Thursday, April 28, 2011

The Royal Wedding

Unless you live in a deep dark hole in the ground somewhere, you can’t possibly not know that on Friday, Great Britain will celebrate its first REALLY BIG royal wedding since Prince Charles and Lady Diana were married in the early 1980s. Now their offspring, Prince William, is marrying Kate Middleton in a ceremony that is sure to command the attention of the entire world and will, most certainly, clog up the news media and the Internet (which will make it harder for me to get my daily LOLs on I Can Has Cheezburger). If some country wants to invade another country, Friday would be the time to do it because with all the distraction, no one will even notice.

You’re probably wondering why a cat like me is adding to the frenzy by blogging about the royal wedding. Well, to be perfectly honest, there’s really no reason other than the fact that if I didn’t, I would appear to be a Luddite who was unaware of the goings-on in the world around me. Naturally, as an all-knowing kitty, I’m not about to let that happen.

There is one question I do have, though, and that is… do William and Kate like cats? The people of Great Britain are notorious cat lovers, so here’s hoping that goes for the royal couple as well.

Meanwhile, here’s wishing William and Kate well, and may they live long and happy lives together. And me… well, I can’t wait till all the hoopla is over so I can get back to napping.

Monday, April 25, 2011

The New & Improved "Litter Box" On-Line Shop Is Here!

Just in time for spring, The World Is Your Litter Box On-Line Shop has been completely revamped with new products and new designs for the discerning cat lover. Yes, we’ve got it all… from “Litter Box” t-shirts, coffee mugs, refrigerator magnets and key chains to “Give Us Noms” pet food bowls, “Laughed My Tail Off” boy briefs for women, and “The World IS My Litter Box” iPhone cases. We’ve even got unique products for infant and toddler cat lovers, including a “Litter Box” bib for messy eaters. It’s a veritable plethora of cat-related goodies for all ages!

But wait… there’s more! Profits from the sales of all items in the Litter Box On-Line Shop will be donated to the World Society for the Protection of Animals (WSPA), an organization doing wonderful things for animals worldwide, including the thousands of pets left homeless by the earthquake and tsunami in Japan. You can visit the WSPA website at

So why not treat yourself to a future collector’s item from our on-line shop and help the WSPA while you’re at it? And don’t forget… these distinctive products make great gifts for cat-loving moms – and Mother’s Day is only a couple weeks away.

Click here to access The World Is Your Litter Box On-Line Shop.

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Happy Easter!

It's Easter once again... time for Easter baskets, Easter bonnets, Easter parades, Easter egg hunts, and of course, the Easter Bunny. And like every year, many humans pause to wonder, "Who's cuter? Cats or the Easter Bunny?"

Well, clearly the answer is cats. We have to be cute 365 days a year, whereas the Easter Bunny only has to be cute on one. Plus, cats have to rely on their own wits to be cute, while the Easter Bunny can "buy" his allure with Easter holiday-related goodies like chocolate and colored eggs. Hrrrummpph! Yes, the Easter Bunny poses a significant challenge to kitty cuteness, but not to worry, fellow felines... your friend Quasi has come up with some bold and innovative ways to meet this cuteness assault head on. So, for your edification, here's the "Easter" section from the "Holiday Fun (& Danger)" chapter in The World Is Your Litter Box...

