QUASI ON TWITTER!

As one of the coolest cats in cyberspace (if I don't say so myself), I've signed up with Twitter... well, actually Steve signed me up. Anyway, if you would like to follow me and stay current with all the latest minutia in my life (naps, mealtimes, work on the followup to The World Is Your Litter Box, etc.), please visit at twitter.com/QuasiCat. Be sure to leave your URL so I can follow you as well.

Are these Internet time-wasters great or what! And doesn't that little bird in the Twitter logo look delicious? (Hey, just kidding!)

EARTH DAY 2009

This Wednesday, April 22nd is Earth Day... a day when humans take the fight for clean energy and a cleaner environment to the streets (and the Internet, among other places).

The annual celebration of Earth Day began with the birth of the modern environmental movement on April 22, 1970. The concept of Earth Day was the brainchild of former U.S. Senator Gaylord Nelson, who felt that a nationwide protest was needed to shake up the populance and bring environmental issues to the forefront. Since then, millions of humans have particpated in Earth Day protests against the deterioration of the environment, and their efforts led to such achievements as passage of the Clean Water Act and the Clean Air Act. Way to go!

Needless to say, with global warming and other environmental problems such as unchecked pollution in developing countries, Earth Day is more relevant than ever. On this Earth Day, I urge all humans to do their part in making the earth a cleaner and better place to live. After all, a cleaner environment is good for cats and all other living things!

THE NEW "FIRST DOG"

Here’s something you’ve never seen on my blog before… yes, that’s right, a post about a DOG! No, I haven’t lost my kitty mind or become soft on doggie-ism. However, in the spirit of bipartisanship, I want to send a big meow out to the Obamas’ new puppy, which Sasha and Malia named Bo.

As you may already know, Bo is a Portuguese water dog, which means that his breed is trained to jump into the water and retrieve things… something a cat would NEVER do, obviously. Originally, President Obama intended to get a rescue dog, but the girls wanted a Portuguese water dog and pups of this breed are rarely available as rescues. So, the Obamas accepted Bo as a gift from Senator Ted Kennedy and will, instead, make a generous donation to the District of Columbia Humane Society.

Now, since Bo is just a puppy, and since all dogs tend to be rubes regardless of their stature, I’d like to offer him some tips from the feline perspective…

• Don’t bite the president
• Don’t lift a leg on the corner of the desk in the Oval Office
• Don’t get doggie hair on important diplomats
• Don’t eat Sasha and Malia’s homework
• Don’t beg at state dinners
• Don’t growl at Secret Service dudes
• Don’t track mud in from the Rose Garden
• And for God’s sake, DON’T hump the legs of female world leaders

That being said, Bo, I wish you a long and happy life as “first dog.” And the next time I’m in Washington, to show you what a good sport I really am, I’ll let you chase me under the bed in the Lincoln bedroom.

WHO'S CUTER? CATS OR THE EASTER BUNNY?

Who's cuter? Cats or the Easter Bunny? For your edification, here's the "Easter" section from the "Holiday Fun (& Danger)" chapter of The World Is Your Litter Box...

Easter: A nice holiday, but one in which our kitty cuteness is subject to competition and severely put to the test. For many, Easter is synonymous with that most adorable of holiday characters – the Easter Bunny Some adult humans buy real bunnies for the little ones and tell them it's THE Easter Bunny, and little humans, with their gullible under-developed minds, believe them. Now, if there’s anything that comes to close to rivaling a cat for cuteness, it’s a bunny. Like us, they have soft fur and cute little noses, which they tend to wiggle in an irresistibly-charming manner (damn them). And, what’s worse, this Easter Bunny character tries to buy the affection of little humans by bringing them candy and colored eggs. UNFAIR! UNFAIR! How can we cats compete with that?

Well, you could simply get tough and run the “Easter Bunny” off like so much riff-raff. However, doing so will NOT endear you to your human. No, the best thing is to meet the enemy head on and fight THEIR cuteness with YOUR cuteness. One on one. Mano a Mano.

But how, you ask? Well, first of all, remember that you are much smarter than the average bunny. After all, how many of THEM know the distance from Earth to the nearest Quasar? Very few, I can assure you. Hey, they don’t even know how to purr. Furthermore, because of your stellar personality and superior intellect (and because of the “How to Look Cute” chapter in this book), you have a full arsenal of cuteness ammunition at your disposal. Believe me, you have much more going for you than some Johnny-Come-Lately Easter Bunny. So be resourceful and don’t be intimidated. Trot out your most time-tested antics and attention-getting strategies. Use every word or sound in your vocabulary. Perform feats of astounding acrobatic prowess (let’s see an Easter Bunny run up a screen door). Sing cheezy Las Vegas-type ballads like Wayne Newton. Pout like an anorexic overpaid fashion model. Do whatever you have to do to send the “Easter Bunny” packing with his tail, cute as it may be, between his legs. And most importantly, remember that cuteness is only skin deep.

