Friday, December 30, 2011

Happy New Year!

Just a quick post to extend our hope that the new year brings and happiness and prosperity to cats and cat lovers everywhere! For cats, "prosperity" means more food, more treats and more lovin!

Bring on 2012!

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!

As the yuletide season nears its crescendo and 2011 draws to a close, Steve (my human) and I would like to extend our best wishes for a wonderful and peaceful Christmas holiday, and for a healthy and happy new year. This past year has been pretty, shall we say, challenging… but, hey, aren’t they all?

And, for your holiday reading pleasure – and some good laffs – here’s the “Christmas” section of the “Holiday Fun (& Danger)” chapter from The World Is Your Litter Box

            Christmas: The mother of all holidays... a time for joy, goodwill, and complete madness. This is a holiday that is nothing but fun for cats. The Christmas lights. The presents. The tree. The tinsel. The ornaments. The egg nog. Deck the halls indeed!
Although many stores start selling Christmas stuff in July, or so it seems, most humans start their serious Christmas shopping the day after Thanksgiving (although, for extra thrills and chills, some masochistic humans wait until December 24th). This means the Christmas season lasts around one month – one full month of crowded malls and post offices, angry drivers duking it out over parking spaces, mind-deadening Christmas music, maxed-out credit cards, and endless unrealistic TV commercials showing rich people buying each other plasma TVs and other expensive presents that normal mortals can’t afford. Why do humans put themselves through it?  I don’t know.
But forget them. What about us cats, you say?  Just what’s so special about Christmas from the feline perspective?
Well, fellow reveler, let’s start with that most traditional of holiday traditions, the Christmas tree. A week or two before Christmas, most humans bring in a fir or pine-type tree from outside and decorate it with lights, tinsel, candy canes and ORNAMENTS. These colorful shiny balls may possibly be the best thing about Christmas – the way they dangle and glisten so invitingly, just begging to be batted at. Who can resist?  Not me, that’s for sure. Or you either. And why should we?  After all, if our humans were truly worried about damage to their ornaments, they wouldn’t hang them in such a tempting location. So don’t be bashful, fellow sultan of swat. Whack at those ornaments until your heart’s content. And hey, if you happen to knock a few (or several) off the tree, don’t sweat it. It’s Christmas!
Then there’s the yuletide thrill of climbing the Christmas tree. However, a word of caution here. A few years back, I shinnied up my tree all the way to the top. Just as I was getting ready to do my impersonation of the Star of Bethlehem, my massive kitty girth upset the fundamental balance of gravity and the tree topped over with a resounding, tinkling crash (those ornaments DO break if they hit the ground hard enough). Naturally, Steve was pretty chagrined... although, deep down, I think he thought it was pretty funny.
It’s also great to sleep under the Christmas tree. You can even pretend you are a present if you like. And there is nothing like a refreshing drink of cool, pine-scented Christmas tree water to really get you in the holiday spirit.
Another great thing about Christmas is the presents, or, should I say, the ribbon and wrapping on the presents. The amazing thing is, fellow cat, that after all the painstaking planning, the stupefying shopping and the manual dexterity-challenging wrapping of gifts, the actual present-opening ritual is over in a matter of minutes, leaving an orgy of detritus for you to play in. Oh the joy of taking a flying leap at a mountain of crumpled-up wrapping paper, the glee of scattering colorful ribbons and bows around the living room, the unparalleled pleasure of climbing into new, unexplored empty boxes, the ego-flattering self indulgence of posing for photographs amid the rubble. And because your human won’t want you to feel left out of all the gift-giving – and receiving – they will probably buy something nice for you. In my house, it’s usually just a trifle like catnip or a cat toy, but hey, it’s the thought that counts, right?  Besides, on top of all the other previously-mentioned delights of Christmas, an extra present is merely icing on the cake.
And of course, when the merriment finally comes to an end and your human is cleaning up the wreckage, there is nothing better than a contented-cat snooze in front of a roaring yuletide fire.

NOTE #1: Many children-humans break or become disinterested in their Christmas presents within minutes of receiving them, thus leaving them for you to play with and break further, if you so desire. Also, be sure to investigate the presents given and received by adult humans. Most likely, you will find some nice new clothing to curl up and sleep on.

NOTE #2: Sparkly and inviting as it may seem,                                  DO NOT EAT TINSEL.

NOTE #3: Some humans will become very angry when you knock ornaments and other objects off the Christmas tree. Many will even create an ornament timber line, that is, they will only hang ornaments in positions above your reach. DON’T LET THIS STOP YOU FROM HAVING YOUR GOD-GIVEN RIGHT TO BAT AT CHRISTMAS ORNAMENTS. If ornaments are placed beyond your reach, climb up the tree and rock it back and forth like a bear at Yellowstone National Park. This will surely cause a few things to fall, or at least tumble to a place where you can get at them. (For ways to combat your human=s anger over broken Christmas ornaments, see chapter entitled “How to Get Away with Unacceptable Kitty Behavior.”

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Holiday Gift Idea for Cats & Cat Lovers (Guess What It Might Be?)

Another year is winding down and that means that the holiday season is in full swing (Gulp!). You know what this means… crowded shopping malls and post offices, mind-deadening Christmas music, maxed-out credit cards, and endless, unrealistic TV commercials showing rich people buying each other ridiculously- expensive presents that normal mortals can’t afford.

Well, this year, ‘ole Quaz is going to make things a lot easier for you. If you’re reading this, I’m assuming that you’re either a cat or a cat lover, and what could be a finer gift for cat lovers than copies of my books, The World Is Your Litter Box and The World Is STILL Your Litter Box? Now here’s the best part… you can order these books from Amazon.com and avoid the mall completely! Think of it… no crowds, no hassles, no Johnny Mathis Christmas songs. Amazon will even do the gift wrapping for you, and if you order both books together, you can save a few bucks on shipping. Voila!

So this year, get the cat (or cat lover) on your holiday gift list what they REALLY want – The World Is Your Litter Box and The World Is STILL Your Litter Box – and make it easy on yourself. Why mess around when the answer to the question, “What should I get for all the cat people in my life?” is just a few easy clicks away. And I guarantee you this… these books will bring laughter and enjoyment to anyone who shares their home with a cat and fully understands what wonderful little creatures we cats truly are.

Hey, I managed to get through this entire blog post without saying that my books are the PURR-fect gift for cat lovers!

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Happy Thanksgiving!

Yes, once again it’s Thanksgiving… that wonderful time of year when we stop and give thanks for all the wonderful things we have. Oh, heck, who am I kidding? Sure, even in these difficult economic times, most of us have a lot to be thankful for, but right now, the big thing for humans is getting together with loved ones and slamming as much food as possible into their gaping maws.

Here’s a little Thanksgiving missive from a cat’s perspective… from the “Holiday Fun (& Danger) chapter of The World Is Your Litter Box

Thanksgiving: A good holiday for cats, even if it’s not so good for turkeys. At Thanksgiving, human families get together to gorge themselves and good feeling is in the air (as are an abundance of good cooking smells!) In most households with male and female humans, the male usually spends the day watching football on TV while the female toils in the kitchen preparing Thanksgiving dinner. In addition to providing engrossing tension and lively, entertaining arguments, this situation will afford you a good lap to sleep in, unless your male human becomes over-exuberant and spills beer on you, and plenty of interesting activity in the kitchen. Once the table is set, you might want to jump up there and make sure all the silverware, plates, and glasses are properly arranged. And when dinner is finally served, be sure to go from person to person looking as cute (and hungry) as possible. There is nothing better than Thanksgiving turkey. Yum! Then, when dinner is over and everyone is sated beyond the point of decency, including you, you can go into the bedroom and have a nice snooze on everyone’s coats, just like on New Years Eve and other holidays during cold seasons. Yes, there is much to be thankful for.

