Saturday, January 15, 2011

Shapewear... WTF?

In my first book, The World Is Your Litter Box, I astutely stated that females can be tricky… you never quite know what they’re up to. Well, ever since I wrote those famous words, I’ve spent literally hundreds of hours trying to figure out Steve’s female and some of the strange things she does.

For example, in the morning, she goes into the bathroom looking a bit bedraggled from sleep (don’t we all when we first wake up), but when she comes out, seemingly hours later, she looks fresh, fluffed and buffed. How does she do it? I’ve done a little snooping around in her bathroom when she’s not home and found all kinds of mysterious objects like powders, strange brushes, pencils and other odd-looking tools, and little plastic containers of something called makeup… but still, how does she take all this stuff and make herself look good? Talk about a flummoxing enigma for cats!

Then just the other day, I was poking around in a drawer of the female’s dresser (inadvertently but conveniently left open for my rummaging pleasure) and I found an unusual item of clothing with the name “Shapewear.” This underwear-type item seemed to be made out of some kind of rubbery substance similar to the stinger the female shoots at me when I misbehave (Note from Steve… the stinger is actually a small rubber band). Naturally, my first thought was “What could the female possibly be up to with this?” So, the next morning, I lurked around the bedroom while the female was getting dressed, and to my amazement, when she pulled on the Shapewear, it completely changed the size and dimensions of her hind end! Madre de dios! Clearly this is some new kind of civil engineering marvel they’ve come up with for females, but how does it work? Is there no end to the complexity and wonder of products designed to enhance the female mystique?

Well, fellow cat, I’m going to get to the bottom of all this and find out what’s up with this Shapewear invention and the science behind it. Meanwhile, I have just one question for the manufacturers of Shapewear… do you make Shapewear for rotund cats such as myself?

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