HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Well, fellow cat and cat lovers, 2008 has finally come to an end and a new year has begun. Out with the old and in with the new! For your pleasure and amusement, here’s the “New Years Eve” section from the “Holiday Fun (& Danger)” chapter of The World Is Your Litter Box…

New Years Eve: For some reason, many humans like to begin the new year by celebrating wildly, drinking to excess, and throwing up (and they call us animals!). At midnight, these well-oiled pagans yell “HAPPY NEW YEAR,” hug and kiss other humans they normally hate, then sing “Old Lang Syne” and get all blubbery. This is a holiday that does not hold a lot of promise for cats. Most likely your house will be filled with loud, obnoxious strangers and you will have to seek refuge in one of your favorite hiding places. However, there are a couple benefits. First of all, when humans have parties, their guests often leave their coats on the bed in a darkened bedroom. This provides you with an excellent opportunity to sleep on different clothing (and to leave cat hair all over it and teach the intruders a lesson for disturbing YOUR peace and quiet). The best part of New Years Eve, however, is when all the revelers finally go home. In most cases, your human will be too tired (or too wasted) to clean up the mess. When they finally noodle out, the remaining food and debris is YOURS FOR THE TAKING. Because your human will probably sleep soundly for hours, you can eat as much as you want and play among the ruins to your heart’s content. Sex and drugs and rock ‘n roll!

NOTE #1: If you come across a bottle with a small amount of liquid still inside... go ahead and taste it, but DO SO AT YOUR OWN RISK. One New Years Eve, I knocked over and drank about a third of a bottle of beer and, oooooh wheeee, it really twisted my head around. I must admit, fellow celebrant, that I got a little goofy my own self. Ultimately, I ended up falling asleep and missing most of the fun. So be careful what you drink. And before you “party hearty, appoint a designated kitty.

NOTE #2: Because humans tend to become a little wobbly when they drink, be sure to stay out of their way to avoid being stepped on, or crushed if they pass out and tip over. Also, for you outdoor cats, stay away from the street where reckless and sometimes drunk drivers abound.

Along with Steve and his female, I want to wish you and yours all the very best in 2009!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

With Christmas Day nearly upon us, here’s a little holiday entertainment for you in the form of the "Christmas" section from the “Holiday Fun (& Danger)" chapter of The World Is Your Litter Box...

Christmas: The mother of all holidays... a time for joy, goodwill, and complete madness. This is a holiday that is nothing but fun for cats. The Christmas lights. The presents. The tree. The tinsel. The ornaments. The egg nog. Deck the halls indeed!

Although many stores start selling Christmas stuff in July, or so it seems, most humans start their serious Christmas shopping the day after Thanksgiving (although, for extra thrills and chills, some masochistic humans wait until December 24th). This means the Christmas season lasts around one month – one full month of crowded malls and post offices, angry drivers duking it out over parking spaces, mind-deadening Christmas music, maxed-out credit cards, and endless unrealistic TV commercials showing rich people buying each other plasma TVs and other expensive presents that normal mortals can’t afford. Why do humans put themselves through it? I don’t know.

But forget them. What about us cats, you say? Just what’s so special about Christmas from the feline perspective?

Well, fellow reveler, let’s start with that most traditional of holiday traditions, the Christmas tree. A week or two before Christmas, most humans bring in a fir or pine-type tree from outside and decorate it with lights, tinsel, candy canes and ORNAMENTS. These colorful shiny balls may possibly be the best thing about Christmas – the way they dangle and glisten so invitingly, just begging to be batted at. Who can resist? Not me, that’s for sure. Or you either. And why should we? After all, if our humans were truly worried about damage to their ornaments, they wouldn’t hang them in such a tempting location. So don’t be bashful, fellow sultan of swat. Whack at those ornaments until your heart’s content. And hey, if you happen to knock a few (or several) off the tree, don’t sweat it. It’s Christmas!

Then there’s the yuletide thrill of climbing the Christmas tree. However, a word of caution here. A few years back, I shinnied up my tree all the way to the top. Just as I was getting ready to do my impersonation of the Star of Bethlehem, my massive kitty girth upset the fundamental balance of gravity and the tree topped over with a resounding, tinkling crash (those ornaments DO break if they hit the floor hard enough). Naturally, Steve was pretty chagrined... although, deep down, I think he thought it was pretty funny.

It’s also great to sleep under the Christmas tree. You can even pretend you are a present if you like. And there is nothing like a refreshing drink of cool, pine-scented Christmas tree water to really get you in the holiday spirit.

Another great thing about Christmas is the presents, or, should I say, the ribbon and wrapping on the presents. The amazing thing is, fellow cat, that after all the painstaking planning, the stupefying shopping and the manual dexterity-challenging wrapping of gifts, the actual present-opening ritual is over in a matter of minutes, leaving an orgy of detritus for you to play in. Oh the joy of taking a flying leap at a mountain of crumpled-up wrapping paper, the glee of scattering colorful ribbons and bows around the living room, the unparalleled pleasure of climbing into new, unexplored empty boxes, the ego-flattering self indulgence of posing for photographs amid the rubble. And because your human won’t want you to feel left out of all the gift-giving – and receiving – they will probably buy something nice for you. In my house, its usually just a trifle like catnip or a cat toy, but hey, it’s the thought that counts, right? Besides, on top of all the other previously-mentioned delights of Christmas, an extra present is merely icing on the cake.

And of course, when the merriment finally comes to an end and your human is cleaning up the wreckage, there is nothing better than a contented-cat snooze in front of a roaring yuletide fire.

NOTE #1: Many children-humans break or become disinterested in their Christmas presents within minutes of receiving them, thus leaving them for you to play with and break further, if you so desire. Also, be sure to investigate the presents given and received by adult humans. Most likely, you will find some nice new clothing to curl up and sleep on.

NOTE #2: Sparkly and inviting as it may seem, DO NOT EAT TINSEL.

NOTE #3: Some humans will become very angry when you knock ornaments and other objects off the Christmas tree. Many will even create an ornament timber line, that is, they will only hang ornaments in positions above your reach. DON’T LET THIS STOP YOU FROM HAVING YOUR GOD-GIVEN RIGHT TO BAT AT CHRISTMAS ORNAMENTS. If ornaments are placed beyond your reach, climb up the tree and rock it back and forth like a bear at Yellowstone National Park. This will surely cause a few things to fall, or at least tumble to a place where you can get at them. (For ways to combat your human's anger over broken Christmas ornaments, see chapter entitled “How to Get Away with Unacceptable Kitty Behavior.”)

Along with Steve and his female, I want to wish everyone (cat, human and otherwise) a very MERRY CHRISTMAS!

