Memorial Day

On this Memorial Day, amid all the shopping and BBQs, let's all take a few moments to remember the humans who made the ultimate sacrifice to protect and defend the way of life we enjoy and hold so dear. I wish there were no wars, but I give wholehearted thanks the men and women who fought and died in them on our behalf.

And let's also use this opportunity to remember all the wonderful kitties who graced us with their presence and have now gone to the rainbow bridge. Thank you for the years of joy you gave us, and thank you for enriching our lives with your unconditional love. We remember you one and all.

Help for Tornado Victims (Humans and Animals)

It may not be the rapture or the end of the world, but we certainly have had more than our fair share of storms lately, the Midwest in particular. On top of all the tornadoes that occurred a few weeks ago and the flooding of the Mississippi River, the city of Joplin, Missouri has been hit especially hard by an unusually-large tornado that struck with very little warning and leveled much of the town. As of this writing, over 100 people are dead and the damage, as you can see in the photo above, is heartbreaking.

In times of natural disasters like this, rescue services and charitable organizations are extremely overtaxed, including those that focus primarily on animals. And since we are animal lovers here (especially cats, but ALL animals), we want to encourage you to make a donation to your favorite animal rights and rescue organization. I know things are tight these days, but even a few bucks would help if you can do it.

Along with Steve and his female (my humans), I want to thank all the wonderful organizations that do so much to help animals and people in times like these. In a world that often seems cruel and heartless, you represent all that is good.

For a list of animal rights and rescue organizations, click here.

Photos of Famous Writers & Their Kitties

This morning, while prowling around on the Internet with Steve, I discovered a very interesting website that is a must-see for all humans who love cats and literature… that’s right, intellectual cat lovers. The site, which is called Writers and Kitties, features photos of famous human writers and their true inspirations – their cats. Some of the cat-loving authors featured on the site and shown with their kitties include Stephen King, Joyce Carol Oates, Charles Bukowski, Raymond Chandler, Sylvia Plath, Jack Kerouac, Hunter S. Thompson, Margaret Atwood, Aldous Huxley, Mark Twain, and of course, Ernest Hemingway.

What about Steve & Quasi, you ask? Well, having just discovered Writers and Kitties, we’ve just submitted a photo (shown above), which will hopefully be added to the site. Needless to say, it would truly be an honor to be included among so many great authors… and great kitties!

Meanwhile, click here to check out Writers and Kitties.

News Alert: Piglet's Compound Destroyed!

Press Release from Quasi:

5/9/11   For Immediate Release

As part of my ongoing war with Piglet (my kitty housemate), I have taken bold and decisive action to destroy (well, okay… thrash) Pig’s well-fortified compound. As you can see from the Google Earth photo above, the compound was rendered semi-useless in this hush-hush (or, shall I say, hiss-hiss) precision strike. No civilian or kitty casualties occurred in the operation.

The flashpoint of my long-running conflict with Pig occurred shortly after Pig and his brother, Bo Diddley, came to live in our home and Pig, provocateur that he is, began staring at me for no apparent reason! Needless to say, this unwarranted act of aggression and assault on my alpha maleness could not go unpunished. When whaps, moans and hisses failed to do the job, further action was needed. I regret having to resort to taking up paws, but sometimes, a good thrashing is needed to put things right in the world.

I would like to thank the CIA, the National Security team and the U.S. Special Forces, although because I personally was able to wreck havoc on Pig’s compound with my overwhelming might and alpha male kittiness, their involvement in the operation was unnecessary. Meanwhile, the household remains on red alert in case Pig decides to take retaliatory action… or, even worse, stare at me some more.

Also, Anderson Cooper came by with a crew from CNN, but I wouldn't let him in!

How I Turned Steve's Mom Into a Cat Nut (A Mother's Day Story)

Mother’s Day is this Sunday, which reminds me that not too long ago, I, singlehandedly, turned Steve’s mother into an unapologetic, totally nutted-out cat lover. How did I do it? Read this excerpt from The World Is STILL Your Litter Box and find out…

Here’s just one more thing that happened in our household since the release of my first book – something which illustrates how a cat’s love can conquer all…

 Shortly before the arrival of Pig and B.D., Steve’s mom came to visit and stayed for five days. I’m not really too up on space/time continuum constructs, so I don’t really understand what Steve meant when he said that the five days felt like 500 years, but whatever… it was long enough for me to work my kitty magic.

