Shedding Season Is Here!

Ahhh… spring is in the air. The weather is warming up, the days are getting longer, baseball is back, baby animals are being born… and IT’S SHEDDING SEASON! Yes, for us cats, it’s time to blow off our winter coats and shake off the doldrums of winter.

Shedding has some very pleasant benefits, not the least of which is the joy of getting cat hair all over everything in your home and getting extra-long spa treatment-type brushings from your human. Unfortunately, because we cats have a prediction for cleaning ourselves several times a day, a lot of loose fur ends up in our throats and tummies and becomes – yes, that’s right – hairballs. And as we all know, hairball time is kack-up time. So, as a public service to all my fellow felines, here’s a list of 20 good places to throw up, excerpted from The World Is Your Litter Box…. 

1.         In your human's shoes (preferably Louboutins or Guccis).

2          On the keyboard of your human's computer

3.         On the remote control for the TV.

4.         On a comb or a hairbrush.

5.         On the couch.

6.         On a priceless Oriental rug.

7.         On your human's iPod.

8.         Over a floor heater (preferably when it's on).

9.         In the toaster

10.       On an open waffle iron.

11.       On the hated vacuum cleaner (while it's standing idle, of course).

12.       On your human's copy of the Magna Carta.

13.       On the bed (or better yet, under the covers).

14.       On one or both of the pillows.

15.       On a pile of clean, neatly-folded clothes (my personal favorite!).

16.       On the food buffet table during a party.

17.       On your human's phone (preferably in the little impossible-to-clean mouthpiece holes).

18.       On the kitchen floor (from the top of the refrigerator... talk about a Jackson Pollock art  happening!).

19.       On your human's rare copy of Elvis Presley's "Good Rockin' Tonight" on Sun Records.

20.       In your food bowl (if you don't like the food and want it replaced... works every time).

A Truly Fat Cat

A couple days ago, Steve’s female (who told me to say that she is the BEST realtor in the San Fernando Valley), visited a property and saw what she described as the fattest cat she had ever seen. And, madre de dios, was she ever right! Even though I’m well-known for my somewhat portly and prodigious girth, this kitty (shown in the photo above) makes me look like a ballerina.

Now it may seem funny for a kitty to be this fat, and in The World Is STILL Your Litter Box, I facetiously wrote about what to do if your human puts you on a diet, but all kidding aside, it’s not good for any cat to be this hefty. As with humans, obesity puts undue strain on the heart and other vital organs, and makes day-to-day functioning very difficult. And even though we cats sleep around 20 hours a day, there are still times when we need to run, jump and play. So, fellow plus-size kitties, it’s fine if you’re a little on the rotund side like me, but if you start looking like the cat in the photo, you might want to push back from your food bowl a little bit.

For a more complete story about the kitty in the photo, you can visit the female’s blog by clicking here.

On a slightly different subject, my blog has been added to Facebook’s “Networked Blogs” application. To follow my blog on Facebook, click on “Follow This Blog” in the badge down just a little ways in the right-hand column.

A Visit with Matilda at the Algonquin Hotel

Steve and his female (my humans) are back from their visit to New York City, and as I had hoped, they were granted an audience with Matilda, the house cat at the famous Algonquin Hotel. When Steve and the female entered the hotel and asked to see Matilda, they were told that she was off-duty and not seeing anyone. Fortunately, Steve used his cache as the co-author of The World Is Your Litter Box, and voila… they were led into the inner sanctum at the Algonquin – well, okay, the luggage room – where they found Matilda resting from the rigors of her job running the hotel and looking cute for the guests. That’s Steve in the photo above, giving Matilda a well-deserved petting.

Later, Steve and his female had drinks at the Algonquin (which were ouchie-expensive, but what the hay), and what did they discover right behind their chairs… one of Matilda’s favorite sleeping places, as evidenced by the authentic Matilda kitty hair in the photo below...

Matilda, who is the latest in a long line of house kitties dating back to the 1930s at the Algonquin, is very sweet, so if your humans live in or go to New York City, be sure they stop in and say hello. And tell her Quasi sent you.

The REAL Reason for My Humans' Trip to NYC

Steve and his female (my humans) are going to New York City for a few days to visit friends and just generally goof around in the Big Apple. But the REAL reason for their trip, so they’ve assured me, is to meet Matilda, the famous Algonquin Hotel kitty (shown above), and enlist her help in promoting my books (those would be The World Is Your Litter Box and The World Is STILL Your Litter Box in case you’d forgotten!).

The Algonquin Hotel, which is famous for its writer’s round table of the 1920s, has had a house kitty since the 1930s, with Matilda being the latest. Naturally, Matilda has become a big celebrity in New York, so it will be quite exciting to make her acquaintance, even if it is only through Steve and his female.

Of course, with Steve and the female gone, me and my housemates, Bo Diddley and Piglet, will be left at home alone – well, not actually alone… we’ll be cared for by our wonderful pet sitter.  But still, as always when the humans go away, they will pay dearly for their transgression in the form of household damage. I just might cut them a little slack, though, if they bring me back a pawtographed photo of Matilda.

Cat Island Survives Earthquake & Tsunami in Japan

Amid the tragic and heartbreaking stories coming out of Japan in the wake of the devastating earthquake and tsunami, there’s finally a bit of good news… Cat Island, along with its people and multitude of cats, has survived!

Cat Island, known as Tashirojima, is located off the northeast coast of Honshu, Japan’s main island. Because of the island's close proximity to the epicenter of the earthquake, the inhabitants (cats and people) were feared to have been lost. However, via a post on The Conscious Cat from a cat lover with a friend in Japan, we have word that the cats and people are okay! Of course, there was extensive building damage and the need for bare necessities is great…. but at least, Cat Island has prevailed.

On Tashirojima, there are only around 100 people, most of whom are elderly, and they are greatly outnumbered by cats. Cat Island came to be when years ago, the islanders raised silkworms for silk and cats were used to keep the mouse population down. The cat population was subsequently nurtured by fisherman, who interpreted the cats’ actions as predictions of weather and fish patterns. The fishermen even created a shrine for a cat that was killed by a falling rock.

Needless to say, rescue services and humanitarian organizations in Japan are severely overloaded, and much help is needed from the world community. If you would like to make a donation and help the cats and people on Tashirojima (and in other stricken areas of Japan), visit World Vets, an international organization that provides aid to animals worldwide. For a list of other animal-related aid organizations, go to “Animal Rights & Rescue Organizations” under “Links” on The World Is Your Litter Box website.

Special thanks to Ingrid King of The Conscious Cat and Karen Nichols of The Cat’s Meow for conveying the good news about Cat Island.

A Cute Kitty Photo & Funny One-Liners

Steve and his female (my humans) are very fond of a TV show called Tosh.O on Comedy Central, which features funny, sick, inane, and sometimes disgusting (but wildly hilarious) videos that have been posted on the Internet by allegedly normal humans. In one of the segments, they run a short clip, then Daniel Tosh, the comedian who hosts the show, says something like, “Let’s put 20 seconds on the clock and see how many funny comments I can make.”