And if this doesn't work, simply let your human know that while the Easter bunny may be the "cuteness" champ this Sunday, you provide cuteness 365 days a year with no strings (or Easter baskets) attached.

So, happy Easter everyone! And don't forget... The World Is Your Litter Box makes an excellent (and inexpensive) holiday gift for the cat lover in your life! (Hey, you KNOW I can't pass up an opportunity to shamelessly plug my book!)

THE CAT VERSION OF PASSOVER (PURR-OVER)

With due apologies to cats and humans of the Jewish faith, here’s a little story about the annual religious holiday of Purr-Over, the kitty version of Passover.

Many years ago, a big mean dog named Fay-Roe lived with his pack in Egypt. Fay-Roe despised all cats and kept them enslaved by means of his sharp teeth, horribly-bad doggie breath, thunderous bark and long sharp claws (Fay-Roe didn’t make it to the groomer too often). Yes, fellow cats, Egyptian kitties had to hew wood and draw water for dogs! They even had to clean up the yard after slovenly uncouth dogs used it as a bathroom (to this day, dogs still haven’t figured out how to use a litter box, the rubes!).

The leader of the cats was named Meez-es, who cleverly disguised himself as Charlton Heston (that’s him in the photo above). Naturally, all the kitties hated being enslaved by dogs and wanted to escape, so Meez-es came up with a plan. He arranged for a plague of fleas and ticks to attack the dogs, but leave the cats alone. While the all dogs were busy itching and scratching, Meez-es purred very loudly to create a distraction and all the kitties got away! Hence the name, Purr-Over.Before the dogs knew what bit them, the cats had escaped to the Promised Land (Paris? Hawaii? L.A.?) where they were adored and worshipped by humans as they should have been all along. The kitties were smothered with affection, fed whatever they wanted, and given treats day and night for 40 years (which is a VERY long time!) If you don’t believe me, read the Cateuronomy book of the Bible or watch “The Ten Cat-Mandments” if you can sit through it without falling asleep. And on this Purr-Over holiday, when your human is giving you treats, take time out to remember those long-ago kitties who suffered and struggled, yet triumphed in the end.

HAVE A NICE TRIP?

Here’s a news story that should give you pause (or, should I say… paws) for thought. According to the Center for Disease Control & Prevention, cats (us) and dogs (them) cause 86,000 trip-and-fall injuries to American humans every year…. although dogs, being the oafs that they are, inflict far more damage than us careful, thoughtful felines. Of course, some of these injuries occur when humans stumble over pet toys and food bowls. Can’t they just watch where they’re going!

Apparently, cats cause 11.7% of trip-and-fall injuries. Hey, can we help it if our humans trip over us when we’re weaving sinuously around their legs, racing around the house, or crowding them while they prepare our food? But if you think THAT's bad, how about this… dogs cause a whopping 88% of fall-related injuries. What rubes! Most dog-related injuries occur when humans take ‘ole Rover out for a walk on a leash and get roughly pulled or pushed, which accounts for the huge lead dogs have over cats in the injury-causing department. Clearly, we kitties have some catching up to do!

Fortunately, most of the injuries inflicted on our humans are not too serious… usually nothing more than a sprain or, at worst, a broken bone. Still, fellow cats and dreaded dogs, let’s try to be a bit more careful around our humans. After all, they can’t help it if they’re klutzes.

PHOTOS OF CAT READERS

Here’s a special meow out to Kali, Mazi and Simba (and, oh yes, their human Kathy) of Lancaster, California, who sent us some wonderful photos of the cats with their copy of The World Is Your Litter Box for inclusion on the Litter Box website. Steve and I are always VERY happy to hear from kitties (and humans) who are enjoying the book.

Kathy and her cats also have a blog titled “Bengal Cat Domination,” and the March 19th post features several photos of Kali, Mazi and Simba with The World Is Your Litter Box, along with some very funny captions and nice comments about the book. Here’s a link to the blog…

http://bengalcatdomination.blogspot.com/

And while we’re on the subject of photos, I'd like to remind all my kitty readers that we would love to have a photo of you posed with your copy of The World Is Your Litter Box so we can add it to our website. For information on where to send your photo, and for a look at our current gallery of erudite cats, please visit the “Photos of Cat Readers” page on the Litter Box website.

HAPPY SAINT PATRICK'S DAY!