At the time of her visit, Steve’s mom was not particularly fond of cats. In fact, during phone conversations, when Steve or the female told her about one of my oh-so-cute kitty antics, she always said something like, “Oh, you and your cat! You’d think he was your child.”

Actually, that’s true.

Anyway, when I heard that Steve’s mom was coming for a visit, I decided to take it upon myself to turn her feelings of antipathy toward cats into unquestionable, undying love. Yes, that’s right… I decided to turn her into a hopeless, unabashed cat nut with no chance of salvation or redemption.

The first thing I did after Steve’s mom arrived was to follow her around wherever she went. At first, she was a little perturbed, but after awhile, she started to enjoy my company and all the attention. This is one thing cats and females, mothers included, have in common… they all love it when you pay attention to them. I also snuggled up with Steve’s mom while she slept, and when she sat down, I made sure to jump up in her lap and purr at 120 decibels (which is roughly the volume level of a jet engine or a Metallica concert). I kept this up for the first two days she was here, and slowly but surely, the ice began to melt.

Then, as an integral part of my scheme, I pulled a quick about-face as only a cat can.

After dinner, while everyone was sitting around watching TV, I did NOT jump up in Steve’s mom’s lap as she expected. Instead, I sat a few feet away, cleaned myself and acted blasé. Steve’s mom patted her lap to indicate that I was welcome, but I turned up my nose, gave her a glimpse of my hindquarters and coolly sauntered away. And when she went to sleep that night, I was nowhere to be found.

Steve’s mom couldn’t believe I had shunned her.

“How come Quasi won’t sit on my lap anymore?” she asked Steve. “And he didn’t sleep with me last night.”

“But mom,” said Steve with a smirky grin. “I thought you didn’t like cats.”

“I never said I didn’t like cats.”

Next stop… another kitty convert.

To drive the point home and show Steve’s mom how cold the world can truly be without the comfort and love of a cat, I ignored her for a couple more hours. Then, to her great relief, I cranked my kitty charm-o-meter up to full power. I purred. I nuzzled. I looked cute. I meowed coquettishly. I sat in her lap and let her pet me. At night, I snuggled with her and burrowed under the covers like a spelunker. I ask you… how can ANY human go through life without a cat?

When it came time for Steve’s mom to go home, Steve gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

“I’ll miss you,” she told Steve and the female. “But I’ll REALLY miss Quasi.”

And it wasn’t long before Steve’s mom got a cat of her own – a beautiful little calico kitty named Emily – and now when Steve calls her, all she talks about is… uh-huh, that’s correct… HER CAT.

Mission accomplished.

Here’s wishing mothers everywhere, cat, human and otherwise, a very HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY. None of us would be here without you.

The Royal Wedding

Unless you live in a deep dark hole in the ground somewhere, you can’t possibly not know that on Friday, Great Britain will celebrate its first REALLY BIG royal wedding since Prince Charles and Lady Diana were married in the early 1980s. Now their offspring, Prince William, is marrying Kate Middleton in a ceremony that is sure to command the attention of the entire world and will, most certainly, clog up the news media and the Internet (which will make it harder for me to get my daily LOLs on I Can Has Cheezburger). If some country wants to invade another country, Friday would be the time to do it because with all the distraction, no one will even notice.

You’re probably wondering why a cat like me is adding to the frenzy by blogging about the royal wedding. Well, to be perfectly honest, there’s really no reason other than the fact that if I didn’t, I would appear to be a Luddite who was unaware of the goings-on in the world around me. Naturally, as an all-knowing kitty, I’m not about to let that happen.

There is one question I do have, though, and that is… do William and Kate like cats? The people of Great Britain are notorious cat lovers, so here’s hoping that goes for the royal couple as well.

Meanwhile, here’s wishing William and Kate well, and may they live long and happy lives together. And me… well, I can’t wait till all the hoopla is over so I can get back to napping.

The New & Improved "Litter Box" On-Line Shop Is Here!

Just in time for spring, The World Is Your Litter Box On-Line Shop has been completely revamped with new products and new designs for the discerning cat lover. Yes, we’ve got it all… from “Litter Box” t-shirts, coffee mugs, refrigerator magnets and key chains to “Give Us Noms” pet food bowls, “Laughed My Tail Off” boy briefs for women, and “The World IS My Litter Box” iPhone cases. We’ve even got unique products for infant and toddler cat lovers, including a “Litter Box” bib for messy eaters. It’s a veritable plethora of cat-related goodies for all ages!

