Monday, November 29, 2010

It's The Holiday Season!!!!

Being the shrewd observer that I am, I’ve noticed that store-owning humans have given nicknames to a couple days of the week to entice other humans to go out buy all kinds of stuff for the holidays. For example, the day after Thanksgiving is now known as Black Friday, when humans line up outside stores in the darkness of the wee wee hours to scarf up ultra bargains. Actually, it’s pretty hard to miss Black Friday, because when the advertising-flyer-laden morning paper hit the front step on Thanksgiving day, it shook the house like an earthquake (or, for you cats who don’t live in earthquake country… a tornado or a hurricane). And today, as this is being written, it’s Cyber Monday, where humans are encouraged to crank up their computers and buy all kinds of products on line… including my books. (In fact, to buy them from Amazon, click hey, I’m just as crass and commercial as the next guy!)

As a cat who always thinks outside the litter box, I’ve come up with names for the other weekdays. After all, why should only two days get special names to encourage shopping when there are three other perfectly good weekdays to exploit. Here are my suggestions:

Treat Tuesday: A day when all pet-loving humans (yes, even dog lovers) could go out and buy tons of treats for their animals. The pet shops could have fantastic “doorbuster” sales on items such as cat treats and catnip for 50% off. Even I would give up one of my 20 daily naps to get in line at 3:00 a.m. for deals like that!

Wacky Wednesday: A day when humans in general could be manipulated by clever advertisements into thinking that they truly need all kinds of superfluous and passé junk that the stores couldn’t get rid of in past holiday seasons. Who wouldn’t want to stand in line for hours and go completely mad for a chance to grab “classic” gifts such as Beanie Babies or a Sony Walkman at bargain basement prices?

Thumpin’ Thursday: This could be sort of like Black Friday, but limited to extremely macho men who like to fight first and ask questions later. The stores could slash prices on manly things like power tools and Sports Illustrated swimsuit calendars, then encourage male customers to brawl their way to the bargains. The whole shebang could be shown on TV, streamed on the Internet, and even made into a video game, which would sell millions and help the economy. Am I a genius or what?

Anyway, like it or not, the holiday season is upon us. Bring on the Johnny Mathis Christmas music!

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Happy Thanksgiving!

Yes, once again it’s Thanksgiving week… that wonderful time of year when we all stop and give thanks for all the wonderful blessings we have. Yes, even in these difficult economic times, most of us have much to be thankful for. But still, let’s not forget those who don’t have as much as we do and hope that their lives improve for the better. And let’s also remember those who have given so much over the years so that we can continue to have the lifestyle we so enjoy today.

Now right about here, you’re probably thinking, “Hey, Quasi, those are very nice Thanksgiving sentiments and all that, but what does Thanksgiving hold in store for us cats?” Well, for your edification and enjoyment, here’s the Thanksgiving section from the “Holiday Fun (& Danger)” chapter of The World Is Your Litter Box

Thanksgiving: A good holiday for cats, even if it’s not so good for turkeys. At Thanksgiving, human families get together to gorge themselves and good feeling is in the air (as are an abundance of good cooking smells!) In most households with male and female humans, the male usually spends the day watching football on TV while the female toils in the kitchen preparing Thanksgiving dinner. In addition to providing engrossing tension and lively, entertaining arguments, this situation will afford you a good lap to sleep in, unless your male human becomes over-exuberant and spills beer on you, and plenty of interesting activity in the kitchen. Once the table is set, you might want to jump up there and make sure all the silverware, plates, and glasses are properly arranged. And when dinner is finally served, be sure to go from person to person looking as cute (and hungry) as possible. There is nothing better than Thanksgiving turkey. Yum! Then, when dinner is over and everyone is sated beyond the point of decency, including you, you can go into the bedroom and have a nice snooze on everyone’s coats, just like on New Years Eve and other holidays during cold seasons. Yes, there is much to be thankful for.

Along with Steve and Judy (my humans), and Bo Diddley and Piglet (my kitty compadres), I want to wish everyone - cat, human and otherwise - a very safe and happy Thanksgiving!

Saturday, November 13, 2010

A Holiday Gift Idea for Cat Lovers (Guess What it Might Be!)

