Thursday, June 30, 2011

Mousebreath Is Here!

The takeover of the Internet by cats has recently taken a giant leap (or, should I say, pounce) forward with the introduction of Mousebreath, an online lifestyle magazine written primarily by cats for cats and the humans who love them. It’s sort of like Vanity Fair for kitties, only MUCH better! No pesky Kardashians, J-Lo, Paris or Lindsey to take up valuable space with their boring human antics…. just cats, cats, cats all the time! And, if that’s not enough, your friend Quasi has joined Mousebreath as a contributor with a column, “Quasi’s Corner.” How cool is that?

Mousebreath has all types of fun and interesting things for us felines, including news, lifestyle info, photos, games, free stuff, and columns such as “Meezer Meditations with Chey & Ichiro,” “Ask Max Monday,” and “In Da Dugout with Jeter Harris… and, of course, “Quasi’s Corner.” You can even read Mousebreath on a Kindle. Talk about state of the art!

So here’s a big meow out to Karen Nichols, who created Mousebreath with help from Skeezix, a highly-regarded blogging cat and one of my personal kitty friends. Tina Brown has nothing on Karen and Skeezix!

Click here to check out Mousebreath.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

An Idea for a New Show on Animal Planet - For Cats

Every so often, Animal Planet comes up with a new show about how to deal with “problem” cats. First there was “Housecat House Calls,” and now it’s “My Cat from Hell.” Sounds great, you might be thinking, but from a cat’s perspective, these shows have it all wrong. Why? Because both of these shows start with the premise that something is wrong with the cat. At least Jackson Galaxy (oh, please), the host of “My Cat from Hell” gets it that cats march to the beat of their own drummer, but on both shows, most of the human cat owners want to bend their kitty to their will. Dummkopfs!

Let me give you an example. On one episode of “Housecat House Calls,” a family had an entire wall full of glittering, moving figurines and was upset because their cat kept knocking them over. Well, hello, nitwitskis, what did you expect? What cat wouldn’t be interested in a wall of glittering, moving figurines? And yet, this family considered their cat to be a “problem.” Personally, I would have loved to see that cat go wild and thrash every last one of those figurines. Now, THAT would have been some high-quality television!

So as a kitty who is always thinking, I have an idea for a new show that will be much more entertaining and amusing for us cats. It will be called “My Human from Hell,” and it will view “problem” humans from the cat’s perspective. The show will start with the fundamental premise that cats do whatever they want whenever they want and don’t want to be bothered, played with or smothered with affection unless they choose to be. To drive this point home, any human that doesn’t cater to their cat’s every want and whim will be scorned and blithely ignored.  And when a cat is being annoyed by a “problem” human, they will hiss and whap, and if the offense is bad enough, scratch, bite and draw blood. Yes, “My Human from Hell” will have it all – action, violence, bloodletting – just what America wants.  Hey, you never know… “My Human from Hell” could be even better than “True Blood” or “Dexter.”

So, fellow feline, do your part… call Animal Planet today and tell them you want – no, you DEMAND – that they add “My Human from Hell” to their slate of programs. Maybe I’ll even host it myself. Of course, if I do, I’ll need a cool name. Hmmm, let’s see… how about Quasi Solar System?

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Happy Father's Day, Cat Dads!

Hard to believe, but there are actually humans on this earth who do not care for cats (the fools!), and many of those of those humans are males. Yes, fellow feline, I’m sure you’ve heard it all before… cats are too independent, cats are sneaky, cats don’t love you, etc., etc., etc.

Well, the fact is (according to the Humane Society), there are 38.2 million households in the U.S. that have at least one cat. Of those 38.2 million households, I would guess that around half have at least one human male, which means, if my math is correct, that there are 19.1 million human males in the U.S. who live with and love – or at least like – us cats.

Why bring all this up, you ask? Well, this coming Sunday is Father’s Day, and if your father is one of the 19.1 human males that live with and love cats, you’re probably wondering what gift to get them. And what better gift could there possibly be for a cat-loving dad then their own copies of The World Is Your Litter Box and The World Is STILL Your Litter Box? Sure, some human dads might prefer electronic gadgets, sporting goods, cases of beer and things like that, but those things won’t make him laugh his tail off like my books will! Plus, my books are WAY CHEAPER than electronic gadgets and all that other stuff. Order ‘em both from Amazon today and they’ll get them to you by Father’s Day. And if you want to read LOL-funny excerpts from both books, visit the official The World Is Your Litter Box website.

Meanwhile, here's wishing everyone, especially you cat dads, a HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!

Thursday, June 2, 2011

My Plate? How About My Food Bowl?

As if humans don’t already have enough to worry about, they’ve now gone and replaced the age-old food pyramid with something called “My Plate.”  For those not familiar with the food pyramid, it basically divided up food into six basic groups and told how much of each group a human should eat to stay healthy.  With the new “My Plate,” as seen in the photo above, the food groups are divided into four quadrants with fruits and vegetables taking up half the space and grains and protein taking up the other half.  Steve (my human) was disappointed to learn that potato chips are not part of the major food groups in either the old food pyramid or the new “My Plate.”

Now right about here, you’re probably thinking, “Geez, Quasi, this is all very nice, but what does it have to do with cats and OUR food?” Well, glad you asked. Not to be outdone by humans, I’ve come up with my own new food chart called “My Food Bowl.” I think you’ll find it MUCH MORE PALATABLE than the mundane human “My Plate.” Check it out…

So, fellow cat, for good health throughout all of your nine lives, stick to the template shown in “My Food Bowl.” Just make sure your human doesn’t try to fob off any disgusting fruit or vegetables on you!