But wait… there’s more! Profits from the sales of all items in the Litter Box On-Line Shop will be donated to the World Society for the Protection of Animals (WSPA), an organization doing wonderful things for animals worldwide, including the thousands of pets left homeless by the earthquake and tsunami in Japan. You can visit the WSPA website at www.wspa-usa.org.

So why not treat yourself to a future collector’s item from our on-line shop and help the WSPA while you’re at it? And don’t forget… these distinctive products make great gifts for cat-loving moms – and Mother’s Day is only a couple weeks away.

Click here to access The World Is Your Litter Box On-Line Shop.

Happy Easter!

It's Easter once again... time for Easter baskets, Easter bonnets, Easter parades, Easter egg hunts, and of course, the Easter Bunny. And like every year, many humans pause to wonder, "Who's cuter? Cats or the Easter Bunny?"

Well, clearly the answer is cats. We have to be cute 365 days a year, whereas the Easter Bunny only has to be cute on one. Plus, cats have to rely on their own wits to be cute, while the Easter Bunny can "buy" his allure with Easter holiday-related goodies like chocolate and colored eggs. Hrrrummpph! Yes, the Easter Bunny poses a significant challenge to kitty cuteness, but not to worry, fellow felines... your friend Quasi has come up with some bold and innovative ways to meet this cuteness assault head on. So, for your edification, here's the "Easter" section from the "Holiday Fun (& Danger)" chapter in The World Is Your Litter Box...

Easter: A nice holiday, but one in which our kitty cuteness is subject to competition and severely put to the test. For many, Easter is synonymous with that most adorable of holiday characters – the Easter Bunny   Some adult humans buy real bunnies for the little ones and tell them it=s THE Easter Bunny, and little humans, with their gullible under-developed minds, believe them. Now, if there’s anything that comes to close to rivaling a cat for cuteness, it’s a bunny. Like us, they have soft fur and cute little noses, which they tend to wiggle in an irresistibly-charming manner (damn them!). And, what’s worse, this Easter Bunny character tries to buy the affection of little humans by bringing them candy and colored eggs. UNFAIR!  UNFAIR!  How can we cats compete with that?

Well, you could simply get tough and run the “Easter Bunny” off like so much riff-raff. However, doing so will NOT endear you to your human. No, the best thing is to meet the enemy head on and fight THEIR cuteness with YOUR cuteness. One on one. Mano a Mano.

But how, you ask?  Well, first of all, remember that you are much smarter than the average bunny. After all, how many of THEM know the distance from Earth to the nearest Quasar?  Very few, I can assure you. Hey, they don’t even know how to purr. Furthermore, because of your stellar personality and superior intellect (and because of the “How to Look Cute” chapter in this book), you have a full arsenal of cuteness ammunition at your disposal. Believe me, you have much more going for you than some Johnny-Come-Lately Easter Bunny. So be resourceful and don’t be intimidated. Trot out your most time-tested antics and attention-getting strategies. Use every word or sound in your vocabulary. Perform feats of astounding acrobatic prowess (let’s see an Easter Bunny run up a screen door). Sing cheezy Las Vegas-type ballads like Wayne Newton. Pout like an anorexic overpaid fashion model. Do whatever you have to do to send the “Easter Bunny” packing with his tail, cute as it may be, between his legs. And most importantly, remember that cuteness is only skin deep.

Happy Easter, everyone!

Shedding Season Is Here!

Ahhh… spring is in the air. The weather is warming up, the days are getting longer, baseball is back, baby animals are being born… and IT’S SHEDDING SEASON! Yes, for us cats, it’s time to blow off our winter coats and shake off the doldrums of winter.

Shedding has some very pleasant benefits, not the least of which is the joy of getting cat hair all over everything in your home and getting extra-long spa treatment-type brushings from your human. Unfortunately, because we cats have a prediction for cleaning ourselves several times a day, a lot of loose fur ends up in our throats and tummies and becomes – yes, that’s right – hairballs. And as we all know, hairball time is kack-up time. So, as a public service to all my fellow felines, here’s a list of 20 good places to throw up, excerpted from The World Is Your Litter Box…. 