A GREAT HOLIDAY GIFT FOR CATS & CAT LOVERS

Hi fellow cats and cat lovers. ‘Tis the season to be jolly, spread some good tidings – and sell some books. Yes, that’s right… it’s time for another brazen, unabashed holiday plug for my book, The World Is Your Litter Box. Here’s a list of ten great reasons why Litter Box makes the PERFECT gift this holiday season:

• It’s the hippest, coolest cat book out this year (if I don’t say so myself!)
• It doesn’t require any complicated assembly
• It weighs only four ounces, so it’s cheap to ship
• It won’t break or fall apart on Christmas morning
• It won’t have to be returned because it doesn’t fit right
• It makes a much nicer gift than argyle socks
• It’s easy to wrap
• It’s more edible than tinsel
• It’s WAY cheaper than a plasma TV
• It’s VERY funny, and I think we can all use some good laughs right about now

So why not make it easy on yourself this year? The perfect holiday gift for cat lovers is only a bookstore away (or, if you prefer, a few clicks on Amazon.com). Ho-ho-ho!

CAT BITES SANTA!

Here’s a nice little Christmas event that didn’t go exactly as planned. During a Santa Paws photo shoot at a PetsMart store in New Jersey, a very large cat named Benny, who was sitting on Santa’s lap, became freaked out by nearby dogs (speaking in their thunderous, horrible tongue, no doubt), and BIT SANTA ON THE WRIST AND HAND!

Fortunately for everyone involved, primarily Santa and Benny, everything seems to be working out okay. Benny’s owner provided assurances that Benny has had all his vaccines and Santa said that he did not want anything to happen to Benny. However, unless Benny’s owner produces his vaccination records, Santa will have to undergo a series of rabies shots. Ouchie! Let’s hope that doesn’t have to happen.

So, fellow cat, the moral of this story is that if your human takes you to have your photo taken with Santa, biting or scratching ‘ole St. Nick is probably not the best way to show him that you’ve been a good little girl or boy. And Benny, I probably wouldn’t count on Santa coming through with that new mechanized litter box you want for Christmas this year.

A DOG IN THE WHITE HOUSE? HOW ABOUT A CAT?

Like most Americans, Steve and his female are very excited about Barack Obama being our next president. As a good tax-paying kitty (well, not really), I too am looking forward to the Obama presidency. Except for one thing…

It seems that at some point during the campaign, Obama promised his daughters that they could get a dog if he won the election and they moved into the White House. Now that’s all fine and good, and dogs do make good pets, but I DEMAND that cats get equal time! Sure, a kitty might claw up the furniture in the oval office, mangle important documents on the president’s desk, get cat hair on the clothing of important world leaders, or walk across the console in the communications room and inadvertently sever diplomatic relations with France, Great Britain and Chad… but hey, these are minor things that certainly should not disqualify one of our feline brethren from becoming a pet for the Obama girls.

So, Mr. President-Elect, even though you’ve got your hands full with the economy and what-not, how about taking a few moments out to consider the possibility of a cat in the White House. As a good American, I would even be happy to donate a copy of The World Is Your Litter Box so the presidential kitty would know exactly what to do to make their life (and yours) even more pleasant and enjoyable!

THE WORLD IS YOUR LITTER BOX - BOOK SIGNING

This Friday, from 6:00 to 9:00 PM, Steve will be signing copies of The World Is Your Litter Box at the Toluca Lake Christmas open house in - yes, that's right - Toluca Lake, California. Steve will be in front of A Tamara Dahill Salon at 10216 Riverside Drive. If you live in the area, please drop by and say hello... and maybe even buy a signed copy of Litter Box as a holiday gift for the cat lover in your life!

The Toluca Lake Christmas open house is an annual tradition where Riverside Drive is blocked off and all the merchants stay open late and give out treats like cookies and glasses of wine. Zillions of people come out and stroll around and sing Christmas carols, and of course, Santa makes an appearance for the kids. For a cat like me, it would be way scary, but for humans, its a lot of fun. Ho-Ho-Ho indeed!

THANKSGIVING & BLACK FRIDAY REDUX

Right about now, if you’re a human, you’re probably thinking, “Oh, God, I hate going back to work after the holiday” (If you’re a cat, today is pretty much like any other day). The Thanksgiving gorge-a-thon and Black Friday shopping tumult of 2008 are now history. Next stop… Christmas. Gulp!

As I’m sure you know, Black Friday was marred by complete human madness that included the death of a Wal-Mart employee who was trampled by frenzied shoppers, and a shootout at a Toys-R-Us in California that left a couple shoppers dead. This proves, once again, that cats are WAY SMARTER than people. A cat would NEVER go shopping on Black Friday, much less participate in gunplay or a rampage where other humans are trampled to death (although, in all honesty, I must say that if we cats had opposable thumbs, we probably WOULD exchange gunfire from time to time).

At any rate, please tell your human to be cool and stay frosty this holiday season. There’s plenty of time to shop, and there’s no need to trample or shoot anyone to get to that copy of The World Is Your Litter Box you’re planning to buy as a holiday gift for the cat lover in your life. Yes I know, another cheap plug for my book, but we’ve got to get in those holiday promos while we can… and at least we’re not subjecting you to nauseating Johnny Mathis Christmas music!

Black Friday

Well, fellow cat, today is Black Friday… the official start of the Christmas shopping madness. This is the day humans everywhere rush to shopping malls to take advantage of incredible bargains and spend money they don’t have on items they don’t really need. And the reason today is called “Black Friday” is that many stores open ridiculously early (when it’s still dark... hence the name) and humans line up hours earlier to take advantage of “Doorbuster” sales. Just thinking about all this makes me shake and shiver and want to hide under the bed until the return of sanity.

Now, having said all that, I would like you to remind your human that in the midst of their shopping frenzy, they should NOT forget about my book, The World Is Your Litter Box. Yes, what would Black Friday be without a crass, shameless plug from ‘ole Quaz! The World Is Your Litter Box is the perfect holiday gift for cat lovers (and for you)… and, at the recession-friendly price of just $9.95, it’s a perfect stocking stuffer.

So happy Black Friday everyone! Let the holidays begin!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Yes, once again it’s Thanksgiving… that wonderful time of year when we stop and give thanks for all the wonderful things we have. Oh, heck, who am I kidding? Sure, even in these difficult economic times, most of us have a lot to be thankful for, but right now, the big thing for humans is getting together with loved ones and slamming as much food as possible into their gaping maws.

