The Troubled Economy and How Cats Can Help (Part 2)

In my continuing effort to personally resolve all of America's economic problems, I've come up with yet another meritorious idea to help right the ship and get the economy back on track. For this one, I'll need every able-bodied cat in the USA to help me. But don't worry, my fellow Americats...  you won't have to go to work or give up any precious nap time. The concept is so simple, I can't believe some other cat (or government genius) didn't think of it before! My idea...

                NATIONAL PURR DAY


Here's how it will work... On a given date and time (to be determined), every American human will sit in their favorite chair and hold a kitty on their lap. For humans who don't have cats (poor devils!), one cat will be issued to each person for this event. Then, upon a signal from President Obama - perhaps the popping open of a can of cat food on national TV - all cats across the USA will begin purring simultaneously. This will create a soothing, rumbling nationwide vibration, which will make everyone feel happy and serene. Just think of it... the purring of power of cats harnessed for the good of all mankind!

Well, fellow cat, right about now, you're probably thinking something along the lines of, "Hey, I love it! But how will a national purr-out solve our economic ills?" Well, to be perfectly honest, it won't. But, like FDR said back in the Great Depression, the only thing we have to fear is fear itself, and if everyone just calms down a bit, things can only get better. Right?

And hey all you kitties... even if National Purr Day never becomes a reality, you can still jump up in your human's lap and purr whenever you want. After all, as all cat people know, things can never really be THAT bad when you've got a purring kitty on your lap.

The Troubled Economy and How Cats Can Help

For the last several weeks, Steve and his female have spent an inordinate amount of time talking about the economy and how horrible everything is. They’ve also been watching a lot of financial news on TV, where most of the commentators look like their heads are going to explode at any minute. I keep hearing words like “Wall Street,” “Dow Jones,” “stocks,” “deficit” and “depression.” It all sounds pretty dire… almost as frightening as a trip to the vet.

Now I don’t pretend to understand any of this economic mumbo-jumbo, and truth be told, I don’t think too many humans do either. Quite frankly, this whole mess just sounds like something else humans have screwed up in their quest to acquire more of those filthy green papers.

But how does this affect us cats, you ask, and what can I do to help?

Well, the first thing is… don’t panic. Even though your human may be gulping calmative pharmaceuticals like candy, you should remain cool and calm regardless of the situation. In these turbulent economic times, your human will be looking to you for comfort and tranquility, so unless they try to save money by skimping on your food or some other human tomfoolery like that, you might want to cut them some slack for the duration. In other words, put some of the kitty antics on hold for awhile and be extra nice to them. A kitty's love and affection can go a long way toward soothing human angst and anxiety. That said, however, you MUST draw the line if your human refuses to buy you your own personal copies of The World Is Your Litter Box and The World Is STILL Your Litter Box in order to save a few bucks. Hey, tough economy or not, I need to sell some books here!

Lastly, don’t forget… as FDR said during the Great Depression, “We have nothing to fear but fear itself… and maybe large, mean dogs.” (I added that last part myself!)

Photos of Cat Readers

With summer winding down and fall approaching, we're looking to beef up the "Photos of Cat Readers" page on the Litter Box website. This page has been a very popular feature since we put the site up, but it's been awhile since any new cat readers have been added. So...

If you've purchased The World Is Your Litter Box or The World Is STILL Your Litter Box (or both), simply take a photo of your cat or cats with one or both of the books (as shown in the photo above), and email it to quasi@theworldisyourlitterbox.com. We'll add it to the "Photos of Cat Readers" page on our website, and also to our Facebook page, and it will be seen by zillions of other cat lovers around the world. Be sure to include the name of all cats in the photo and the name of the city where you live.

The kitties in the photo (L-R) are Andy from Burbank, California, Baby Cow from Bonanza Oregon, and Seamus from Lynnwood, Washington.

Click here to visit the "Photos of Cat Readers" page on the Litter Box website.

