Back Home Again Damage Report 2010

Steve and his female (my humans) just returned from their vacation in France, and although they were only gone a little over a week, it felt like a lot longer. We missed them, (we being me and my housemates Bo Diddley and Piglet), but during their absence, we spent a collective 600 hours napping, so mostly, we missed them only in our dreams. And, as usual, we were able to con our pet sitter into giving us an overabundance of kitty treats. Still, when humans leave cats home alone for extended periods, they MUST pay, and Steve and his female are no exception. Here’s the teach-them-a-lesson-for-leaving-us damage report, and with three cats on the job, it’s massive (well, not quite as bad as the house in the photo above, but VERY extensive):

• 45 minutes of serious kitty scorn (we tried for an hour, but we couldn’t hold out any longer)
• 2 unraveled and finely-shredded rolls of toilet paper
• 2 “accidents” outside litter box
• 4 upended wastebaskets with contents batted around and scattered
• Extensive chewing on the leaves of three of the female’s favorite houseplants
• Houseplants used for… well, you know
• Dirt from houseplants plants kicked out onto carpet
• 1 kacked-up hairball on coffee table, with fallout spatter on the DVD remote
• 1 kacked-up hairball on the kitchen floor, from top-of-the refrigerator altitude
• 1 Ming Dynasty vase knocked over and broken
• All kitchen cupboards opened and edible contents consumed (or at least messily checked out)
• Bag of flour chewed open and spread around kitchen floor
• All DVR’d shows deleted and replaced with programming from Animal Planet and Comedy Central
• Ultra-shredding on arm of couch
• All books pushed out of the bookcase and onto the floor (except The World Is Your Litter Box and The World Is STILL Your Litter Box)
• Overwhelming smell of cat throughout the house
• Cat hair on everything

And one final thing… Steve and the female said they saw two very cute chats (that’s ‘cats’ in French) in Normandy, but none in Paris. They did, however, see a lot of chiens (that’s ‘dogs’ in French) in both places… la terreur, la terreur! I’ll have more about the chats and chiens of France in an upcoming post. And now that the teach-them-a-lesson-for-leaving-us-home-alone has been administered and the score has been settled, I admit that I'm glad my humans are home!