Here’s a little Thanksgiving missive from a cat’s perspective… from the “Holiday Fun (& Danger) chapter of The World Is Your Litter Box…

Thanksgiving: A good holiday for cats, even if it’s not so good for turkeys. At Thanksgiving, human families get together to gorge themselves and good feeling is in the air (as are an abundance of good cooking smells!) In most households with male and female humans, the male usually spends the day watching football on TV while the female toils in the kitchen preparing Thanksgiving dinner. In addition to providing engrossing tension and lively, entertaining arguments, this situation will afford you a good lap to sleep in, unless your male human becomes over-exuberant and spills beer on you, and plenty of interesting activity in the kitchen. Once the table is set, you might want to jump up there and make sure all the silverware, plates, and glasses are properly arranged. And when dinner is finally served, be sure to go from person to person looking as cute (and hungry) as possible. There is nothing better than Thanksgiving turkey. Yum! Then, when dinner is over and everyone is sated beyond the point of decency, including you, you can go into the bedroom and have a nice snooze on everyone’s coats, just like on New Years Eve and other holidays during cold seasons. Yes, there is much to be thankful for.

Along with Steve and Judy (my humans), I want to wish everyone - cat, human and otherwise - a very safe and happy Thanksgiving!

THE WORLD IS YOUR LITTER BOX - THE LATEST NEWS

This weekend, Steve will wind up his Southern California book tour for The World Is Your Litter Box with signing events at Barnes & Noble in Palmdale from 1-5 PM on Saturday (11/22), and at Barnes & Noble in the Del Amo Fashion Center in Torrance from 2-5 PM on Sunday (11/23). For more information on the Palmdale event, call 661-272-9958, and for more info on the Del Amo signing, call 310-370-5552. Hope to see you at one or both of the stores.

And many thanks to those of you who have sent in photos for the “Photos of Cat Readers” page of the official The World Is Your Litter Box website… but we want MORE, MORE, MORE! If you bought The World Is Your Litter Box, (or if you intend to... it would make a great holiday gift for the cat lover in your life!), simply take a photo of your cat (or cats) posed with their copy of the book and send it to the email address shown on the “Photos of Cat Readers” page of the website. Be sure and tell us the names of any and all cats in the photo and the city where you live. We look forward to adding your kitty to the site!

RETURN FROM PARIS COLLATERAL DAMAGE REPORT

As most of you who read my posts know, Steve and his female recently returned from a week’s vacation in Paris. During their absence, I remained at home and was cared for by my pet sitter. Now even though my pet sitter is very nice and does pretty much whatever I want, it was still not the same as having Steve and the female around at all times…for me, it was inconvenient, irksome and problematic. In other words, it was UNACCEPTABLE HUMAN BEHAVIOR for which they had to pay! And if that wasn’t enough, Steve even went so far as to pet a Parisian chat, as evidenced by the above photo. Zut Alors!

Here is the room-by-room collateral damage report for the week Steve and his female were having fun in Par-ee. Needless to say, I had to do most of this on the last day so my pet sitter wouldn’t clean up my handiwork:

Kitchen:

• All accessible cabinets opened and investigated


• Bag of flour opened and spread around floor


• Bag of pasta opened and spread around floor


• Roll of paper towels unraveled and shredded


• Kacked-up hairball on counter near stove


• Excessive cat hair on everythin

Living Room:

• Arm of couch mercilessly shredded


• Chew marks on leaves of all accessible plants


• Dirt from accessible plants flung onto carpet


• Favorite paper bag shredded (I was tired of it anyway)


• Kacked-up hairball on coffee table


• Excessive cat hair on everything

Bathroom:

• Roll of toilet paper shredded into microscopic-sized pieces


• Litter from litter box excavated and flung onto floor


• Hand towels pulled down into litter box


• All items on counter knocked over and/or batted around


• Kacked-up hairball in bathtub


• Excessive cat hair on everything

Bedroom:

• Ridiculous number of pillows on bed disrupted and/or pushed onto floor


• All items on female’s dressing table knocked over and/or batted around


• Sliding closet doors opened and contents thrashed (wherever possible)


• Lamps on bed stands tipped over


• Kacked-up hairball on bedspread


• Excessive cat hair on everything

FIRES IN SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA

Our thoughts and prayers are with all the humans, cats, and other living creatures in the paths of the devestating fires that are currently raging in Southern California. The area is tinder dry and unusually hot for this time of year, so the fire conditions are very severe. We also want to send major thanks to all the firefighters who are doing what they can to put the fires out.

A minor, but related note: Steve's book signing for The World Is Your Litter Box, which was to have taken place at Barnes & Noble in Palmdale on Saturday, was canceled due to the fires and extensive freeway closures in the Los Angeles area. The event has been rescheduled for Saturday, November 22nd, from 1-5 PM.

BACK FROM PARIS & BOOK SIGNING

Steve and his female have returned from their vacation in Paris (thank God), so now they can get back to paying FULL ATTENTION to me! Naturally, they had to pay for leaving me alone with my pet sitter, so I was forced to do a certain amount of collateral damage around the homestead. I'll have the full damage report in a couple days.

Meanwhile, on Saturday November 15th, from 1-5 PM, Steve will be signing copies of The World Is Your Litter Box at Barnes & Noble in Palmdale, CA. If you live in the area, please drop by and say hi. Barnes & Noble is located in The Marketplace at 39228 10th Street West in Palmdale. For more information, please call 661-272-9958.

PARIS VACATION FOR STEVE & HIS FEMALE

Incroyable! On Wednesday, Steve and his female are leaving all their cares (and me) behind and going to Paris for a week’s vacation. A week in one of the most beautiful cities in the world … the sights, the ambience, the street life, the wine, the food, the Parisian chats.

Now, if I were a more magnanimous creature (in other words, not a cat), I would be happy for them. But while Steve and his female are enjoying themselves in the city of l’amour, I’ll be HOME ALONE with no one to care for me but my pet sitter. Boo-hoo-hoo, you say? Well imagine being left on YOUR OWN for eight full days and nights. Sure, I’ll be napping most of that time, but that’s not the point! With my humans gone, I won’t be able to get EXACTLY what I want EXACTLY when I want it! And, needless to say, I won’t be blogging or doing any other writing for a week, being that my typist, Steve, will be in dispose.

But, being the bigger cat, I’m putting my own selfish concerns aside to wish Steve and his female bon voyage… but don’t think there won’t be a VERY HIGH DEGREE of collateral kitty damage around the household to teach them a lesson for leaving me alone while they gallivant around Paree. Mon Dieu!

VOTE!

Well, the big day is about to arrive. After months and months and months of name calling, mudslinging, proselytizing and good old-fashioned B.S., Election Day is finally upon us. I don’t know about your humans, but Steve and his female have become fanatically obsessive about politics to the point where I’m afraid their heads are going to explode. Thank God it’s just about over.

