Write a Book Review of The World Is STILL Your Litter Box

Have you ever read a convoluted book review by some snobby self-absorbed intellectual and thought to yourself, “I could write a better review than THAT!” Well, fellow cats (and cat lovers), here’s your chance. If you bought The World Is STILL Your Litter Box from Amazon.com, you’re entitled to write a review and tell everyone on Earth what you think of the book. Start by going to Amazon’s page for The World Is STILL Your Litter Box. Click on “customer reviews,” which is right under the title info. This will take you to the “Reviews,” page, where you can click on “Create Your Own Review” and have at it. Needless to say, it would be most helpful if you said something nice, but all constructive comments would be welcome… hey, I can take the heat! We’ll also add your review to the “Reviews” page on the Litter Box website.

And while I’m shamelessly plugging The World Is STILL Your Litter Box, let me remind you that the book makes a perfect Father’s Day gift for the cat-loving dad in your life. Let’s face it… what father wouldn’t rather get a cat book than socks, a tie, or some type of power tool?

How Kittens Are Made

Throughout the history of cinema, certain films have come along and made such an impact that they elevated the art form to new plateaus and pointed the motion picture industry in an entirely new direction… films such as Citizen Kane, Casablanca, Gone With the Wind, The Bicycle Thief, Star Wars, The Godfather, and anything with Jennifer Aniston to name but a few.

Now, another rubicon in the history of filmmaking has been crossed. Yes, movie aficionados, for your viewing pleasure, I have channeled Orson Welles and directed my first film, “How Kittens Are Made,” a groundbreaking two-minute slice of cinema vérité featuring my friend and protégée, Andy. Here are some of the early reactions from film buffs around the world…

• “OMG… what a mancat!”
• “Mon Dieu… le chat du amour!”
• “Made my pulse race!“
• “LOL funny!”
• “Get that cat a hooker!”

Now, a brief word of warning… “How Kittens Are Made” is a bit on the risqué side, so if you’re easily offended by humor that might be considered by some to be racy and slightly twisted, don’t watch it. However, if you think you can stand it, here’s the link…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bUGQqN87LNI

Enjoy!

Why My Book Promos Are Less Annoying Than Political Ads

One thing about being a writer these days is that unless you’re really, really famous (or a nauseating celebrity with a tawdry lifestyle), most publishers will do very little to promote your books. What this means is that many authors, like me for example, have to shoulder the majority of the PR load and get the word out any way we can.

Now, I acknowledge that sometimes, my incessant hyping of The World Is Your Litter Box and The World Is STILL Your Litter Box (notice how I cleverly slipped the names in there!) can get a little irksome. But consider this… when compared to political ads, repeated references to my books are like a breath of fresh air. In fact, to illustrate the point, here are ten good reasons why promos for my books are far less annoying than political ads:

My book promos…

1. Are not on TV every five minutes
2. Do not include nonsensical B.S. from candidates
3. Do not ruthlessly batter opponents (in my case, other cat books)
4. Do not include phrases like “Commie” and “Right-Wing Nut Job”
5. Are not full of untruths (that’s a polite way of saying “lies”)
6. Do not single out ethic groups for subtle-but-slimy attacks
7. Do not include frenzied cheers such as “Lit-Ter-Box, Lit-Ter-Box”
8. Do not state that I will solve ALL problems without raising taxes
9. Are amusing and entertaining (I think so, anyway)
10. Are not self-serving (Well, okay, they are… but in a good way!)

So the next time you see one of my promos for The World Is Your Litter Box or The World Is STILL Your Litter Box (yes, once again I’ve slipped the names in, ha-ha!) and think to yourself, “Will Quasi NEVER go away?” just be glad that I’m not a politician running for office. Or, you could simply succumb to the hype and buy the books (The World Is Your Litter Box and The World Is STILL Your Litter Box in case you forgot!).

Don't Go In There!

Here’s another kitty-in-trouble story that fortunately (and amazingly) has a happy ending.