1.         In your human's shoes (preferably Louboutins or Guccis).

2          On the keyboard of your human's computer

3.         On the remote control for the TV.

4.         On a comb or a hairbrush.

5.         On the couch.

6.         On a priceless Oriental rug.

7.         On your human's iPod.

8.         Over a floor heater (preferably when it's on).

9.         In the toaster

10.       On an open waffle iron.

11.       On the hated vacuum cleaner (while it's standing idle, of course).

12.       On your human's copy of the Magna Carta.

13.       On the bed (or better yet, under the covers).

14.       On one or both of the pillows.

15.       On a pile of clean, neatly-folded clothes (my personal favorite!).

16.       On the food buffet table during a party.

17.       On your human's phone (preferably in the little impossible-to-clean mouthpiece holes).

18.       On the kitchen floor (from the top of the refrigerator... talk about a Jackson Pollock art  happening!).

19.       On your human's rare copy of Elvis Presley's "Good Rockin' Tonight" on Sun Records.

20.       In your food bowl (if you don't like the food and want it replaced... works every time).

A Truly Fat Cat

A couple days ago, Steve’s female (who told me to say that she is the BEST realtor in the San Fernando Valley), visited a property and saw what she described as the fattest cat she had ever seen. And, madre de dios, was she ever right! Even though I’m well-known for my somewhat portly and prodigious girth, this kitty (shown in the photo above) makes me look like a ballerina.

Now it may seem funny for a kitty to be this fat, and in The World Is STILL Your Litter Box, I facetiously wrote about what to do if your human puts you on a diet, but all kidding aside, it’s not good for any cat to be this hefty. As with humans, obesity puts undue strain on the heart and other vital organs, and makes day-to-day functioning very difficult. And even though we cats sleep around 20 hours a day, there are still times when we need to run, jump and play. So, fellow plus-size kitties, it’s fine if you’re a little on the rotund side like me, but if you start looking like the cat in the photo, you might want to push back from your food bowl a little bit.

For a more complete story about the kitty in the photo, you can visit the female’s blog by clicking here.

On a slightly different subject, my blog has been added to Facebook’s “Networked Blogs” application. To follow my blog on Facebook, click on “Follow This Blog” in the badge down just a little ways in the right-hand column.

A Visit with Matilda at the Algonquin Hotel

Steve and his female (my humans) are back from their visit to New York City, and as I had hoped, they were granted an audience with Matilda, the house cat at the famous Algonquin Hotel. When Steve and the female entered the hotel and asked to see Matilda, they were told that she was off-duty and not seeing anyone. Fortunately, Steve used his cache as the co-author of The World Is Your Litter Box, and voila… they were led into the inner sanctum at the Algonquin – well, okay, the luggage room – where they found Matilda resting from the rigors of her job running the hotel and looking cute for the guests. That’s Steve in the photo above, giving Matilda a well-deserved petting.

Later, Steve and his female had drinks at the Algonquin (which were ouchie-expensive, but what the hay), and what did they discover right behind their chairs… one of Matilda’s favorite sleeping places, as evidenced by the authentic Matilda kitty hair in the photo below...

Matilda, who is the latest in a long line of house kitties dating back to the 1930s at the Algonquin, is very sweet, so if your humans live in or go to New York City, be sure they stop in and say hello. And tell her Quasi sent you.

The REAL Reason for My Humans' Trip to NYC

Steve and his female (my humans) are going to New York City for a few days to visit friends and just generally goof around in the Big Apple. But the REAL reason for their trip, so they’ve assured me, is to meet Matilda, the famous Algonquin Hotel kitty (shown above), and enlist her help in promoting my books (those would be The World Is Your Litter Box and The World Is STILL Your Litter Box in case you’d forgotten!).

The Algonquin Hotel, which is famous for its writer’s round table of the 1920s, has had a house kitty since the 1930s, with Matilda being the latest. Naturally, Matilda has become a big celebrity in New York, so it will be quite exciting to make her acquaintance, even if it is only through Steve and his female.

Of course, with Steve and the female gone, me and my housemates, Bo Diddley and Piglet, will be left at home alone – well, not actually alone… we’ll be cared for by our wonderful pet sitter.  But still, as always when the humans go away, they will pay dearly for their transgression in the form of household damage. I just might cut them a little slack, though, if they bring me back a pawtographed photo of Matilda.