Well, as you know, ‘ole Quaz is quite a jokester himself, so I decided to “put 20 seconds on the clock” and see how many funny one-liners I could come up with about this adorable kitty-in-a-bag photo….

• I didn’t know they sold cute kitties at Trader Joes!
• Hey, there’s no cat food in here!
• Bet you’re wondering what aisle they found me in.
• Grocery bag… or portal to Hell?
• Paper is WAY better than plastic.
• Wait ‘til they see what I did in their granola!
• These groceries are MINE.
• That was the most delicious arugula I ever ate.
• What? No Chateau Lafite?
• I’m organic!
• Going through self checkout was HIGHLY confusing.

So when do I get my own show on Comedy Central?

Goodbye Borders

As I’m sure pretty much everyone knows, big changes are afoot in the way media – including books – is delivered to the buying public. More and more, the Internet has become the premiere shopping spot for books, music, video and the like, and this change, naturally, has had a severe impact on the old “brick and mortar” way of doing business. Each day, it seems, another bookstore or music store closes their doors forever… sort of like blacksmith shops when automobiles started to catch on, or typewriter shops when computers became commonplace.

The latest victim of this change is Borders, which was previously a major bookseller right up there with Barnes & Noble. Borders’ management is saying that the company is merely restructuring and regrouping, but with so many Borders stores closing around the country, it’s pretty obvious that the end is near. The photo of The World Is Your Litter Box (above) was taken at the Borders store in downtown San Francisco, which is currently in the process of being picked clean before it closes.

Still, change is inevitable, and on the bright side, the Internet is offering all kinds of very cool options for book buyers and authors such as yours truly. For example, if you have an e-reader, you can download The World Is STILL Your Litter Box and be reading it in minutes without even having to leave your home. (Yes, I know… another shameless plug for my second book. Sorry…I couldn’t resist!)

Sad as it is to see the old ways change and disappear, it is truly exciting to be living in an age when new ideas and innovations seem to be coming at us on a daily basis. Can new advances in litter boxes and scratching posts be far behind?

The REAL Reason for the Protests in Egypt

I’m pretty certain there’s not a human or cat on Earth that does not know about the protests in Egypt that have driven longtime president/dictator Hosni Mubarak from power. But what many people DON’T know is the REAL REASON for the protests. Sure, everyone has heard about the oppression, the plundering of Egypt’s wealth, and worst of all, the cutoff of the Internet… but that’s not what sent thousands of Egyptians into the streets. Your intrepid reporter, Quasi Tutankhamun, has the true story, but first, a little history…

The ancient Egyptians, in their glorious wisdom, worshipped a cat goddess named Bastet, who became a national deity around 950 BC (that’s a long time ago, even in cat years). Bastet, who was also known as Bast, was a happy and benign goddess who brought good fortune and joy to all… sort of like kitties today. And because all cats were considered to be manifestations of Bastet, they were considered sacred – in fact, cats were so highly regarded in Egyptian society that it was a crime to kill a cat and punishable by death. Some Egyptians were even jailed for failing to give their cats proper tummy rubs (actually, I just made that part up, but let’s just say that those Egyptian kitties certainly had it made!).

Now, to the real reason for the protests. Of all the odious things Hosni Mubarak did during his 30-year rule, perhaps none were more insidious that his stubborn refusal to accept the fact that cats are STILL sacred like they were in ancient Egypt, and that Egypt can only have one true leader… the cat goddess Bastet. Well, clearly something as egregious as this could not be tolerated… so, like the good cat lovers they are, the modern day Egyptians took it to the streets, and after several days of angry protests, they righted this appalling wrong.

So, fellow manifestations of Bastet, no matter which human ends up being the titular head of Egypt, never forget that Egypt’s real leader walks on four legs, purrs, looks cute, and no matter how demanding the stress of leadership may be, always has time for a nice tummy rub.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Well, it’s that time of year again when a young cat’s fancy turns to love, although yours truly is a hunk-a-hunk-a burnin’ love 365 days a year. Still, there’s nothing like having a special day dedicated to amour for everyone to enjoy and remember how important love truly is. I hope everyone has someone special to share it with.

For your loving (and laughing) pleasure, here’s the “Valentine’s Day” excerpt from the “Holiday Fun & Danger” chapter of The World Is Your Litter Box…

Valentine’s Day: A good holiday for cats. Love is in the air and typically, male humans give female humans gifts such as candy and flowers. This means you will have wrapping paper and ribbons to play with and flowers to sniff (and eat). If your human gets a box of candy and leaves the top off, you can have the sumptuous pleasure of licking and sampling each individual piece. Because humans tend to get all mushy and gooey on Valentine’s day, you can usually expect to receive a little extra lovin’ yourself, and maybe even a present. Steve and his female are such shameless cat lovers that they always buys me a Valentine present, usually a cat toy, catnip, or the most expensive kind of kitty food. Ain’t love grand!

NOTE: In some instances on Valentine’s Day, your human may pay more attention to another human than you. This is UNACCEPTABLE HUMAN BEHAVIOR and cannot be tolerated. If your human is being amorous with another human and ignoring you, jump between (or on) them and meow loudly to express your displeasure. Then, turn your back, stick your rear end in their faces and march off in a huff. Make them understand that Valentine’s Day or not, you are numero uno and will not be ignored.

Along with Steve and his female, and Bo Diddley and Piglet (my kitty housemates) I want to wish you and yours a most happy Valentine’s Day!

Valentine's Day Gift Suggestions (For Males Only!)

Hey tomcats and male humans… I know what you’re thinking right about now. You’re thinking, “Yikes! Valentine’s Day is just a little over a week away and I haven’t gotten anything for my honey! Whatever shall I do?” Well, if your Valentine loves cats (and who doesn’t), may I humbly suggest that you buy her my two books, The World Is Your Litter Box and the sequel, The World Is STILL Your Litter Box. In fact, to accentuate my point, here are ten good reasons why my books would make such great presents for your cat-loving Valentine:

1. They’re much more original than roses.
2. They’re way cheaper than roses (now I’ve got your attention, huh).
3. They’re less fattening than chocolates.
4. They won’t melt and turn gooey like chocolates.
5. We need the money more than See’s Candy or FTD Florist.
6. They’re sexier than anything you'll find at Victoria's Secret (well... maybe not)
7. Your Valentine will be impressed with your exceptional taste in literature.
8. You can order the books from Amazon and avoid the dreaded mall… and Amazon will even gift wrap them for you!
9. Your Valentine will think you’re the cat’s pajamas for getting her such a unique and thoughtful gift.
10. Your Valentine will like my books so much, you might even get lucky!

So this Valentine’s Day, give her what she REALLY wants… her own copies of The World Is Your Litter Box and The World Is STILL Your Litter Box. Order them right away and be a hero on February 14th!

Cat Products That REALLY Work (Yeah, right!)

A couple days ago, I was hanging out with Steve’s female while she was reading the Sunday New York Times Magazine and I couldn’t help but notice an ad for a sofa with the pledge “Constructed to Last for Generations.” Now, admittedly, this sofa looked very nice and well-built, but “last for generations?” Oh, please! I could shred this entire sofa in a matter of hours without even straining myself! So “last for generations”… well, maybe if you’re talking about gnat generations. But if you’re talking human or cat generations, forget it.

