Friday, September 23, 2011
NATIONAL PURR DAY
Here's how it will work... On a given date and time (to be determined), every American human will sit in their favorite chair and hold a kitty on their lap. For humans who don't have cats (poor devils!), one cat will be issued to each person for this event. Then, upon a signal from President Obama - perhaps the popping open of a can of cat food on national TV - all cats across the USA will begin purring simultaneously. This will create a soothing, rumbling nationwide vibration, which will make everyone feel happy and serene. Just think of it... the purring of power of cats harnessed for the good of all mankind!
Well, fellow cat, right about now, you're probably thinking something along the lines of, "Hey, I love it! But how will a national purr-out solve our economic ills?" Well, to be perfectly honest, it won't. But, like FDR said back in the Great Depression, the only thing we have to fear is fear itself, and if everyone just calms down a bit, things can only get better. Right?
And hey all you kitties... even if National Purr Day never becomes a reality, you can still jump up in your human's lap and purr whenever you want. After all, as all cat people know, things can never really be THAT bad when you've got a purring kitty on your lap.
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Now I don’t pretend to understand any of this economic mumbo-jumbo, and truth be told, I don’t think too many humans do either. Quite frankly, this whole mess just sounds like something else humans have screwed up in their quest to acquire more of those filthy green papers.
But how does this affect us cats, you ask, and what can I do to help?
Well, the first thing is… don’t panic. Even though your human may be gulping calmative pharmaceuticals like candy, you should remain cool and calm regardless of the situation. In these turbulent economic times, your human will be looking to you for comfort and tranquility, so unless they try to save money by skimping on your food or some other human tomfoolery like that, you might want to cut them some slack for the duration. In other words, put some of the kitty antics on hold for awhile and be extra nice to them. A kitty's love and affection can go a long way toward soothing human angst and anxiety. That said, however, you MUST draw the line if your human refuses to buy you your own personal copies of The World Is Your Litter Box and The World Is STILL Your Litter Box in order to save a few bucks. Hey, tough economy or not, I need to sell some books here!
Lastly, don’t forget… as FDR said during the Great Depression, “We have nothing to fear but fear itself… and maybe large, mean dogs.” (I added that last part myself!)