Along with Steve and Judy (my humans), I want to wish everyone - cat, human and otherwise - a very safe and happy Thanksgiving!

Friday, November 4, 2011

Quasi Reviews Puss in Boots

Yesterday, I saw the greatest movie ever made in the history of filmdom. No, not Citizen Kane, Gone with the Wind or Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle. The film I’m talking about is – that’s right – the wonderful new animated feature, Puss in Boots. Now a quick disclaimer here… I didn’t actually see Puss in Boots myself, although as an omniscient cat, I know all about it. Steve and his female (my humans) did, in fact, see the movie and came home raving about it, so in their stead, I’m going to review it from a cat’s perspective. Hey, you have to give me a little poetic license here and suspend belief while you read this!

Anyway, if you love cats (and who doesn’t?), you MUST see Puss in Boots. The movie is action-packed, laugh-out-loud funny, incredibly well done, and VERY cute! I must compliment the humans who made Puss in Boots… they really have cats down cold, and they haven’t missed a trick. I don’t want to give anything away, but during the course of the film, you’ll see kitty cuteness ranging from purring, meowing, hissing and scooting to dance fighting and Puss’ use of his big limpid eyes to get humans to do his bidding. And most dear to your old pal Quasi, there are some exceptionally funny litter box references (Hey, I wonder if any of the filmmakers have read The World Is Your Litter Box before they started working on the film?)

The supporting characters are also most delightful. In addition to an assortment of human villagers and medieval soldier-types, there’s Humpty Dumpty, an evil Jack & Jill, a very large goose, and my ultimate favorite (and new mancat crush) Kitty Softpaws. OMG, just thinking about those soft paws makes my fur tingle!

So, fellow cat, tell your human to go see Puss in Boots right away, and who knows… maybe they can even sneak you into the movie theater. If not (or you’re too scared to deal with the madness of the multiplex), make sure your human buys you a copy of Puss in Boots on DVD when it comes out. Believe me, you won’t be disappointed, and you’ll probably want to watch it again and again.

In conclusion, I really can’t say it any better than Puss himself.  Puss in Boots is… ME-WOW!

Monday, October 24, 2011

Happy Halloween!

I thought I would get a jump on Halloween this year and be among the first to wish everyone (cat, human and otherwise) a very happy Halloween! And this week, all "Quasi's Questions for Cats" on the official The World Is Your Litter Box Facebook page will be Halloween-related. If you haven't yet visited the Litter Box Facebook Page, here's a link.

Meanwhile, for your enjoyment, here's the Halloween section from the "Holiday Fun (& Danger)" chapter of The World Is Your Litter Box.

Halloween: Another holiday fraught with both fun and danger. Halloween is a time when little humans, and some big ones, dress up in strange costumes, some of which are pretty scary. Usually, the little ones will go out trick-or-treating (whatever that is) and come home with bags full of teeth-rotting candy. This will provide you with a fine new source of diversion as you investigate the bag and remove anything that looks interesting... or edible. Another fun thing about Halloween is the pumpkins, which are carved up by humans to have scary or comical faces. When I was a kitten, I quite enjoyed climbing inside pumpkins for a look-see. However, with my massive expanse, I can no longer do so (oh the curse of aging). Also, if you are a black cat, this holiday’s for you. For some reason, many humans consider it bad luck if a black cat walks in front of them. So, if you are of the ebony persuasion, you can have extra fun by bedeviling those who are blatantly superstitious.
Now, on the danger side, there are a couple things to watch out for. First of all, there=s the scariness aspect. Halloween is a time when humans like to frighten each other by making scary sounds, watching scary movies, and wearing horrifying things such as zombie masks. To a cat, needless to say, some of these things are hair-raising to the nth degree. Therefore, it’s often best to find a good place to hide and stay out of your human=s way until their sanity returns. Also, if you are an outdoor cat, STAY INSIDE AFTER DARK. At night, dozens of humans are out on the street, trick-or-treating and acting especially goofy. Some teenage male humans see Halloween as a time to pull off pranks such as toilet papering their girlfriends’ homes, which is actually quite delightful. However, some of their antics are much more dangerous and sinister. As with the Fourth of July, there are some heartless, misguided humans who will torment cats for their own amusement. OFF WITH THEIR HEADS TOO!

NOTE #1: Investigate bags of trick-or-treat candy all you want. But DON’T EAT TOO MUCH!  In large quantities, candy will cause tooth decay and make you sick, possibly necessitating a trip to the vet (talk about scary).

NOTE #2: Some humans put candles inside their pumpkins and light them. If you are a kitten, or small enough to investigate the inside of a pumpkin, make sure the candle is out before you go in. Even though flickering flames are attractive and interesting, they will burn you if you get too close. Ouch!

Also, a quick word for any humans who might be reading this... be sure to keep your pets safe on Halloween night. Otherwise, we hope everyone has a great (and scary) time!

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Ten Good Reasons Why You Should Buy The World Is STILL Your Litter Box

Well, fellow cats and cat lovers, it’s been awhile since I’ve hammered you with a yet another shameless promotion for my books – those would be The World Is Your Litter Box and The World Is STILL Your Litter Box, in case you’d forgotten – so, strap yourself in!

Today, I’m focusing primarily on The World Is STILL Your Litter Box, the ultra-hilarious sequel to my first book. Now, I could bore you with all kinds of tired clichés such as “If you liked The World Is Your Litter Box, you’ll LOVE The World Is STILL Your Litter Box” and “The World Is STILL Your Litter Box is EVEN FUNNIER than Quasi’s first book”… even though those statements are most certainly true. But instead, I’ve decided to break it down to the fundamentals and give you ten good reasons every cat (and cat lover) on earth should buy The World Is STILL Your Litter Box

  • The World Is STILL Your Litter Box is available as an e-book, so you don’t even have to leave the comfort of your home to purchase a copy.
  • The World Is STILL Your Litter Box has more laughs per page than Dick Cheney’s new book.
  • The World Is STILL Your Litter Box includes EVEN MORE ways to flummox your human and make your life EVEN MORE pleasant and enjoyable than it already is
  • Kim Kardashian LOVES The World Is STILL Your Litter Box (I don’t know if that’s really true, but hey, a reference to the Kardashians can’t hurt, right?)
  • Reading The World Is STILL Your Litter Box will give you something interesting to talk about at boring cocktail parties
  • The World Is STILL Your Litter Box includes a list of breezy excuses for unacceptable kitty behavior and several sure-fire ways to make sure your human keeps your litter box clean (how helpful is THAT?)
  • The World Is STILL Your Litter Box will teach you creative new antics that are guaranteed to make your human say “Awwwwwww”
  • Reading The World Is STILL Your Litter Box will make you a more intelligent and well-rounded cat
  • We need the money more than famous celebrity authors
  • The World Is STILL Your Litter Box will solve all the ills of the world (I wish!) 
So there you have it, fellow cat… ten irrefutable reasons why you should convince your human to buy you your own personal copy of The World Is STILL Your Litter Box. However, if you’re still not convinced, you can read some LOL funny excerpts on the official The World Is Your Litter Box website.

