HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

For your reading pleasure and enjoyment during these most scary times, here is the “Halloween” excerpt from the “Holiday Fun (& Danger)” chapter of The World Is Your Litter Box…

Halloween: A holiday fraught with both fun and danger. Halloween is a time when little humans, and some big ones, dress up in strange costumes, some of which are pretty scary. Usually, the little ones will go out trick-or-treating (whatever that is) and come home with bags full of teeth-rotting candy. This will provide you with a fine new source of diversion as you investigate the bag and remove anything that looks interesting... or edible. Another fun thing about Halloween is the pumpkins, which are carved up by humans to have scary or comical faces. When I was a kitten, I quite enjoyed climbing inside pumpkins for a look-see. However, with my massive expanse, I can no longer do so (oh the curse of aging). Also, if you are a black cat, this holiday’s for you. For some reason, many humans consider it bad luck if a black cat walks in front of them. So, if you are of the ebony persuasion, you can have extra fun by bedeviling those who are blatantly superstitious.

Now, on the danger side, there are a couple things to watch out for. First of all, there's the scariness aspect. Halloween is a time when humans like to frighten each other by making scary sounds, watching scary movies, and wearing horrifying things such as George W. Bush masks. To a cat, needless to say, some of these things are hair-raising to the nth degree. Therefore, it’s often best to find a good place to hide and stay out of your human's way until their sanity returns. Also, if you are an outdoor cat, STAY INSIDE AFTER DARK. At night, dozens of humans are out on the street, trick-or-treating and acting especially goofy. Some teenage male humans see Halloween as a time to pull off pranks such as toilet papering their girlfriends’ homes, which is actually quite delightful. However, some of their antics are much more dangerous and sinister. As with the Fourth of July, there are some heartless, misguided humans who will torment cats for their own amusement. OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!

NOTE #1: Investigate bags of trick-or-treat candy all you want. But DON’T EAT TOO MUCH! In large quantities, candy will cause tooth decay and make you sick, possibly necessitating a trip to the vet (talk about scary).

NOTE #2: Some humans put candles inside their pumpkins and light them. If you are a kitten, or small enough to investigate the inside of a pumpkin, make sure the candle is out before you go in. Even though flickering flames are attractive and interesting, they will burn you if you get too close. Ouch!

Here's wishing you a fun (and safe) Halloween!

"PHOTOS OF CAT READERS" PAGE ON THE WORLD IS YOUR LITTER BOX WEBSITE IS LIVE!

The “Photos of Cat Readers” page on the official The World Is Your Litter Box website is now live! Check it out at http://www.theworldisyourlitterbox.com/.

We've received some truly wonderful photos already and would love to include your fabulous feline in this one-of-a-kind rogue’s gallery. To participate, simply take a photo of your cat (or cats) posed with their copy of The World Is Your Litter Box and email it to quasi@theworldisyourlitterbox.com. We encourage creativity, but please don’t do anything that might harm (or embarrass) your kitty purely for the sake of art. Be sure and tell us the names of any and all cats in the photo and the city where you live. Also, please say something to the effect that its okay to use your photo on our website... hey, we can't afford any lawsuits here!

If you bought The World Is Your Litter Box, or if you intend to (hint hint), this is your chance to immortalize your beloved kitty in cyberspace and show the world how well-read and erudite they truly are.

THE TROUBLED ECONOMY

For the last few weeks, Steve and his female have spent an inordinate amount of time talking about the economy and how horrible everything is. They’ve also been watching a lot of financial news on TV, where most of the commentators look like their heads are going to explode at any minute. I keep hearing words like “Wall Street,” “Dow Jones,” “stocks,” “bailout” and “depression.” It all sounds pretty dire… almost as frightening as a trip to the vet.

Now I don’t pretend to understand any of this economic mumbo-jumbo, and truth be told, I don’t think too many humans do either. Quite frankly, it just sounds like something else humans have screwed up in their quest to acquire more of those filthy green papers.

But how does this affect us cats, you ask, and what can I do to help?

Well, the first thing is… don’t panic. Even though your human may be gulping calmative pharmaceuticals like candy, you should remain cool and calm regardless of the situation. In these turbulent economic times, your human will be looking to you for comfort and tranquility, so unless they try to save money by skimping on your food or some other human tomfoolery like that, you might want to cut them some slack for the duration. In other words, put some of the kitty antics on hold for awhile and be extra nice to them. And even more important, especially with Christmas season approaching, don’t let them deny you your copy of The World Is Your Litter Box, which is priced at the ridiculously low, recession-friendly, economy-collapsing price of $9.95. Hey, so what if humans are eating their shoes… I need to sell some books here!

Lastly, don’t forget… as FDR said during the Great Depression, “We have nothing to fear but fear itself… and maybe large, mean dogs.” (I added that last part myself.)

THE SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA BOOK SIGNING TOUR CONTINUES

This Saturday, October 11th, from 12:00 to 3:00 PM, Steve (my human and co-author) will be signing copies of The World Is Your Litter Box at Barnes & Noble in Huntington Beach, CA. If you live in the Southern California area and have some free time on Saturday, drop by and say hello! As usual, Shill, my robotic book-signing kitty, will be standing in for me so I can stay home and create mayhem. Barnes & Noble is located in the Bella Terra Mall, 7881 Edinger Avenue, Huntington Beach, CA. For more information, call 714-897-8781, or visit the official The World Is Your Litter Box website.

And don’t forget… if you live elsewhere and can’t make it to one of Steve’s book signings, you can order an autographed bookplate for your copy of The World Is Your Litter Box. These handsome bookplates are FREE and we’ll even pay the postage! Just tell us how you want the bookplate made out (you can include your kitties if you like) and your snail-mail address. To request a bookplate, contact quasi@theworldisyourlitterbox.com.

Your Friend,
Quasi

OUCHIE!

Late last week, one of my neighbor kitty friends, Bo Diddley (named after the late, great rock ‘n roller), went to a specialty vet for something called a colonoscopy. Apparently, some of his litter box deposits were not quite up to par, if you know what I mean.

Now, from what I understand (I checked it out on Web MD.com), a colonoscopy involves shoving a little camera up the ol’ wazoo for a look-see. Of course, before they do that, they have to clean you out with enemas, which sounds VERY unpleasant. In other words, Bo Diddley (or B.D. as we cats in the neighborhood call him) was subjected to two days of kitty Abu Ghraib-type treatment at the hands of a few “bad apple” veterinarians.

Well, the good news is, they didn’t find anything seriously wrong with B.D. The bad news (for B.D.’s humans) is that it cost them hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of green papers with pictures of former federal employees, and B.D. shunned them for ONE COMPLETE DAY for putting him through such an onerous ordeal.

The only thing I can say to B.D. is I’m glad it was you and not me!