All kidding aside though, this is a VERY important election for humans, cats, and all other living things, Planet Earth included… so if your human has not already voted, tell them to get up off their lazy you-know-what and get down to their polling place. Too much is at stake for any human to sit on the sidelines this time around.

DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME - SOUND IDEA OR CONFUSING NONSENSE?

In their ever-amazing infinite wisdom, humans have developed something called daylight savings time, which involves setting the clocks ahead one hour in the spring and setting them back one hour in the fall. Why? Who the heck knows? To me, it just seems like one more thing humans have come up with to confound themselves and make their lives more complicated. And of course, there are always those ninnies who forget to turn their clocks back (or forward) and end up early (or late) for work or whatever.

But Quasi, you ask, how does this daylight savings thing affect us cats? Well, as you know, all felines have internal kitty alarm clocks, but our clocks are not really sophisticated enough to be turned back and forward on a moment’s notice. We require a period of adjustment, and during that period of adjustment, our humans MUST PAY for their folly. For example, let’s say you wake your human at 7:00 each morning. When clocks are turned back one hour, as they will be on Sunday, 7:00 AM becomes 6:00 AM… so, until your kitty clock resets, your human will be awakened at 6:00 AM, or, what used to be 7:00 AM. I know, confusing, huh? Oh, well.

At any rate, make sure your human sets all their clocks back before they go to bed on Saturday, or when they wake up on Sunday. Hey, one positive thing (for you, anyway) is that you’ll get your breakfast an hour earlier!

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

For your reading pleasure and enjoyment during these most scary times, here is the “Halloween” excerpt from the “Holiday Fun (& Danger)” chapter of The World Is Your Litter Box…

Halloween: A holiday fraught with both fun and danger. Halloween is a time when little humans, and some big ones, dress up in strange costumes, some of which are pretty scary. Usually, the little ones will go out trick-or-treating (whatever that is) and come home with bags full of teeth-rotting candy. This will provide you with a fine new source of diversion as you investigate the bag and remove anything that looks interesting... or edible. Another fun thing about Halloween is the pumpkins, which are carved up by humans to have scary or comical faces. When I was a kitten, I quite enjoyed climbing inside pumpkins for a look-see. However, with my massive expanse, I can no longer do so (oh the curse of aging). Also, if you are a black cat, this holiday’s for you. For some reason, many humans consider it bad luck if a black cat walks in front of them. So, if you are of the ebony persuasion, you can have extra fun by bedeviling those who are blatantly superstitious.

Now, on the danger side, there are a couple things to watch out for. First of all, there's the scariness aspect. Halloween is a time when humans like to frighten each other by making scary sounds, watching scary movies, and wearing horrifying things such as George W. Bush masks. To a cat, needless to say, some of these things are hair-raising to the nth degree. Therefore, it’s often best to find a good place to hide and stay out of your human's way until their sanity returns. Also, if you are an outdoor cat, STAY INSIDE AFTER DARK. At night, dozens of humans are out on the street, trick-or-treating and acting especially goofy. Some teenage male humans see Halloween as a time to pull off pranks such as toilet papering their girlfriends’ homes, which is actually quite delightful. However, some of their antics are much more dangerous and sinister. As with the Fourth of July, there are some heartless, misguided humans who will torment cats for their own amusement. OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!

NOTE #1: Investigate bags of trick-or-treat candy all you want. But DON’T EAT TOO MUCH! In large quantities, candy will cause tooth decay and make you sick, possibly necessitating a trip to the vet (talk about scary).

NOTE #2: Some humans put candles inside their pumpkins and light them. If you are a kitten, or small enough to investigate the inside of a pumpkin, make sure the candle is out before you go in. Even though flickering flames are attractive and interesting, they will burn you if you get too close. Ouch!

Here's wishing you a fun (and safe) Halloween!

"PHOTOS OF CAT READERS" PAGE ON THE WORLD IS YOUR LITTER BOX WEBSITE IS LIVE!

The “Photos of Cat Readers” page on the official The World Is Your Litter Box website is now live! Check it out at http://www.theworldisyourlitterbox.com/.

We've received some truly wonderful photos already and would love to include your fabulous feline in this one-of-a-kind rogue’s gallery. To participate, simply take a photo of your cat (or cats) posed with their copy of The World Is Your Litter Box and email it to quasi@theworldisyourlitterbox.com. We encourage creativity, but please don’t do anything that might harm (or embarrass) your kitty purely for the sake of art. Be sure and tell us the names of any and all cats in the photo and the city where you live. Also, please say something to the effect that its okay to use your photo on our website... hey, we can't afford any lawsuits here!

If you bought The World Is Your Litter Box, or if you intend to (hint hint), this is your chance to immortalize your beloved kitty in cyberspace and show the world how well-read and erudite they truly are.

THE TROUBLED ECONOMY

For the last few weeks, Steve and his female have spent an inordinate amount of time talking about the economy and how horrible everything is. They’ve also been watching a lot of financial news on TV, where most of the commentators look like their heads are going to explode at any minute. I keep hearing words like “Wall Street,” “Dow Jones,” “stocks,” “bailout” and “depression.” It all sounds pretty dire… almost as frightening as a trip to the vet.

Now I don’t pretend to understand any of this economic mumbo-jumbo, and truth be told, I don’t think too many humans do either. Quite frankly, it just sounds like something else humans have screwed up in their quest to acquire more of those filthy green papers.

But how does this affect us cats, you ask, and what can I do to help?

Well, the first thing is… don’t panic. Even though your human may be gulping calmative pharmaceuticals like candy, you should remain cool and calm regardless of the situation. In these turbulent economic times, your human will be looking to you for comfort and tranquility, so unless they try to save money by skimping on your food or some other human tomfoolery like that, you might want to cut them some slack for the duration. In other words, put some of the kitty antics on hold for awhile and be extra nice to them. And even more important, especially with Christmas season approaching, don’t let them deny you your copy of The World Is Your Litter Box, which is priced at the ridiculously low, recession-friendly, economy-collapsing price of $9.95. Hey, so what if humans are eating their shoes… I need to sell some books here!

Lastly, don’t forget… as FDR said during the Great Depression, “We have nothing to fear but fear itself… and maybe large, mean dogs.” (I added that last part myself.)

THE SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA BOOK SIGNING TOUR CONTINUES

This Saturday, October 11th, from 12:00 to 3:00 PM, Steve (my human and co-author) will be signing copies of The World Is Your Litter Box at Barnes & Noble in Huntington Beach, CA. If you live in the Southern California area and have some free time on Saturday, drop by and say hello! As usual, Shill, my robotic book-signing kitty, will be standing in for me so I can stay home and create mayhem. Barnes & Noble is located in the Bella Terra Mall, 7881 Edinger Avenue, Huntington Beach, CA. For more information, call 714-897-8781, or visit the official The World Is Your Litter Box website.