Friday, September 23, 2011

The Troubled Economy and How Cats Can Help (Part 2)

In my continuing effort to personally resolve all of America's economic problems, I've come up with yet another meritorious idea to help right the ship and get the economy back on track. For this one, I'll need every able-bodied cat in the USA to help me. But don't worry, my fellow Americats...  you won't have to go to work or give up any precious nap time. The concept is so simple, I can't believe some other cat (or government genius) didn't think of it before! My idea...

                NATIONAL PURR DAY


Here's how it will work... On a given date and time (to be determined), every American human will sit in their favorite chair and hold a kitty on their lap. For humans who don't have cats (poor devils!), one cat will be issued to each person for this event. Then, upon a signal from President Obama - perhaps the popping open of a can of cat food on national TV - all cats across the USA will begin purring simultaneously. This will create a soothing, rumbling nationwide vibration, which will make everyone feel happy and serene. Just think of it... the purring of power of cats harnessed for the good of all mankind!

Well, fellow cat, right about now, you're probably thinking something along the lines of, "Hey, I love it! But how will a national purr-out solve our economic ills?" Well, to be perfectly honest, it won't. But, like FDR said back in the Great Depression, the only thing we have to fear is fear itself, and if everyone just calms down a bit, things can only get better. Right?

And hey all you kitties... even if National Purr Day never becomes a reality, you can still jump up in your human's lap and purr whenever you want. After all, as all cat people know, things can never really be THAT bad when you've got a purring kitty on your lap.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

The Troubled Economy and How Cats Can Help

For the last several weeks, Steve and his female have spent an inordinate amount of time talking about the economy and how horrible everything is. They’ve also been watching a lot of financial news on TV, where most of the commentators look like their heads are going to explode at any minute. I keep hearing words like “Wall Street,” “Dow Jones,” “stocks,” “deficit” and “depression.” It all sounds pretty dire… almost as frightening as a trip to the vet.

Now I don’t pretend to understand any of this economic mumbo-jumbo, and truth be told, I don’t think too many humans do either. Quite frankly, this whole mess just sounds like something else humans have screwed up in their quest to acquire more of those filthy green papers.

But how does this affect us cats, you ask, and what can I do to help?

Well, the first thing is… don’t panic. Even though your human may be gulping calmative pharmaceuticals like candy, you should remain cool and calm regardless of the situation. In these turbulent economic times, your human will be looking to you for comfort and tranquility, so unless they try to save money by skimping on your food or some other human tomfoolery like that, you might want to cut them some slack for the duration. In other words, put some of the kitty antics on hold for awhile and be extra nice to them. A kitty's love and affection can go a long way toward soothing human angst and anxiety. That said, however, you MUST draw the line if your human refuses to buy you your own personal copies of The World Is Your Litter Box and The World Is STILL Your Litter Box in order to save a few bucks. Hey, tough economy or not, I need to sell some books here!

Lastly, don’t forget… as FDR said during the Great Depression, “We have nothing to fear but fear itself… and maybe large, mean dogs.” (I added that last part myself!)

Monday, August 22, 2011

Photos of Cat Readers

With summer winding down and fall approaching, we're looking to beef up the "Photos of Cat Readers" page on the Litter Box website. This page has been a very popular feature since we put the site up, but it's been awhile since any new cat readers have been added. So...

If you've purchased The World Is Your Litter Box or The World Is STILL Your Litter Box (or both), simply take a photo of your cat or cats with one or both of the books (as shown in the photo above), and email it to quasi@theworldisyourlitterbox.com. We'll add it to the "Photos of Cat Readers" page on our website, and also to our Facebook page, and it will be seen by zillions of other cat lovers around the world. Be sure to include the name of all cats in the photo and the name of the city where you live.

The kitties in the photo (L-R) are Andy from Burbank, California, Baby Cow from Bonanza Oregon, and Seamus from Lynnwood, Washington.

Click here to visit the "Photos of Cat Readers" page on the Litter Box website.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Fun New Feature on The World Is Your Litter Box Facebook Page


The official The World Is Your Litter Box Facebook page is fast approaching 3,000 “Likes,” and in our continuing effort to promote kittydom to its fullest effect (and, of course, my two books), we’ve added a fun new feature to the page. The feature is called “Quasi’s Questions for Cats,” and will run every Monday, Wednesday and Friday for the foreseeable future… in other words, until I run out of ideas and/or need a rejuvenating nap. It’s a great chance to interact with other cats (and cat lovers) and be wildly amused.

So far, we’ve posed two questions – what’s your favorite human food treat from the dinner table? and, what’s the cute kitty pose you use when you REALLY want something? We’ve gotten responses and comments from all around the country – nay, all around the world – and they’re VERY entertaining. And from a kitty perspective, it's very educational to find out what other cats are doing to confound and one-up their humans on a day-to-day basis. In fact, I’ve already gleaned some great new ideas myself. All cats and their humans are invited to respond to the questions, make comments, etc. Come join in the fun!

If you haven’t yet visited The World Is Your Litter Box Facebook page (and clicked “Like”), here’s a link. Do yourself a favor and visit often. Hey, we may not be able to resolve the deficit issue, but at least we can provide some good laughs for cat lovers!

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Problems of the World Getting You Down? We Have the Cure!

Unless you’re a hermit that lives in a deep, dark cave somewhere with no Internet access (is there such a place?), you know that things are not so great on good ‘ole Planet Earth these days. Many countries are experienced searing, deadly heat waves, millions of humans are unemployed, there was a horrible shooting and bombing incident in Norway, and the U.S. economy is teetering on the brink of disaster because the so-called adults we’ve elected can’t agree on anything.

In times like these, when there isn’t much to smile or laugh about, there’s only one thing to do. Yes, that’s right… watch funny cat videos. And to do our part to help bummed out humans and cats everywhere, we’ve gathered all the hottest (and funniest) cat videos in one place on The World Is Your Litter Box website for you to enjoy. Why wring your hands (or paws) in anguish over the state of the world when instead, you can lose yourself in a miasma of kitty hilarity and laugh your tail off? Hey, it only makes sense!

Click here to go directly to our “Fun Cat Videos” page of the official The World Is Your Litter Box website… you’ll be glad you did!

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Summer Reading Suggestions & Safety Tips for Cats

With summer here and broiling temperatures in many parts of the USA (and in many other parts of the world, for that matter), you’re probably looking for a couple good books to read while you’re hanging out at the beach or lounging by the pool like the kitty in the photo. Might I humbly suggest The World Is Your Litter Box and The World Is STILL Your Litter Box? They’re light and funny so they won’t depress you like all those books about the horrible state of the world, they’re chic and ultra-hip so you can impress your friends with your excellent taste in literature, and they’re very lightweight so you won’t strain yourself carrying them to your favorite reading spot. What could be better?

