Steve's Female Has a Stinger (Part 2)

About a week ago, I told you that Steve’s female has somehow developed a stinger (like a bee) that she uses on me when I go after Piglet for his futile and laughable incursions on my position as the alpha male in the house. Since then, the finest scientific minds in the world (well… mine, anyway) have been trying to figure out what the dilly-o is with the female’s stinger, and I think I’ve discovered a couple clues.

First, before the female “stings” me, she opens a drawer in her desk and pulls out something that appears to be stretchy, circular, and made out of rubber or some other type of flexible material. It’s pretty small, so it’s hard to see exactly what it is. [Note from Steve: It’s a rubber band.] The female then pulls back on it, aims it at my hindquarters (which are large and hard to miss), and lets it go. Suddenly, out of nowhere, I feel a little ouch-producing sting, which is VERY irritating. How does the female do it? There must be some connection between the circular flexible object and the female’s stinger, but I can’t quite figure out what it is. I’ll keep working on it, though. Oh, yes.

Meanwhile, I’ve come up with a way to deal with Piglet when he challenges my alpha maleness, and that is, I simply wait until Steve and his female leave the house, then I pummel some sense into the little bugger. Naturally, Steve and the female considered the possibility that this might happen, so they made Pig a “Panic Room,” where he can run to when I go after him, the little wuss (shown in the photo above). As you can see, Pig’s “Panic Room” is not exactly the Maginot Line, so I can quite easily penetrate the defenses if I really need to. Usually, though, I just let him run in there and think about his transgressions for awhile before I let him come out. Alpha males rule!

On another note, Steve (my typist) and his female are going away for the weekend (they’ll pay for that, too), so I want to take a moment to wish everyone a happy Labor Day Weekend!

OMG! Steve's Female Has a Stinger!

As all cats know, humans can be very flummoxing at times… especially female humans. Female humans come equipped with cat-like deviousness of their own, so they can be very hard to figure out. At times, even male humans have difficulty understanding what makes female humans tick, and my male human, Steve, is no exception.

Still, you can only imagine my surprise when, completely out of the blue, I found out that Steve’s female has a stinger! Yes, that’s right… a stinger. Just like a bee or a wasp.

Now, those of you who have read my latest book, The World Is STILL Your Litter Box, know that I now have two kitty compadres in my household, Bo Diddley and Piglet. Bo Diddley is pretty cool, but Piglet (who is a runt) makes constant affronts on my alpha maleness. I’ve written about this pretty extensively in STILL Your Litter Box, but suffice it to say that when Piglet challenges my alpha maleness, I have no choice but to straighten him out, usually with a flurry of whaps to the head. Naturally, Steve’s female is overly-protective of Piglet who, as I said, is a little guy. So when I take up paws against him, even though it’s his fault (the little rotter!), the female ALWAYS comes to his defense.

To thwart my alpha male aggressiveness toward Piglet, the female has tried a variety of tactics – yelling at me to stop (hah!), stomping her feet (nice try!), squirting me with a water bottle (oh, please!) – nothing worked. But the other day, when I was rightfully putting Piglet in his place, I felt a little sting on my right flank… ouchie! At first, I thought it might be my imagination, but when I returned to the business at hand – whapping Piglet into submission – darned if I didn’t feel another sting! Quickly putting two and two together, I came to the obvious conclusion… Steve’s female has a stinger, and she’s not afraid to use it!

[Note from Steve: Quasi doesn’t know that I’ve added this little aside to his blog post, but I don’t want anyone to think we’re hurting or abusing the big white guy… something we would NEVER do. The female’s “stinger” is actually a small rubber band that she shoots at Quasi’s hindquarters when he’s bashing Piglet. It doesn’t hurt him, but it definitely gets his attention and causes him to stop. Until he figures this out, which he ultimately will I’m sure, the “stinger” has proven to be most effective in preventing Piglet from getting ruthlessly pummeled.]

Anyway, fellow cats, I’m going to get to the bottom of this “stinger” business, and when I do, I’ll let you know what I find out. Meanwhile, keep a close eye out if you’ve got a female human in your household. Who knows? She might have a stinger too!