QUASI'S COOL CAT i-MIX

Just in time for the “dog” days of summer, your friend Quasi has created the ultimate i-Mix for all you cool cats and kittens to enjoy at work and at play! Along with classics such as “Year of the Cat” and “Stray Cat Strut,” you’ll find some real gems including “Litter Box Boogie,” “Leave My Kitten Alone,” “Do the Hairball,” and “When Kitty Eyes are Smiling.” Proving, unequivocally and without question, that CATS ROCK!

Check it out on itunes:

Here’s the complete list of songs:

Put Your Cat Clothes On – Carl Perkins
What’s New Pussycat – Tom Jones
Litterbox Boogie – Laurel Canyon Animal Company
Black Cat – Janet Jackson
Stray Cat Strut – Stray Cats
Do The Hairball – The Mopes
Leave My Kitten Alone – Little Willie John
Stray Cat Blues – Rolling Stones
Carol of the Meows – Guster
I Love My Cat’s Meow – Donnie Barren
Pink Pussycat – Devo
Hairball or Puke – Budda Bang
Swing Sweet Pussycat – Atomic Fireballs
Year of the Cat – Al Stewart
When Kitty Eyes Are Smiling – Marc Gunn

ROTO ROOTER TO THE RESCUE!

Here's a heartwarming story of exceptional humans helping a kitty in trouble…

On Friday, in Brecksville, Ohio, a kitten was rescued from an 8-inch PVC drain pipe by a team of good Samaritans from Roto Rooter. The two Roto Rooter guys who orchestrated the rescue effort, Larry Ozanick and Michael Zenker, used a drain snake equipped with a camera to keep an eye on the hapless kitty while a crew of five or six humans attempted to reach it. Six hours later… success! The kitten was taken to a vet, checked out, and found to be just fine, although a bit dirty and smelly from being in a drain pipe for so long. Larry immediately adopted the kitty and named him (appropriately enough) Roto.

So here's a big paws up to Larry, Michael, and the entire Roto Rooter team in Brecksville. Nice going, humans! And to little Roto, a word of advice… stay out of drain pipes!

OBAMA, McCAIN, OR... (QUASI'S STRAW POLL #1)

As a public service, your politically-minded kitty friend Quasi has decided to run a series of straw polls between now and the fall election. Yes, fellow cats, since the Founding Fathers failed to give us cats the right to vote, here is your chance to weigh in on the candidates. All you have to do is post a response (with comments if you like), and our nerdy team of statistical experts will compile and list the results. Kitties in other countries may also express their opinions… after all, it’s a global community, right? And lastly, to make things a little more interesting, I’ve added a few additional candidates who may or may not run.

The candidates are:

• Barack Obama
• John McCain
• Hello Kitty
• Elizabeth II, Queen of England
• A-Rod
• Mick Jagger
• Brangelina
• No One

Disclaimer: This poll is entirely unscientific and unsanctioned by cats or humans in any official capacity or position of authority. It is, however, sanctioned by me!

THE WORLD IS YOUR LITTER BOX BOOK SIGNING

Last Friday, Steve signed copies of The World Is Your Litter Box at the Los Angeles gift show, which was attended by human gift store owners from all over the country. As usual, Shill, my robotic book-signing emissary, attended on my behalf. The event was very successful and we made many new friends. That’s Steve and Shill in the photo above.

One thing about Steve, though… he’s getting a little cocky doing all these book signings. In fact, on posters promoting the gift show event, he was referred to as the AUTHOR of The World Is Your Litter Box… can you believe it? Harummmph! Clearly, I had to correct THAT situation toot suite! So, with the use of my extraordinary kitty telepathic powers, I ordered him to say, as he signed each book... “Actually, Quasi is the REAL author of the book. I just typed what he told me to write.”

Anyway, you can expect to start seeing The World Is Your Litter Box at gift-type shops in your area in addition to normal bookstores. And if you go into a store and they DON’T have the book, give them a good, juicy hiss for me!

TROUBLED TIMES

This morning, Steve and his female were pouring over the newspaper with furrowed brows and saying words such as "the economy," "inflation," "recession," "high gas prices," "foreclosures," "Fannie Mae" and "Freddie Mac." I don't really know what any of this means, and the only "Mac" I'm familiar with is Big Mac (and maybe Bernie Mac), but it seems like humans these days are pretty nervous about all things involving those dirty green papers with pictures of former government employees.