And while I’m at it, here are a few summer safety tips for my kitty compadres. First, be sure to use PLENTY of sun block if you plan on lounging about (or napping) in the out-of-doors… you don’t want those deadly gamma rays to singe your fur or burn your tender skin. Be sure to drink plenty of fluids so you stay hydrated… in fact, why not ask your human to add some refreshing ice cubes to your drinking water? DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT mess around with dogs that are lying in the sun… the heat makes them extra grouchy and just because they look wasted with their tongues lolling out doesn’t mean they won’t get up and chase you. And lastly, if you go for a refreshing dip in the pool and engage in some entertaining underwater hijinx, don’t forget to come up for air.

Have a safe and happy summer!

Monday, July 11, 2011

Lion Cuts - Ferocious, But VERY Cute

Now that summer has arrived and things are warming up here in good ‘ole Burbank, my two longhaired housemates, Bo Diddley and Piglet, have gotten their annual lion cuts. As you can see by the photos (Bo Diddley on the left, Piglet on the right), they look very cute… however, just because they look like little lions doesn’t mean they can strut around and act like BIG lions. Especially Piglet.

Yes, that’s right… the smallest member of the pride, who challenges my alpha maleness on a daily basis anyway, now thinks that he has somehow acquired mystical lion powers, and that he is suddenly the king of the jungle around here. Wrong again, Chukko. As all my fellow alpha males know, there can be only one lion king in each household, and in our household, that lion king is ME! And when challenged, even by a little lion like Piglet, I have to administer a flurry of whaps, hisses and moans to restore order.

So if you’re an alpha like me and you find yourself confronted by an interloper like Piglet (whether they have a lion cut or not), simply pull out your copy of The World Is STILL Your Litter Box and refer to the chapter, “How to Live with Multiple Cats & Alpha Males” (Hey, I couldn’t resist yet one more shameless plug for my second book!). You’ll find all kinds of tips and advice for dealing with pretenders to your throne of alpha maleness.

Still, I must admit, Bo Diddley and Piglet DO look rather ferocious (in an adorable kind of way). In fact, seeing them with their lion cuts almost makes me wish that I was a longhaired cat so I could get one too.

Thursday, June 30, 2011

Mousebreath Is Here!


The takeover of the Internet by cats has recently taken a giant leap (or, should I say, pounce) forward with the introduction of Mousebreath, an online lifestyle magazine written primarily by cats for cats and the humans who love them. It’s sort of like Vanity Fair for kitties, only MUCH better! No pesky Kardashians, J-Lo, Paris or Lindsey to take up valuable space with their boring human antics…. just cats, cats, cats all the time! And, if that’s not enough, your friend Quasi has joined Mousebreath as a contributor with a column, “Quasi’s Corner.” How cool is that?

Mousebreath has all types of fun and interesting things for us felines, including news, lifestyle info, photos, games, free stuff, and columns such as “Meezer Meditations with Chey & Ichiro,” “Ask Max Monday,” and “In Da Dugout with Jeter Harris… and, of course, “Quasi’s Corner.” You can even read Mousebreath on a Kindle. Talk about state of the art!

So here’s a big meow out to Karen Nichols, who created Mousebreath with help from Skeezix, a highly-regarded blogging cat and one of my personal kitty friends. Tina Brown has nothing on Karen and Skeezix!

Click here to check out Mousebreath.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

An Idea for a New Show on Animal Planet - For Cats

Every so often, Animal Planet comes up with a new show about how to deal with “problem” cats. First there was “Housecat House Calls,” and now it’s “My Cat from Hell.” Sounds great, you might be thinking, but from a cat’s perspective, these shows have it all wrong. Why? Because both of these shows start with the premise that something is wrong with the cat. At least Jackson Galaxy (oh, please), the host of “My Cat from Hell” gets it that cats march to the beat of their own drummer, but on both shows, most of the human cat owners want to bend their kitty to their will. Dummkopfs!

Let me give you an example. On one episode of “Housecat House Calls,” a family had an entire wall full of glittering, moving figurines and was upset because their cat kept knocking them over. Well, hello, nitwitskis, what did you expect? What cat wouldn’t be interested in a wall of glittering, moving figurines? And yet, this family considered their cat to be a “problem.” Personally, I would have loved to see that cat go wild and thrash every last one of those figurines. Now, THAT would have been some high-quality television!

So as a kitty who is always thinking, I have an idea for a new show that will be much more entertaining and amusing for us cats. It will be called “My Human from Hell,” and it will view “problem” humans from the cat’s perspective. The show will start with the fundamental premise that cats do whatever they want whenever they want and don’t want to be bothered, played with or smothered with affection unless they choose to be. To drive this point home, any human that doesn’t cater to their cat’s every want and whim will be scorned and blithely ignored.  And when a cat is being annoyed by a “problem” human, they will hiss and whap, and if the offense is bad enough, scratch, bite and draw blood. Yes, “My Human from Hell” will have it all – action, violence, bloodletting – just what America wants.  Hey, you never know… “My Human from Hell” could be even better than “True Blood” or “Dexter.”

So, fellow feline, do your part… call Animal Planet today and tell them you want – no, you DEMAND – that they add “My Human from Hell” to their slate of programs. Maybe I’ll even host it myself. Of course, if I do, I’ll need a cool name. Hmmm, let’s see… how about Quasi Solar System?

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Happy Father's Day, Cat Dads!

Hard to believe, but there are actually humans on this earth who do not care for cats (the fools!), and many of those of those humans are males. Yes, fellow feline, I’m sure you’ve heard it all before… cats are too independent, cats are sneaky, cats don’t love you, etc., etc., etc.

Well, the fact is (according to the Humane Society), there are 38.2 million households in the U.S. that have at least one cat. Of those 38.2 million households, I would guess that around half have at least one human male, which means, if my math is correct, that there are 19.1 million human males in the U.S. who live with and love – or at least like – us cats.

Why bring all this up, you ask? Well, this coming Sunday is Father’s Day, and if your father is one of the 19.1 human males that live with and love cats, you’re probably wondering what gift to get them. And what better gift could there possibly be for a cat-loving dad then their own copies of The World Is Your Litter Box and The World Is STILL Your Litter Box? Sure, some human dads might prefer electronic gadgets, sporting goods, cases of beer and things like that, but those things won’t make him laugh his tail off like my books will! Plus, my books are WAY CHEAPER than electronic gadgets and all that other stuff. Order ‘em both from Amazon today and they’ll get them to you by Father’s Day. And if you want to read LOL-funny excerpts from both books, visit the official The World Is Your Litter Box website.

Meanwhile, here's wishing everyone, especially you cat dads, a HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!

Thursday, June 2, 2011

My Plate? How About My Food Bowl?

As if humans don’t already have enough to worry about, they’ve now gone and replaced the age-old food pyramid with something called “My Plate.”  For those not familiar with the food pyramid, it basically divided up food into six basic groups and told how much of each group a human should eat to stay healthy.  With the new “My Plate,” as seen in the photo above, the food groups are divided into four quadrants with fruits and vegetables taking up half the space and grains and protein taking up the other half.  Steve (my human) was disappointed to learn that potato chips are not part of the major food groups in either the old food pyramid or the new “My Plate.”

Now right about here, you’re probably thinking, “Geez, Quasi, this is all very nice, but what does it have to do with cats and OUR food?” Well, glad you asked. Not to be outdone by humans, I’ve come up with my own new food chart called “My Food Bowl.” I think you’ll find it MUCH MORE PALATABLE than the mundane human “My Plate.” Check it out…


So, fellow cat, for good health throughout all of your nine lives, stick to the template shown in “My Food Bowl.” Just make sure your human doesn’t try to fob off any disgusting fruit or vegetables on you!

