Quasi's Back-to-School Tips for Young Humans

One thing I love about this time of year is that young humans (that’s right… children and teenagers) return to school. Our house is equidistant between a high school and an elementary school, so when school lets out in the afternoon, I like nothing more than to sit in the front window and watch the steady parade of kids go by. I especially enjoy the antics of the high schoolers (except when they throw Slurpee cups and other trash in our yard, the little oinkers!).

Needless to say, we felines already know everything, so we don’t have to go to school. Still, being the erudite professorial type that I am, I would like to impart ten important educational tips to all you kids who aren’t as lucky (or as smart) as us kitties...

1. Don’t be late for school (if cats can show up for their meals on time, surely you can be in class when the bell rings).
2. Pay attention in class and don’t give the teacher a hard time (they’re doing their best to cram information into your feeble – uh, I mean fertile – little human brains).
3. Don’t fall asleep in class (whoa... it’s a good thing we cats DON’T have to go to school!).
4. Don’t text or go on-line in class (unless you’re ordering my books from Amazon).
5. For God’s sake, DON’T take any weapons to school (If you have a disagreement with someone, just hiss at them or, if absolutely necessary, give them a few whappies).
6. Try to eat healthy food at lunchtime once in awhile (I know many kids think fruit is medicine, but hey chunko… eat an apple once in awhile!).
7. Don’t pick on smaller kids (that nerdy kid you’re bullying might just be the next Bill Gates).
8. Don’t trash the school yard (save the trashing for your own bedroom).
9. Do your homework (but if you should happen to slack off, don’t try and pin the blame on your cat or your hapless dog… that old ‘the dog ate my homework’ or ‘my cat shredded my assignment’ won’t cut it).
10. Enjoy school while you can (believe me, someday you’ll wish you could go back).

So there you go students. I hope these tips are helpful as you slog your way through the school year. Meanwhile, I’m going to go take one of my 20 daily naps. I’ll be thinking about you!