Another year is winding down and that means that the holiday season is almost upon us (Gulp!). You know what this means… over one full month of crowded shopping malls and post offices, mind-deadening Christmas music, maxed-out credit cards, and endless, unrealistic TV commercials showing rich people buying each other ridiculously- expensive presents that normal mortals can’t afford.

Well, this year, ‘ole Quaz is going to make things a lot easier for you. If you’re reading this, I’m assuming that you’re either a cat or a cat lover, and what could be a finer gift for cat lovers than copies of my books, The World Is Your Litter Box and The World Is STILL Your Litter Box. Now here’s the best part… you can order these books from and avoid the mall completely! Think of it… no crowds, no hassles, no Johnny Mathis Christmas songs. Amazon will even do the gift wrapping for you, and if you order both books together, you can save a few bucks on shipping. Voila!

So this year, get the cat (or cat lover) on your holiday gift list what they REALLY want – The World Is Your Litter Box and The World Is STILL Your Litter Box – and make it easy on yourself. Why mess around when the answer to the question, “What should I get for all the cat people in my life?” is just a few easy clicks away. And I guarantee you this… these books will bring laughter and enjoyment to anyone who shares their home with a cat and fully understands what wonderful little creatures we cats truly are.

Hey, I managed to get through this entire blog post without saying that my books are the PURR-fect gift for cat lovers!

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Remembering Our Veterans...

Fortunately for us cats, we don’t have to fight in wars (except maybe when we go mano a mano with another cat, and that only lasts a few seconds at most). War among humans, on the other hand, is a terrible thing… it’s like a gigantic, horrifying, out-of-control machine with gnashing teeth and bone-crushing strength that lays waste to pretty much everything that gets in its way, including living things. No one seems to like or want wars, but they continue to happen over and over again. Why? I wish I knew.

Recently, Steve (my human) and his female went to France and spent some time in Normandy, where on June 6th, 1944, during World War II, soldiers from the United States, Great Britain and Canada landed on the beaches in a very bloody event known as D-Day. It was the beginning of the end of World War II, but thousands of young humans paid a dreadful price. Steve and his female visited those beaches and the hallowed ground that is now the American Cemetery (shown in the photo above). It was a sobering, heartbreaking reminder of the staggering cost of war in human terms, but it also made them feel extremely grateful to all those young people who died so long ago.

So on this Veteran’s Day, let's all take a few moments to remember the humans who made the ultimate sacrifice to defend and protect the way of life we enjoy and hold so dear. I wish there were no wars, but I give wholehearted thanks the men and women who fought and died in them on our behalf.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

OMG! I Have a Cat Crush on Taylor Swift!

The other day, I was just waking up from one of my 20 daily naps when I heard a sweet, yet familiar voice wafting in from the next room. Like a powerful and alluring Siren, the voice called out to me and beckoned me to come closer, which (being a nosy, curious cat) I did. I saw Steve’s female sitting at her computer, and when I jumped up on the desk for a better look, it all became crystal clear. Oh, yes. Steve’s female was on iTunes downloading songs from an album by – that’s right, you guessed it – my ultimate mancat crush of all time… Taylor Swift.

Apparently, Taylor Swift has a new album called “Speak Now,” and there it was, with an irresistible photo of Taylor Swift herself, right on the female’s computer screen. Oh, Taylor (may I call you Taylor?), please come over and rub my tummy… I promise I won’t grab and claw your arm (well… maybe I will). Perhaps we could even have a romantic, candlelight dinner of Kitty Stew together, and then I could curl up in your lap for a cozy catnap. OMG, have I gone crazy? Have I lost my little kitty mind?

I first saw Taylor Swift when she hosted Saturday Night Live about a year ago, and ever since them, I’ve had a BIG CAT CRUSH on her. Now I know this is just a crazy fantasy and that nothing will ever come of it, but I find myself dreaming of her gentle touch as she pets my head, kisses my nose and cuddles me. It makes me purr just thinking about it! I wonder if Taylor Swift is a cat person? And, dare I even think it… I wonder if she’s read The World Is Your Litter Box or The World Is STILL Your Litter Box?

Oh well, like I said, probably nothing will ever come of my kitty crush. I’m sure there are millions of other mancats who feel the same way I do (curse them!). But hey Taylor… if you ever come to Burbank, there’s a great big furry white tummy waiting for you to rub!