TROUBLED TIMES

This morning, Steve and his female were pouring over the newspaper with furrowed brows and saying words such as "the economy," "inflation," "recession," "high gas prices," "foreclosures," "Fannie Mae" and "Freddie Mac." I don't really know what any of this means, and the only "Mac" I'm familiar with is Big Mac (and maybe Bernie Mac), but it seems like humans these days are pretty nervous about all things involving those dirty green papers with pictures of former government employees.

Now right about here you’re probably thinking, “Geez, Quasi, this all sounds pretty scary. What can I do to help my human through these troubled times?” Well, fellow cat, probably the best thing you can do is provide your human with comfort and solace (as only a kitty can). Just make sure they don’t try to save money by skimping on your food. And even more important, don’t let them deny you your copy of The World Is Your Litter Box, which is priced at the ridiculously low, recession-friendly price of $9.95. (Yes, desperate times call for desperately-cheap plugs for my book!).

And don’t forget… as FDR said during the Great Depression, “We have nothing to fear but fear itself... and maybe large, mean dogs.”

HIGH GAS PRICES

Over the past month or so, and especially over the last couple weeks, Steve and his female have been grousing about the high cost of gas. I think gas has something to do with those loud, scary machines that humans drive, but I really don’t understand it. To be perfectly honest, the only gas I’m aware of is what comes out of that little hole under my tail from time to time.

Still, to me, the answer is actually very simple: If humans are so worried about the high cost of gas, why don’t they drive cars and trucks that don’t guzzle so much… or, better yet, figure out a more energy efficient (and cleaner) way to power their vehicles. Do we cats have to think of EVERYTHING?

THE TROUBLED ECONOMY AND ITS EFFECT ON CATS

In these troubled times, with rising gas prices and the economy taking a nosedive, many humans are trying to cut corners wherever they can. How does this affect us cats, you ask? Well, believe it or not, some misguided humans may try to save a few pennies by buying inferior grade cat food and foisting it off on US! This is completely UNACCEPTABLE HUMAN BEHAVIOR and must not be allowed to happen in your household. One time, Steve tried to cheap out by buying an inferior grade of cat food in hopes that I would eat it. Needless to say, I didn't. This whole sordid episode is described in my forthcoming book, The World Is Your Litter Box (yes, another shameless plug), which will be out on May 6th. Also, as a means of doing my part to help the economy, the book will sell for an easily affordable $9.95 in the United States. Cheap at twice the price!

So remember, fellow cat, the fact that humans screwed everything up economy-wise is not your problem. If your human tries to cut corners by scrimping on your food, use your kitty wiles to let them know that this is a VERY BAD IDEA.