Cat Island Survives Earthquake & Tsunami in Japan

Amid the tragic and heartbreaking stories coming out of Japan in the wake of the devastating earthquake and tsunami, there’s finally a bit of good news… Cat Island, along with its people and multitude of cats, has survived!

Cat Island, known as Tashirojima, is located off the northeast coast of Honshu, Japan’s main island. Because of the island's close proximity to the epicenter of the earthquake, the inhabitants (cats and people) were feared to have been lost. However, via a post on The Conscious Cat from a cat lover with a friend in Japan, we have word that the cats and people are okay! Of course, there was extensive building damage and the need for bare necessities is great…. but at least, Cat Island has prevailed.

On Tashirojima, there are only around 100 people, most of whom are elderly, and they are greatly outnumbered by cats. Cat Island came to be when years ago, the islanders raised silkworms for silk and cats were used to keep the mouse population down. The cat population was subsequently nurtured by fisherman, who interpreted the cats’ actions as predictions of weather and fish patterns. The fishermen even created a shrine for a cat that was killed by a falling rock.

Needless to say, rescue services and humanitarian organizations in Japan are severely overloaded, and much help is needed from the world community. If you would like to make a donation and help the cats and people on Tashirojima (and in other stricken areas of Japan), visit World Vets, an international organization that provides aid to animals worldwide. For a list of other animal-related aid organizations, go to “Animal Rights & Rescue Organizations” under “Links” on The World Is Your Litter Box website.

Special thanks to Ingrid King of The Conscious Cat and Karen Nichols of The Cat’s Meow for conveying the good news about Cat Island.

A Cute Kitty Photo & Funny One-Liners

Steve and his female (my humans) are very fond of a TV show called Tosh.O on Comedy Central, which features funny, sick, inane, and sometimes disgusting (but wildly hilarious) videos that have been posted on the Internet by allegedly normal humans. In one of the segments, they run a short clip, then Daniel Tosh, the comedian who hosts the show, says something like, “Let’s put 20 seconds on the clock and see how many funny comments I can make.”

Well, as you know, ‘ole Quaz is quite a jokester himself, so I decided to “put 20 seconds on the clock” and see how many funny one-liners I could come up with about this adorable kitty-in-a-bag photo….

• I didn’t know they sold cute kitties at Trader Joes!
• Hey, there’s no cat food in here!
• Bet you’re wondering what aisle they found me in.
• Grocery bag… or portal to Hell?
• Paper is WAY better than plastic.
• Wait ‘til they see what I did in their granola!
• These groceries are MINE.
• That was the most delicious arugula I ever ate.
• What? No Chateau Lafite?
• I’m organic!
• Going through self checkout was HIGHLY confusing.

So when do I get my own show on Comedy Central?

Goodbye Borders

As I’m sure pretty much everyone knows, big changes are afoot in the way media – including books – is delivered to the buying public. More and more, the Internet has become the premiere shopping spot for books, music, video and the like, and this change, naturally, has had a severe impact on the old “brick and mortar” way of doing business. Each day, it seems, another bookstore or music store closes their doors forever… sort of like blacksmith shops when automobiles started to catch on, or typewriter shops when computers became commonplace.

The latest victim of this change is Borders, which was previously a major bookseller right up there with Barnes & Noble. Borders’ management is saying that the company is merely restructuring and regrouping, but with so many Borders stores closing around the country, it’s pretty obvious that the end is near. The photo of The World Is Your Litter Box (above) was taken at the Borders store in downtown San Francisco, which is currently in the process of being picked clean before it closes.

Still, change is inevitable, and on the bright side, the Internet is offering all kinds of very cool options for book buyers and authors such as yours truly. For example, if you have an e-reader, you can download The World Is STILL Your Litter Box and be reading it in minutes without even having to leave your home. (Yes, I know… another shameless plug for my second book. Sorry…I couldn’t resist!)

Sad as it is to see the old ways change and disappear, it is truly exciting to be living in an age when new ideas and innovations seem to be coming at us on a daily basis. Can new advances in litter boxes and scratching posts be far behind?