During the course of watching TV with Steve and his female, I’ve seen numerous commercials for a variety of products that are “guaranteed to work,” but would, in fact, revolutionize mankind – and in some instances, cat-kind – if they actually did. To entice humans to try these products, many commercials include “But wait, there’s more!” where they “give” you accessories or an extra item or something like that. Regardless of the hype, most of these products fail to perform as advertised, break quickly, or are just plain junk to begin with. Here are a few cat-related products that have been advertised on TV and are “guaranteed to work.” (I’m not mentioning the names of the products or the manufacturers because we can’t afford to get sued)...

First is a revolutionary new cat scratcher that sits on the floor and is supposed to be irresistible to us felines… it’s scented with catnip (big whoop). This is a clever little gadget, but completely unacceptable to any cat that wants a truly good scratch. It’s far too small to allow you to stretch and get your back into it while scratching, and besides, who wants to use this sad little thing when there’s a perfectly good couch close at paw. And furthermore, as I said in my second book, The World Is STILL Your Litter Box, scratching posts are for sissies… real cats ALWAYS use the couch.

Then there’s a cleaning product that’s “guaranteed” to remove pet hair from upholstery. Well, like most pet hair removal products, this one uses a sticky sheet to pick up the fur and dander, but what they don’t show you on TV is that after about two swipes, the sticky sheet is so full of fur that it’s no longer sticky and you have to replace it. So, yes, around 500 sticky sheets and a whole lot of work later, you’ve got a couch that’s free of pet hair… until one of us loving creatures gets back up there and negates all your labors in about two seconds.

Lastly, we’ve got an item that’s supposed to stop us cats from shedding. Supposedly, this doodad removes fur trapped in a cat’s undercoat before it falls out. Well, if you believe that, I’ve got some swampland in Florida I’d like to sell you. The simple fact is that when we kitties get to shedding, especially in the spring when we blow off our winter coats, there’s not a de-shedding tool in the world that can stem the tide (or the fur).

So remember TV-watching humans, if you see a commercial for a cat product that seems too good to be true, it probably is. Still, you never know when they might come up with something that really does work, so… well, probably not.

Les Chats de France

Late last fall, Steve and his female made their third visit to France…yes, they are incorrigible Francophiles. This time, they spent a few days in Normandy before going to Paris, and as always, they made sure to stop, pet and photograph every chat (that’s “cat” in French) they encountered. And when Steve and the female come home from France, I always love to hear about all the chats they met and, of course, look at the photos.

In the collage above (click on it to enlarge), the top left photo was taken in Beuvron-en-Auge, a well-preserved 17th Century village in Normandy, and the chat Steve is petting had only three legs. Despite this handicap, the chat had no trouble prancing over to the table and meowing for a café-au-lait, preferably without the café-au.

The top right photo was also taken in Beuvron-en-Auge and shows that all cats – wherever they live and whatever they are called – love tummy rubs! And yes, this chat did grab and bite Steve’s arm. Some things are the same all over.

The bottom left photo was taken in the Marais district of Paris, near the Hotel de Sens. The Marais is a very popular area for humans and kitties, and this particular chat was only too happy to have a nice hind-end rub (yes, that oh-so-sensitive spot above the tail knows no international boundaries).

The last photo shows a very nice white chat (my astral twin) in Montorgueil, a pedestrian area in the center of Paris that is famous for its fish, meat and produce markets. This lucky chat actually lives in one of the markets and gets to nap on whatever food he wants. How franciase is that?

So that's my little travelogue. I hope you enjoyed seeing the photos and meeting my kitty amis (that’s “friends” in French) who live in Paris and Normandy. Vive le chats!

Shapewear... WTF?

In my first book, The World Is Your Litter Box, I astutely stated that females can be tricky… you never quite know what they’re up to. Well, ever since I wrote those famous words, I’ve spent literally hundreds of hours trying to figure out Steve’s female and some of the strange things she does.

For example, in the morning, she goes into the bathroom looking a bit bedraggled from sleep (don’t we all when we first wake up), but when she comes out, seemingly hours later, she looks fresh, fluffed and buffed. How does she do it? I’ve done a little snooping around in her bathroom when she’s not home and found all kinds of mysterious objects like powders, strange brushes, pencils and other odd-looking tools, and little plastic containers of something called makeup… but still, how does she take all this stuff and make herself look good? Talk about a flummoxing enigma for cats!

Then just the other day, I was poking around in a drawer of the female’s dresser (inadvertently but conveniently left open for my rummaging pleasure) and I found an unusual item of clothing with the name “Shapewear.” This underwear-type item seemed to be made out of some kind of rubbery substance similar to the stinger the female shoots at me when I misbehave (Note from Steve… the stinger is actually a small rubber band). Naturally, my first thought was “What could the female possibly be up to with this?” So, the next morning, I lurked around the bedroom while the female was getting dressed, and to my amazement, when she pulled on the Shapewear, it completely changed the size and dimensions of her hind end! Madre de dios! Clearly this is some new kind of civil engineering marvel they’ve come up with for females, but how does it work? Is there no end to the complexity and wonder of products designed to enhance the female mystique?

Well, fellow cat, I’m going to get to the bottom of all this and find out what’s up with this Shapewear invention and the science behind it. Meanwhile, I have just one question for the manufacturers of Shapewear… do you make Shapewear for rotund cats such as myself?

Anger and Violence in America

As readers of this blog know, I usually keep things pretty light and humorous and leave the heavy stuff to others. But today, after the horrible shooting incident in Tucson over the weekend, I don’t feel very much like smiling or, in my case, purring.

By this time, I’m sure everyone knows the details of the story… six people dead including a nine-year-old girl, several people wounded, and a U.S. Congressperson in critical condition with a head injury. But what makes me saddest of all is the undercurrent of anger, violence and general mean-spiritedness that seems to have permeated our culture in the USA, and is, in my opinion, a major reason for tragedies like this one. And it’s not just the usual suspects of talk radio and TV “news”…you’ll find loads of unbridled anger and nastiness in our music, our reality TV shows, our computer games, and all over the Internet. And when you combine this roiling undercurrent with a populace that’s armed to the teeth… well, it makes you wish humans would be more like cats. Sure we kitties disagree and fight from time to time, but we always manage to settle our differences with our own claws and teeth instead of weaponry. And most of the time, we manage to be pretty sweet.

So how about it humans? If we cats can rein in our anger and keep our tempers in check most of the time, certainly you can too. Hey, I like mayhem in movies and screeching “real” housewives on TV as much as the next fellow, but perhaps we should take a step back and think about what all this is doing to us as a society. Surely we can do much, much better. Meanwhile, our thoughts and prayers go out to the victims of the shooting incident in Tucson, and to their families and friends.

Wave of the Future

Over the holiday season, a very interesting phenomenon occurred in the publishing and bookselling industry, which, as an author cat, I follow very closely. Barnes & Noble reported that for the first time ever, the sales of ebooks surpassed the sales of hard copy books on its online bookstore. Barnes & Noble also indicated that customers downloaded around one million books on Christmas day alone, and both Barnes and Noble and Amazon are reporting mega sales of their respective e-readers, the Nook and the Kindle.

