Back Home Again Damage Report 2010

Steve and his female (my humans) just returned from their vacation in France, and although they were only gone a little over a week, it felt like a lot longer. We missed them, (we being me and my housemates Bo Diddley and Piglet), but during their absence, we spent a collective 600 hours napping, so mostly, we missed them only in our dreams. And, as usual, we were able to con our pet sitter into giving us an overabundance of kitty treats. Still, when humans leave cats home alone for extended periods, they MUST pay, and Steve and his female are no exception. Here’s the teach-them-a-lesson-for-leaving-us damage report, and with three cats on the job, it’s massive (well, not quite as bad as the house in the photo above, but VERY extensive):

• 45 minutes of serious kitty scorn (we tried for an hour, but we couldn’t hold out any longer)
• 2 unraveled and finely-shredded rolls of toilet paper
• 2 “accidents” outside litter box
• 4 upended wastebaskets with contents batted around and scattered
• Extensive chewing on the leaves of three of the female’s favorite houseplants
• Houseplants used for… well, you know
• Dirt from houseplants plants kicked out onto carpet
• 1 kacked-up hairball on coffee table, with fallout spatter on the DVD remote
• 1 kacked-up hairball on the kitchen floor, from top-of-the refrigerator altitude
• 1 Ming Dynasty vase knocked over and broken
• All kitchen cupboards opened and edible contents consumed (or at least messily checked out)
• Bag of flour chewed open and spread around kitchen floor
• All DVR’d shows deleted and replaced with programming from Animal Planet and Comedy Central
• Ultra-shredding on arm of couch
• All books pushed out of the bookcase and onto the floor (except The World Is Your Litter Box and The World Is STILL Your Litter Box)
• Overwhelming smell of cat throughout the house
• Cat hair on everything

And one final thing… Steve and the female said they saw two very cute chats (that’s ‘cats’ in French) in Normandy, but none in Paris. They did, however, see a lot of chiens (that’s ‘dogs’ in French) in both places… la terreur, la terreur! I’ll have more about the chats and chiens of France in an upcoming post. And now that the teach-them-a-lesson-for-leaving-us-home-alone has been administered and the score has been settled, I admit that I'm glad my humans are home!

Home Alone... Again!

From Saturday, October 16th through Monday, October 25th, Steve and his female (my humans) are going on something called a vacation to a place called France. From what I understand, a vacation is where humans go off somewhere and do as little as possible (hey, wait a minute… that sounds very much like what we cats do all the time! Does that mean that cats are always on vacation?). And France (for you geographically-challenged kitties) is a country in Europe where cats are known as chats.

Anyway, what this means to moi, is that while Steve and the female are strolling around Par-ee and having a wonderful time, I’ll be left home alone. Well, not completely alone because my housemates Bo Diddley and Piglet will be here with me, and our pet sitter will be coming over to feed us and give us doses of love and attention. Still, when the humans go away…they must pay! And as all cats know (if you read the “How to Punish Your Human When They Leave You Home Alone” chapter in The World Is STILL Your Litter Box), I’m talking about destruction. Nothing on a nuclear scale, mind you… just enough household damage to let Steve and the female know that leaving us cats alone for an extended period was a VERY bad idea. And with Bo Diddley and Pig to help me, we should be able to wreck enough havoc to teach Steve and his female a lesson they shan’t soon forget!

Meanwhile, keep those photos coming for our Halloween Cats Photo Contest. We’ve received some great ones, but we want lots more! For contest info, including the email address where your photo should be sent, click here... or scroll down a couple posts. We’ll check them out and post them on our Facebook page when the happy couple returns from their vacation.

Until then, adieu mes amis et collegues chats!

BOOK EXPO REDUX

Steve and his female completed their weekend of hyping The World Is Your Litter Box at Book Expo America (BEA). From what I can gather, BEA was pretty crowded and intense… certainly no place for a kitty (a real one like me or a robotic one like Shill). Steve and the female came home blathering and drooling at the end of each day, but they did make some new friends and made them aware of my book.

On the international front, Steve and his female learned that the French are VERY excited about The World Is Your Litter Box. Mon dieu! Rights are currently being negotiated for release of the book in the language of l’amour, so within the next few months, Litter Box will be in the paws of chats in France, Belgium and other countries where the French language is spoken. Rights are also being negotiated for publication of the book in other languages, and it will soon be distributed in Canada and the UK… proving once again that the world truly IS your litter box!