Last week, in a suburb of Sydney, Australia, a four-month old Persian kitten named Kimba climbed into a front loading washing machine and curled up on the clothes. (I know… this sounds bad already). Another member of the family, who didn’t know that Kimba was in the washing machine, closed the door and started a full wash cycle, which included a high-level spin.

Anyway, when Kimba’s human went to pull the clothes out of the washing machine, they found Kimba, who “looked like a drowned rat,” but was miraculously alive. Kimba was rushed to the vet, where she was treated for shock and hypothermia (the wash cycle was set for "cold"). She also received treatment for her eyes, which were irritated by the detergent. Luckily, however, Kimba is expected to make a full recovery. Whew!

The moral of this story, and this is directed primarily toward humans who have a kitten in the house, is to BE VERY CAREFUL when doing laundry, and MAKE SURE no cats are in the washer or the dryer before you shut the door and start the machine. Need I say more?

The one good thing that came out of this misadventure for Kimba is that she is now so clean, she won’t have to wash herself again until she’s at least one year old. Still, all you other cats and kittens out there, I would highly advise you to use your sandpaper tongue for cleaning and leave the washers and dryers to humans.

Memorial Day 2010

On this Memorial Day weekend, amid all the shopping and BBQs and general mayhem, let’s all take a few moments to remember the humans who made the ultimate sacrifice to protect and defend the way of life we hold so dear. I wish there were no wars, but I give wholehearted thanks to the men and women who fought and died in them on our behalf.

And while we’re at it, let’s use this opportunity to remember all the wonderful kitties that graced us with their presence and have now gone to the Rainbow Bridge. Thank you for all the years of joy you gave us, and thank you for enriching our lives with your unconditional love. We’ll never forget you.

And lastly, Memorial Day weekend falls right in the middle of kitten season, so if you have room in your home, why not think about adopting a member of the next generation of cats. These new-to-the-world kittens are ready and waiting to warm our hearts with boundless joy, and by doing so, will become the beloved cats we’ll cherish and remember on Memorial Day weekends in the distant future. After all, isn’t that what Memorial Day is all about?

Say Hello to My Little Friends

The World Is STILL Your Litter Box, the newly-released sequel to The World Is Your Litter Box, marks the literary debut of my two housemates and kitty compadres, Bo Diddley and Piglet. Both cats, who are brothers, were adopted from a pet rescue organization shortly after the ill-advised-but-hilarious “Babysitting Guest Kittens” episode described in the new book. At first, I was more than a little perturbed by their presence, but I quickly came to realize that living in a multiple cat household has certain distinct advantages when dealing with the humans (as you will also see in the new book). That's Pig in the top photo, and B.D. , with his personal copy of The World Is STILL Your Litter Box, in the bottom photo.

Bo Diddley, or B.D. for short, is a plus-size cat like me, and is a gentle, loving soul with nary a mean bone in his body. B.D. loves nothing more than to sit in Steve’s lap, receive petting, and purr at 120 decibels. Somewhere, there’s a kitty that was born at exactly the same time as B.D. who is not as sweet as he should have been because B.D. got an extra dose of sweetness. Piglet, or Pig as we call him, was clearly the runt of the litter and is a little wanting in the grooming department (hence his nickname, Pig). Pig is a scrappy little guy – sort of like James Cagney might have been if James Cagney had been a cat – and as such, he makes frequent (and futile) challenges to my alpha maleness. Although this forces me to take up paws against him, I can’t help but like the little guy and admire his spunk.

Anyway, you’ll find out much more about B.D., Pig, and our collective antics in The World Is STILL Your Litter Box. Now if you’ll excuse me, it’s time for our first communal nap of the day.

The World Is STILL Your Litter Box - Now Available!

The wait is over! My new book, The World Is STILL Your Litter Box, is finally available for purchase from all the major on-line booksellers, including Amazon and Barnes & Noble. You can also ask your favorite bookstore to order a copy for you if they don’t have it on the shelf. The book is available in both softcover and eBook formats.