Fun New Feature on The World Is Your Litter Box Facebook Page

The official The World Is Your Litter Box Facebook page is fast approaching 3,000 “Likes,” and in our continuing effort to promote kittydom to its fullest effect (and, of course, my two books), we’ve added a fun new feature to the page. The feature is called “Quasi’s Questions for Cats,” and will run every Monday, Wednesday and Friday for the foreseeable future… in other words, until I run out of ideas and/or need a rejuvenating nap. It’s a great chance to interact with other cats (and cat lovers) and be wildly amused.

So far, we’ve posed two questions – what’s your favorite human food treat from the dinner table? and, what’s the cute kitty pose you use when you REALLY want something? We’ve gotten responses and comments from all around the country – nay, all around the world – and they’re VERY entertaining. And from a kitty perspective, it's very educational to find out what other cats are doing to confound and one-up their humans on a day-to-day basis. In fact, I’ve already gleaned some great new ideas myself. All cats and their humans are invited to respond to the questions, make comments, etc. Come join in the fun!

If you haven’t yet visited The World Is Your Litter Box Facebook page (and clicked “Like”), here’s a link. Do yourself a favor and visit often. Hey, we may not be able to resolve the deficit issue, but at least we can provide some good laughs for cat lovers!

Problems of the World Getting You Down? We Have the Cure!

Unless you’re a hermit that lives in a deep, dark cave somewhere with no Internet access (is there such a place?), you know that things are not so great on good ‘ole Planet Earth these days. Many countries are experienced searing, deadly heat waves, millions of humans are unemployed, there was a horrible shooting and bombing incident in Norway, and the U.S. economy is teetering on the brink of disaster because the so-called adults we’ve elected can’t agree on anything.

In times like these, when there isn’t much to smile or laugh about, there’s only one thing to do. Yes, that’s right… watch funny cat videos. And to do our part to help bummed out humans and cats everywhere, we’ve gathered all the hottest (and funniest) cat videos in one place on The World Is Your Litter Box website for you to enjoy. Why wring your hands (or paws) in anguish over the state of the world when instead, you can lose yourself in a miasma of kitty hilarity and laugh your tail off? Hey, it only makes sense!

Click here to go directly to our “Fun Cat Videos” page of the official The World Is Your Litter Box website… you’ll be glad you did!

Summer Reading Suggestions & Safety Tips for Cats

With summer here and broiling temperatures in many parts of the USA (and in many other parts of the world, for that matter), you’re probably looking for a couple good books to read while you’re hanging out at the beach or lounging by the pool like the kitty in the photo. Might I humbly suggest The World Is Your Litter Box and The World Is STILL Your Litter Box? They’re light and funny so they won’t depress you like all those books about the horrible state of the world, they’re chic and ultra-hip so you can impress your friends with your excellent taste in literature, and they’re very lightweight so you won’t strain yourself carrying them to your favorite reading spot. What could be better?

And while I’m at it, here are a few summer safety tips for my kitty compadres. First, be sure to use PLENTY of sun block if you plan on lounging about (or napping) in the out-of-doors… you don’t want those deadly gamma rays to singe your fur or burn your tender skin. Be sure to drink plenty of fluids so you stay hydrated… in fact, why not ask your human to add some refreshing ice cubes to your drinking water? DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT mess around with dogs that are lying in the sun… the heat makes them extra grouchy and just because they look wasted with their tongues lolling out doesn’t mean they won’t get up and chase you. And lastly, if you go for a refreshing dip in the pool and engage in some entertaining underwater hijinx, don’t forget to come up for air.

Have a safe and happy summer!

Lion Cuts - Ferocious, But VERY Cute

Now that summer has arrived and things are warming up here in good ‘ole Burbank, my two longhaired housemates, Bo Diddley and Piglet, have gotten their annual lion cuts. As you can see by the photos (Bo Diddley on the left, Piglet on the right), they look very cute… however, just because they look like little lions doesn’t mean they can strut around and act like BIG lions. Especially Piglet.

Yes, that’s right… the smallest member of the pride, who challenges my alpha maleness on a daily basis anyway, now thinks that he has somehow acquired mystical lion powers, and that he is suddenly the king of the jungle around here. Wrong again, Chukko. As all my fellow alpha males know, there can be only one lion king in each household, and in our household, that lion king is ME! And when challenged, even by a little lion like Piglet, I have to administer a flurry of whaps, hisses and moans to restore order.