Monday, May 30, 2011

Memorial Day

On this Memorial Day, amid all the shopping and BBQs, let's all take a few moments to remember the humans who made the ultimate sacrifice to protect and defend the way of life we enjoy and hold so dear. I wish there were no wars, but I give wholehearted thanks the men and women who fought and died in them on our behalf.

And let's also use this opportunity to remember all the wonderful kitties who graced us with their presence and have now gone to the rainbow bridge. Thank you for the years of joy you gave us, and thank you for enriching our lives with your unconditional love. We remember you one and all.

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Help for Tornado Victims (Humans and Animals)

It may not be the rapture or the end of the world, but we certainly have had more than our fair share of storms lately, the Midwest in particular. On top of all the tornadoes that occurred a few weeks ago and the flooding of the Mississippi River, the city of Joplin, Missouri has been hit especially hard by an unusually-large tornado that struck with very little warning and leveled much of the town. As of this writing, over 100 people are dead and the damage, as you can see in the photo above, is heartbreaking.

In times of natural disasters like this, rescue services and charitable organizations are extremely overtaxed, including those that focus primarily on animals. And since we are animal lovers here (especially cats, but ALL animals), we want to encourage you to make a donation to your favorite animal rights and rescue organization. I know things are tight these days, but even a few bucks would help if you can do it.

Along with Steve and his female (my humans), I want to thank all the wonderful organizations that do so much to help animals and people in times like these. In a world that often seems cruel and heartless, you represent all that is good.

For a list of animal rights and rescue organizations, click here.


Friday, May 13, 2011

Photos of Famous Writers & Their Kitties

This morning, while prowling around on the Internet with Steve, I discovered a very interesting website that is a must-see for all humans who love cats and literature… that’s right, intellectual cat lovers. The site, which is called Writers and Kitties, features photos of famous human writers and their true inspirations – their cats. Some of the cat-loving authors featured on the site and shown with their kitties include Stephen King, Joyce Carol Oates, Charles Bukowski, Raymond Chandler, Sylvia Plath, Jack Kerouac, Hunter S. Thompson, Margaret Atwood, Aldous Huxley, Mark Twain, and of course, Ernest Hemingway.

What about Steve & Quasi, you ask? Well, having just discovered Writers and Kitties, we’ve just submitted a photo (shown above), which will hopefully be added to the site. Needless to say, it would truly be an honor to be included among so many great authors… and great kitties!

Meanwhile, click here to check out Writers and Kitties.

Monday, May 9, 2011

News Alert: Piglet's Compound Destroyed!

Press Release from Quasi:
5/9/11   For Immediate Release

As part of my ongoing war with Piglet (my kitty housemate), I have taken bold and decisive action to destroy (well, okay… thrash) Pig’s well-fortified compound. As you can see from the Google Earth photo above, the compound was rendered semi-useless in this hush-hush (or, shall I say, hiss-hiss) precision strike. No civilian or kitty casualties occurred in the operation.

The flashpoint of my long-running conflict with Pig occurred shortly after Pig and his brother, Bo Diddley, came to live in our home and Pig, provocateur that he is, began staring at me for no apparent reason! Needless to say, this unwarranted act of aggression and assault on my alpha maleness could not go unpunished. When whaps, moans and hisses failed to do the job, further action was needed. I regret having to resort to taking up paws, but sometimes, a good thrashing is needed to put things right in the world.

I would like to thank the CIA, the National Security team and the U.S. Special Forces, although because I personally was able to wreck havoc on Pig’s compound with my overwhelming might and alpha male kittiness, their involvement in the operation was unnecessary. Meanwhile, the household remains on red alert in case Pig decides to take retaliatory action… or, even worse, stare at me some more.

Also, Anderson Cooper came by with a crew from CNN, but I wouldn't let him in!

Monday, May 2, 2011

How I Turned Steve's Mom Into a Cat Nut (A Mother's Day Story)

Mother’s Day is this Sunday, which reminds me that not too long ago, I, singlehandedly, turned Steve’s mother into an unapologetic, totally nutted-out cat lover. How did I do it? Read this excerpt from The World Is STILL Your Litter Box and find out…

Here’s just one more thing that happened in our household since the release of my first book – something which illustrates how a cat’s love can conquer all…
 Shortly before the arrival of Pig and B.D., Steve’s mom came to visit and stayed for five days. I’m not really too up on space/time continuum constructs, so I don’t really understand what Steve meant when he said that the five days felt like 500 years, but whatever… it was long enough for me to work my kitty magic.
At the time of her visit, Steve’s mom was not particularly fond of cats. In fact, during phone conversations, when Steve or the female told her about one of my oh-so-cute kitty antics, she always said something like, “Oh, you and your cat! You’d think he was your child.”
Actually, that’s true.
Anyway, when I heard that Steve’s mom was coming for a visit, I decided to take it upon myself to turn her feelings of antipathy toward cats into unquestionable, undying love. Yes, that’s right… I decided to turn her into a hopeless, unabashed cat nut with no chance of salvation or redemption.
The first thing I did after Steve’s mom arrived was to follow her around wherever she went. At first, she was a little perturbed, but after awhile, she started to enjoy my company and all the attention. This is one thing cats and females, mothers included, have in common… they all love it when you pay attention to them. I also snuggled up with Steve’s mom while she slept, and when she sat down, I made sure to jump up in her lap and purr at 120 decibels (which is roughly the volume level of a jet engine or a Metallica concert). I kept this up for the first two days she was here, and slowly but surely, the ice began to melt.
Then, as an integral part of my scheme, I pulled a quick about-face as only a cat can.
After dinner, while everyone was sitting around watching TV, I did NOT jump up in Steve’s mom’s lap as she expected. Instead, I sat a few feet away, cleaned myself and acted blasé. Steve’s mom patted her lap to indicate that I was welcome, but I turned up my nose, gave her a glimpse of my hindquarters and coolly sauntered away. And when she went to sleep that night, I was nowhere to be found.
Steve’s mom couldn’t believe I had shunned her.
“How come Quasi won’t sit on my lap anymore?” she asked Steve. “And he didn’t sleep with me last night.”
“But mom,” said Steve with a smirky grin. “I thought you didn’t like cats.”
“I never said I didn’t like cats.”
Next stop… another kitty convert.
To drive the point home and show Steve’s mom how cold the world can truly be without the comfort and love of a cat, I ignored her for a couple more hours. Then, to her great relief, I cranked my kitty charm-o-meter up to full power. I purred. I nuzzled. I looked cute. I meowed coquettishly. I sat in her lap and let her pet me. At night, I snuggled with her and burrowed under the covers like a spelunker. I ask you… how can ANY human go through life without a cat?
When it came time for Steve’s mom to go home, Steve gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek.
“I’ll miss you,” she told Steve and the female. “But I’ll REALLY miss Quasi.”
And it wasn’t long before Steve’s mom got a cat of her own – a beautiful little calico kitty named Emily – and now when Steve calls her, all she talks about is… uh-huh, that’s correct… HER CAT.
Mission accomplished.

Here’s wishing mothers everywhere, cat, human and otherwise, a very HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY. None of us would be here without you.