If you’re one of the millions – well, okay, thousands – of cats and cat lovers who enjoyed The World Is Your Litter Box, then you’re in for a real treat with The World Is STILL Your Litter Box. Like its predecessor, the new book is loaded with wit and wisdom from yours truly to help make a cat’s life even more pleasant, enjoyable and entertaining than it already is. Yes, with The World Is STILL Your Litter Box, I’ve held nothing back and pushed the envelope of cat humor to unheard of new extremes. In other words, get ready to laugh your tail off!

In conjunction with the release of The World Is STILL Your Litter Box, we’ve revamped the official The World Is Your Litter Box website to include information about the new book, excerpts, and lots of other fun cat stuff. Drop by and check it out. We’ve also created an official fan page on Facebook, and of course, you can follow my daily musings on Twitter.

Anyway, fellow cat, I hope you enjoy reading The World Is STILL Your Litter Box as much as I enjoyed writing it and Steve (my human) enjoyed typing it. Now if you’ll excuse me, I think I’ll celebrate the release of my second book by taking a long, well-deserved nap.

The Oil Spill and How You Can Help

The devastating oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico, which occurred as the result of an oil rig explosion late last month, has already caused untold ecological damage and is threatening to become an even greater disaster. As of this writing, crude oil continues to pour into the Gulf unabated, and at an alarming rate.

In an effort to contain the leak, humans have towed a four-story concrete-and-steel box out to the location where the oil rig used to be. This giant contraption is to be lowered down to the seabed, where it will hopefully cover the leaking pipe. At that point, in theory, the leaking oil can be pumped up to a tanker. I’m not really sure of all the fine points as to how this is supposed to resolve the situation, but let’s hope it works.

Meanwhile, here’s a way for all us creatures with fur and/or hair to help out. Actually, I read about this on The Cat’s Meow blog yesterday and it’s a great idea. It seems that fur and human hair can be used to make booms that absorb oil, and there’s an environmental organization, Excess Access, that has all this figured out. Right now, they’re collecting excess fur, hair and nylons that can be used to make booms and help contain the oil spill. So during this shedding season, you can put your excess fur to good use (instead of ingesting it and kacking it back up).

For more information, please visit the Excess Access website. Hey, every little bit helps!

Animal Cruelty and the Supreme Court

As you know, I normally try to keep my posts fairly light and humorous, but there’s nothing light or humorous about this: last Tuesday, by a vote of 8-1, the United States Supreme Court determined that videos depicting cruelty to animals, including heinous and despicable “crush videos,” merit free speech protection under the First Amendment of the Constitution.

As a cat, I feel sick to my stomach, nor only for members of my own species, but for all animals that might be subject to cruelty merely to satisfy human pleasures. .. or for any other reason. Have humans completely lost their hearts as well as their minds?

I completely understand the need to protect free speech, but where do humans draw the line? Does this mean its okay to yell “Fire!” in a crowded movie theater or make violent threats against someone? If not, then why should sickos be allowed to make videos that show kittens and other small animals being crushed by hollow-headed bimbos in high heels?

Since its apparently okay to say or do just about anything, I’m going to express my right to free speech and state that anyone involved in making videos where animals are hurt, tortured or killed should bear the full karmic weight of their actions. And to the young women who participate in on-camera cruelty to animals, I hope the frightened faces and anguished sounds of these poor, defenseless creatures haunt you to your dying day.

Sorry to be so intense about all this, but cruelty to animals should not be tolerated by anyone for any reason.

