Wednesday, April 30, 2008


Steve and his female came home late yesterday afternoon, and after shunning them for a solid hour to make them feel guilty for going away, I finally let them back into my good graces. Steve was so grateful, he gave me a handful of treats (this was on top of all the treats I conned my pet sitter into giving me while Steve and the female were gone).

The teach-them-a-lesson-for-leaving-me damage report:

  • 1 unraveled roll of toilet paper
  • 3 wastebaskets knocked over and rummaged through
  • Ultra-shredding on arm of couch
  • 1 hairball on coffee table
  • 4 chewed-up leaves on female’s favorite houseplant
  • Overall smell of cat throughout house
  • Cat hair on everything

The photo above is me taking a well-deserved nap after all my hard work!

Monday, April 28, 2008


Steve and his female are going out of town for a couple days. As a rule when left alone like this, I show my displeasure by destroying at least one household item, usually a plant or a shoe. Plus, for good measure, I generally give the arm of the couch an extra good shredding and make a righteous mess of my eating area. Leave me behind, will you? Hrrrumph!

On the plus side, my pet sitter, Annie, will be coming over to feed me, clean my litter box, and spoil me with LOTS AND LOTS OF TREATS. (For ways to get a plethora of treats from YOUR pet sitter, be sure to read “How to Take Advantage of Your Pet Sitter” in my forthcoming book, The World Is Your Litter Box…yes, I know, another shameless plug. I just can’t help myself!). Anyway, I’ll let you know how it all went when Steve and the female return. Stay tuned!

Friday, April 25, 2008


Hi fellow cats. Wondering what to do this weekend? Here’s an idea of how I intend to amuse myself over the next couple days…

Saturday: Wake Steve and his female up at 6:30 AM…eat breakfast…use the litter box and create a hellacious stink…clean myself… help the female make the bed…NAP…sit in the window and chatter at delicious-looking birds…induce petting… NAP…eat some more…clean myself…work on my plan for world peace….NAP… patrol the yard…NAP…help Steve restring his guitar… NAP…groom the female’s hair…bat a toy mouse around…NAP…induce more petting…practice my rendition of the Gettysburg Address…eat dinner…clean myself…hack up a hairball…NAP…sit in Steve’s lap, watch TV and induce more petting…NAP…sit in the female’s lap, watch TV and induce more petting…NAP…eat some more…clean myself…go to bed for the night.

Sunday: Wake Steve and his female up at 7:00 AM (I generously let them sleep an extra half-hour on Sunday)…eat breakfast…use the litter box and, well, you know…clean myself…NAP…help Steve do the Sunday New York Times crossword puzzle…induce petting… go outside and count the clouds passing overhead… NAP…induce more petting…eat some more...give the female a facial with my sandpaper tongue…go back outside and hiss at butterflies…NAP…help Steve and the female read more of the Sunday paper… NAP…eat dinner…clean myself…kak up another hairball…NAP…induce more petting…calculate the density of the universe…NAP….race around the house and tire myself out…go to bed for the night.

So what are you doing this weekend?

Wednesday, April 23, 2008


Last night, we had some high entertainment around the homestead as Steve’s female INSISTED that Steve watch American Idol with her. Steve put up a fight, but of course, caved in at the end.

Now Steve, unlike about 100 million other Americans, can do without American Idol. He once told the female that he could accidentally step on my tail and hear more melodic sounds than he does on the show. And when Steve is forced to do something he doesn’t want to do, he makes snide, sarcastic remarks he thinks are funny. The female, however, was not amused. So for most of the program, they argued about the merits (and non-merits) of American Idol, which I found to be WAY more entertaining than the show itself. Ultimately, the female stormed off and Steve spent the rest of the evening trying to get back in her good graces (which he did by promising to watch endless hours of Jane Austen as penance).

The point of this little story, fellow cat, is that sometimes the greatest source of amusement is right under your wet kitty nose. Who needs American Idol when you have a human or two to entertain you?

Tuesday, April 22, 2008


Today, I join with my fellow cats and all other creatures around the world (including dogs and humans) to celebrate Earth Day. I’m sure you’ll agree that we all need to do our part to care for our planet, conserve our resources, and protect our environment… otherwise, the world WILL become one big litter box!