Thursday, April 28, 2011

The Royal Wedding

Unless you live in a deep dark hole in the ground somewhere, you can’t possibly not know that on Friday, Great Britain will celebrate its first REALLY BIG royal wedding since Prince Charles and Lady Diana were married in the early 1980s. Now their offspring, Prince William, is marrying Kate Middleton in a ceremony that is sure to command the attention of the entire world and will, most certainly, clog up the news media and the Internet (which will make it harder for me to get my daily LOLs on I Can Has Cheezburger). If some country wants to invade another country, Friday would be the time to do it because with all the distraction, no one will even notice.

You’re probably wondering why a cat like me is adding to the frenzy by blogging about the royal wedding. Well, to be perfectly honest, there’s really no reason other than the fact that if I didn’t, I would appear to be a Luddite who was unaware of the goings-on in the world around me. Naturally, as an all-knowing kitty, I’m not about to let that happen.

There is one question I do have, though, and that is… do William and Kate like cats? The people of Great Britain are notorious cat lovers, so here’s hoping that goes for the royal couple as well.

Meanwhile, here’s wishing William and Kate well, and may they live long and happy lives together. And me… well, I can’t wait till all the hoopla is over so I can get back to napping.

Monday, April 25, 2011

The New & Improved "Litter Box" On-Line Shop Is Here!

Just in time for spring, The World Is Your Litter Box On-Line Shop has been completely revamped with new products and new designs for the discerning cat lover. Yes, we’ve got it all… from “Litter Box” t-shirts, coffee mugs, refrigerator magnets and key chains to “Give Us Noms” pet food bowls, “Laughed My Tail Off” boy briefs for women, and “The World IS My Litter Box” iPhone cases. We’ve even got unique products for infant and toddler cat lovers, including a “Litter Box” bib for messy eaters. It’s a veritable plethora of cat-related goodies for all ages!

But wait… there’s more! Profits from the sales of all items in the Litter Box On-Line Shop will be donated to the World Society for the Protection of Animals (WSPA), an organization doing wonderful things for animals worldwide, including the thousands of pets left homeless by the earthquake and tsunami in Japan. You can visit the WSPA website at www.wspa-usa.org.

So why not treat yourself to a future collector’s item from our on-line shop and help the WSPA while you’re at it? And don’t forget… these distinctive products make great gifts for cat-loving moms – and Mother’s Day is only a couple weeks away.

Click here to access The World Is Your Litter Box On-Line Shop.

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Happy Easter!

It's Easter once again... time for Easter baskets, Easter bonnets, Easter parades, Easter egg hunts, and of course, the Easter Bunny. And like every year, many humans pause to wonder, "Who's cuter? Cats or the Easter Bunny?"

Well, clearly the answer is cats. We have to be cute 365 days a year, whereas the Easter Bunny only has to be cute on one. Plus, cats have to rely on their own wits to be cute, while the Easter Bunny can "buy" his allure with Easter holiday-related goodies like chocolate and colored eggs. Hrrrummpph! Yes, the Easter Bunny poses a significant challenge to kitty cuteness, but not to worry, fellow felines... your friend Quasi has come up with some bold and innovative ways to meet this cuteness assault head on. So, for your edification, here's the "Easter" section from the "Holiday Fun (& Danger)" chapter in The World Is Your Litter Box...

Easter: A nice holiday, but one in which our kitty cuteness is subject to competition and severely put to the test. For many, Easter is synonymous with that most adorable of holiday characters – the Easter Bunny   Some adult humans buy real bunnies for the little ones and tell them it=s THE Easter Bunny, and little humans, with their gullible under-developed minds, believe them. Now, if there’s anything that comes to close to rivaling a cat for cuteness, it’s a bunny. Like us, they have soft fur and cute little noses, which they tend to wiggle in an irresistibly-charming manner (damn them!). And, what’s worse, this Easter Bunny character tries to buy the affection of little humans by bringing them candy and colored eggs. UNFAIR!  UNFAIR!  How can we cats compete with that?
Well, you could simply get tough and run the “Easter Bunny” off like so much riff-raff. However, doing so will NOT endear you to your human. No, the best thing is to meet the enemy head on and fight THEIR cuteness with YOUR cuteness. One on one. Mano a Mano.
But how, you ask?  Well, first of all, remember that you are much smarter than the average bunny. After all, how many of THEM know the distance from Earth to the nearest Quasar?  Very few, I can assure you. Hey, they don’t even know how to purr. Furthermore, because of your stellar personality and superior intellect (and because of the “How to Look Cute” chapter in this book), you have a full arsenal of cuteness ammunition at your disposal. Believe me, you have much more going for you than some Johnny-Come-Lately Easter Bunny. So be resourceful and don’t be intimidated. Trot out your most time-tested antics and attention-getting strategies. Use every word or sound in your vocabulary. Perform feats of astounding acrobatic prowess (let’s see an Easter Bunny run up a screen door). Sing cheezy Las Vegas-type ballads like Wayne Newton. Pout like an anorexic overpaid fashion model. Do whatever you have to do to send the “Easter Bunny” packing with his tail, cute as it may be, between his legs. And most importantly, remember that cuteness is only skin deep.

Happy Easter, everyone!

Friday, April 15, 2011

Shedding Season Is Here!

Ahhh… spring is in the air. The weather is warming up, the days are getting longer, baseball is back, baby animals are being born… and IT’S SHEDDING SEASON! Yes, for us cats, it’s time to blow off our winter coats and shake off the doldrums of winter.

Shedding has some very pleasant benefits, not the least of which is the joy of getting cat hair all over everything in your home and getting extra-long spa treatment-type brushings from your human. Unfortunately, because we cats have a prediction for cleaning ourselves several times a day, a lot of loose fur ends up in our throats and tummies and becomes – yes, that’s right – hairballs. And as we all know, hairball time is kack-up time. So, as a public service to all my fellow felines, here’s a list of 20 good places to throw up, excerpted from The World Is Your Litter Box…. 

1.         In your human's shoes (preferably Louboutins or Guccis).
2          On the keyboard of your human's computer
3.         On the remote control for the TV.
4.         On a comb or a hairbrush.
5.         On the couch.
6.         On a priceless Oriental rug.
7.         On your human's iPod.
8.         Over a floor heater (preferably when it's on).
9.         In the toaster
10.       On an open waffle iron.
11.       On the hated vacuum cleaner (while it's standing idle, of course).
12.       On your human's copy of the Magna Carta.
13.       On the bed (or better yet, under the covers).
14.       On one or both of the pillows.
15.       On a pile of clean, neatly-folded clothes (my personal favorite!).
16.       On the food buffet table during a party.
17.       On your human's phone (preferably in the little impossible-to-clean mouthpiece holes).
18.       On the kitchen floor (from the top of the refrigerator... talk about a Jackson Pollock art  happening!).
19.       On your human's rare copy of Elvis Presley's "Good Rockin' Tonight" on Sun Records.
20.       In your food bowl (if you don't like the food and want it replaced... works every time).

Friday, April 8, 2011

A Truly Fat Cat

A couple days ago, Steve’s female (who told me to say that she is the BEST realtor in the San Fernando Valley), visited a property and saw what she described as the fattest cat she had ever seen. And, madre de dios, was she ever right! Even though I’m well-known for my somewhat portly and prodigious girth, this kitty (shown in the photo above) makes me look like a ballerina.