And don’t forget… if you live elsewhere and can’t make it to one of Steve’s book signings, you can order an autographed bookplate for your copy of The World Is Your Litter Box. These handsome bookplates are FREE and we’ll even pay the postage! Just tell us how you want the bookplate made out (you can include your kitties if you like) and your snail-mail address. To request a bookplate, contact quasi@theworldisyourlitterbox.com.

Your Friend,
Quasi

OUCHIE!

Late last week, one of my neighbor kitty friends, Bo Diddley (named after the late, great rock ‘n roller), went to a specialty vet for something called a colonoscopy. Apparently, some of his litter box deposits were not quite up to par, if you know what I mean.

Now, from what I understand (I checked it out on Web MD.com), a colonoscopy involves shoving a little camera up the ol’ wazoo for a look-see. Of course, before they do that, they have to clean you out with enemas, which sounds VERY unpleasant. In other words, Bo Diddley (or B.D. as we cats in the neighborhood call him) was subjected to two days of kitty Abu Ghraib-type treatment at the hands of a few “bad apple” veterinarians.

Well, the good news is, they didn’t find anything seriously wrong with B.D. The bad news (for B.D.’s humans) is that it cost them hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of green papers with pictures of former federal employees, and B.D. shunned them for ONE COMPLETE DAY for putting him through such an onerous ordeal.

The only thing I can say to B.D. is I’m glad it was you and not me!

SMOKEY'S NOT-SO-EXCELLENT ADVENTURE

Here’s a story about a lost kitty that could have gone horribly wrong, but instead... well, read on...

Around three weeks ago, one of my kitty pals named Smokey (shown in the photo above) went missing from his home. Smokey, who lives in Burbank with his human, Ellen, and Ellen’s daughter, Maxie, sometimes stays with us when Ellen and Maxie go out of town. He’s an excellent cat, and when we’re together, we regularly take kitty mayhem to levels seldom reached in the annals of kittydom.

Anyway, late one afternoon, Smokey went over the backyard fence and must have gotten confused or something, because he couldn’t find his way home. Ellen and Maxie were frantic, and despite an intensive search for Smokey over the next few days, he failed to appear. Steve and his female went over and walked the neighborhood looking for Smokey, but no luck. Ellen put up “missing cat” flyers, but the weeks passed with no sign of Smokey. Needless to say, we were all devastated. Anyone who has ever lost a kitty knows exactly what I mean.

Well, just when everyone was starting to accept the reality that Smokey might be gone for good, Ellen got a phone call from a neighbor lady a block away, who had seen one of the flyers and recognized Smokey as a kitty who had been hanging around the area. Ellen went over and sure enough, there was Smokey, a bit thinner, but otherwise, none the worse for wear.

So this story has a happy ending. Smokey is back home safe and sound and even more loving than ever (nothing like a few weeks in survival mode to make you appreciate your humans!). We’re all extremely touched by this little miracle and overjoyed to have him back.

THE SUN STILL RISES FOR HEMINGWAY'S CATS

As you may or may not know, Ernest Hemingway (a fellow author) was a MAJOR cat lover. In 1935, when he was living and writing in a Spanish colonial house on an island in Key West, Florida, he was given a six-toed cat named Snowball. Ultimately, his island residence became the Ernest Hemingway Home & Museum, and all of Snowball’s descendants have been allowed to roam free on the property ever since.

Around five years ago, some spoilsports at the U.S. Department of Agriculture tried to have the cats removed, saying that the museum lacked a property animal exhibition license and couldn’t qualify for one because the cats were not enclosed. Well, to make a long story short (notice how I slipped that literary reference in there), the museum finally reached an agreement with the government… and all of Snowball’s descendants, most of whom also have six toes, will be allowed to stay and roam the grounds to their kitty hearts’ delight.

I’m quite sure Ernest Hemingway and Snowball are smiling down from the Rainbow Bridge right now!

THE WORLD IS YOUR LITTER BOX - BOOK SIGNING & BOOKPLATES

From 1:00 to 5:00 PM on Saturday, September 27th, Steve will be signing copies of The World Is Your Litter Box at Barnes & Noble in Long Beach, California. As usual, Shill, our robotic book signing kitty, will be standing in for me so I don't have to disrupt my weekend napping schedule. If you live in the Southern California area and have some free time on Saturday, drop by and say hello! Barnes & Noble is located in the Marina Pacific Mall, 6326 Pacific Coast Highway, in Long Beach; 562-431-2253.

If you live elsewhere and bought The World Is Your Litter Box, you can get a free bookplate, signed by Steve and stamped by me. Just let us know how you want the bookplate made out and where to send it (a snail mail address, please). Email your request to quasi@theworldisyourlitterbox.com. If you buy a copy of Litter Box for a friend, we’ll be happy to autograph a bookplate for them as well!

Your Friend,
Quasi
http://www.theworldisyourlitterbox.com/

THERE GOES THE NEIGHBORHOOD!

Here’s a family that is not only unfazed by the ongoing mortgage crisis, they’ve actually benefited from it!

In the upscale Tuscany Hills neighborhood in the foothills of Lake Elsinore, California, a family of bobcats moved has into an empty luxury house that was foreclosed on and made themselves right at home. The family, which consists of at least two adults and three bobcat kittens, appears to be enjoying their new digs… there’s even a koi pond in the backyard for tasty snacks. Yum! And best of all, the neighbors don’t seem to mind the new tenants, so the bobcats are safe from overzealous, gun-totin’ humans that might have other ideas.

Animal experts predict the bobcats will move on when the kittens are big enough to travel, but right now, the family has no immediate plans to leave... and, hey, can you blame them? Talk about pouncing on a good deal!

I wonder if they’ve figured out how to call Domino’s yet?

GOODBYE PIXIE

Along with Steve and his female, I want to send my deepest condolences to Daisy the Curly Cat and her family… on Sunday, Daisy’s sister Pixie went to the Rainbow Bridge. It’s always so sad when a beloved kitty leaves us, but I hope Daisy and her family will take comfort in knowing that they’ll see Pixie again someday.

I know from reading Daisy’s blog that Pixie loved bananas (that’s her in the photo)… so in honor of Pixie, I’m going to eat ONE ENTIRE BANANA, even if it takes me all day!

Nap in Peace, Pixie.

Love,
Quasi, Steve and Judy (Steve’s Female)

HURRICANE IKE

Our thoughts and prayers are with everyone (cat, human and otherwise) who suffered the fury of the winds and devastating flood waters of Hurricane Ike. We hope you and your loved ones came through okay, and if not, we hope things get back to normal for you as quickly as possible.