So if you’re an alpha like me and you find yourself confronted by an interloper like Piglet (whether they have a lion cut or not), simply pull out your copy of The World Is STILL Your Litter Box and refer to the chapter, “How to Live with Multiple Cats & Alpha Males” (Hey, I couldn’t resist yet one more shameless plug for my second book!). You’ll find all kinds of tips and advice for dealing with pretenders to your throne of alpha maleness.

Still, I must admit, Bo Diddley and Piglet DO look rather ferocious (in an adorable kind of way). In fact, seeing them with their lion cuts almost makes me wish that I was a longhaired cat so I could get one too.

Mousebreath Is Here!

The takeover of the Internet by cats has recently taken a giant leap (or, should I say, pounce) forward with the introduction of Mousebreath, an online lifestyle magazine written primarily by cats for cats and the humans who love them. It’s sort of like Vanity Fair for kitties, only MUCH better! No pesky Kardashians, J-Lo, Paris or Lindsey to take up valuable space with their boring human antics…. just cats, cats, cats all the time! And, if that’s not enough, your friend Quasi has joined Mousebreath as a contributor with a column, “Quasi’s Corner.” How cool is that?

Mousebreath has all types of fun and interesting things for us felines, including news, lifestyle info, photos, games, free stuff, and columns such as “Meezer Meditations with Chey & Ichiro,” “Ask Max Monday,” and “In Da Dugout with Jeter Harris… and, of course, “Quasi’s Corner.” You can even read Mousebreath on a Kindle. Talk about state of the art!

So here’s a big meow out to Karen Nichols, who created Mousebreath with help from Skeezix, a highly-regarded blogging cat and one of my personal kitty friends. Tina Brown has nothing on Karen and Skeezix!

Click here to check out Mousebreath.

An Idea for a New Show on Animal Planet - For Cats

Every so often, Animal Planet comes up with a new show about how to deal with “problem” cats. First there was “Housecat House Calls,” and now it’s “My Cat from Hell.” Sounds great, you might be thinking, but from a cat’s perspective, these shows have it all wrong. Why? Because both of these shows start with the premise that something is wrong with the cat. At least Jackson Galaxy (oh, please), the host of “My Cat from Hell” gets it that cats march to the beat of their own drummer, but on both shows, most of the human cat owners want to bend their kitty to their will. Dummkopfs!

Let me give you an example. On one episode of “Housecat House Calls,” a family had an entire wall full of glittering, moving figurines and was upset because their cat kept knocking them over. Well, hello, nitwitskis, what did you expect? What cat wouldn’t be interested in a wall of glittering, moving figurines? And yet, this family considered their cat to be a “problem.” Personally, I would have loved to see that cat go wild and thrash every last one of those figurines. Now, THAT would have been some high-quality television!

So as a kitty who is always thinking, I have an idea for a new show that will be much more entertaining and amusing for us cats. It will be called “My Human from Hell,” and it will view “problem” humans from the cat’s perspective. The show will start with the fundamental premise that cats do whatever they want whenever they want and don’t want to be bothered, played with or smothered with affection unless they choose to be. To drive this point home, any human that doesn’t cater to their cat’s every want and whim will be scorned and blithely ignored.  And when a cat is being annoyed by a “problem” human, they will hiss and whap, and if the offense is bad enough, scratch, bite and draw blood. Yes, “My Human from Hell” will have it all – action, violence, bloodletting – just what America wants.  Hey, you never know… “My Human from Hell” could be even better than “True Blood” or “Dexter.”

So, fellow feline, do your part… call Animal Planet today and tell them you want – no, you DEMAND – that they add “My Human from Hell” to their slate of programs. Maybe I’ll even host it myself. Of course, if I do, I’ll need a cool name. Hmmm, let’s see… how about Quasi Solar System?

Happy Father's Day, Cat Dads!

