SPAM WHAT AM!

Every once in awhile, some misguided, humorless schmoo will accuse me spamming to promote my fabulous, hysterically-funny book, The World Is Your Litter Box. Sure I’m often guilty of shameless hype, but quite frankly, I think a little self-aggrandizement in the name of high-quality literature (like my book) is not that big a deal.

Now, if you want to see some REAL spam, check this out… this is actual text (with my comments in parenthesis and italics) that was sent to me on MySpace:

“I really feel shy, but I have to tell you, Quasi, that you are the man of my dreams…” (Well, that’s really nice to hear except for one minor thing… I’m a cat!)

“…I want to find a man who will help me realize all my fantasies…. I mean my sexy fantasies!” (I don’t think I can help you with your “sexy” fantasies... I no longer have my cojones.)

“… your photos are marvelous, but I’m sure in your real life, you will excite me even more!” (You're right… if you find sleeping 20 hours a day exciting.)

“…I’m from Burbank, California, United States too!” (You forgot to add Northern Hemisphere, Planet Earth, Milky Way.)

“… you can find my spicy photos at my profile!” (The only spicy thing I’m interested in is maybe a little Tabasco sauce on my Kitty Stew.)

So there you have it, fellow cat… pure, unadulterated spam that’s not exactly family fare… unlike the “spam” for my book, which is wholesome, humorous and educational.