What this means to yours truly is that anyone in the world, wherever they may be, can go online, download The World Is STILL Your Litter Box, and be reading it in a matter of minutes. Talk about wave of the future! Unfortunately, my first book, The World Is Your Litter Box, is not yet available as an ebook… but you can help. Simply click on the Amazon link for the book, go to “Tell the Publisher,” and click on “I’d like to read this book on Kindle.” On the Barnes & Noble link for the book, click on “Tell the publisher you want this in Nookbook format.” If enough cats and cat lovers do this, maybe both of my books will soon be available as ebooks and my plan for kitty world domination will enter the digital age! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

A quick note: The Barnes & Noble link for the paperback version of The World Is STILL Your Litter Box says that the book is not available for the Nook. This is NOT TRUE, and the error is being corrected. You can order The World Is STILL Your Litter Box for the Nook here.

And while I’m shamelessly plugging my books for the first time in 2011, let me humbly remind you that if you have a book store gift certificate left over from the holidays… well, I think you get the picture!

Happy New Year!

As we head into the second decade of the new Millennium, I want to extend my best kitty wishes for a happy, healthy and prosperous new year. I know 2010 was pretty difficult for many humans (and their cats), so hopefully, 2011 will be a lot better. I also want to thank everyone who bought and read my two books, and I especially want to thank those of you who let us know how much they’ve enjoyed them. We really appreciate it!

And now, to start 2011 off with a few yuks, here’s the “New Years Eve” section of the “Holiday Fun (& Danger)” chapter from The World Is Your Litter Box…

New Years Eve: For some reason, many humans like to begin the new year by celebrating wildly, drinking to excess, and throwing up (and they call us animals!). At midnight, these well-oiled pagans yell “HAPPY NEW YEAR,” hug and kiss other humans they normally hate, then sing “Old Lang Syne” and get all blubbery. This is a holiday that does not hold a lot of promise for cats. Most likely your house will be filled with loud, obnoxious strangers and you will have to seek refuge in one of your favorite hiding places. However, there are a couple benefits. First of all, when humans have parties, their guests often leave their coats on the bed in a darkened bedroom. This provides you with an excellent opportunity to sleep on different clothing (and to leave cat hair all over it and teach the intruders a lesson for disturbing YOUR peace and quiet).

The best part of New Years Eve, however, is when all the revelers finally go home. In most cases, your human will be too tired (or too wasted) to clean up the mess. When they finally noodle out, the remaining food and debris is YOURS FOR THE TAKING. Because your human will probably sleep soundly for hours, you can eat as much as you want and play among the ruins to your heart’s content. Sex and drugs and rock ‘n roll!

NOTE #1: If you come across a bottle with a small amount of liquid still inside... go ahead and taste it, but DO SO AT YOUR OWN RISK. One New Years Eve, I knocked over and drank about a third of a bottle of beer and, oooooh wheeee, it really twisted my head around. I must admit, fellow celebrant, that I got a little goofy my own self. Ultimately, I ended up falling asleep and missing most of the fun. So be careful what you drink. And before you “party hearty, appoint a designated kitty.

NOTE #2: Because humans tend to become a little wobbly when they drink, be sure to stay out of their way to avoid being stepped on, or crushed if they pass out and tip over. Also, for you outdoor cats, stay away from the street where reckless and sometimes drunk drivers abound.

HAPPY NEW YEAR ONE AND ALL from Steve and his female (my humans), Piglet & Bo Diddley (my housemates), and most of all, from yours truly.

Holiday Greetings!!!

As the yuletide season reaches its crescendo and 2010 draws to a close, I would like to extend best my wishes for a wonderful and peaceful Christmas holiday, and for a healthy and happy new year. It’s been a wild and wacky year, but aren’t they all?

And, for your holiday reading pleasure – and some good laughs – here’s the “Christmas” section of the “Holiday Fun (& Danger)” chapter from The World Is Your Litter Box…

Christmas: The mother of all holidays... a time for joy, goodwill, and complete madness. This is a holiday that is nothing but fun for cats. The Christmas lights. The presents. The tree. The tinsel. The ornaments. The egg nog. Deck the halls indeed!

Although many stores start selling Christmas stuff in July, or so it seems, most humans start their serious Christmas shopping the day after Thanksgiving (although, for extra thrills and chills, some masochistic humans wait until December 24th). This means the Christmas season lasts around one month – one full month of crowded malls and post offices, angry drivers duking it out over parking spaces, mind-deadening Christmas music, maxed-out credit cards, and endless unrealistic TV commercials showing rich people buying each other plasma TVs and other expensive presents that normal mortals can’t afford. Why do humans put themselves through it? I don’t know.

But forget them. What about us cats, you say? Just what’s so special about Christmas from the feline perspective?

Well, fellow reveler, let’s start with that most traditional of holiday traditions, the Christmas tree. A week or two before Christmas, most humans bring in a fir or pine-type tree from outside and decorate it with lights, tinsel, candy canes and ORNAMENTS. These colorful shiny balls may possibly be the best thing about Christmas – the way they dangle and glisten so invitingly, just begging to be batted at. Who can resist? Not me, that’s for sure. Or you either. And why should we? After all, if our humans were truly worried about damage to their ornaments, they wouldn’t hang them in such a tempting location. So don’t be bashful, fellow sultan of swat. Whack at those ornaments until your heart’s content. And hey, if you happen to knock a few (or several) off the tree, don’t sweat it. It’s Christmas!

Then there’s the yuletide thrill of climbing the Christmas tree. However, a word of caution here. A few years back, I shinnied up my tree all the way to the top. Just as I was getting ready to do my impersonation of the Star of Bethlehem, my massive kitty girth upset the fundamental balance of gravity and the tree topped over with a resounding, tinkling crash (those ornaments DO break if they hit the ground hard enough). Naturally, Steve was pretty chagrined... although, deep down, I think he thought it was pretty funny.

It’s also great to sleep under the Christmas tree. You can even pretend you are a present if you like. And there is nothing like a refreshing drink of cool, pine-scented Christmas tree water to really get you in the holiday spirit.

Another great thing about Christmas is the presents, or, should I say, the ribbon and wrapping on the presents. The amazing thing is, fellow cat, that after all the painstaking planning, the stupefying shopping and the manual dexterity-challenging wrapping of gifts, the actual present-opening ritual is over in a matter of minutes, leaving an orgy of detritus for you to play in. Oh the joy of taking a flying leap at a mountain of crumpled-up wrapping paper, the glee of scattering colorful ribbons and bows around the living room, the unparalleled pleasure of climbing into new, unexplored empty boxes, the ego-flattering self indulgence of posing for photographs amid the rubble. And because your human won’t want you to feel left out of all the gift-giving – and receiving – they will probably buy something nice for you. In my house, it’s usually just a trifle like catnip or a cat toy, but hey, it’s the thought that counts, right? Besides, on top of all the other previously-mentioned delights of Christmas, an extra present is merely icing on the cake.
And of course, when the merriment finally comes to an end and your human is cleaning up the wreckage, there is nothing better than a contented-cat snooze in front of a roaring yuletide fire.