The REAL Reason for the Protests in Egypt

I’m pretty certain there’s not a human or cat on Earth that does not know about the protests in Egypt that have driven longtime president/dictator Hosni Mubarak from power. But what many people DON’T know is the REAL REASON for the protests. Sure, everyone has heard about the oppression, the plundering of Egypt’s wealth, and worst of all, the cutoff of the Internet… but that’s not what sent thousands of Egyptians into the streets. Your intrepid reporter, Quasi Tutankhamun, has the true story, but first, a little history…

The ancient Egyptians, in their glorious wisdom, worshipped a cat goddess named Bastet, who became a national deity around 950 BC (that’s a long time ago, even in cat years). Bastet, who was also known as Bast, was a happy and benign goddess who brought good fortune and joy to all… sort of like kitties today. And because all cats were considered to be manifestations of Bastet, they were considered sacred – in fact, cats were so highly regarded in Egyptian society that it was a crime to kill a cat and punishable by death. Some Egyptians were even jailed for failing to give their cats proper tummy rubs (actually, I just made that part up, but let’s just say that those Egyptian kitties certainly had it made!).

Now, to the real reason for the protests. Of all the odious things Hosni Mubarak did during his 30-year rule, perhaps none were more insidious that his stubborn refusal to accept the fact that cats are STILL sacred like they were in ancient Egypt, and that Egypt can only have one true leader… the cat goddess Bastet. Well, clearly something as egregious as this could not be tolerated… so, like the good cat lovers they are, the modern day Egyptians took it to the streets, and after several days of angry protests, they righted this appalling wrong.

So, fellow manifestations of Bastet, no matter which human ends up being the titular head of Egypt, never forget that Egypt’s real leader walks on four legs, purrs, looks cute, and no matter how demanding the stress of leadership may be, always has time for a nice tummy rub.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Well, it’s that time of year again when a young cat’s fancy turns to love, although yours truly is a hunk-a-hunk-a burnin’ love 365 days a year. Still, there’s nothing like having a special day dedicated to amour for everyone to enjoy and remember how important love truly is. I hope everyone has someone special to share it with.

For your loving (and laughing) pleasure, here’s the “Valentine’s Day” excerpt from the “Holiday Fun & Danger” chapter of The World Is Your Litter Box…

Valentine’s Day: A good holiday for cats. Love is in the air and typically, male humans give female humans gifts such as candy and flowers. This means you will have wrapping paper and ribbons to play with and flowers to sniff (and eat). If your human gets a box of candy and leaves the top off, you can have the sumptuous pleasure of licking and sampling each individual piece. Because humans tend to get all mushy and gooey on Valentine’s day, you can usually expect to receive a little extra lovin’ yourself, and maybe even a present. Steve and his female are such shameless cat lovers that they always buys me a Valentine present, usually a cat toy, catnip, or the most expensive kind of kitty food. Ain’t love grand!

NOTE: In some instances on Valentine’s Day, your human may pay more attention to another human than you. This is UNACCEPTABLE HUMAN BEHAVIOR and cannot be tolerated. If your human is being amorous with another human and ignoring you, jump between (or on) them and meow loudly to express your displeasure. Then, turn your back, stick your rear end in their faces and march off in a huff. Make them understand that Valentine’s Day or not, you are numero uno and will not be ignored.

Along with Steve and his female, and Bo Diddley and Piglet (my kitty housemates) I want to wish you and yours a most happy Valentine’s Day!

Valentine's Day Gift Suggestions (For Males Only!)

Hey tomcats and male humans… I know what you’re thinking right about now. You’re thinking, “Yikes! Valentine’s Day is just a little over a week away and I haven’t gotten anything for my honey! Whatever shall I do?” Well, if your Valentine loves cats (and who doesn’t), may I humbly suggest that you buy her my two books, The World Is Your Litter Box and the sequel, The World Is STILL Your Litter Box. In fact, to accentuate my point, here are ten good reasons why my books would make such great presents for your cat-loving Valentine:

1. They’re much more original than roses.
2. They’re way cheaper than roses (now I’ve got your attention, huh).
3. They’re less fattening than chocolates.
4. They won’t melt and turn gooey like chocolates.
5. We need the money more than See’s Candy or FTD Florist.
6. They’re sexier than anything you'll find at Victoria's Secret (well... maybe not)
7. Your Valentine will be impressed with your exceptional taste in literature.
8. You can order the books from Amazon and avoid the dreaded mall… and Amazon will even gift wrap them for you!
9. Your Valentine will think you’re the cat’s pajamas for getting her such a unique and thoughtful gift.
10. Your Valentine will like my books so much, you might even get lucky!

