Hey human males, if you’re like Steve (my human), I’m guessing that you would rather have hydrofluoric acid splashed in your face than to have to go to a shopping mall even under the best of circumstances. And with Christmas Day fast approaching, well, let’s just say it’s not going to be pretty. From here on out guys, a trip to the mall is almost guaranteed to darken your holiday mood and make you think evil thoughts about your fellow humans.
But wait! There’s a way to avoid all this angst-fueled mayhem and ‘ole Quaz is going to tell you how. If you have a cat lover on your holiday gift list (and who doesn’t?), I’m quite certain that they would rather have copies of my books (The World Is Your Litter Box and The World Is STILL Your Litter Box) than just about anything else on earth. And because the books are readily available on Amazon.com, you can avoid the mall altogether! Think of it! In fact, here are ten good reasons why you should order my books on-line rather than go to the mall looking for other presents for cat lovers (that won’t be nearly as cool anyway)…
- You can order my books from the comfort of your own home.
- You won’t get into a fistfight with another driver for the one remaining space in the mall parking structure.
- You won’t have to hear stupor-inducing Christmas music.
- You won’t get jostled by irritating hoards of other half-mad shoppers.
- You won’t have to hear babies’ cries spiking above the white noise din of the mall.
- You won’t have to eat ulcer-ific “food” in the food court.
- You won’t have to wait for your wife or girlfriend while she “just stops by a shoe department for a quick look,” but ends up trying on 739 pairs of shoes.
- You won’t have to deal with semi-literate temporary holiday workers who have absolutely no idea what they actually sell in the store.
- You won’t have to plod aimlessly through the mall searching for the “perfect” gift, which probably doesn’t exist anyway.
- You can order my books, then lapse into a state of bliss knowing that this holiday season, the mall will not steal your soul.
So save yourselves, brothers… order my books from Amazon and avoid the whole shebang. In fact, just thinking about going to a shopping mall makes me glad that I’m a cat (hey, going to the vet is bad enough!).