Hard to believe, but there are actually humans on this earth who do not care for cats (the fools!), and many of those of those humans are males. Yes, fellow feline, I’m sure you’ve heard it all before… cats are too independent, cats are sneaky, cats don’t love you, etc., etc., etc.

Well, the fact is (according to the Humane Society), there are 38.2 million households in the U.S. that have at least one cat. Of those 38.2 million households, I would guess that around half have at least one human male, which means, if my math is correct, that there are 19.1 million human males in the U.S. who live with and love – or at least like – us cats.

Why bring all this up, you ask? Well, this coming Sunday is Father’s Day, and if your father is one of the 19.1 human males that live with and love cats, you’re probably wondering what gift to get them. And what better gift could there possibly be for a cat-loving dad then their own copies of The World Is Your Litter Box and The World Is STILL Your Litter Box? Sure, some human dads might prefer electronic gadgets, sporting goods, cases of beer and things like that, but those things won’t make him laugh his tail off like my books will! Plus, my books are WAY CHEAPER than electronic gadgets and all that other stuff. Order ‘em both from Amazon today and they’ll get them to you by Father’s Day. And if you want to read LOL-funny excerpts from both books, visit the official The World Is Your Litter Box website.

Meanwhile, here's wishing everyone, especially you cat dads, a HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!

My Plate? How About My Food Bowl?

As if humans don’t already have enough to worry about, they’ve now gone and replaced the age-old food pyramid with something called “My Plate.”  For those not familiar with the food pyramid, it basically divided up food into six basic groups and told how much of each group a human should eat to stay healthy.  With the new “My Plate,” as seen in the photo above, the food groups are divided into four quadrants with fruits and vegetables taking up half the space and grains and protein taking up the other half.  Steve (my human) was disappointed to learn that potato chips are not part of the major food groups in either the old food pyramid or the new “My Plate.”

Now right about here, you’re probably thinking, “Geez, Quasi, this is all very nice, but what does it have to do with cats and OUR food?” Well, glad you asked. Not to be outdone by humans, I’ve come up with my own new food chart called “My Food Bowl.” I think you’ll find it MUCH MORE PALATABLE than the mundane human “My Plate.” Check it out…

So, fellow cat, for good health throughout all of your nine lives, stick to the template shown in “My Food Bowl.” Just make sure your human doesn’t try to fob off any disgusting fruit or vegetables on you!

Memorial Day

On this Memorial Day, amid all the shopping and BBQs, let's all take a few moments to remember the humans who made the ultimate sacrifice to protect and defend the way of life we enjoy and hold so dear. I wish there were no wars, but I give wholehearted thanks the men and women who fought and died in them on our behalf.

And let's also use this opportunity to remember all the wonderful kitties who graced us with their presence and have now gone to the rainbow bridge. Thank you for the years of joy you gave us, and thank you for enriching our lives with your unconditional love. We remember you one and all.

Help for Tornado Victims (Humans and Animals)

It may not be the rapture or the end of the world, but we certainly have had more than our fair share of storms lately, the Midwest in particular. On top of all the tornadoes that occurred a few weeks ago and the flooding of the Mississippi River, the city of Joplin, Missouri has been hit especially hard by an unusually-large tornado that struck with very little warning and leveled much of the town. As of this writing, over 100 people are dead and the damage, as you can see in the photo above, is heartbreaking.

In times of natural disasters like this, rescue services and charitable organizations are extremely overtaxed, including those that focus primarily on animals. And since we are animal lovers here (especially cats, but ALL animals), we want to encourage you to make a donation to your favorite animal rights and rescue organization. I know things are tight these days, but even a few bucks would help if you can do it.

Along with Steve and his female (my humans), I want to thank all the wonderful organizations that do so much to help animals and people in times like these. In a world that often seems cruel and heartless, you represent all that is good.

For a list of animal rights and rescue organizations, click here.

Photos of Famous Writers & Their Kitties

This morning, while prowling around on the Internet with Steve, I discovered a very interesting website that is a must-see for all humans who love cats and literature… that’s right, intellectual cat lovers. The site, which is called Writers and Kitties, features photos of famous human writers and their true inspirations – their cats. Some of the cat-loving authors featured on the site and shown with their kitties include Stephen King, Joyce Carol Oates, Charles Bukowski, Raymond Chandler, Sylvia Plath, Jack Kerouac, Hunter S. Thompson, Margaret Atwood, Aldous Huxley, Mark Twain, and of course, Ernest Hemingway.