This has been said before, but it bears repeating: In disaster situations like Hurricane Ike, animal rescue groups do wonderful work in saving and helping our four-legged friends. I know money is pretty tight these days, but if you have a little extra, you might want to make a donation to the rescue group of your choice. A list of excellent animal rights and rescue organizations may be found on the "Links" page of The World Is Your Litter Box website.

Sincerely,

Quasi, Steve and Judy (Steve's Female)

BOOK BANNING - SCARIER THAN A TRIP TO THE VET

As you may or may not know, Sarah Palin, while serving as the mayor of Wasilla, Alaska, asked the local librarian how she could go about banning books that contained what some voters considered to be inappropriate language. The librarian, Mary Ellen Baker, was understandably aghast, and reports generated at the time indicate that Palin threatened to fire Baker for failing to provide full support to the mayor.

Now let me say this…as a cat, I can’t vote, but I find even the SUGGESTION of book banning to be VERY disturbing. Suppose you went to your local library to check out The World Is Your Litter Box and found that some misguided dog lover in a position of authority had caused it to be banned. Regardless of your political affiliation or who you intend to vote for on November 4th, you’ve got to admit that the possibility of having a would-be book banner a heartbeat away from the presidency is more than a little scary.

I would also like to remind Ms. Palin and all other potential book banners that freedom of speech is expressly protected in the First Amendment, which is part of the Bill of Rights in the United States Constitution.

But, hey… I’m just a cat. What do I know?

MOVE OVER, FLORENCE NIGHTENGALE!

Last Monday, Steve’s female had very minor outpatient surgery, but the way things are going around our household these days, you’d think she had a heart transplant or something. Steve is waiting on the female hand and foot and fawning over her like a mother hen. And, of course, the female is sucking it up like Cleopatra.

Now, let me just say that yes, Steve is being a very good husband, and yes, the female does require some extra care at the moment. However, all this hoop-de-doo is highly problematic in that it takes attention away from MOI! Hey, over the last few days, I’ve had MINIMAL CUDDLING, almost NO TUMMY RUBS, and a couple times, I’ve actually had to wait an extra ten minutes for my food! Some hypersensitive humans might think I’m coming off like a snotty, spoiled brat, but you cats know what I’m talking about.

To combat this situation and get things back on track, I’ve actually been giving the female a little extra attention myself. But Quasi, you ask, isn’t this just fanning the flames and making matters worse? No, fellow cat, for you see… the sooner the female gets better, the sooner things will get back to the way they should be, and I will, once again, get all the attention I so richly and rightfully deserve!

HURRICANE GUSTAV

Our deepest thoughts and prayers are with all living creatures (humans, cats and otherwise) who were in the path of Hurricane Gustav. We hope you all came through okay, and that your homes were not too severely damaged.

Your Friends,
Quasi, Steve & Judy (Steve’s Female)

QUASI FOR PRESIDENT?

What with my fame and Paris Hilton-type celebrity as the author of The World Is Your Litter Box, a grassroots movement is apparently afoot to get yours truly elected president of the United States. Check out this video:

http://www.inews3.com/play.php?first=&last=Quasi

While I’m extremely flattered by this effort, I must earnestly and respectfully say NO WAY! Here are just a few of the reasons why I would NEVER want to be president:

• It would be WAY too much work
• It would require me to deal with unpleasant humans
• It would require me to make boring, longwinded speeches
• It would require me to leave Burbank CA and move to Washington, DC
• It would be too hard to hide from the Secret Service
• It would disrupt my napping schedule

So, thanks but no thanks. I’ll leave the presidential campaign to the human candidates and my kitty friends in the blogosphere who have already tossed their proverbial hats into the ring. May the best man (or cat) win!

A SOGGY MESS IN FLORIDA

I want to extend positive thoughts and best wishes to all the cats (and their families) in Florida who got flooded out, soaked, and/or otherwise inconvenienced in Tropical Storm Fay. Even though Fay never reached hurricane strength, it apparently created quite a mess as it zigzagged across the state. I hope all our friends in Florida are okay.

As always when these types of natural disasters occur, animal rescue organizations step in and help cats and other animals that might be otherwise ignored. If you have a few extra bucks, you might want to consider a donation to the animal rescue organization of your choice to help them defray their costs. A list of excellent animal rights organizations can be found on the “Links” page of my website.

Meanwhile, here’s hoping all the kitties in Florida dry out and lick themselves clean as quickly as possible.

QUASI'S OLYMPICS RANT

Are you as tired of the Olympics as I am? Sure the Olympics promote good will among nations and feature incredible feats of athletic derring-do, but ENOUGH ALREADY! If I see any more footage of that tall human swimming dude that looks like a vampire, I’m going to toss my cat chow. And yes, those female human gymnasts are pretty amazing, but let’s face it…they’re not doing anything that a kitty hopped up on catnip couldn’t do. And some of those humans participating in marathon-type events look so exhausted they make ME want to take a nap. And lastly, how has Bob Costas managed to look like he’s 19 years old for the last 50 years?

Anyway, we’ve had a lot of Olympics watching around our household, mainly because the female is really into it (although Steve secretly enjoys watching the girl gymnasts and the women’s beach volleyball tournaments). And even though I can’t wait for the Olympics to end, I send hearty cat-gratulations to all the athletes who are participating, regardless of whether they win or fall a bit short.

A GOOD (AND FUNNY) READ FOR THE "DOG" DAYS OF SUMMER

With the “dog” days of summer upon us, you’re probably looking for a good book to read while you’re lounging by the pool or tanning up on the beach like the kitty in the photo. Might I humbly suggest The World Is Your Litter Box? It’s light and funny so it won’t depress you like all those other books about the horrible state of the world, it’s chic and ultra-hip so you can impress your friends with your excellent taste in literature, and it only weighs four ounces so you won’t strain yourself carrying it to your favorite reading spot. What could be better!

I have received several emails asking where The World Is Your Litter Box can be purchased. It's available pretty much everywhere, but your best bet is probably Barnes & Noble or Amazon. com.

And lastly, heartfelt thanks to those of you who have already read The World Is Your Litter Box and let me know how much you enjoyed it. As an author cat, it makes me feel like purring!

KITTY FASHION SHOW AT THE ALGONQUIN

The historic Algonquin Hotel in New York City was the site of another very historic event on Thursday…a feline fashion show with actual cats instead of pouty, anorexic human models. The show was held in honor of Matilda, the house cat at the Algonquin, and all proceeds benefited the North Shore Animal League, an adoption shelter on Long Island. The kitty-models were provided by the Westchester Feline Club, and the high-tone fashions were created by Meow Wear.