Now right about here you’re probably thinking, “Geez, Quasi, this all sounds pretty scary. What can I do to help my human through these troubled times?” Well, fellow cat, probably the best thing you can do is provide your human with comfort and solace (as only a kitty can). Just make sure they don’t try to save money by skimping on your food. And even more important, don’t let them deny you your copy of The World Is Your Litter Box, which is priced at the ridiculously low, recession-friendly price of $9.95. (Yes, desperate times call for desperately-cheap plugs for my book!).

And don’t forget… as FDR said during the Great Depression, “We have nothing to fear but fear itself... and maybe large, mean dogs.”

BRANGELINA'S TWINS

Last Saturday, Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt welcomed twin baby humans, a boy and a girl, and everyone in the world is going crazy! Hey, I'm as happy for Brad and Angelina as the next guy, but personally, I don't really understand why this is such a big deal. Mama cats regularly have at least FOUR offspring, and they don't have an entourage of nannies to take care of them. And consider what mama cats have to deal with on a daily basis... because kittens become agile and curious so quickly, kitty mamas have their paws full just keeping track of them. Then there's the constant yowling for food and attention. And I don't think Angelina has to lick her babies clean several times a day like mama kitties do.

At any rate, we here at Team Quasi send our congratulations to Brangelina, and to their two new babies, Knox and Vivienne. Still, on behalf of mama cats everywhere, I DEMAND equal media coverage whenever a litter of two or more kittens is born!

SPAM WHAT AM!

Every once in awhile, some misguided, humorless schmoo will accuse me spamming to promote my fabulous, hysterically-funny book, The World Is Your Litter Box. Sure I’m often guilty of shameless hype, but quite frankly, I think a little self-aggrandizement in the name of high-quality literature (like my book) is not that big a deal.

Now, if you want to see some REAL spam, check this out… this is actual text (with my comments in parenthesis and italics) that was sent to me on MySpace:

“I really feel shy, but I have to tell you, Quasi, that you are the man of my dreams…” (Well, that’s really nice to hear except for one minor thing… I’m a cat!)

“…I want to find a man who will help me realize all my fantasies…. I mean my sexy fantasies!” (I don’t think I can help you with your “sexy” fantasies... I no longer have my cojones.)

“… your photos are marvelous, but I’m sure in your real life, you will excite me even more!” (You're right… if you find sleeping 20 hours a day exciting.)

“…I’m from Burbank, California, United States too!” (You forgot to add Northern Hemisphere, Planet Earth, Milky Way.)

“… you can find my spicy photos at my profile!” (The only spicy thing I’m interested in is maybe a little Tabasco sauce on my Kitty Stew.)

So there you have it, fellow cat… pure, unadulterated spam that’s not exactly family fare… unlike the “spam” for my book, which is wholesome, humorous and educational.

IN MEMORIAM

John, the female’s father and Steve’s father-in-law, passed away peacefully on Thursday, July 3rd. He was 91 years old. During his long and wonderful life, John loved animals of all kinds, but especially cats. I feel pretty certain that when he crossed over, all the cats he loved throughout the years were there to greet him (and demand attention!).

Rest in peace, John. You will be missed.

Love,
Steve, Judy & Quasi

HAPPY JULY 4TH WEEKEND!

With the 4th of July upon us, I thought I’d share my personal take on the holiday from a cat’s perspective. Here is an excerpt from the “Holiday Fun (& Danger)” chapter of The World Is Your Litter Box….

“4th of July: The birthday of America with lots of patriotic razzle-dazzle, but not a good holiday for cats. Most Americans celebrate the 4th with backyard barbeques that fill the air with noxious, cloying smoke (Fools! Do they think global warming is a myth?) Then when it gets dark, after gorging themselves and drinking copious amounts of beer, they go and watch explosions in the sky. While some of these explosions are quite pretty (and quite psychedelic if you’ve been sniffing catnip), they are loud and VERY SCARY. Apart from seeing homes festooned with American flags and hearing off-key versions of the Star Spangled Banner played by horrible high school bands, and the possibility of eating leftover BBQ, there is not much for a cat to look forward to on the 4th of July except the return of sanity on the 5th. NOTE: The 4th of July is a time you outdoor cats should stay inside. Believe it or not, some twisted humans will actually go out of their way to torment cats with fireworks. OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!”

Here’s wishing everyone (cat, human and otherwise) a safe, happy and fun-filled 4th of July!

Your Friend,
Quasi