Easter: A nice holiday, but one in which our kitty cuteness is subject to competition and severely put to the test. For many, Easter is synonymous with that most adorable of holiday characters – the Easter Bunny   Some adult humans buy real bunnies for the little ones and tell them it=s THE Easter Bunny, and little humans, with their gullible under-developed minds, believe them. Now, if there’s anything that comes to close to rivaling a cat for cuteness, it’s a bunny. Like us, they have soft fur and cute little noses, which they tend to wiggle in an irresistibly-charming manner (damn them!). And, what’s worse, this Easter Bunny character tries to buy the affection of little humans by bringing them candy and colored eggs. UNFAIR!  UNFAIR!  How can we cats compete with that?
Well, you could simply get tough and run the “Easter Bunny” off like so much riff-raff. However, doing so will NOT endear you to your human. No, the best thing is to meet the enemy head on and fight THEIR cuteness with YOUR cuteness. One on one. Mano a Mano.
But how, you ask?  Well, first of all, remember that you are much smarter than the average bunny. After all, how many of THEM know the distance from Earth to the nearest Quasar?  Very few, I can assure you. Hey, they don’t even know how to purr. Furthermore, because of your stellar personality and superior intellect (and because of the “How to Look Cute” chapter in this book), you have a full arsenal of cuteness ammunition at your disposal. Believe me, you have much more going for you than some Johnny-Come-Lately Easter Bunny. So be resourceful and don’t be intimidated. Trot out your most time-tested antics and attention-getting strategies. Use every word or sound in your vocabulary. Perform feats of astounding acrobatic prowess (let’s see an Easter Bunny run up a screen door). Sing cheezy Las Vegas-type ballads like Wayne Newton. Pout like an anorexic overpaid fashion model. Do whatever you have to do to send the “Easter Bunny” packing with his tail, cute as it may be, between his legs. And most importantly, remember that cuteness is only skin deep.

Happy Easter, everyone!

Friday, April 15, 2011

Shedding Season Is Here!

Ahhh… spring is in the air. The weather is warming up, the days are getting longer, baseball is back, baby animals are being born… and IT’S SHEDDING SEASON! Yes, for us cats, it’s time to blow off our winter coats and shake off the doldrums of winter.

Shedding has some very pleasant benefits, not the least of which is the joy of getting cat hair all over everything in your home and getting extra-long spa treatment-type brushings from your human. Unfortunately, because we cats have a prediction for cleaning ourselves several times a day, a lot of loose fur ends up in our throats and tummies and becomes – yes, that’s right – hairballs. And as we all know, hairball time is kack-up time. So, as a public service to all my fellow felines, here’s a list of 20 good places to throw up, excerpted from The World Is Your Litter Box…. 

1.         In your human's shoes (preferably Louboutins or Guccis).
2          On the keyboard of your human's computer
3.         On the remote control for the TV.
4.         On a comb or a hairbrush.
5.         On the couch.
6.         On a priceless Oriental rug.
7.         On your human's iPod.
8.         Over a floor heater (preferably when it's on).
9.         In the toaster
10.       On an open waffle iron.
11.       On the hated vacuum cleaner (while it's standing idle, of course).
12.       On your human's copy of the Magna Carta.
13.       On the bed (or better yet, under the covers).
14.       On one or both of the pillows.
15.       On a pile of clean, neatly-folded clothes (my personal favorite!).
16.       On the food buffet table during a party.
17.       On your human's phone (preferably in the little impossible-to-clean mouthpiece holes).
18.       On the kitchen floor (from the top of the refrigerator... talk about a Jackson Pollock art  happening!).
19.       On your human's rare copy of Elvis Presley's "Good Rockin' Tonight" on Sun Records.
20.       In your food bowl (if you don't like the food and want it replaced... works every time).

Friday, April 8, 2011

A Truly Fat Cat

A couple days ago, Steve’s female (who told me to say that she is the BEST realtor in the San Fernando Valley), visited a property and saw what she described as the fattest cat she had ever seen. And, madre de dios, was she ever right! Even though I’m well-known for my somewhat portly and prodigious girth, this kitty (shown in the photo above) makes me look like a ballerina.

Now it may seem funny for a kitty to be this fat, and in The World Is STILL Your Litter Box, I facetiously wrote about what to do if your human puts you on a diet, but all kidding aside, it’s not good for any cat to be this hefty. As with humans, obesity puts undue strain on the heart and other vital organs, and makes day-to-day functioning very difficult. And even though we cats sleep around 20 hours a day, there are still times when we need to run, jump and play. So, fellow plus-size kitties, it’s fine if you’re a little on the rotund side like me, but if you start looking like the cat in the photo, you might want to push back from your food bowl a little bit.

For a more complete story about the kitty in the photo, you can visit the female’s blog by clicking here.

On a slightly different subject, my blog has been added to Facebook’s “Networked Blogs” application. To follow my blog on Facebook, click on “Follow This Blog” in the badge down just a little ways in the right-hand column.