March 17th, as I’m sure you know, is Saint Patrick’s Day… a day in which humans of Irish descent honor Saint Patrick by wearing something green and drinking lots of alcohol, most often something like Guinness Stout. In some places that tend to be a bit on the rowdy side, well-oiled Irish humans also like to fight and get all blubbery singing off-key versions of traditional Irish songs like “Danny Boy.”

So what’s in it for us cats, you ask? Well, Saint Patrick, being one of the patron saints of Ireland, is said to have driven all the snakes out of the country, which had to be a good thing for all the Irish kitties at the time. But for all you modern-day kitties (Irish or not), the best thing would probably be to stay out of your human’s way if they’re drinking or fighting, or both. You certainly don’t want to celebrate Saint Patrick’s Day by getting stepped on or squished. Also, many humans, Irish and otherwise, like to dress their cats in something green like a sweater or a little cap or something like that. I know, it sounds embarrassing, but in the spirit of the holiday, you might want to be magnanimous and let your human get away with it. Hey, they might even feel festive enough to pour a little Guinness in your water dish… if the luck ‘o the Irish is with you, that is.

Regardless, here’s wishing you and your human a very happy Saint Patrick’s Day. Erin go braugh!

TAILS MAGAZINE LOVES THE WORLD IS YOUR LITTER BOX

Here’s a very nice review of The World Is Your Litter Box from the Tails Magazine e-newsletter for this week. Thanks to Renee Krejci and the entire gang at the Pet Media Group… we really appreciate it....

WHAT WE'RE READING

The World Is Your Litter Box: A How-To Manual for Cats

by Steve Fisher(Sterling)

This book makes for a light and funny read. Just be sure not to leave it where Fluffy can find it! In this handy manual, Quasi the 18-pound cat gives advice to his fellow felines. The book includes tips for cats on everything from how to look cute and get away with unacceptable kitty behavior to annoying humans who are allergic to cats. Quasi's writing will surely have you laughing out loud and Fluffy plotting world domination in no time!

Hard copy versions of Tails are available free at many veterinarian offices… yes, that’s right, the hated vet, and at other pet oriented locations. For more information about Tails Magazine and their e-newsletter, visit http://www.tailsinc.com/.

PURIM... AND PURR-IM

On March 10th, humans of the Jewish faith will celebrate Purim, which commemorates the day in ancient history when Queen Esther saved the Jews in Babylonian captivity from the hands of Haman, the royal vizier to King Ahasuerus, who planned to kill them. Each year, the deliverance of the Jews in Babylonia is celebrated with prayers, gifts, and a festive meal known as the Feast of Purim.

Now, here’s something you might not know... Queen Esther was also the supreme cat lover in the land at the time. So, after saving the Jews in Babylonia, she rounded up all the local Jewish kitties and gave them treats, toys, and the unalienable right to claw the arms of the couches. Today, while Jewish humans celebrate Purim, Jewish kitties celebrate Purr-im with a big party and lots of treats, including ham pate-filled cat cookies called ham-and-treatsen (shown in the photo).

Mazel Tov!

UH-OH, IT'S DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME AGAIN!

In their ever-amazing infinite wisdom, humans have developed something called daylight savings time, which involves setting the clocks ahead one hour in the spring and setting them back one hour in the fall. Why? Who the heck knows? To me, it just seems like one more thing humans have come up with to confound themselves and make their lives even more complicated. And, of course, there are always those dummies who forget to turn their clocks back (or forward) and end up early (or late) for work or whatever.

But Quasi, you ask, how does this daylight savings thing affect us cats? Well, as you know, all felines have internal kitty alarm clocks, but our clocks are not really sophisticated enough to be turned back and forward on a moment’s notice. We require a period of adjustment, and during that period of adjustment, our humans must pay for their folly. For example, let’s say you wake your human at 7:00 each morning. When clocks are turned ahead one hour, as they will be on Sunday, 7:00 AM becomes 8:00 AM… so, until your kitty clock resets, your human will be awakened at 8:00 AM, or, what used to be 7:00 AM. I know, confusing, huh? As Marvin Gaye once sang, it makes me wanna holler, throw up both my hands (or, in our cases, paws).

At any rate, make sure your human sets all their clocks ahead one hour before they go to bed on Saturday, or when they wake up on Sunday.

HARD AT WORK ON NEW CAT BOOK!

If you're wondering why I haven't been posting as much lately, it’s because Steve and I are hard at work on the follow up to The World Is Your Litter Box. The new book is titled The World Is STILL Your Litter Box… hey, you can’t say the creative juices aren’t flowing around here! I’m very excited about the book so far. If you enjoyed The World Is Your Litter Box, I’m pretty sure you’ll REALLY like the new one!