So this Valentine’s Day, give her what she REALLY wants… her own copies of The World Is Your Litter Box and The World Is STILL Your Litter Box. Order them right away and be a hero on February 14th!

Cat Products That REALLY Work (Yeah, right!)

A couple days ago, I was hanging out with Steve’s female while she was reading the Sunday New York Times Magazine and I couldn’t help but notice an ad for a sofa with the pledge “Constructed to Last for Generations.” Now, admittedly, this sofa looked very nice and well-built, but “last for generations?” Oh, please! I could shred this entire sofa in a matter of hours without even straining myself! So “last for generations”… well, maybe if you’re talking about gnat generations. But if you’re talking human or cat generations, forget it.

During the course of watching TV with Steve and his female, I’ve seen numerous commercials for a variety of products that are “guaranteed to work,” but would, in fact, revolutionize mankind – and in some instances, cat-kind – if they actually did. To entice humans to try these products, many commercials include “But wait, there’s more!” where they “give” you accessories or an extra item or something like that. Regardless of the hype, most of these products fail to perform as advertised, break quickly, or are just plain junk to begin with. Here are a few cat-related products that have been advertised on TV and are “guaranteed to work.” (I’m not mentioning the names of the products or the manufacturers because we can’t afford to get sued)...

First is a revolutionary new cat scratcher that sits on the floor and is supposed to be irresistible to us felines… it’s scented with catnip (big whoop). This is a clever little gadget, but completely unacceptable to any cat that wants a truly good scratch. It’s far too small to allow you to stretch and get your back into it while scratching, and besides, who wants to use this sad little thing when there’s a perfectly good couch close at paw. And furthermore, as I said in my second book, The World Is STILL Your Litter Box, scratching posts are for sissies… real cats ALWAYS use the couch.

Then there’s a cleaning product that’s “guaranteed” to remove pet hair from upholstery. Well, like most pet hair removal products, this one uses a sticky sheet to pick up the fur and dander, but what they don’t show you on TV is that after about two swipes, the sticky sheet is so full of fur that it’s no longer sticky and you have to replace it. So, yes, around 500 sticky sheets and a whole lot of work later, you’ve got a couch that’s free of pet hair… until one of us loving creatures gets back up there and negates all your labors in about two seconds.

Lastly, we’ve got an item that’s supposed to stop us cats from shedding. Supposedly, this doodad removes fur trapped in a cat’s undercoat before it falls out. Well, if you believe that, I’ve got some swampland in Florida I’d like to sell you. The simple fact is that when we kitties get to shedding, especially in the spring when we blow off our winter coats, there’s not a de-shedding tool in the world that can stem the tide (or the fur).

So remember TV-watching humans, if you see a commercial for a cat product that seems too good to be true, it probably is. Still, you never know when they might come up with something that really does work, so… well, probably not.

Les Chats de France

Late last fall, Steve and his female made their third visit to France…yes, they are incorrigible Francophiles. This time, they spent a few days in Normandy before going to Paris, and as always, they made sure to stop, pet and photograph every chat (that’s “cat” in French) they encountered. And when Steve and the female come home from France, I always love to hear about all the chats they met and, of course, look at the photos.

In the collage above (click on it to enlarge), the top left photo was taken in Beuvron-en-Auge, a well-preserved 17th Century village in Normandy, and the chat Steve is petting had only three legs. Despite this handicap, the chat had no trouble prancing over to the table and meowing for a café-au-lait, preferably without the café-au.

The top right photo was also taken in Beuvron-en-Auge and shows that all cats – wherever they live and whatever they are called – love tummy rubs! And yes, this chat did grab and bite Steve’s arm. Some things are the same all over.

The bottom left photo was taken in the Marais district of Paris, near the Hotel de Sens. The Marais is a very popular area for humans and kitties, and this particular chat was only too happy to have a nice hind-end rub (yes, that oh-so-sensitive spot above the tail knows no international boundaries).

The last photo shows a very nice white chat (my astral twin) in Montorgueil, a pedestrian area in the center of Paris that is famous for its fish, meat and produce markets. This lucky chat actually lives in one of the markets and gets to nap on whatever food he wants. How franciase is that?

So that's my little travelogue. I hope you enjoyed seeing the photos and meeting my kitty amis (that’s “friends” in French) who live in Paris and Normandy. Vive le chats!