Tuesday, September 28, 2010

It's Too Hot for Kitties (And Humans)!

A week or so ago, I was hanging around with my housemates, Bo Diddley and Piglet, meowing about what a cool summer we had here in Southern California and how lucky we were. And, I must admit, we were kind of gloating about the poor cats (and humans) in the rest of the country that had to endure sweltering heat for the last few months.

Well, he or she who purrs last purrs best… our long-missing heat has finally arrived, and with a vengeance. Yesterday, it hit 113 degrees in downtown Los Angeles, which is a new record. In fact, it was so hot, the thermometer they use to make official heat measurements broke, so it may have actually been even hotter! Hey, for all I know, it could have been a million and twelve degrees downtown.

As a cat, there are two things to do when it gets this hot… First, complain loudly to your human and make them feel guilty (even though it’s not really their fault). Belly aching about the heat won’t make it any cooler, but it certainly is fun to complain. And secondly (and most obviously), find a relatively cool place to nap the day away. You might feel hot and uncomfortable (and cranky), but if you sleep for 20 hours, it won’t seem so bad.

And, fellow cats who are also roasting in the heat, look at it this way… in a few months, winter will be here and then we can all complain about how cold it is!

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Grand Opening! The World Is Your Litter Box On-Line Shop

Attention Quasi-Mart shoppers! The official The World Is Your Litter Box On-Line Shop is now open with a stunning array of ultra-fab goodies for cat lovers. Yes, we’ve got it all… shirts, hats, baby clothing, mugs, magnets, buttons, bumper stickers… even a “Quasi” thong for the ladies. All these fine products have Quasi and Litter Box-related designs that you won’t find anywhere else. Shop early and avoid the lines (okay, there aren’t any lines, but shop early anyway… believe me, once you see these one-of-a-kind items you won’t want to live one more minute without them!). And, needless to say, any one of these products would make an excellent gift for the cat lover in your life.

You’re probably wondering why a reclusive author such as me would want to open an on-line retail outlet. Well, there are several reasons. First of all – and I’m being blatantly honest here – these products help call attention to my books (The World Is Your Litter Box and The World Is STILL Your Litter Box in case you’d forgotten). Secondly, believe it or not, we’ve received a lot of requests from cat lovers for this kind of stuff. Thirdly, if we sell enough of this swag, we can make a few bucks – again being completely honest here! And lastly, this gives me an opportunity to come up with clever and catchy product descriptions… in fact, all the product info under “From the Designer” was written by yours truly.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy the shop and visit often. We’ll be adding new products from time to time, and many of these items will be given away as prizes in upcoming contests on our The World Is Your Litter Box Facebook page (we welcome you to become a “fan”). And one last great thing about the shop… we never close!

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Quasi's Back-to-School Tips for Young Humans

One thing I love about this time of year is that young humans (that’s right… children and teenagers) return to school. Our house is equidistant between a high school and an elementary school, so when school lets out in the afternoon, I like nothing more than to sit in the front window and watch the steady parade of kids go by. I especially enjoy the antics of the high schoolers (except when they throw Slurpee cups and other trash in our yard, the little oinkers!).

Needless to say, we felines already know everything, so we don’t have to go to school. Still, being the erudite professorial type that I am, I would like to impart ten important educational tips to all you kids who aren’t as lucky (or as smart) as us kitties...

  1. Don’t be late for school (if cats can show up for their meals on time, surely you can be in class when the bell rings).
  2. Pay attention in class and don’t give the teacher a hard time (they’re doing their best to cram information into your feeble – uh, I mean fertile – little human brains).
  3. Don’t fall asleep in class (whoa... it’s a good thing we cats DON’T have to go to school!).
  4. Don’t text or go on-line in class (unless you’re ordering my books from Amazon).
  5. For God’s sake, DON’T take any weapons to school (If you have a disagreement with someone, just hiss at them or, if absolutely necessary, give them a few whappies).
  6. Try to eat healthy food at lunchtime once in awhile (I know many kids think fruit is medicine, but hey chunko… eat an apple once in awhile!).
  7. Don’t pick on smaller kids (that nerdy kid you’re bullying might just be the next Bill Gates).
  8. Don’t trash the school yard (save the trashing for your own bedroom).
  9. Do your homework (but if you should happen to slack off, don’t try and pin the blame on your cat or your hapless dog… that old ‘the dog ate my homework’ or ‘my cat shredded my assignment’ won’t cut it).
  10. Enjoy school while you can (believe me, someday you’ll wish you could go back).

So there you go students. I hope these tips are helpful as you slog your way through the school year. Meanwhile, I’m going to go take one of my 20 daily naps. I’ll be thinking about you!

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Promote Goodwill for Cats (And Help Me Sell Some Books!)

In an effort to promote goodwill for cats and spread the word about how ultra-fantastic cats truly are (and to self-servingly shill my two books), I’ve come up with yet another great idea that will be mutually beneficial to all and help make the world an even better place for us felines.

If you have a blog or a website that is cat-related in a positive and loving way, be it humorous, informative or whatever, we are proposing a good old-fashioned link exchange. If you are willing to place our badge (pictured above) on your website or blog, we will be more than happy to add you as a link on the official The World Is Your Litter Box website, which gets about a jillion visits a day (well, maybe not that many, but a lot!). We’ll also add you to our blog roll, which is also seen by a multitude of cat lovers every day.

So if this sounds good to you, send info about your blog and/or website to quasi@theworldisyourlitterbox.com ... and we’ll get you linked up right away. We’ll also send you the code for our badge. Hey, if corporations and politicians can use the web to promote themselves, we cats should have the same opportunity, right?

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Steve's Female Has a Stinger (Part 2)

About a week ago, I told you that Steve’s female has somehow developed a stinger (like a bee) that she uses on me when I go after Piglet for his futile and laughable incursions on my position as the alpha male in the house. Since then, the finest scientific minds in the world (well… mine, anyway) have been trying to figure out what the dilly-o is with the female’s stinger, and I think I’ve discovered a couple clues.

First, before the female “stings” me, she opens a drawer in her desk and pulls out something that appears to be stretchy, circular, and made out of rubber or some other type of flexible material. It’s pretty small, so it’s hard to see exactly what it is. [Note from Steve: It’s a rubber band.] The female then pulls back on it, aims it at my hindquarters (which are large and hard to miss), and lets it go. Suddenly, out of nowhere, I feel a little ouch-producing sting, which is VERY irritating. How does the female do it? There must be some connection between the circular flexible object and the female’s stinger, but I can’t quite figure out what it is. I’ll keep working on it, though. Oh, yes.

Meanwhile, I’ve come up with a way to deal with Piglet when he challenges my alpha maleness, and that is, I simply wait until Steve and his female leave the house, then I pummel some sense into the little bugger. Naturally, Steve and the female considered the possibility that this might happen, so they made Pig a “Panic Room,” where he can run to when I go after him, the little wuss (shown in the photo above). As you can see, Pig’s “Panic Room” is not exactly the Maginot Line, so I can quite easily penetrate the defenses if I really need to. Usually, though, I just let him run in there and think about his transgressions for awhile before I let him come out. Alpha males rule!

On another note, Steve (my typist) and his female are going away for the weekend (they’ll pay for that, too), so I want to take a moment to wish everyone a happy Labor Day Weekend!