NOTE #1: Many children-humans break or become disinterested in their Christmas presents within minutes of receiving them, thus leaving them for you to play with and break further, if you so desire. Also, be sure to investigate the presents given and received by adult humans. Most likely, you will find some nice new clothing to curl up and sleep on.

NOTE #2: Sparkly and inviting as it may seem, DO NOT EAT TINSEL.

NOTE #3: Some humans will become very angry when you knock ornaments and other objects off the Christmas tree. Many will even create an ornament timber line, that is, they will only hang ornaments in positions above your reach. DON’T LET THIS STOP YOU FROM HAVING YOUR GOD-GIVEN RIGHT TO BAT AT CHRISTMAS ORNAMENTS. If ornaments are placed beyond your reach, climb up the tree and rock it back and forth like a bear at Yellowstone National Park. This will surely cause a few things to fall, or at least tumble to a place where you can get at them.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!
HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Snowy Weather... What's It Like?

As we approach the Christmas holiday, many areas of the United States, especially the midwest and parts of the east coast, are buried under snow and experiencing extremely cold weather. Since I live in Southern California, where it never gets really cold - although we do have scary earthquakes from time to time - I can't even imagine what it must be like to deal with frigid temperatures. About the closest I've ever come is one time when I was high on catnip, I accidentally stepped in my water bowl, which had just been filled with water from the refrigerator... THAT was pretty cold. (Right about here, you kitties in cold climates are probably thinking "Pshaw, you wuss...that's nothing!).

Anyway, as a cat who has never even SEEN snow or ice (well, I have seen ice cubes), I'm very curious about what living in a winter wonderland is really like for us kitties. I'm hoping some of my feline friends who live in snowy areas can answer some of the following questions for me...

• Does snow tickle when it falls on your nose?
• How does snow feel when you step in it?
• Can you see your breath when you hiss at an enemy kitty?
• How do you get traction on an icy surface if you have to run away from a dog?
• Can you still climb trees when they have snow on them?
• Does your fur keep you warm enough when you go outside?
• Can your human still get to the store to buy your food?
• Does your tongue stick to your fur when you lick yourself?
• How do you form snowballs with no opposable thumbs?
• Where is all this snow going to go when it finally melts?

Here’s hoping that all cats in cold climates have a nice fireplace to sleep in front of during the day and warm humans to cuddle up with at night.

10 Good Reasons to Buy My Books on Line and Avoid the Mall (For Men Only)

Hey human males, if you’re like Steve (my human), I’m guessing that you would rather have hydrofluoric acid splashed in your face than to have to go to a shopping mall even under the best of circumstances. And with Christmas Day fast approaching, well, let’s just say it’s not going to be pretty. From here on out guys, a trip to the mall is almost guaranteed to darken your holiday mood and make you think evil thoughts about your fellow humans.

But wait! There’s a way to avoid all this angst-fueled mayhem and ‘ole Quaz is going to tell you how. If you have a cat lover on your holiday gift list (and who doesn’t?), I’m quite certain that they would rather have copies of my books (The World Is Your Litter Box and The World Is STILL Your Litter Box) than just about anything else on earth. And because the books are readily available on Amazon.com, you can avoid the mall altogether! Think of it! In fact, here are ten good reasons why you should order my books on-line rather than go to the mall looking for other presents for cat lovers (that won’t be nearly as cool anyway)…

1. You can order my books from the comfort of your own home.
2. You won’t get into a fistfight with another driver for the one remaining space in the mall parking structure.
3. You won’t have to hear stupor-inducing Christmas music.
4. You won’t get jostled by irritating hoards of other half-mad shoppers.
5. You won’t have to hear babies’ cries spiking above the white noise din of the mall.
6. You won’t have to eat ulcer-ific “food” in the food court.
7. You won’t have to wait for your wife or girlfriend while she “just stops by a shoe department for a quick look,” but ends up trying on 739 pairs of shoes.
8. You won’t have to deal with semi-literate temporary holiday workers who have absolutely no idea what they actually sell in the store.
9. You won’t have to plod aimlessly through the mall searching for the “perfect” gift, which probably doesn’t exist anyway.
10. You can order my books, then lapse into a state of bliss knowing that this holiday season, the mall will not steal your soul.

So save yourselves, brothers… order my books from Amazon and avoid the whole shebang. In fact, just thinking about going to a shopping mall makes me glad that I’m a cat (hey, going to the vet is bad enough!).

We Almost Moved!

This post is a little out of the ordinary for me because it pertains mainly to Steve and his female (my humans) more than it does to cats… although as a preeminent member of our family and the alpha male in the household, I’m impacted by anything that affects Steve and the female.

A couple weeks ago, Steve and his female (who is a Realtor) found a townhouse that they REALLY liked. It was in a great location, had all kinds of cool features including a private rooftop deck, and most importantly, it had appropriate space in the downstairs bathroom for a litter box. The listing agent worked in the female’s office and the female considered her to be a friend, so naturally, Steve and the female felt they had a pretty good shot at getting the place… especially after they made a full-price offer.

Not to bore you with all the gory details (which you can read about on the female’s blog), but after being led to believe they had the “inside track” on the townhouse, Steve and his female learned that the listing agent had her own buyer, and in the end (surprise, surprise), the listing agent’s buyer ended up getting the townhouse. Naturally, Steve and his female were VERY disappointed… and I didn’t get to move into a nice new place.

Steve and the female are being pretty philosophical about the whole thing, but being a cat, I’m not quite as nice or forgiving as them. So, to the listing agent, here’s a big juicy feline hiss just for you. And don’t expect any treats from me this Christmas!

It's The Holiday Season!!!!

Being the shrewd observer that I am, I’ve noticed that store-owning humans have given nicknames to a couple days of the week to entice other humans to go out buy all kinds of stuff for the holidays. For example, the day after Thanksgiving is now known as Black Friday, when humans line up outside stores in the darkness of the wee wee hours to scarf up ultra bargains. Actually, it’s pretty hard to miss Black Friday, because when the advertising-flyer-laden morning paper hit the front step on Thanksgiving day, it shook the house like an earthquake (or, for you cats who don’t live in earthquake country… a tornado or a hurricane). And today, as this is being written, it’s Cyber Monday, where humans are encouraged to crank up their computers and buy all kinds of products on line… including my books. (In fact, to buy them from Amazon, click http://tiny.cc/zbaqa... hey, I’m just as crass and commercial as the next guy!)

As a cat who always thinks outside the litter box, I’ve come up with names for the other weekdays. After all, why should only two days get special names to encourage shopping when there are three other perfectly good weekdays to exploit. Here are my suggestions:

Treat Tuesday: A day when all pet-loving humans (yes, even dog lovers) could go out and buy tons of treats for their animals. The pet shops could have fantastic “doorbuster” sales on items such as cat treats and catnip for 50% off. Even I would give up one of my 20 daily naps to get in line at 3:00 a.m. for deals like that!