What about Steve & Quasi, you ask? Well, having just discovered Writers and Kitties, we’ve just submitted a photo (shown above), which will hopefully be added to the site. Needless to say, it would truly be an honor to be included among so many great authors… and great kitties!

Meanwhile, click here to check out Writers and Kitties.

News Alert: Piglet's Compound Destroyed!

Press Release from Quasi:

5/9/11   For Immediate Release

As part of my ongoing war with Piglet (my kitty housemate), I have taken bold and decisive action to destroy (well, okay… thrash) Pig’s well-fortified compound. As you can see from the Google Earth photo above, the compound was rendered semi-useless in this hush-hush (or, shall I say, hiss-hiss) precision strike. No civilian or kitty casualties occurred in the operation.

The flashpoint of my long-running conflict with Pig occurred shortly after Pig and his brother, Bo Diddley, came to live in our home and Pig, provocateur that he is, began staring at me for no apparent reason! Needless to say, this unwarranted act of aggression and assault on my alpha maleness could not go unpunished. When whaps, moans and hisses failed to do the job, further action was needed. I regret having to resort to taking up paws, but sometimes, a good thrashing is needed to put things right in the world.

I would like to thank the CIA, the National Security team and the U.S. Special Forces, although because I personally was able to wreck havoc on Pig’s compound with my overwhelming might and alpha male kittiness, their involvement in the operation was unnecessary. Meanwhile, the household remains on red alert in case Pig decides to take retaliatory action… or, even worse, stare at me some more.

Also, Anderson Cooper came by with a crew from CNN, but I wouldn't let him in!

How I Turned Steve's Mom Into a Cat Nut (A Mother's Day Story)

Mother’s Day is this Sunday, which reminds me that not too long ago, I, singlehandedly, turned Steve’s mother into an unapologetic, totally nutted-out cat lover. How did I do it? Read this excerpt from The World Is STILL Your Litter Box and find out…

Here’s just one more thing that happened in our household since the release of my first book – something which illustrates how a cat’s love can conquer all…

 Shortly before the arrival of Pig and B.D., Steve’s mom came to visit and stayed for five days. I’m not really too up on space/time continuum constructs, so I don’t really understand what Steve meant when he said that the five days felt like 500 years, but whatever… it was long enough for me to work my kitty magic.

At the time of her visit, Steve’s mom was not particularly fond of cats. In fact, during phone conversations, when Steve or the female told her about one of my oh-so-cute kitty antics, she always said something like, “Oh, you and your cat! You’d think he was your child.”

Actually, that’s true.

Anyway, when I heard that Steve’s mom was coming for a visit, I decided to take it upon myself to turn her feelings of antipathy toward cats into unquestionable, undying love. Yes, that’s right… I decided to turn her into a hopeless, unabashed cat nut with no chance of salvation or redemption.

The first thing I did after Steve’s mom arrived was to follow her around wherever she went. At first, she was a little perturbed, but after awhile, she started to enjoy my company and all the attention. This is one thing cats and females, mothers included, have in common… they all love it when you pay attention to them. I also snuggled up with Steve’s mom while she slept, and when she sat down, I made sure to jump up in her lap and purr at 120 decibels (which is roughly the volume level of a jet engine or a Metallica concert). I kept this up for the first two days she was here, and slowly but surely, the ice began to melt.

Then, as an integral part of my scheme, I pulled a quick about-face as only a cat can.

After dinner, while everyone was sitting around watching TV, I did NOT jump up in Steve’s mom’s lap as she expected. Instead, I sat a few feet away, cleaned myself and acted blasé. Steve’s mom patted her lap to indicate that I was welcome, but I turned up my nose, gave her a glimpse of my hindquarters and coolly sauntered away. And when she went to sleep that night, I was nowhere to be found.