Now it may seem funny for a kitty to be this fat, and in The World Is STILL Your Litter Box, I facetiously wrote about what to do if your human puts you on a diet, but all kidding aside, it’s not good for any cat to be this hefty. As with humans, obesity puts undue strain on the heart and other vital organs, and makes day-to-day functioning very difficult. And even though we cats sleep around 20 hours a day, there are still times when we need to run, jump and play. So, fellow plus-size kitties, it’s fine if you’re a little on the rotund side like me, but if you start looking like the cat in the photo, you might want to push back from your food bowl a little bit.

For a more complete story about the kitty in the photo, you can visit the female’s blog by clicking here.

On a slightly different subject, my blog has been added to Facebook’s “Networked Blogs” application. To follow my blog on Facebook, click on “Follow This Blog” in the badge down just a little ways in the right-hand column.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

A Visit with Matilda at the Algonquin Hotel

Steve and his female (my humans) are back from their visit to New York City, and as I had hoped, they were granted an audience with Matilda, the house cat at the famous Algonquin Hotel. When Steve and the female entered the hotel and asked to see Matilda, they were told that she was off-duty and not seeing anyone. Fortunately, Steve used his cache as the co-author of The World Is Your Litter Box, and voila… they were led into the inner sanctum at the Algonquin – well, okay, the luggage room – where they found Matilda resting from the rigors of her job running the hotel and looking cute for the guests. That’s Steve in the photo above, giving Matilda a well-deserved petting.

Later, Steve and his female had drinks at the Algonquin (which were ouchie-expensive, but what the hay), and what did they discover right behind their chairs… one of Matilda’s favorite sleeping places, as evidenced by the authentic Matilda kitty hair in the photo below...

Matilda, who is the latest in a long line of house kitties dating back to the 1930s at the Algonquin, is very sweet, so if your humans live in or go to New York City, be sure they stop in and say hello. And tell her Quasi sent you.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

The REAL Reason for My Humans' Trip to NYC

Steve and his female (my humans) are going to New York City for a few days to visit friends and just generally goof around in the Big Apple. But the REAL reason for their trip, so they’ve assured me, is to meet Matilda, the famous Algonquin Hotel kitty (shown above), and enlist her help in promoting my books (those would be The World Is Your Litter Box and The World Is STILL Your Litter Box in case you’d forgotten!).

The Algonquin Hotel, which is famous for its writer’s round table of the 1920s, has had a house kitty since the 1930s, with Matilda being the latest. Naturally, Matilda has become a big celebrity in New York, so it will be quite exciting to make her acquaintance, even if it is only through Steve and his female.

Of course, with Steve and the female gone, me and my housemates, Bo Diddley and Piglet, will be left at home alone – well, not actually alone… we’ll be cared for by our wonderful pet sitter.  But still, as always when the humans go away, they will pay dearly for their transgression in the form of household damage. I just might cut them a little slack, though, if they bring me back a pawtographed photo of Matilda.

Monday, March 14, 2011

Cat Island Survives Earthquake & Tsunami in Japan

Amid the tragic and heartbreaking stories coming out of Japan in the wake of the devastating earthquake and tsunami, there’s finally a bit of good news… Cat Island, along with its people and multitude of cats, has survived!

Cat Island, known as Tashirojima, is located off the northeast coast of Honshu, Japan’s main island. Because of the island's close proximity to the epicenter of the earthquake, the inhabitants (cats and people) were feared to have been lost. However, via a post on The Conscious Cat from a cat lover with a friend in Japan, we have word that the cats and people are okay! Of course, there was extensive building damage and the need for bare necessities is great…. but at least, Cat Island has prevailed.

On Tashirojima, there are only around 100 people, most of whom are elderly, and they are greatly outnumbered by cats. Cat Island came to be when years ago, the islanders raised silkworms for silk and cats were used to keep the mouse population down. The cat population was subsequently nurtured by fisherman, who interpreted the cats’ actions as predictions of weather and fish patterns. The fishermen even created a shrine for a cat that was killed by a falling rock.

Needless to say, rescue services and humanitarian organizations in Japan are severely overloaded, and much help is needed from the world community. If you would like to make a donation and help the cats and people on Tashirojima (and in other stricken areas of Japan), visit World Vets, an international organization that provides aid to animals worldwide. For a list of other animal-related aid organizations, go to “Animal Rights & Rescue Organizations” under “Links” on The World Is Your Litter Box website.

Special thanks to Ingrid King of The Conscious Cat and Karen Nichols of The Cat’s Meow for conveying the good news about Cat Island.

Saturday, March 5, 2011

A Cute Kitty Photo & Funny One-Liners

Steve and his female (my humans) are very fond of a TV show called Tosh.O on Comedy Central, which features funny, sick, inane, and sometimes disgusting (but wildly hilarious) videos that have been posted on the Internet by allegedly normal humans. In one of the segments, they run a short clip, then Daniel Tosh, the comedian who hosts the show, says something like, “Let’s put 20 seconds on the clock and see how many funny comments I can make.”

Well, as you know, ‘ole Quaz is quite a jokester himself, so I decided to “put 20 seconds on the clock” and see how many funny one-liners I could come up with about this adorable kitty-in-a-bag photo….
  • I didn’t know they sold cute kitties at Trader Joes!
  • Hey, there’s no cat food in here!
  • Bet you’re wondering what aisle they found me in.
  • Grocery bag… or portal to Hell?
  • Paper is WAY better than plastic.
  • Wait ‘til they see what I did in their granola!
  • These groceries are MINE.
  • That was the most delicious arugula I ever ate.
  • What? No Chateau Lafite?
  • I’m organic!
  • Going through self checkout was HIGHLY confusing.
So when do I get my own show on Comedy Central?

Friday, February 25, 2011

Goodbye Borders

As I’m sure pretty much everyone knows, big changes are afoot in the way media – including books – is delivered to the buying public. More and more, the Internet has become the premiere shopping spot for books, music, video and the like, and this change, naturally, has had a severe impact on the old “brick and mortar” way of doing business. Each day, it seems, another bookstore or music store closes their doors forever… sort of like blacksmith shops when automobiles started to catch on, or typewriter shops when computers became commonplace.

The latest victim of this change is Borders, which was previously a major bookseller right up there with Barnes & Noble. Borders’ management is saying that the company is merely restructuring and regrouping, but with so many Borders stores closing around the country, it’s pretty obvious that the end is near. The photo of The World Is Your Litter Box (above) was taken at the Borders store in downtown San Francisco, which is currently in the process of being picked clean before it closes.

Still, change is inevitable, and on the bright side, the Internet is offering all kinds of very cool options for book buyers and authors such as yours truly. For example, if you have an e-reader, you can download The World Is STILL Your Litter Box and be reading it in minutes without even having to leave your home. (Yes, I know… another shameless plug for my second book. Sorry…I couldn’t resist!)

Sad as it is to see the old ways change and disappear, it is truly exciting to be living in an age when new ideas and innovations seem to be coming at us on a daily basis. Can new advances in litter boxes and scratching posts be far behind?