All you intellectual cats and humans know the Algonquin as the site of Dorothy Parker’s famous Round Table literary luncheons in the 1920s. I personally attended several myself when I was Robert Benchley in a previous life. The fashion show was held in the very dinning room where the Round Table luncheons occurred.

Matilda, shown in the photo above, is the ninth house cat at the Algonquin. The kitty tradition began in the 1930s with Hamlet, a bedraggled stray found by actor John Barrymore. And hey, Matilda… next time I’m in New York, I’ll stop by and we can claw up a chair in the Oak Room together.

NEW KITTY ON THE BLOCK!

A couple days ago, our good friend Paula (who also happens to be my literary agent extraordinaire) welcomed a new addition to her family. No, not a pesky, squalling human baby, but… a three-month-old little girl kitty! The kitten, along with her litter mates, was rescued from death row at the pound by a good Samaritan, who then adopted them out to good homes (including Paula’s), where they will lead wonderful, happy lives. Paula’s man-cat, Dave, is already showing the new kitten the ropes, and as soon as the kitty gets acclimated to her new surroundings, Paula will read her the “Advice for Kittens” chapter in The World Is Your Litter Box (yes, I couldn’t resist yet another shameless plug for my book!).

Paula is still deciding on a name for her new kitty. One of the possibilities is “Stevie,” which Steve thinks is pretty cool (obviously), but if you want to weigh in with a suggestion, I’ll make sure to pass it along. Meanwhile, please join me in welcoming Paula’s new kitty and wishing her many years of purrs, tummy rubs, and best of all, long naps in the sun.

QUASI'S COOL CAT i-MIX

Just in time for the “dog” days of summer, your friend Quasi has created the ultimate i-Mix for all you cool cats and kittens to enjoy at work and at play! Along with classics such as “Year of the Cat” and “Stray Cat Strut,” you’ll find some real gems including “Litter Box Boogie,” “Leave My Kitten Alone,” “Do the Hairball,” and “When Kitty Eyes are Smiling.” Proving, unequivocally and without question, that CATS ROCK!

Check it out on itunes:

Here’s the complete list of songs:

Put Your Cat Clothes On – Carl Perkins
What’s New Pussycat – Tom Jones
Litterbox Boogie – Laurel Canyon Animal Company
Black Cat – Janet Jackson
Stray Cat Strut – Stray Cats
Do The Hairball – The Mopes
Leave My Kitten Alone – Little Willie John
Stray Cat Blues – Rolling Stones
Carol of the Meows – Guster
I Love My Cat’s Meow – Donnie Barren
Pink Pussycat – Devo
Hairball or Puke – Budda Bang
Swing Sweet Pussycat – Atomic Fireballs
Year of the Cat – Al Stewart
When Kitty Eyes Are Smiling – Marc Gunn

ROTO ROOTER TO THE RESCUE!

Here's a heartwarming story of exceptional humans helping a kitty in trouble…

On Friday, in Brecksville, Ohio, a kitten was rescued from an 8-inch PVC drain pipe by a team of good Samaritans from Roto Rooter. The two Roto Rooter guys who orchestrated the rescue effort, Larry Ozanick and Michael Zenker, used a drain snake equipped with a camera to keep an eye on the hapless kitty while a crew of five or six humans attempted to reach it. Six hours later… success! The kitten was taken to a vet, checked out, and found to be just fine, although a bit dirty and smelly from being in a drain pipe for so long. Larry immediately adopted the kitty and named him (appropriately enough) Roto.

So here's a big paws up to Larry, Michael, and the entire Roto Rooter team in Brecksville. Nice going, humans! And to little Roto, a word of advice… stay out of drain pipes!

OBAMA, McCAIN, OR... (QUASI'S STRAW POLL #1)

As a public service, your politically-minded kitty friend Quasi has decided to run a series of straw polls between now and the fall election. Yes, fellow cats, since the Founding Fathers failed to give us cats the right to vote, here is your chance to weigh in on the candidates. All you have to do is post a response (with comments if you like), and our nerdy team of statistical experts will compile and list the results. Kitties in other countries may also express their opinions… after all, it’s a global community, right? And lastly, to make things a little more interesting, I’ve added a few additional candidates who may or may not run.

The candidates are:

• Barack Obama
• John McCain
• Hello Kitty
• Elizabeth II, Queen of England
• A-Rod
• Mick Jagger
• Brangelina
• No One

Disclaimer: This poll is entirely unscientific and unsanctioned by cats or humans in any official capacity or position of authority. It is, however, sanctioned by me!

THE WORLD IS YOUR LITTER BOX BOOK SIGNING

Last Friday, Steve signed copies of The World Is Your Litter Box at the Los Angeles gift show, which was attended by human gift store owners from all over the country. As usual, Shill, my robotic book-signing emissary, attended on my behalf. The event was very successful and we made many new friends. That’s Steve and Shill in the photo above.

One thing about Steve, though… he’s getting a little cocky doing all these book signings. In fact, on posters promoting the gift show event, he was referred to as the AUTHOR of The World Is Your Litter Box… can you believe it? Harummmph! Clearly, I had to correct THAT situation toot suite! So, with the use of my extraordinary kitty telepathic powers, I ordered him to say, as he signed each book... “Actually, Quasi is the REAL author of the book. I just typed what he told me to write.”

Anyway, you can expect to start seeing The World Is Your Litter Box at gift-type shops in your area in addition to normal bookstores. And if you go into a store and they DON’T have the book, give them a good, juicy hiss for me!

TROUBLED TIMES

This morning, Steve and his female were pouring over the newspaper with furrowed brows and saying words such as "the economy," "inflation," "recession," "high gas prices," "foreclosures," "Fannie Mae" and "Freddie Mac." I don't really know what any of this means, and the only "Mac" I'm familiar with is Big Mac (and maybe Bernie Mac), but it seems like humans these days are pretty nervous about all things involving those dirty green papers with pictures of former government employees.

Now right about here you’re probably thinking, “Geez, Quasi, this all sounds pretty scary. What can I do to help my human through these troubled times?” Well, fellow cat, probably the best thing you can do is provide your human with comfort and solace (as only a kitty can). Just make sure they don’t try to save money by skimping on your food. And even more important, don’t let them deny you your copy of The World Is Your Litter Box, which is priced at the ridiculously low, recession-friendly price of $9.95. (Yes, desperate times call for desperately-cheap plugs for my book!).

And don’t forget… as FDR said during the Great Depression, “We have nothing to fear but fear itself... and maybe large, mean dogs.”