Update: The World Is STILL Your Litter Box

The World Is STILL Your Litter Box, my long-awaited follow-up to The World Is Your Litter Box, has entered the production phase. In other words, barring any unexpected human foibles, the book is on schedule for release toward the end of May. VERY exciting! The new book contains the same edgy, meow-out-loud humor that has made The World Is Your Litter Box a cat cult classic. Here are just some of the chapters:

• How to Tell If Your Human Is a True Cat Nut
• How to Live with Multiple Cats & Alpha Males
• Ways to Annoy Your Human Just for Fun
• What to Do If Your Human Puts You On a Diet
• Things to Do (And Not to Do) When You're Buzzed On Catnip
• How to Make Sure Your Human Keeps Your Litter Box Clean
• Flummoxing Enigmas for Cats

The World Is STILL Your Litter Box will be available in both softcover and ebook formats. And if I may say so myself, it's just as funny (if not funnier) than its predecessor. Get ready to laugh your hind end off!

Daylight Savings Time

Well, fellow cats, spring is almost here, and with it comes daylight savings time. Yes, that’s right… it’s that oh-so-discombobulating time of year when humans set their clocks forward one hour to make the sunny part of the day longer. How setting clocks forward one hour affects the astral relationship between the sun and the Earth is beyond me, but I’ll leave that one for greater minds to figure out. All I know is, setting clocks back and forth is VERY confusing and messes everything (and everyone) up.

But, there’s a silver lining to all this! The advent of daylight savings time allows me to present an advance excerpt from my forthcoming book, The World Is STILL Your Litter Box, which will be out toward the end of May. Here’s the “Daylight Savings Section” of the chapter entitled “Confusing Enigmas for Cats.”

Daylight Savings Time: Here’s one that even humans find to be a cause of consternation and falls into the category of “Why do they do it to themselves?” In order to save energy or whatever, humans have come up with something called daylight savings time, which requires them to set their clocks forward one hour in the spring and one hour back in the fall. This is especially inconvenient in the modern age, when most households have at least 86 devices with digital clocks that are highly complicated to reset. Anyway, in the spring, as a result of this ill-conceived idea, 7:00 a.m. becomes 8:00 a.m., and in the fall, 7:00 a.m. becomes 6:00 a.m. I know, it’s TOTALLY confusing. It bollixes up natural sleep patterns, and for the two or three days it takes to adjust to the time change, everyone is inordinately cranky (me included). Unfortunately for humans, our internal kitty clocks are not quite so easily resettable. Therefore, in the spring, we wake our humans one hour later, and in the fall, we wake them one hour earlier. Hey, if humans wouldn’t monkey around with the natural order of things, none of this would happen, so they have only themselves to blame.

Anyway, fellow cats, don’t forget to remind your human to set their clocks forward one hour this Sunday. And think of the joy you’ll have waking them up at your normal time, which will, in fact, be one hour earlier. Oh how I love human foibles!

More Info About The World Is STILL Your Litter Box

The manuscript for The World Is STILL Your Litter Box is finally complete. Whew! Writing a book is VERY hard work, especially for a busy cat like myself who has a myriad of other important kitty responsibilities (such as cleaning myself, patrolling the yard and looking cute).

Fortunately for me, my human, Steve, is handling the whole process of getting the book ready for publication, etc. In fact, last week, he met with Ward Schumaker, the artist who did the cover for The World Is Your Litter Box about doing the cover for the new book. Ward is a very well-known and talented artist, so we're happy to have him on board and we can't wait to see what he comes up with.

Meanwhile, not to toot my own horn (beep beep), but I must say I've outdone myself with The World Is STILL Your Litter Box. And fellow cat, like the first book, it's loaded with information to help make your life even more pleasant and enjoyable than it already is. And of course, it's disguised as a cute cat book so your human will buy it, little realizing that it is you who will actually reap the benefits.

The World Is STILL Your Litter Box will be available in May 2010. I'll provide updated information for you as it arises.

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!

Along with my human, Steve, I want to wish all my kitty and human friends a HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY. I hope your Valentine's Day is filled with lots of love. And for your amusement and reading pleasure, here's the 'Valentine's Day" section of the "Holiday Fun (and Danger)" chapter in The World Is Your Litter Box. Enjoy...