As you can imagine, writing a book is very time consuming, (and VERY tiring, as you can see from the photo above), so I want to apologize for not keeping in touch with my blogging pals as often as I should. I certainly don’t mean to ignore anyone! I'll continue to post on my own blog (and yours) whenever I can. I’ll also keep you up to date on the progress of The World Is STILL Your Litter Box and let you know when it will be available, etc. And from time to time, I'll include a little "taste" from the new book for you to read and comment on.

Meanwhile, I hope everything is going well with you and I wish you all the best!

Your Friend & Kitty Author,

Quasi

GOODBYE SOCKS

Socks Clinton, the former first cat, has gone to the Rainbow Bridge. Socks was 19 or 20, which for a kitty is a nice long life.

Socks was adopted by the Clintons’ daughter Chelsea when her father was the governor of Arkansas, and like the good cat he was, he brought much happiness to the entire Clinton family. When Bill Clinton was elected president, Socks came along to Washington and had complete run of the White House. There is no truth to the rumors that Socks clawed up Lincoln couch, shredded the Declaration of Independence, or kacked up excessive hairballs in the Oval Office. He did, however, delight in getting cat hair on important world leaders (actually, I don’t know that for a fact, but hey, ALL us kitties love getting cat hair on people, right?).

When the Clintons left the White House in 2001, Socks went to live with Betty Currie, President Clinton’s former secretary, who adored Socks and gave him a wonderful home for the rest of his life.

Nap in peace, Socks.

THE ECONOMIC STIMULUS PACKAGE - WHAT'S IN IT FOR CATS?

The multi-billion dollar stimulus package, intended to help resurrect the economy that was basically screwed up by short-sighted (and greedy) humans, was signed into law by President Obama on Tuesday.

Now this is all fine and good, but what I really want to know is… how will the stimulus package be of benefit to us cats? Needless to say, I don’t have time to paw through the thousand-plus pages of details, so I thought I’d pose a few question to my kitty friends in the blogosphere, who may have some answers.

Will the stimulus package…

• Put more (and tastier) cat food in our bowls?
• Provide us with better health care coverage for trips to the hated vet?
• Help our humans find jobs so we can take extra long naps while they’re at work?
• Put more money in our humans’ pockets so they can spend it on us?
• Improve our schools so children can learn more about cats?
• Help American workers build better and safer cat toys?
• Help decrease global warming and increase global purring?
• Help reduce our dependence on foreign catnip?

If anyone has the answers to some or all of these questions, please let me know. Meanwhile, let’s hope the stimulus package proves helpful to cats, humans, and all other living things.

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!

Well, it’s that time of year again when a young cat’s fancy turns to love, although yours truly is a hunk-a-hunk-a burnin’ love 365 days a year. Still, there’s nothing like having a special day dedicated to amour for everyone to enjoy and remember how important love truly is. I hope everyone has someone special to share it with.

For your loving (and laughing) pleasure, here’s the “Valentine’s Day” excerpt from the “Holiday Fun & Danger” chapter of The World Is Your Litter Box…

Valentine’s Day: A good holiday for cats. Love is in the air and typically, male humans give female humans gifts such as candy and flowers. This means you will have wrapping paper and ribbons to play with and flowers to sniff (and eat). If your human gets a box of candy and leaves the top off, you can have the sumptuous pleasure of licking and sampling each individual piece. Because humans tend to get all mushy and gooey on Valentine’s day, you can usually expect to receive a little extra lovin’ yourself, and maybe even a present. Steve and his female are such shameless cat lovers that they always buys me a Valentine present, usually a cat toy, catnip, or the most expensive kind of kitty food. Ain’t love grand!

NOTE: In some instances on Valentine’s Day, your human may pay more attention to another human than you. This is UNACCEPTABLE HUMAN BEHAVIOR and cannot be tolerated. If your human is being amorous with another human and ignoring you, jump between (or on) them and meow loudly to express your displeasure. Then, turn your back, stick your rear end in their faces and march off in a huff. Make them understand that Valentine’s Day or not, you are numero uno and will not be ignored.

Along with Steve and his female, I want to wish you and yours a most happy Valentine’s Day!

HOW CATS CAN HELP RESOLVE AMERICA'S ECONOMIC PROBLEMS

As a good American kitty, I would like to propose a solution to all of America’s economic problems, and I call on all cats to help me. And don’t worry, mon fellow chats… you won’t have to go to work or give up any precious nap time. The concept is so simple, I can’t believe some other cat (or government genius) didn’t think of it before! My idea….

