Tuesday, February 15, 2011

The REAL Reason for the Protests in Egypt

I’m pretty certain there’s not a human or cat on Earth that does not know about the protests in Egypt that have driven longtime president/dictator Hosni Mubarak from power. But what many people DON’T know is the REAL REASON for the protests. Sure, everyone has heard about the oppression, the plundering of Egypt’s wealth, and worst of all, the cutoff of the Internet… but that’s not what sent thousands of Egyptians into the streets. Your intrepid reporter, Quasi Tutankhamun, has the true story, but first, a little history…

The ancient Egyptians, in their glorious wisdom, worshipped a cat goddess named Bastet, who became a national deity around 950 BC (that’s a long time ago, even in cat years). Bastet, who was also known as Bast, was a happy and benign goddess who brought good fortune and joy to all… sort of like kitties today. And because all cats were considered to be manifestations of Bastet, they were considered sacred – in fact, cats were so highly regarded in Egyptian society that it was a crime to kill a cat and punishable by death. Some Egyptians were even jailed for failing to give their cats proper tummy rubs (actually, I just made that part up, but let’s just say that those Egyptian kitties certainly had it made!).

Now, to the real reason for the protests. Of all the odious things Hosni Mubarak did during his 30-year rule, perhaps none were more insidious that his stubborn refusal to accept the fact that cats are STILL sacred like they were in ancient Egypt, and that Egypt can only have one true leader… the cat goddess Bastet. Well, clearly something as egregious as this could not be tolerated… so, like the good cat lovers they are, the modern day Egyptians took it to the streets, and after several days of angry protests, they righted this appalling wrong.

So, fellow manifestations of Bastet, no matter which human ends up being the titular head of Egypt, never forget that Egypt’s real leader walks on four legs, purrs, looks cute, and no matter how demanding the stress of leadership may be, always has time for a nice tummy rub.

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