Valentine’s Day: A good holiday for cats. Love is in the air and typically, male humans give female humans gifts such as candy and flowers. This means you will have wrapping paper and ribbons to play with and flowers to sniff (and eat). If your human gets a box of candy and leaves the top off, you can have the sumptuous pleasure of licking and sampling each individual piece. Because humans tend to get all mushy and gooey on Valentine’s day, you can usually expect to receive a little extra lovin’ yourself, and maybe even a present. Steve and his female are such shameless cat lovers that they always buys me a Valentine present, usually a cat toy, catnip, or the most expensive kind of kitty food. Ain’t love grand!

NOTE: In some instances on Valentine’s Day, your human may pay more attention to another human than you. This is UNACCEPTABLE HUMAN BEHAVIOR and cannot be tolerated. If your human is being amorous with another human and ignoring you, jump between (or on) them and meow loudly to express your displeasure. Then, turn your back, stick your rear end in their faces and march off in a huff. Make them understand that Valentine’s Day or not, you are numero uno and will not be ignored.

CAT GODDESS TEMPLE FOUND

As every feline lover knows, cats were worshipped as gods in ancient Egypt (as they should be everywhere and at all times). Still, some uninformed humans question whether cat worship in Egypt was truly a reality. Well, Mr. and Ms. Doubting Thomas, this bit of news should put your skepticism to rest…

A few days ago, in the city of Alexandria, archeologists unearthed the ruins of a 2000-year-old temple that appears to have been dedicated to the Egyptian cat goddess, Bastet. Several statues of Bastet (pictured in the photo above) were found in the temple, which is believed to have belonged to Queen Berenice, the wife of King Ptolemy III and obviously a supreme cat lover. Several cans of mummified Mixed Grill and Kitty Stew were also found (ha-ha, not really… I just made that part up!).

With their god-like status, I wonder if cats back then were subject to discipline for acts of unacceptable kitty behavior. If so, it must have gone something like, “Pardon me, your Highness, but if it pleases you, would you deign to stop scratching up the arm of my divan.” Yes, those cats in ancient Egypt must have had it pretty good.

HELP FOR PEOPLE (AND ANIMALS) IN HAITI

On Tuesday, as I’m sure everyone knows, Haiti was struck by a devastating earthquake that toppled buildings, killed thousands of people, and left thousands more homeless. In terms of rescue and recovery, this disaster is especially dire because Haiti is a very poor country with few resources of its own.

I call on all my fellow cats to convince their humans to help the people (and animals) in Haiti by making a $10 donation to the International Red Cross. Simply text “Haiti” to the number 90999, and the donation will be charged to your phone bill. Steve and his female just made their donations, so I know it’s very easy to do.

I realize things are very tight with the economy being the way it is, but Haiti desperately needs our help… so if you can afford to make a donation, please do it right away.

COLD WEATHER

As we start the new year and the new decade, many parts of the United States are buried under snow and experiencing extremely cold weather. Not to rub it in for you cats who live in these places, but here in Southern California, it’s been sunny and in the low 70s all week. (Please don’t hate me because I’m warm!).

Anyway, as a cat who has never lived in a frigid place, and who has never even seen snow for that matter, I have some questions about the cold that perhaps some of my cooler-climate kitty friends in the blogosphere can answer…

• Does snow tickle when it falls on your nose?
• How does snow feel when you step in it?
• How do you drink frozen water?
• Does it hurt to breathe when the air is so cold?
• Can you still climb trees when they have snow on them?
• How do you form snowballs with no opposable thumbs?
• Can your human still get to the store to buy your food?
• Does your tongue stick to your fur when you lick yourself?
• Can you swim in snow?
• Where is all this snow going to go when it finally melts?

Here’s hoping all cats in cold climates have a nice fireplace to sleep in front of during the day and warm humans to cuddle up with at night.