NATIONAL PURR DAY
On a given date and time (to be determined), every American human will sit in their favorite chair and hold a kitty on their lap. For humans who don’t have cats (poor devils), one cat will be issued to each person for this event. Then, upon a signal from President Obama, (perhaps the popping open of a can of cat food on national TV), all the cats will begin purring simultaneously. This will create a soothing, rumbling nationwide vibration, which will make everyone feel happy and serene. But Quasi, you ask, how will this solve our economic ills? Well, it won’t, really, but like FDR said, we have nothing to fear but fear itself, and if everyone just calms down a bit, things can only get better, right? That’s me in the photo, doing my part with Steve.

And, hey, all you kitties… even if National Purr Day never becomes a reality, feel free to jump up in your human’s lap and purr whenever you want. After all, as all cat people know, things can never be THAT bad when you’ve got a purring kitty on your lap.

SUPER BOWL SUNDAY

As I’m sure pretty much everyone on the planet (or at least in the United States) knows, February 1st is Super Bowl Sunday. This is a day for friends to gather, drink rivers of beer, eat megatons of Buffalo wings and other gristy-but-delicious junk food, and holler at the TV as gigantic padded male humans yell, growl and snarl, slam into each other, and generally fall down a lot. If a foreign power wanted to invade the U.S., Super Bowl Sunday would be a good day to do it because no one would care… just as long as it didn’t interfere with the game.

Steve and his female are not big football fans – in fact, all the Super Bowl really means to Steve is that the start of spring training for the upcoming baseball season is only two weeks away (Steve IS a major baseball fan). Still, they’ll probably watch the game like the good Americans they are, if nothing else to see Bruce Springsteen perform at half-time. I think Steve is also secretly hoping that one of the cheerleaders might have a “wardrobe malfunction” like Janet Jackson did a few years ago… but don’t tell the female that! As for me, I’ll probably hide, nap, or troll for any errant junk food remnants that might fall on the floor… or more likely, a combination of the above.

At any rate, it’s nice to have a day for Americans to come together and forget their problems for a little while as two football teams, in this case the Cardinals and the Steelers, go mano a mano on the gridiron. Bring on the testosterone!

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!

Today is the first day of the Chinese New Year, with 2009 being the Year of the Ox, and year 4707 on the Chinese calendar. So to all my Chinese kitty (and human) friends, let me be among the first to say GUNG HAY FAT CHOY… which loosely translated means, “Best wishes and congratulations. Have a prosperous and good year.” That's a traditional Chinese good luck cat in the photo on the left.

Now some of you curious cats might be wondering why each year on the Chinese calendar is named after an animal. Well, ‘ole Quaz Yat-Sen has the answer for you! According to legend, Buddha asked all the animals to meet him on Chinese New Year. Twelve animals showed up and Buddha named a year after each one. Unfortunately, no kitties came (they must have been napping or otherwise occupied at the time), so there is no Year of the Cat. Buddha also said that people born in a particular animal’s year would have some of that animal’s personality… which is probably too bad for people born in the Year of the Snake, the Year of the Rat, or… horror of horrors… the Year of the Dog!

Also, and how cool is this… I just found out that The World Is Your Litter Box will be released in Taiwan later this year. So all you mingows (that’s cats) in Taiwan, be on the lookout for it! What would Buddha say!

INAGURATION OF PRESIDENT OBAMA - PART 2

CONGRATULATIONS PRESIDENT OBAMA

Your Inaugural Address was stirring, especially your call for all of us to contribute. As a cat, I would like to offer my services in ridding the White House of any pesky rodents that might be hanging around.

Seriously, though, we wish you all the best in facing the enormous challenges that lie before you, and before all of us as Americans. Speaking on behalf of Steve, the female and (of course) myself, I'm glad you're our new president!

Your Friend,

Quasi

INAUGURATION OF PRESIDENT OBAMA

Along with Steve and his female, and just about everyone else on Planet Earth, I just can’t WAIT for Barack Obama’s inauguration. Also, and no offense to you conservative cats out there, it will be great to see George W. Bush in the rearview mirror, although, I think there are actually quite a number of conservatives who would agree with THAT statement! In fact, to honor Mr. Obama’s effort to reach across the aisle to members of the opposing party, I’m going to reach across the driveway and extend a paw of friendship to all the dogs in the neighborhood (well… not really).

Anyway, Tuesday will be a VERY exciting and historic day, and we intend to watch it all from the comfort of our living room… I already have my reserved seat on the back of the couch behind Steve and the female. And aside from the fact that Mr. Obama wants to get a dog for his children instead of a cat, we think he will be a great president and wish him all the very best!