Monday, August 23, 2010

OMG! Steve's Female Has a Stinger!

As all cats know, humans can be very flummoxing at times… especially female humans. Female humans come equipped with cat-like deviousness of their own, so they can be very hard to figure out. At times, even male humans have difficulty understanding what makes female humans tick, and my male human, Steve, is no exception.

Still, you can only imagine my surprise when, completely out of the blue, I found out that Steve’s female has a stinger! Yes, that’s right… a stinger. Just like a bee or a wasp.

Now, those of you who have read my latest book, The World Is STILL Your Litter Box, know that I now have two kitty compadres in my household, Bo Diddley and Piglet. Bo Diddley is pretty cool, but Piglet (who is a runt) makes constant affronts on my alpha maleness. I’ve written about this pretty extensively in STILL Your Litter Box, but suffice it to say that when Piglet challenges my alpha maleness, I have no choice but to straighten him out, usually with a flurry of whaps to the head. Naturally, Steve’s female is overly-protective of Piglet who, as I said, is a little guy. So when I take up paws against him, even though it’s his fault (the little rotter!), the female ALWAYS comes to his defense.

To thwart my alpha male aggressiveness toward Piglet, the female has tried a variety of tactics – yelling at me to stop (hah!), stomping her feet (nice try!), squirting me with a water bottle (oh, please!) – nothing worked. But the other day, when I was rightfully putting Piglet in his place, I felt a little sting on my right flank… ouchie! At first, I thought it might be my imagination, but when I returned to the business at hand – whapping Piglet into submission – darned if I didn’t feel another sting! Quickly putting two and two together, I came to the obvious conclusion… Steve’s female has a stinger, and she’s not afraid to use it!

[Note from Steve: Quasi doesn’t know that I’ve added this little aside to his blog post, but I don’t want anyone to think we’re hurting or abusing the big white guy… something we would NEVER do. The female’s “stinger” is actually a small rubber band that she shoots at Quasi’s hindquarters when he’s bashing Piglet. It doesn’t hurt him, but it definitely gets his attention and causes him to stop. Until he figures this out, which he ultimately will I’m sure, the “stinger” has proven to be most effective in preventing Piglet from getting ruthlessly pummeled.]

Anyway, fellow cats, I’m going to get to the bottom of this “stinger” business, and when I do, I’ll let you know what I find out. Meanwhile, keep a close eye out if you’ve got a female human in your household. Who knows? She might have a stinger too!


Katnip Lounge said...

HA! We will watch our Mommy closely. We have discovered that she has wicked aim with a magazine, even at 3 AM. We can only imagine if she hauled her stinger out...

Terry R said...

I love it! Poor Quasi--as long as the humans are getting a daily newspaper, there will be no end to the supply of "stingers"!! :-D Ha!

crazykittykat1 said...

Meyow! Stingers! Oh my humans better not be reading this. Phhhtt!

I hope you figure out how to disarm the stinger!