QUASI'S NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS FOR 2010

Around this time each year, many humans make what are known as New Year’s resolutions. From what I can gather, these resolutions are changes humans plan to make in the new year, such as breaking a bad habit or starting a new project of some kind.

Although New Year’s resolutions are made with the best intentions, I’m aware that most humans break them, usually before the new year is more than one or two weeks old. With that in mind, here are my New Year’s resolutions for 2010…

• Stop begging for food while Steve and the female are eating
• Stop shredding the arm of the couch
• Stop leaving my cat toys scattered around the house
• Stop grabbing Steve’s arm when he gives me a tummy rub
• Stop smoking (just kidding!)
• Stop climbing up screen doors
• Stop singing operatic arias when Steve and the female are sleeping
• Stop abusing catnip
• Stop going up on the roof and pretending I can’t get down
• Stop coughing up hairballs on the TV remote

And like humans who make New Year’s resolutions, I vow to be VERY diligent in adhering to each one of these pledges (and if you believe that, I have some acreage on the moon I’d like to sell you). Meanwhile, I wish all creatures, cats, humans and otherwise, a happy new year and all the best in 2010!

HERE COMES SANTA.....

Well, we’re into the final week before the arrival of Santa Claus (or, more appropriately for us cats, Santa Claws), which means that if you haven’t done your Christmas shopping yet, you better get on it tout suite! Meanwhile, for your holiday pleasure and amusement, here’s the “Christmas” section from the “Holiday Fun (& Danger)” chapter in The World Is Your Litter Box….

Christmas: The mother of all holidays... a time for joy, goodwill, and complete madness. This is a holiday that is nothing but fun for cats. The Christmas lights. The presents. The tree. The tinsel. The ornaments. The egg nog. Deck the halls indeed!

Although many stores start selling Christmas stuff in July, or so it seems, most humans start their serious Christmas shopping the day after Thanksgiving (although, for extra thrills and chills, some masochistic humans wait until December 24th). This means the Christmas season lasts around one month – one full month of crowded malls and post offices, angry drivers duking it out over parking spaces, mind-deadening Christmas music, maxed-out credit cards, and endless unrealistic TV commercials showing rich people buying each other gigantic big screen TVs and other expensive presents that normal mortals can’t afford. Why do humans put themselves through it? I don’t know.

But forget them. What about us cats, you say? Just what’s so special about Christmas from the feline perspective?

Well, fellow reveler, let’s start with that most traditional of holiday traditions, the Christmas tree. A week or two before Christmas, most humans bring in a fir or pine-type tree from outside and decorate it with lights, tinsel, candy canes and ORNAMENTS. These colorful shiny balls may possibly be the best thing about Christmas – the way they dangle and glisten so invitingly, just begging to be batted at. Who can resist? Not me, that’s for sure. Or you either. And why should we? After all, if our humans were truly worried about damage to their ornaments, they wouldn’t hang them in such a tempting location. So don’t be bashful, fellow sultan of swat. Whack at those ornaments until your heart’s content. And hey, if you happen to knock a few (or several) off the tree, don’t sweat it. It’s Christmas!

Then there’s the yuletide thrill of climbing the Christmas tree. However, a word of caution here. A few years back, I shinnied up my tree all the way to the top. Just as I was getting ready to do my impersonation of the Star of Bethlehem, my massive kitty girth upset the fundamental balance of gravity and the tree topped over with a resounding, tinkling crash (those ornaments DO break if they hit the ground hard enough). Naturally, Steve was pretty chagrined... although, deep down, I think he thought it was pretty funny.

It’s also great to sleep under the Christmas tree. You can even pretend you are a present if you like. And there is nothing like a refreshing drink of cool, pine-scented Christmas tree water to really get you in the holiday spirit.