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

The REAL Reason for the Protests in Egypt

I’m pretty certain there’s not a human or cat on Earth that does not know about the protests in Egypt that have driven longtime president/dictator Hosni Mubarak from power. But what many people DON’T know is the REAL REASON for the protests. Sure, everyone has heard about the oppression, the plundering of Egypt’s wealth, and worst of all, the cutoff of the Internet… but that’s not what sent thousands of Egyptians into the streets. Your intrepid reporter, Quasi Tutankhamun, has the true story, but first, a little history…

The ancient Egyptians, in their glorious wisdom, worshipped a cat goddess named Bastet, who became a national deity around 950 BC (that’s a long time ago, even in cat years). Bastet, who was also known as Bast, was a happy and benign goddess who brought good fortune and joy to all… sort of like kitties today. And because all cats were considered to be manifestations of Bastet, they were considered sacred – in fact, cats were so highly regarded in Egyptian society that it was a crime to kill a cat and punishable by death. Some Egyptians were even jailed for failing to give their cats proper tummy rubs (actually, I just made that part up, but let’s just say that those Egyptian kitties certainly had it made!).

Now, to the real reason for the protests. Of all the odious things Hosni Mubarak did during his 30-year rule, perhaps none were more insidious that his stubborn refusal to accept the fact that cats are STILL sacred like they were in ancient Egypt, and that Egypt can only have one true leader… the cat goddess Bastet. Well, clearly something as egregious as this could not be tolerated… so, like the good cat lovers they are, the modern day Egyptians took it to the streets, and after several days of angry protests, they righted this appalling wrong.

So, fellow manifestations of Bastet, no matter which human ends up being the titular head of Egypt, never forget that Egypt’s real leader walks on four legs, purrs, looks cute, and no matter how demanding the stress of leadership may be, always has time for a nice tummy rub.

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Happy Valentine's Day!

Well, it’s that time of year again when a young cat’s fancy turns to love, although yours truly is a hunk-a-hunk-a burnin’ love 365 days a year. Still, there’s nothing like having a special day dedicated to amour for everyone to enjoy and remember how important love truly is. I hope everyone has someone special to share it with.

For your loving (and laughing) pleasure, here’s the “Valentine’s Day” excerpt from the “Holiday Fun & Danger” chapter of The World Is Your Litter Box

Valentine’s Day: A good holiday for cats. Love is in the air and typically, male humans give female humans gifts such as candy and flowers. This means you will have wrapping paper and ribbons to play with and flowers to sniff (and eat). If your human gets a box of candy and leaves the top off, you can have the sumptuous pleasure of licking and sampling each individual piece. Because humans tend to get all mushy and gooey on Valentine’s day, you can usually expect to receive a little extra lovin’ yourself, and maybe even a present. Steve and his female are such shameless cat lovers that they always buys me a Valentine present, usually a cat toy, catnip, or the most expensive kind of kitty food. Ain’t love grand!

NOTE: In some instances on Valentine’s Day, your human may pay more attention to another human than you. This is UNACCEPTABLE HUMAN BEHAVIOR and cannot be tolerated. If your human is being amorous with another human and ignoring you, jump between (or on) them and meow loudly to express your displeasure. Then, turn your back, stick your rear end in their faces and march off in a huff. Make them understand that Valentine’s Day or not, you are numero uno and will not be ignored.

Along with Steve and his female, and Bo Diddley and Piglet (my kitty housemates) I want to wish you and yours a most happy Valentine’s Day!

Friday, February 4, 2011

Valentine's Day Gift Suggestions (For Males Only!)

Hey tomcats and male humans… I know what you’re thinking right about now. You’re thinking, “Yikes! Valentine’s Day is just a little over a week away and I haven’t gotten anything for my honey! Whatever shall I do?” Well, if your Valentine loves cats (and who doesn’t), may I humbly suggest that you buy her my two books, The World Is Your Litter Box and the sequel, The World Is STILL Your Litter Box. In fact, to accentuate my point, here are ten good reasons why my books would make such great presents for your cat-loving Valentine:
  1. They’re much more original than roses.
  2. They’re way cheaper than roses (now I’ve got your attention, huh).
  3. They’re less fattening than chocolates.
  4. They won’t melt and turn gooey like chocolates.
  5. We need the money more than See’s Candy or FTD Florist.
  6. They’re sexier than anything you'll find at Victoria's Secret (well... maybe not)
  7. Your Valentine will be impressed with your exceptional taste in literature.
  8. You can order the books from Amazon and avoid the dreaded mall… and Amazon will even gift wrap them for you!
  9. Your Valentine will think you’re the cat’s pajamas for getting her such a unique and thoughtful gift.
  10. Your Valentine will like my books so much, you might even get lucky!
So this Valentine’s Day, give her what she REALLY wants… her own copies of The World Is Your Litter Box and The World Is STILL Your Litter Box. Order them right away and be a hero on February 14th!

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Cat Products That REALLY Work (Yeah, right!)

A couple days ago, I was hanging out with Steve’s female while she was reading the Sunday New York Times Magazine and I couldn’t help but notice an ad for a sofa with the pledge “Constructed to Last for Generations.” Now, admittedly, this sofa looked very nice and well-built, but “last for generations?” Oh, please! I could shred this entire sofa in a matter of hours without even straining myself! So “last for generations”… well, maybe if you’re talking about gnat generations. But if you’re talking human or cat generations, forget it.

During the course of watching TV with Steve and his female, I’ve seen numerous commercials for a variety of products that are “guaranteed to work,” but would, in fact, revolutionize mankind – and in some instances, cat-kind – if they actually did. To entice humans to try these products, many commercials include “But wait, there’s more!” where they “give” you accessories or an extra item or something like that. Regardless of the hype, most of these products fail to perform as advertised, break quickly, or are just plain junk to begin with. Here are a few cat-related products that have been advertised on TV and are “guaranteed to work.” (I’m not mentioning the names of the products or the manufacturers because we can’t afford to get sued)...

First is a revolutionary new cat scratcher that sits on the floor and is supposed to be irresistible to us felines… it’s scented with catnip (big whoop). This is a clever little gadget, but completely unacceptable to any cat that wants a truly good scratch. It’s far too small to allow you to stretch and get your back into it while scratching, and besides, who wants to use this sad little thing when there’s a perfectly good couch close at paw. And furthermore, as I said in my second book, The World Is STILL Your Litter Box, scratching posts are for sissies… real cats ALWAYS use the couch.

Then there’s a cleaning product that’s “guaranteed” to remove pet hair from upholstery. Well, like most pet hair removal products, this one uses a sticky sheet to pick up the fur and dander, but what they don’t show you on TV is that after about two swipes, the sticky sheet is so full of fur that it’s no longer sticky and you have to replace it. So, yes, around 500 sticky sheets and a whole lot of work later, you’ve got a couch that’s free of pet hair… until one of us loving creatures gets back up there and negates all your labors in about two seconds.

Lastly, we’ve got an item that’s supposed to stop us cats from shedding. Supposedly, this doodad removes fur trapped in a cat’s undercoat before it falls out. Well, if you believe that, I’ve got some swampland in Florida I’d like to sell you. The simple fact is that when we kitties get to shedding, especially in the spring when we blow off our winter coats, there’s not a de-shedding tool in the world that can stem the tide (or the fur).

So remember TV-watching humans, if you see a commercial for a cat product that seems too good to be true, it probably is. Still, you never know when they might come up with something that really does work, so… well, probably not.