Steve’s mom couldn’t believe I had shunned her.

“How come Quasi won’t sit on my lap anymore?” she asked Steve. “And he didn’t sleep with me last night.”

“But mom,” said Steve with a smirky grin. “I thought you didn’t like cats.”

“I never said I didn’t like cats.”

Next stop… another kitty convert.

To drive the point home and show Steve’s mom how cold the world can truly be without the comfort and love of a cat, I ignored her for a couple more hours. Then, to her great relief, I cranked my kitty charm-o-meter up to full power. I purred. I nuzzled. I looked cute. I meowed coquettishly. I sat in her lap and let her pet me. At night, I snuggled with her and burrowed under the covers like a spelunker. I ask you… how can ANY human go through life without a cat?

When it came time for Steve’s mom to go home, Steve gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

“I’ll miss you,” she told Steve and the female. “But I’ll REALLY miss Quasi.”

And it wasn’t long before Steve’s mom got a cat of her own – a beautiful little calico kitty named Emily – and now when Steve calls her, all she talks about is… uh-huh, that’s correct… HER CAT.

Mission accomplished.

Here’s wishing mothers everywhere, cat, human and otherwise, a very HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY. None of us would be here without you.

The Royal Wedding

Unless you live in a deep dark hole in the ground somewhere, you can’t possibly not know that on Friday, Great Britain will celebrate its first REALLY BIG royal wedding since Prince Charles and Lady Diana were married in the early 1980s. Now their offspring, Prince William, is marrying Kate Middleton in a ceremony that is sure to command the attention of the entire world and will, most certainly, clog up the news media and the Internet (which will make it harder for me to get my daily LOLs on I Can Has Cheezburger). If some country wants to invade another country, Friday would be the time to do it because with all the distraction, no one will even notice.

You’re probably wondering why a cat like me is adding to the frenzy by blogging about the royal wedding. Well, to be perfectly honest, there’s really no reason other than the fact that if I didn’t, I would appear to be a Luddite who was unaware of the goings-on in the world around me. Naturally, as an all-knowing kitty, I’m not about to let that happen.

There is one question I do have, though, and that is… do William and Kate like cats? The people of Great Britain are notorious cat lovers, so here’s hoping that goes for the royal couple as well.

Meanwhile, here’s wishing William and Kate well, and may they live long and happy lives together. And me… well, I can’t wait till all the hoopla is over so I can get back to napping.

The New & Improved "Litter Box" On-Line Shop Is Here!

Just in time for spring, The World Is Your Litter Box On-Line Shop has been completely revamped with new products and new designs for the discerning cat lover. Yes, we’ve got it all… from “Litter Box” t-shirts, coffee mugs, refrigerator magnets and key chains to “Give Us Noms” pet food bowls, “Laughed My Tail Off” boy briefs for women, and “The World IS My Litter Box” iPhone cases. We’ve even got unique products for infant and toddler cat lovers, including a “Litter Box” bib for messy eaters. It’s a veritable plethora of cat-related goodies for all ages!

But wait… there’s more! Profits from the sales of all items in the Litter Box On-Line Shop will be donated to the World Society for the Protection of Animals (WSPA), an organization doing wonderful things for animals worldwide, including the thousands of pets left homeless by the earthquake and tsunami in Japan. You can visit the WSPA website at www.wspa-usa.org.

So why not treat yourself to a future collector’s item from our on-line shop and help the WSPA while you’re at it? And don’t forget… these distinctive products make great gifts for cat-loving moms – and Mother’s Day is only a couple weeks away.

Click here to access The World Is Your Litter Box On-Line Shop.

Happy Easter!

It's Easter once again... time for Easter baskets, Easter bonnets, Easter parades, Easter egg hunts, and of course, the Easter Bunny. And like every year, many humans pause to wonder, "Who's cuter? Cats or the Easter Bunny?"