Another great thing about Christmas is the presents, or, should I say, the ribbon and wrapping on the presents. The amazing thing is, fellow cat, that after all the painstaking planning, the stupefying shopping and the manual dexterity-challenging wrapping of gifts, the actual present-opening ritual is over in a matter of minutes, leaving an orgy of detritus for you to play in. Oh the joy of taking a flying leap at a mountain of crumpled-up wrapping paper, the glee of scattering colorful ribbons and bows around the living room, the unparalleled pleasure of climbing into new, unexplored empty boxes, the ego-flattering self indulgence of posing for photographs amid the rubble. And because your human won’t want you to feel left out of all the gift-giving – and receiving – they will probably buy something nice for you. In my house, it’s usually just a trifle like catnip or a cat toy, but hey, it’s the thought that counts, right? Besides, on top of all the other previously-mentioned delights of Christmas, an extra present is merely icing on the cake. And, of course, when the merriment finally comes to an end and your human is cleaning up the wreckage, there is nothing better than a contented-cat snooze in front of a roaring yuletide fire.

NOTE #1: Many children-humans break or become disinterested in their Christmas presents within minutes of receiving them, thus leaving them for you to play with and break further, if you so desire. Also, be sure to investigate the presents given and received by adult humans. Most likely, you will find some nice new clothing to curl up and sleep on.

NOTE #2: Sparkly and inviting as it may seem, DO NOT EAT TINSEL.

NOTE #3: Some humans will become very angry when you knock ornaments and other objects off the Christmas tree. Many will even create an ornament timber line, that is, they will only hang ornaments in positions above your reach. DON’T LET THIS STOP YOU FROM HAVING YOUR GOD-GIVEN RIGHT TO BAT AT CHRISTMAS ORNAMENTS. If ornaments are placed beyond your reach, climb up the tree and rock it back and forth like a bear at Yellowstone National Park. This will surely cause a few things to fall, or at least tumble to a place where you can get at them.

Along with Steve and his female, I wish all creatures, (cats and otherwise), a VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!

QUASI'S "I WANT" CHRISTMAS LIST

Well, fellow cats, once again it’s that self-indulgent time of the year when I make out my list of what I want for Christmas. I’ve been a good cat this year (well… pretty good), so I hope Santa will come through big time.

Here’s my “I want” list for Christmas 2009:

• A new litter box (with a uniformed washroom attendant to keep it clean)
• One of those retro Felix the Cat clocks
• A subscription to Cat Fancy magazine
• An iPhone with Hello Kitty ringtones (Steve got one and its tres cool!)
• Enough catnip to keep me buzzed for a year
• A Taylor Swift CD (Yes, I still have a crush on her!)
• Opposable thumbs
• A generous gift certificate to Petco
• Socks and ties (just kidding!)
• A nice new cardboard box to explore and sleep in
• A new scratching post (that I can ignore while heading for the arm of the couch)
• Some intellectually-challenging cat toys
• The World Is Your Litter Box (hey, you just knew I had to sneak it in!)
• World Peace
• Food, food and MORE FOOD
  

NEW iPHONES FOR CHRISTMAS

This year, as a means of reducing their carbon footprint (and primarily because they’re cheap and lazy), Steve and his female have decided to forego the mind-numbing process of buying a multitude of Christmas presents for each other and instead, get new iPhones.

So over the weekend, while they went on the Apple website and watched videos about the iPhone and how to use it, I sat on the corner of the desk and tried to pick up a little info my own bad self. Now, I must admit, the iPhone seems to be very cool, but it also looks VERY confusing! Since Steve and the female are typically flummoxed by new technology, it will be lots of fun to watch them go completely bonkers as they try and figure out how to use these gadgets. Should be highly entertaining!

Because I secretly use Steve’s cell phone when he’s not around, I’m glad to see that the iPhone has a large keyboard, which will make texting much easier for me. After all, with no opposable thumbs, it’s pretty hard for us cats to text on a small keyboard. When Steve and the female get their iPhones, I should have no trouble mashing down on the keys when texting my kitty pals and telling them to meet me at the mall… or whatever.

Anyway, I’ll let you know how it goes when Steve and the female get their new iPhones, which should be within a week or so. I can’t wait!