Wacky Wednesday: A day when humans in general could be manipulated by clever advertisements into thinking that they truly need all kinds of superfluous and passé junk that the stores couldn’t get rid of in past holiday seasons. Who wouldn’t want to stand in line for hours and go completely mad for a chance to grab “classic” gifts such as Beanie Babies or a Sony Walkman at bargain basement prices?

Thumpin’ Thursday: This could be sort of like Black Friday, but limited to extremely macho men who like to fight first and ask questions later. The stores could slash prices on manly things like power tools and Sports Illustrated swimsuit calendars, then encourage male customers to brawl their way to the bargains. The whole shebang could be shown on TV, streamed on the Internet, and even made into a video game, which would sell millions and help the economy. Am I a genius or what?

Anyway, like it or not, the holiday season is upon us. Bring on the Johnny Mathis Christmas music!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Yes, once again it’s Thanksgiving week… that wonderful time of year when we all stop and give thanks for all the wonderful blessings we have. Yes, even in these difficult economic times, most of us have much to be thankful for. But still, let’s not forget those who don’t have as much as we do and hope that their lives improve for the better. And let’s also remember those who have given so much over the years so that we can continue to have the lifestyle we so enjoy today.

Now right about here, you’re probably thinking, “Hey, Quasi, those are very nice Thanksgiving sentiments and all that, but what does Thanksgiving hold in store for us cats?” Well, for your edification and enjoyment, here’s the Thanksgiving section from the “Holiday Fun (& Danger)” chapter of The World Is Your Litter Box…

Thanksgiving: A good holiday for cats, even if it’s not so good for turkeys. At Thanksgiving, human families get together to gorge themselves and good feeling is in the air (as are an abundance of good cooking smells!) In most households with male and female humans, the male usually spends the day watching football on TV while the female toils in the kitchen preparing Thanksgiving dinner. In addition to providing engrossing tension and lively, entertaining arguments, this situation will afford you a good lap to sleep in, unless your male human becomes over-exuberant and spills beer on you, and plenty of interesting activity in the kitchen. Once the table is set, you might want to jump up there and make sure all the silverware, plates, and glasses are properly arranged. And when dinner is finally served, be sure to go from person to person looking as cute (and hungry) as possible. There is nothing better than Thanksgiving turkey. Yum! Then, when dinner is over and everyone is sated beyond the point of decency, including you, you can go into the bedroom and have a nice snooze on everyone’s coats, just like on New Years Eve and other holidays during cold seasons. Yes, there is much to be thankful for.

Along with Steve and Judy (my humans), and Bo Diddley and Piglet (my kitty compadres), I want to wish everyone - cat, human and otherwise - a very safe and happy Thanksgiving!

A Holiday Gift Idea for Cat Lovers (Guess What it Might Be!)

Another year is winding down and that means that the holiday season is almost upon us (Gulp!). You know what this means… over one full month of crowded shopping malls and post offices, mind-deadening Christmas music, maxed-out credit cards, and endless, unrealistic TV commercials showing rich people buying each other ridiculously- expensive presents that normal mortals can’t afford.

Well, this year, ‘ole Quaz is going to make things a lot easier for you. If you’re reading this, I’m assuming that you’re either a cat or a cat lover, and what could be a finer gift for cat lovers than copies of my books, The World Is Your Litter Box and The World Is STILL Your Litter Box. Now here’s the best part… you can order these books from Amazon.com and avoid the mall completely! Think of it… no crowds, no hassles, no Johnny Mathis Christmas songs. Amazon will even do the gift wrapping for you, and if you order both books together, you can save a few bucks on shipping. Voila!

So this year, get the cat (or cat lover) on your holiday gift list what they REALLY want – The World Is Your Litter Box and The World Is STILL Your Litter Box – and make it easy on yourself. Why mess around when the answer to the question, “What should I get for all the cat people in my life?” is just a few easy clicks away. And I guarantee you this… these books will bring laughter and enjoyment to anyone who shares their home with a cat and fully understands what wonderful little creatures we cats truly are.

Hey, I managed to get through this entire blog post without saying that my books are the PURR-fect gift for cat lovers!

Remembering Our Veterans...

Fortunately for us cats, we don’t have to fight in wars (except maybe when we go mano a mano with another cat, and that only lasts a few seconds at most). War among humans, on the other hand, is a terrible thing… it’s like a gigantic, horrifying, out-of-control machine with gnashing teeth and bone-crushing strength that lays waste to pretty much everything that gets in its way, including living things. No one seems to like or want wars, but they continue to happen over and over again. Why? I wish I knew.

Recently, Steve (my human) and his female went to France and spent some time in Normandy, where on June 6th, 1944, during World War II, soldiers from the United States, Great Britain and Canada landed on the beaches in a very bloody event known as D-Day. It was the beginning of the end of World War II, but thousands of young humans paid a dreadful price. Steve and his female visited those beaches and the hallowed ground that is now the American Cemetery (shown in the photo above). It was a sobering, heartbreaking reminder of the staggering cost of war in human terms, but it also made them feel extremely grateful to all those young people who died so long ago.

So on this Veteran’s Day, let's all take a few moments to remember the humans who made the ultimate sacrifice to defend and protect the way of life we enjoy and hold so dear. I wish there were no wars, but I give wholehearted thanks the men and women who fought and died in them on our behalf.

OMG! I Have a Cat Crush on Taylor Swift!

The other day, I was just waking up from one of my 20 daily naps when I heard a sweet, yet familiar voice wafting in from the next room. Like a powerful and alluring Siren, the voice called out to me and beckoned me to come closer, which (being a nosy, curious cat) I did. I saw Steve’s female sitting at her computer, and when I jumped up on the desk for a better look, it all became crystal clear. Oh, yes. Steve’s female was on iTunes downloading songs from an album by – that’s right, you guessed it – my ultimate mancat crush of all time… Taylor Swift.

Apparently, Taylor Swift has a new album called “Speak Now,” and there it was, with an irresistible photo of Taylor Swift herself, right on the female’s computer screen. Oh, Taylor (may I call you Taylor?), please come over and rub my tummy… I promise I won’t grab and claw your arm (well… maybe I will). Perhaps we could even have a romantic, candlelight dinner of Kitty Stew together, and then I could curl up in your lap for a cozy catnap. OMG, have I gone crazy? Have I lost my little kitty mind?

I first saw Taylor Swift when she hosted Saturday Night Live about a year ago, and ever since them, I’ve had a BIG CAT CRUSH on her. Now I know this is just a crazy fantasy and that nothing will ever come of it, but I find myself dreaming of her gentle touch as she pets my head, kisses my nose and cuddles me. It makes me purr just thinking about it! I wonder if Taylor Swift is a cat person? And, dare I even think it… I wonder if she’s read The World Is Your Litter Box or The World Is STILL Your Litter Box?

Oh well, like I said, probably nothing will ever come of my kitty crush. I’m sure there are millions of other mancats who feel the same way I do (curse them!). But hey Taylor… if you ever come to Burbank, there’s a great big furry white tummy waiting for you to rub!

And the Winners Are...

