, and maybe even a present. Steve and his female are such shameless cat lovers that they always buys me a Valentine present, usually a cat toy, catnip, or the most expensive kind of kitty food. Ain’t love grand!


NOTE: In some instances on Valentine’s Day, your human may pay more attention to another human than you. This is UNACCEPTABLE HUMAN BEHAVIOR and cannot be tolerated. If your human is being amorous with another human and ignoring you, jump between (or on) them and meow loudly to express your displeasure. Then, turn your back, stick your rear end in their faces and march off in a huff. Make them understand that Valentine’s Day or not, you are numero uno and will not be ignored.

Along with Steve and his female, I want to wish you and yours a most happy Valentine’s Day!

Monday, February 2, 2009

HOW CATS CAN HELP RESOLVE AMERICA'S ECONOMIC PROBLEMS

As a good American kitty, I would like to propose a solution to all of America’s economic problems, and I call on all cats to help me. And don’t worry, mon fellow chats… you won’t have to go to work or give up any precious nap time. The concept is so simple, I can’t believe some other cat (or government genius) didn’t think of it before! My idea….

NATIONAL PURR DAY

On a given date and time (to be determined), every American human will sit in their favorite chair and hold a kitty on their lap. For humans who don’t have cats (poor devils), one cat will be issued to each person for this event. Then, upon a signal from President Obama, (perhaps the popping open of a can of cat food on national TV), all the cats will begin purring simultaneously. This will create a soothing, rumbling nationwide vibration, which will make everyone feel happy and serene. But Quasi, you ask, how will this solve our economic ills? Well, it won’t, really, but like FDR said, we have nothing to fear but fear itself, and if everyone just calms down a bit, things can only get better, right? That’s me in the photo, doing my part with Steve.

And, hey, all you kitties… even if National Purr Day never becomes a reality, feel free to jump up in your human’s lap and purr whenever you want. After all, as all cat people know, things can never be THAT bad when you’ve got a purring kitty on your lap.

Friday, January 30, 2009

SUPER BOWL SUNDAY

As I’m sure pretty much everyone on the planet (or at least in the United States) knows, February 1st is Super Bowl Sunday. This is a day for friends to gather, drink rivers of beer, eat megatons of Buffalo wings and other gristy-but-delicious junk food, and holler at the TV as gigantic padded male humans yell, growl and snarl, slam into each other, and generally fall down a lot. If a foreign power wanted to invade the U.S., Super Bowl Sunday would be a good day to do it because no one would care… just as long as it didn’t interfere with the game.

Steve and his female are not big football fans – in fact, all the Super Bowl really means to Steve is that the start of spring training for the upcoming baseball season is only two weeks away (Steve IS a major baseball fan). Still, they’ll probably watch the game like the good Americans they are, if nothing else to see Bruce Springsteen perform at half-time. I think Steve is also secretly hoping that one of the cheerleaders might have a “wardrobe malfunction” like Janet Jackson did a few years ago… but don’t tell the female that! As for me, I’ll probably hide, nap, or troll for any errant junk food remnants that might fall on the floor… or more likely, a combination of the above.

At any rate, it’s nice to have a day for Americans to come together and forget their problems for a little while as two football teams, in this case the Cardinals and the Steelers, go mano a mano on the gridiron. Bring on the testosterone!