BRANGELINA'S TWINS

Last Saturday, Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt welcomed twin baby humans, a boy and a girl, and everyone in the world is going crazy! Hey, I'm as happy for Brad and Angelina as the next guy, but personally, I don't really understand why this is such a big deal. Mama cats regularly have at least FOUR offspring, and they don't have an entourage of nannies to take care of them. And consider what mama cats have to deal with on a daily basis... because kittens become agile and curious so quickly, kitty mamas have their paws full just keeping track of them. Then there's the constant yowling for food and attention. And I don't think Angelina has to lick her babies clean several times a day like mama kitties do.

At any rate, we here at Team Quasi send our congratulations to Brangelina, and to their two new babies, Knox and Vivienne. Still, on behalf of mama cats everywhere, I DEMAND equal media coverage whenever a litter of two or more kittens is born!

SPAM WHAT AM!

Every once in awhile, some misguided, humorless schmoo will accuse me spamming to promote my fabulous, hysterically-funny book, The World Is Your Litter Box. Sure I’m often guilty of shameless hype, but quite frankly, I think a little self-aggrandizement in the name of high-quality literature (like my book) is not that big a deal.

Now, if you want to see some REAL spam, check this out… this is actual text (with my comments in parenthesis and italics) that was sent to me on MySpace:

“I really feel shy, but I have to tell you, Quasi, that you are the man of my dreams…” (Well, that’s really nice to hear except for one minor thing… I’m a cat!)

“…I want to find a man who will help me realize all my fantasies…. I mean my sexy fantasies!” (I don’t think I can help you with your “sexy” fantasies... I no longer have my cojones.)

“… your photos are marvelous, but I’m sure in your real life, you will excite me even more!” (You're right… if you find sleeping 20 hours a day exciting.)

“…I’m from Burbank, California, United States too!” (You forgot to add Northern Hemisphere, Planet Earth, Milky Way.)

“… you can find my spicy photos at my profile!” (The only spicy thing I’m interested in is maybe a little Tabasco sauce on my Kitty Stew.)

So there you have it, fellow cat… pure, unadulterated spam that’s not exactly family fare… unlike the “spam” for my book, which is wholesome, humorous and educational.

IN MEMORIAM

John, the female’s father and Steve’s father-in-law, passed away peacefully on Thursday, July 3rd. He was 91 years old. During his long and wonderful life, John loved animals of all kinds, but especially cats. I feel pretty certain that when he crossed over, all the cats he loved throughout the years were there to greet him (and demand attention!).

Rest in peace, John. You will be missed.

Love,
Steve, Judy & Quasi

HAPPY JULY 4TH WEEKEND!

With the 4th of July upon us, I thought I’d share my personal take on the holiday from a cat’s perspective. Here is an excerpt from the “Holiday Fun (& Danger)” chapter of The World Is Your Litter Box….

“4th of July: The birthday of America with lots of patriotic razzle-dazzle, but not a good holiday for cats. Most Americans celebrate the 4th with backyard barbeques that fill the air with noxious, cloying smoke (Fools! Do they think global warming is a myth?) Then when it gets dark, after gorging themselves and drinking copious amounts of beer, they go and watch explosions in the sky. While some of these explosions are quite pretty (and quite psychedelic if you’ve been sniffing catnip), they are loud and VERY SCARY. Apart from seeing homes festooned with American flags and hearing off-key versions of the Star Spangled Banner played by horrible high school bands, and the possibility of eating leftover BBQ, there is not much for a cat to look forward to on the 4th of July except the return of sanity on the 5th. NOTE: The 4th of July is a time you outdoor cats should stay inside. Believe it or not, some twisted humans will actually go out of their way to torment cats with fireworks. OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!”

Here’s wishing everyone (cat, human and otherwise) a safe, happy and fun-filled 4th of July!

Your Friend,
Quasi

GREAT NEW CAT TOY!

Yesterday, Steve and his female came home with a great new toy for me! Although it’s officially called “Deluxe Hot Cats,” I call it… “The Sausage.” The toy is basically four material-covered cylinders linked together in a manner similar to sausages (hence the name). But, instead of being filled with disgusting, unspeakable grist like real sausage cylinders, my new toy is filled with… yes, that’s right… CATNIP!

Oh, the joy of rolling from one “sausage” cylinder to the next! Plus, because of its length, I can grab one end of "The Sausage" and rub it around my face while gripping the other end with my hind legs! This has GOT to be the BEST human invention yet!

Ironically, Steve and his female got “The Sausage” at a new local pet store called a la Mutt. Normally, I would eschew anything from a store with such a name, but in this case, I’m making an exception!

HOUSECAT HOUSECALL

The other night, Steve and his female were watching a new show on Animal Planet called Housecat Housecall. The premise of the show is an Australian animal psychologist (is everyone on Animal Planet Australian?) goes to peoples’ homes and resolves “problems” with their cats.

On the particular episode I saw (from my usual perch on the back of the couch behind Steve and the female), one family was upset because their cat was paying too much attention to their porcelain figurine collection, which took up a whole wall, but the way. Geez, what a surprise! A cat is interested in a wall of glistening, moving objects that also happen to be breakable! And then another family was concerned because when strangers come over, their cat runs and hides. Madre de Dios! Another shocker! A cat is wary of newcomers in their territory!

The underlying theme here is that these cats are just being cats… it’s the humans who have the “problems.” And personally, if the truth be told, I was hoping to see that one cat do a “bull in a china shop” thing with the porcelain figurine collection. Now THAT would have been some REAL entertainment!

LION CUT, PART 2

Amazing enough, in the head-to-head matchup between Steve and his female over whether I should get a lion cut for the summer, Steve has tasted the fruits (or, should I say meats) of VICTORY! Steve convinced the female that a lion cut on a short-haired cat would look ridiculous. Also, the female, who is on an austerity kick these days, learned that our neighbor kitties' lion cuts cost $65 apiece... so that was probably the real deciding factor.

In the end, the bottom line is this: I don't need no lion cut to prove that I'm the king of beasts in my household!

LION CUT

Today, two of my long-haired neighbor kitty friends are getting lion cuts for the summer. For those not familiar with lion cuts, what they do is shave off all your fur excepting the mane around your neck (if you have one) and tufts above your feet and at the end of your tail. Admittedly, it looks very cute, but it’s also kinda frou-frou… especially for us macho man cats!

Needless to say, Steve’s female thinks I should have a lion cut for the summer… she thinks I’ll look cute. Steve says I don’t need one because I’m a short-haired cat. Personally, I think I look cute enough already, and because I have short fur, a lion cut would be superfluous (although it might make me look and feel more ferocious!).

But what do YOU think? Lion cut or no lion cut? What’s your preference? Please let me know so I can help Steve and the female resolve this earthshaking dilemma in my household.