Our 1st Annual Halloween Cats Photo Contest was a screeching success, but before we announce the winners, let me thank everyone who entered the contest. All the photos were wonderful, and it was very difficult to select the winners (especially when ALL cats are winners!). Our decisions were based on originality and cuteness, and even though all the photos made us smile, here are the winners that made us smile the most…

1st Place – DIVINA
2nd Place - SPIRIT
3rd Place - TUX & TWITCH
4th Place - MS. RIZZO

Con-cat-ulations to Divina, Spirit, Tux & Twitch, and Ms. Rizzo, and to their humans. And thanks to everyone for sharing their delightful Halloween Cats photos.

Back Home Again Damage Report 2010

Steve and his female (my humans) just returned from their vacation in France, and although they were only gone a little over a week, it felt like a lot longer. We missed them, (we being me and my housemates Bo Diddley and Piglet), but during their absence, we spent a collective 600 hours napping, so mostly, we missed them only in our dreams. And, as usual, we were able to con our pet sitter into giving us an overabundance of kitty treats. Still, when humans leave cats home alone for extended periods, they MUST pay, and Steve and his female are no exception. Here’s the teach-them-a-lesson-for-leaving-us damage report, and with three cats on the job, it’s massive (well, not quite as bad as the house in the photo above, but VERY extensive):

• 45 minutes of serious kitty scorn (we tried for an hour, but we couldn’t hold out any longer)
• 2 unraveled and finely-shredded rolls of toilet paper
• 2 “accidents” outside litter box
• 4 upended wastebaskets with contents batted around and scattered
• Extensive chewing on the leaves of three of the female’s favorite houseplants
• Houseplants used for… well, you know
• Dirt from houseplants plants kicked out onto carpet
• 1 kacked-up hairball on coffee table, with fallout spatter on the DVD remote
• 1 kacked-up hairball on the kitchen floor, from top-of-the refrigerator altitude
• 1 Ming Dynasty vase knocked over and broken
• All kitchen cupboards opened and edible contents consumed (or at least messily checked out)
• Bag of flour chewed open and spread around kitchen floor
• All DVR’d shows deleted and replaced with programming from Animal Planet and Comedy Central
• Ultra-shredding on arm of couch
• All books pushed out of the bookcase and onto the floor (except The World Is Your Litter Box and The World Is STILL Your Litter Box)
• Overwhelming smell of cat throughout the house
• Cat hair on everything

And one final thing… Steve and the female said they saw two very cute chats (that’s ‘cats’ in French) in Normandy, but none in Paris. They did, however, see a lot of chiens (that’s ‘dogs’ in French) in both places… la terreur, la terreur! I’ll have more about the chats and chiens of France in an upcoming post. And now that the teach-them-a-lesson-for-leaving-us-home-alone has been administered and the score has been settled, I admit that I'm glad my humans are home!

Home Alone... Again!

From Saturday, October 16th through Monday, October 25th, Steve and his female (my humans) are going on something called a vacation to a place called France. From what I understand, a vacation is where humans go off somewhere and do as little as possible (hey, wait a minute… that sounds very much like what we cats do all the time! Does that mean that cats are always on vacation?). And France (for you geographically-challenged kitties) is a country in Europe where cats are known as chats.

Anyway, what this means to moi, is that while Steve and the female are strolling around Par-ee and having a wonderful time, I’ll be left home alone. Well, not completely alone because my housemates Bo Diddley and Piglet will be here with me, and our pet sitter will be coming over to feed us and give us doses of love and attention. Still, when the humans go away…they must pay! And as all cats know (if you read the “How to Punish Your Human When They Leave You Home Alone” chapter in The World Is STILL Your Litter Box), I’m talking about destruction. Nothing on a nuclear scale, mind you… just enough household damage to let Steve and the female know that leaving us cats alone for an extended period was a VERY bad idea. And with Bo Diddley and Pig to help me, we should be able to wreck enough havoc to teach Steve and his female a lesson they shan’t soon forget!

Meanwhile, keep those photos coming for our Halloween Cats Photo Contest. We’ve received some great ones, but we want lots more! For contest info, including the email address where your photo should be sent, click here... or scroll down a couple posts. We’ll check them out and post them on our Facebook page when the happy couple returns from their vacation.

Until then, adieu mes amis et collegues chats!

In Defense of "Crazy" Cat Ladies

I’m sure I don’t need to tell you, fellow cat, that humans are an endless source of amusement. Humans are just so much fun to manipulate, cajole and mess with, that we cats just can’t help ourselves… I know I certainly can’t. Yet, there’s one sadly abused and misunderstood group of humans that deserves some slack and possibly even a little extra kitty love. Yes, that’s right… I’m talkin’ about “crazy” cat ladies.

First, let me state that a human can never have too many cats… with two very important caveats. One is that all cats, no matter how many, be well-treated, well cared for and loved, and two, that the homestead is kept clean and doesn’t smell like… well, like cat. If you’re a human and can adhere to those simple rules, you are welcome (by my official decree) to have as many cats as you want… within reason, of course. You don’t want to take on more cats than you can comfortably accommodate and take care of properly. In other words, you don't want to become a cat hoarder.

Now secondly, I strongly object to the use of the word “crazy” to describe humans, especially women, who love their cats pretty much to the exclusion of all else. There’s nothing crazy about loving cats… in fact, if you ask me, it’s one of the major signs of sanity in humans. And, hey, if a person happens to be a little on the obsessed side about their feline companions, so what? Believe me, it’s better to be obsessed about cats than some of the other things humans get fixated on. Humans do many things that are genuinely wacky, but loving cats too much is not one of them.

So “crazy” cat ladies, if you get along with cats better than other people, so be it. If you want to be buried in cats while you sit on the couch and watch TV, more power to you! And if you can’t resist giving a good home to just one more cat in need, you are, in my estimation, an exceptional human being. Cat ladies rock!

Our 1st Annual Halloween Cats Photo Contest!

To celebrate Halloween (very possibly the most fun holiday of all!), we’re running our 1st Annual Halloween Cats Photo Contest. Woo-hoo! To enter and have a chance to win some fantastic prizes, all you have to do is take a Halloween-related photo of your kitty (or kitties) and email it to quasi@theworldisyourlitterbox.com. You can dress your kitty up in a costume, or simply take a photo of them next to a pumpkin or some other Halloweenie-type thing. Be creative, but don’t harm or embarrass your kitty for the sake of the photo! Be sure to include your name, the name of the cat in the photo, and a “snail mail” address. What could be easier?

The contest will have one grand prize winner and second, third and fourth place winners, to be determined by Team Quasi (that would be me, Steve and Steve’s female). We’ll be looking for cleverness and originality, but above all, cuteness. The grand prize winner will receive signed copies of my books, The World Is Your Litter Box and The World Is STILL Your Litter Box. The second, third and fourth place winners will receive fabulous items from the newly-opened The World Is Your Litter Box On-Line Shop. All photos will be posted in the “Halloween Cats” photo album on The World Is Your Litter Box Facebook page.

The contest will close at midnight (PDT) on Friday, October 29th, and the winners will be announced on Sunday the 31st… yes, that’s right… Halloween! So, good luck everyone. We can’t wait to see your photos!

It's Too Hot for Kitties (And Humans)!