Well, clearly the answer is cats. We have to be cute 365 days a year, whereas the Easter Bunny only has to be cute on one. Plus, cats have to rely on their own wits to be cute, while the Easter Bunny can "buy" his allure with Easter holiday-related goodies like chocolate and colored eggs. Hrrrummpph! Yes, the Easter Bunny poses a significant challenge to kitty cuteness, but not to worry, fellow felines... your friend Quasi has come up with some bold and innovative ways to meet this cuteness assault head on. So, for your edification, here's the "Easter" section from the "Holiday Fun (& Danger)" chapter in The World Is Your Litter Box...

Easter: A nice holiday, but one in which our kitty cuteness is subject to competition and severely put to the test. For many, Easter is synonymous with that most adorable of holiday characters – the Easter Bunny   Some adult humans buy real bunnies for the little ones and tell them it=s THE Easter Bunny, and little humans, with their gullible under-developed minds, believe them. Now, if there’s anything that comes to close to rivaling a cat for cuteness, it’s a bunny. Like us, they have soft fur and cute little noses, which they tend to wiggle in an irresistibly-charming manner (damn them!). And, what’s worse, this Easter Bunny character tries to buy the affection of little humans by bringing them candy and colored eggs. UNFAIR!  UNFAIR!  How can we cats compete with that?

Well, you could simply get tough and run the “Easter Bunny” off like so much riff-raff. However, doing so will NOT endear you to your human. No, the best thing is to meet the enemy head on and fight THEIR cuteness with YOUR cuteness. One on one. Mano a Mano.

But how, you ask?  Well, first of all, remember that you are much smarter than the average bunny. After all, how many of THEM know the distance from Earth to the nearest Quasar?  Very few, I can assure you. Hey, they don’t even know how to purr. Furthermore, because of your stellar personality and superior intellect (and because of the “How to Look Cute” chapter in this book), you have a full arsenal of cuteness ammunition at your disposal. Believe me, you have much more going for you than some Johnny-Come-Lately Easter Bunny. So be resourceful and don’t be intimidated. Trot out your most time-tested antics and attention-getting strategies. Use every word or sound in your vocabulary. Perform feats of astounding acrobatic prowess (let’s see an Easter Bunny run up a screen door). Sing cheezy Las Vegas-type ballads like Wayne Newton. Pout like an anorexic overpaid fashion model. Do whatever you have to do to send the “Easter Bunny” packing with his tail, cute as it may be, between his legs. And most importantly, remember that cuteness is only skin deep.

Happy Easter, everyone!

Shedding Season Is Here!

Ahhh… spring is in the air. The weather is warming up, the days are getting longer, baseball is back, baby animals are being born… and IT’S SHEDDING SEASON! Yes, for us cats, it’s time to blow off our winter coats and shake off the doldrums of winter.

Shedding has some very pleasant benefits, not the least of which is the joy of getting cat hair all over everything in your home and getting extra-long spa treatment-type brushings from your human. Unfortunately, because we cats have a prediction for cleaning ourselves several times a day, a lot of loose fur ends up in our throats and tummies and becomes – yes, that’s right – hairballs. And as we all know, hairball time is kack-up time. So, as a public service to all my fellow felines, here’s a list of 20 good places to throw up, excerpted from The World Is Your Litter Box…. 

1.         In your human's shoes (preferably Louboutins or Guccis).

2          On the keyboard of your human's computer

3.         On the remote control for the TV.

4.         On a comb or a hairbrush.

5.         On the couch.

6.         On a priceless Oriental rug.

7.         On your human's iPod.

8.         Over a floor heater (preferably when it's on).

9.         In the toaster

10.       On an open waffle iron.

11.       On the hated vacuum cleaner (while it's standing idle, of course).

12.       On your human's copy of the Magna Carta.

13.       On the bed (or better yet, under the covers).

14.       On one or both of the pillows.

15.       On a pile of clean, neatly-folded clothes (my personal favorite!).

16.       On the food buffet table during a party.

17.       On your human's phone (preferably in the little impossible-to-clean mouthpiece holes).

18.       On the kitchen floor (from the top of the refrigerator... talk about a Jackson Pollock art  happening!).

19.       On your human's rare copy of Elvis Presley's "Good Rockin' Tonight" on Sun Records.

20.       In your food bowl (if you don't like the food and want it replaced... works every time).