Being the shrewd observer that I am, I’ve noticed that store-owning humans have given nicknames to a couple days of the week to entice other humans to go out buy all kinds of stuff for the holidays. For example, the day after Thanksgiving is now known as Black Friday, when humans line up outside stores in the darkness of the wee wee hours to scarf up ultra bargains. Actually, it’s pretty hard to miss Black Friday, because when the advertising-flyer-laden morning paper hit the front step on Thanksgiving day, it shook the house like an earthquake (or, for you cats who don’t live in earthquake country… a tornado or a hurricane). And today, as this is being written, it’s Cyber Monday, where humans are encouraged to crank up their computers and buy all kinds of products on line… including my books. (In fact, to buy them from Amazon, click http://tiny.cc/zbaqa... hey, I’m just as crass and commercial as the next guy!)
As a cat who always thinks outside the litter box, I’ve come up with names for the other weekdays. After all, why should only two days get special names to encourage shopping when there are three other perfectly good weekdays to exploit. Here are my suggestions:
Treat Tuesday: A day when all pet-loving humans (yes, even dog lovers) could go out and buy tons of treats for their animals. The pet shops could have fantastic “doorbuster” sales on items such as cat treats and catnip for 50% off. Even I would give up one of my 20 daily naps to get in line at 3:00 a.m. for deals like that!
Wacky Wednesday: A day when humans in general could be manipulated by clever advertisements into thinking that they truly need all kinds of superfluous and passé junk that the stores couldn’t get rid of in past holiday seasons. Who wouldn’t want to stand in line for hours and go completely mad for a chance to grab “classic” gifts such as Beanie Babies or a Sony Walkman at bargain basement prices?
Thumpin’ Thursday: This could be sort of like Black Friday, but limited to extremely macho men who like to fight first and ask questions later. The stores could slash prices on manly things like power tools and Sports Illustrated swimsuit calendars, then encourage male customers to brawl their way to the bargains. The whole shebang could be shown on TV, streamed on the Internet, and even made into a video game, which would sell millions and help the economy. Am I a genius or what?
Anyway, like it or not, the holiday season is upon us. Bring on the Johnny Mathis Christmas music!
As a cat who always thinks outside the litter box, I’ve come up with names for the other weekdays. After all, why should only two days get special names to encourage shopping when there are three other perfectly good weekdays to exploit. Here are my suggestions:
Treat Tuesday: A day when all pet-loving humans (yes, even dog lovers) could go out and buy tons of treats for their animals. The pet shops could have fantastic “doorbuster” sales on items such as cat treats and catnip for 50% off. Even I would give up one of my 20 daily naps to get in line at 3:00 a.m. for deals like that!
Wacky Wednesday: A day when humans in general could be manipulated by clever advertisements into thinking that they truly need all kinds of superfluous and passé junk that the stores couldn’t get rid of in past holiday seasons. Who wouldn’t want to stand in line for hours and go completely mad for a chance to grab “classic” gifts such as Beanie Babies or a Sony Walkman at bargain basement prices?
Thumpin’ Thursday: This could be sort of like Black Friday, but limited to extremely macho men who like to fight first and ask questions later. The stores could slash prices on manly things like power tools and Sports Illustrated swimsuit calendars, then encourage male customers to brawl their way to the bargains. The whole shebang could be shown on TV, streamed on the Internet, and even made into a video game, which would sell millions and help the economy. Am I a genius or what?
Anyway, like it or not, the holiday season is upon us. Bring on the Johnny Mathis Christmas music!
2 comments:
Then we need "Satiated Saturday", where you sit around and play with all your loot!
LOL!! That was very cute. :D I am the CYBER Monday Shopper. ;) I don't like crowds they make my Fur stand up. ;) Sometimes they even make me Hiss. Not a Happy site. LOL! :D
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