A week or so ago, I was hanging around with my housemates, Bo Diddley and Piglet, meowing about what a cool summer we had here in Southern California and how lucky we were. And, I must admit, we were kind of gloating about the poor cats (and humans) in the rest of the country that had to endure sweltering heat for the last few months.

Well, he or she who purrs last purrs best… our long-missing heat has finally arrived, and with a vengeance. Yesterday, it hit 113 degrees in downtown Los Angeles, which is a new record. In fact, it was so hot, the thermometer they use to make official heat measurements broke, so it may have actually been even hotter! Hey, for all I know, it could have been a million and twelve degrees downtown.

As a cat, there are two things to do when it gets this hot… First, complain loudly to your human and make them feel guilty (even though it’s not really their fault). Belly aching about the heat won’t make it any cooler, but it certainly is fun to complain. And secondly (and most obviously), find a relatively cool place to nap the day away. You might feel hot and uncomfortable (and cranky), but if you sleep for 20 hours, it won’t seem so bad.

And, fellow cats who are also roasting in the heat, look at it this way… in a few months, winter will be here and then we can all complain about how cold it is!

Grand Opening! The World Is Your Litter Box On-Line Shop

Attention Quasi-Mart shoppers! The official The World Is Your Litter Box On-Line Shop is now open with a stunning array of ultra-fab goodies for cat lovers. Yes, we’ve got it all… shirts, hats, baby clothing, mugs, magnets, buttons, bumper stickers… even a “Quasi” thong for the ladies. All these fine products have Quasi and Litter Box-related designs that you won’t find anywhere else. Shop early and avoid the lines (okay, there aren’t any lines, but shop early anyway… believe me, once you see these one-of-a-kind items you won’t want to live one more minute without them!). And, needless to say, any one of these products would make an excellent gift for the cat lover in your life.

You’re probably wondering why a reclusive author such as me would want to open an on-line retail outlet. Well, there are several reasons. First of all – and I’m being blatantly honest here – these products help call attention to my books (The World Is Your Litter Box and The World Is STILL Your Litter Box in case you’d forgotten). Secondly, believe it or not, we’ve received a lot of requests from cat lovers for this kind of stuff. Thirdly, if we sell enough of this swag, we can make a few bucks – again being completely honest here! And lastly, this gives me an opportunity to come up with clever and catchy product descriptions… in fact, all the product info under “From the Designer” was written by yours truly.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy the shop and visit often. We’ll be adding new products from time to time, and many of these items will be given away as prizes in upcoming contests on our The World Is Your Litter Box Facebook page (we welcome you to become a “fan”). And one last great thing about the shop… we never close!

Quasi's Back-to-School Tips for Young Humans

One thing I love about this time of year is that young humans (that’s right… children and teenagers) return to school. Our house is equidistant between a high school and an elementary school, so when school lets out in the afternoon, I like nothing more than to sit in the front window and watch the steady parade of kids go by. I especially enjoy the antics of the high schoolers (except when they throw Slurpee cups and other trash in our yard, the little oinkers!).

Needless to say, we felines already know everything, so we don’t have to go to school. Still, being the erudite professorial type that I am, I would like to impart ten important educational tips to all you kids who aren’t as lucky (or as smart) as us kitties...

1. Don’t be late for school (if cats can show up for their meals on time, surely you can be in class when the bell rings).
2. Pay attention in class and don’t give the teacher a hard time (they’re doing their best to cram information into your feeble – uh, I mean fertile – little human brains).
3. Don’t fall asleep in class (whoa... it’s a good thing we cats DON’T have to go to school!).
4. Don’t text or go on-line in class (unless you’re ordering my books from Amazon).
5. For God’s sake, DON’T take any weapons to school (If you have a disagreement with someone, just hiss at them or, if absolutely necessary, give them a few whappies).
6. Try to eat healthy food at lunchtime once in awhile (I know many kids think fruit is medicine, but hey chunko… eat an apple once in awhile!).
7. Don’t pick on smaller kids (that nerdy kid you’re bullying might just be the next Bill Gates).
8. Don’t trash the school yard (save the trashing for your own bedroom).
9. Do your homework (but if you should happen to slack off, don’t try and pin the blame on your cat or your hapless dog… that old ‘the dog ate my homework’ or ‘my cat shredded my assignment’ won’t cut it).
10. Enjoy school while you can (believe me, someday you’ll wish you could go back).

So there you go students. I hope these tips are helpful as you slog your way through the school year. Meanwhile, I’m going to go take one of my 20 daily naps. I’ll be thinking about you!

Promote Goodwill for Cats (And Help Me Sell Some Books!)

In an effort to promote goodwill for cats and spread the word about how ultra-fantastic cats truly are (and to self-servingly shill my two books), I’ve come up with yet another great idea that will be mutually beneficial to all and help make the world an even better place for us felines.

If you have a blog or a website that is cat-related in a positive and loving way, be it humorous, informative or whatever, we are proposing a good old-fashioned link exchange. If you are willing to place our badge (pictured above) on your website or blog, we will be more than happy to add you as a link on the official The World Is Your Litter Box website, which gets about a jillion visits a day (well, maybe not that many, but a lot!). We’ll also add you to our blog roll, which is also seen by a multitude of cat lovers every day.

So if this sounds good to you, send info about your blog and/or website to quasi@theworldisyourlitterbox.com ... and we’ll get you linked up right away. We’ll also send you the code for our badge. Hey, if corporations and politicians can use the web to promote themselves, we cats should have the same opportunity, right?

Steve's Female Has a Stinger (Part 2)

About a week ago, I told you that Steve’s female has somehow developed a stinger (like a bee) that she uses on me when I go after Piglet for his futile and laughable incursions on my position as the alpha male in the house. Since then, the finest scientific minds in the world (well… mine, anyway) have been trying to figure out what the dilly-o is with the female’s stinger, and I think I’ve discovered a couple clues.

First, before the female “stings” me, she opens a drawer in her desk and pulls out something that appears to be stretchy, circular, and made out of rubber or some other type of flexible material. It’s pretty small, so it’s hard to see exactly what it is. [Note from Steve: It’s a rubber band.] The female then pulls back on it, aims it at my hindquarters (which are large and hard to miss), and lets it go. Suddenly, out of nowhere, I feel a little ouch-producing sting, which is VERY irritating. How does the female do it? There must be some connection between the circular flexible object and the female’s stinger, but I can’t quite figure out what it is. I’ll keep working on it, though. Oh, yes.

Meanwhile, I’ve come up with a way to deal with Piglet when he challenges my alpha maleness, and that is, I simply wait until Steve and his female leave the house, then I pummel some sense into the little bugger. Naturally, Steve and the female considered the possibility that this might happen, so they made Pig a “Panic Room,” where he can run to when I go after him, the little wuss (shown in the photo above). As you can see, Pig’s “Panic Room” is not exactly the Maginot Line, so I can quite easily penetrate the defenses if I really need to. Usually, though, I just let him run in there and think about his transgressions for awhile before I let him come out. Alpha males rule!

On another note, Steve (my typist) and his female are going away for the weekend (they’ll pay for that, too), so I want to take a moment to wish everyone a happy Labor Day Weekend!