Monday, April 21, 2008


Last week, a few crotchety residents of North Arlington, New Jersey, became upset when their mayor, Peter Massa, used reverse 911 “robocalls” to put out the word that his cat Max was missing. As it turns out, Max had never left the Massa residence… he was hiding inside a wall that was being renovated and is totally okay. To set the record straight, the robocalls were paid for with private funds, not taxpayer dollars, and most of the North Arlington citizenry was supportive of the effort to find Max. But what I find most amazing about this whole episode (from a cat’s perspective, of course), is how a 20-pound Maine Coon managed to squeeze himself through a five-inch hole to get inside the wall. That’s some pretty serious kitty girth to cram through a very tiny hole! Max must have been Harry Houdini in a previous life.

Friday, April 18, 2008


With due apologies to cats and humans of the Jewish faith, here’s a little story about the annual religious holiday of Purr-Over, the kitty version of Passover.

Many years ago, a big mean dog named Fay-Roe lived with his pack in Egypt. Fay-Roe despised all cats and kept them enslaved by means of his sharp teeth, bad doggie breath, thunderous bark and long claws (Fay-Roe didn’t make it to the groomer too often). Yes, fellow cats, Egyptian kitties had to hew wood and draw water for dogs! They even had to clean up the yard after slovenly uncouth dogs used it as a bathroom (to this day, dogs still haven’t figured out how to use a litter box).

The leader of the cats was named Meez-es, who cleverly disguised himself as Charlton Heston (that’s a staff he’s holding, not a gun). Naturally, all the kitties hated being enslaved and wanted to escape, so Meez-es came up with a plan. He arranged for a plague of fleas and ticks to attack the dogs, but leave the cats alone. While the all dogs were busy itching and scratching, Meez-es purred very loudly to create a distraction and all the kitties got away! Hence the name, Purr-Over.

Before the dogs knew what bit them, the cats had escaped to the Promised Land (Paris? Hawaii? L.A.?) where they were adored and worshipped by humans as they should have been all along. The kitties were smothered with affection, fed whatever they wanted, and given treats day and night for 40 years (which is a VERY long time!) If you don’t believe me, read the Cateuronomy book of the Bible or watch “The Ten Cat-Mandments” if you can sit through it without falling asleep. And on this Purr-Over holiday, when your human is giving you treats, take time out to remember those long-ago kitties who suffered and struggled, yet triumphed in the end.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Cat of the Week Honors for Moi!

I am honored and humbled to have been chosen cat of the week by the Catster group "4 The Love of Cats." So, for the week of April 17th through April 23rd, I will most definitely be struttin' my stuff! Meanwhile, fellow cats, if you haven't already joined Catster, you should, and "4 The Love of Cats" is one of the best groups. Check it out!

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

The World Truly IS Your Litter Box!

Heartfelt thanks to all my blogging kitty friends who have shown so much enthusiasm for my forthcoming book, The World Is Your Litter Box. We’ve had MAJOR paws up from cats all around the globe… proving that, yes, the world truly IS your litter box!

The World Is Your Litter Box will be released in the US and Canada on May 6th. Foreign rights to the book are currently being negotiated by wheeler-dealer-type humans; however, if you live elsewhere and can’t wait for the book to be released in your country (and I just KNOW you can’t!), you can order a copy from Amazon, Barnes & Noble, or any of the other on-line booksellers. If you pre-order the book on-line, it will be shipped to you on May 6th, and depending on where you live, you should have it a just a few days later.

For more information, including excerpts from the book, please visit the official The World Is Your Litter Box website. Remember, fellow feline, this book is destined to change the course of history for the better (for cats, anyway!).

Monday, April 14, 2008


Visitors to the Berlin zoo were shocked last week when Knut, the adorable polar bear who was born in captivity just one year ago, fished 10 carp out his moat and proceeded to eat them in a decidedly-messy polar bear manner. Well, as a fellow carnivore that also happens to love fish, I have news for those humans who were so horrified… this is what polar bears do! Sure it’s a rough break for the fish, but real animals are not Disney characters like the Three Little Pigs who sit at tables and eat with knives and forks. And hey, if the truth be told, I’ve personally sent more than one mouse to the Rainbow Bridge (and, fellow cat, I’m pretty sure you have, too). So let’s leave poor Knut alone and let him be the cute, albeit fish-catching polar bear that he is.

Friday, April 11, 2008


Thanks to you fellow cats who weighed in on the question of whether the use of baking soda as an odor-controller in our litter boxes was good or bad. Steve checked with our vet, who said it was perfectly fine to mix in a little baking soda with my litter. Because this proved his female to be incorrect, Steve was naturally gloating. Not to be outdone, the female went on the Internet and found a Pet Place article stating that the ingestion of large amounts of baking soda could be bad for kitties. Not that I planned on eating large amounts of baking soda any time soon, but because females generally get their way with males (as is certainly the case in my household), there will be no more baking soda in my litter box. Sorry I don't have a more definitive answer, but I guess you'll just have to rely on your human (and your vet) to make the right decision.

Wednesday, April 9, 2008


Today, I need to call on all the cats in the blogosphere to help resolve a dispute between Steve and his female about the use of baking soda to help keep my litter box clean and reduce the odor (although it smells perfectly fine to me). Steve says “baking soda, si!,” but his female thinks it might be harmful to me if I get some on my paws and lick it off. Personally, I think Steve is correct on this one, but the female, a would-be nuclear physicist, is adamant that she's right. Of course, they'll check with my vet for the definitive answer, but fellow cats, I want to hear from you. Baking soda in the litter box… good or no good?

Tuesday, April 8, 2008


On Monday in San Francisco, to protest China's human rights record in advance of today's Olympic torch relay in the city, three activists scaled the Golden Gate Bridge and unfurled a "Free Tibet" banner. As a fair-minded cat, I too abhor China's religious and political persecution in Tibet... but, more importantly (from a cat's perspective, of course), this gravity-defying protest is yet one more example of why cats are smarter than humans. Sure, we cats get ourselves into scary predicaments from time to time, but we would NEVER climb up a bridge hundreds of feet over a body of water. Think how wet you would get if you fell!

Sunday, April 6, 2008


Sunday’s New York Times has a front-page article about blogging and how human bloggers spend way too much time at their computers and “blog ‘til they drop.” Well, boo-hoo-hoo! We cats rule the blogosphere and still manage to sleep 20 hours a day, so I don’t really see what the big problem is. And how about all those cool buzzwords we’ve come up with to use in our blogs… words such as “beans,” “meezers,’ “bitey,” “woofies” and “mancat.” Clearly, the blogosphere is just one more place where we cats so cleverly and skillfully demonstrate our superiority over all creatures (especially humans).

Friday, April 4, 2008


In these troubled times, with rising gas prices and the economy taking a nosedive, many humans are trying to cut corners wherever they can. How does this affect us cats, you ask? Well, believe it or not, some misguided humans may try to save a few pennies by buying inferior grade cat food and foisting it off on US! This is completely UNACCEPTABLE HUMAN BEHAVIOR and must not be allowed to happen in your household. One time, Steve tried to cheap out by buying an inferior grade of cat food in hopes that I would eat it. Needless to say, I didn't. This whole sordid episode is described in my forthcoming book, The World Is Your Litter Box (yes, another shameless plug), which will be out on May 6th. Also, as a means of doing my part to help the economy, the book will sell for an easily affordable $9.95 in the United States. Cheap at twice the price!
So remember, fellow cat, the fact that humans screwed everything up economy-wise is not your problem. If your human tries to cut corners by scrimping on your food, use your kitty wiles to let them know that this is a VERY BAD IDEA.

Thursday, April 3, 2008


This morning, while Steve and his female (yes, she's back) were reading the newspaper, I noticed an article about celebrities whose medical records were leaked to the press... in this case, Farrah Fawcett. As a cat who is on the brink of becoming a world-famous author (not to brag or anything), I think this is human behavior at its worst. Hey, I'm just as curious as the next guy about Britney Spears' latest hangnail, but do I want a bunch of slimy paparrazzi snooping through my veterinary records to see if I've had my anal glands expressed? No way! I'm also very concerned about all my kitty friends in the blogosphere... and everywhere else for that matter. Our privacy MUST BE RESPECTED!
So remember, fellow cats... if you see any paparrazzi at your vet's office, give them a good cuffing (or at least a good hiss) to let them know this type of human behavior will NOT BE TOLERATED!

Wednesday, April 2, 2008


Today, Steve's female will return home from visiting her family in Arizona, and not a moment too soon! Steve has gotten to the point where he doesn't know what to do with himself, and the house looks like it was trashed by a herd of rampaging kittens. And, me? Well, I think I'll go find myself a good vantage point (far away from the hated vacuum cleaner, of course) and watch Steve as he frantically tries to clean the house before his female arrives. Should be good for mucho laughs... or, at least a few Cheshire cat grins.