Lion Cuts

Now that summer has arrived and things are warming up here in good ‘ole Burbank, my two longhaired housemates, Bo Diddley and Piglet, have gotten their annual lion cuts. As you can see by the photos (Pig on top, B.D. on the bottom), they look very cute… however, just because they look like little lions doesn’t mean they can strut around and act like BIG lions.

Especially Piglet.

Yes, that’s right… the smallest member of the pride, who challenges my alpha maleness on a daily basis anyway, now thinks that he has somehow acquired mystical lion powers, and that he is suddenly the king of the jungle around here. Wrong again, Bucko. As all my fellow alpha males know, there can be only one lion king in each household, and in our household, that lion king is ME! And when challenged, even by a little lion, I have to administer a flurry of whaps, hisses and moans to restore order.

So if you’re an alpha like me and you find yourself confronted by an interloper like Piglet (whether they have a lion cut or not), simply pull out your copy of The World Is STILL Your Litter Box and refer to the chapter, “How to Live with Multiple Cats & Alpha Males” (I couldn’t resist yet one more shameless plug for my book!). You’ll find all kinds of tips and advice for dealing with pretenders to your throne of alpha maleness.

Still, I must admit, Bo Diddley and Piglet DO look rather ferocious (in an adorable kind of way). In fact, seeing them with their lion cuts almost makes me wish that I was a longhaired cat so I could get one too.

The Bionic Kitty

Here’s yet another kitty-in-trouble story (why do we do it to ourselves?) that fortunately seems to have turned out alright, and is, in fact, pretty amazing.

Last October, on a farm in the British Channel Islands, a two-and-half-year-old cat named Oscar was having a little kip (that’s “nap” for you non-British kitties) in a sunny spot that just happened to be in the path of a combine harvester… I know, it sounds bad already. Poor little Oscar was run over and the lower portions of his hind legs were severely damaged. The local vet, where Oscar was taken, referred Oscar’s family to Dr. Noel Fitzpatrick, a neuro-orthopedic surgeon. Working in conjunction with two biomedical engineering experts, Dr. Fitzpatrick fashioned metal bionic prosthetic legs, which were fastened to the remaining portions of Oscar’s back legs by means of implanted pegs, and viola… Oscar can now run and jump pretty much like a normal kitty. Cor blimey! (that’s “Holy s--t!” for you non-British kitties). And as Winston Churchill might have said, this is Oscar’s “finest hour.” That’s Oscar in the photo with his new bionic back legs.

Being a cat, Oscar is fairly nonplussed by all the attention. Still, being the world’s first bionic kitty is pretty special. Can a TV show be far behind? In the 1970s, we had The Six Million Dollar Man and The Bionic Woman, so why not The Bionic Cat? Hey, I’d certainly watch it.

Buy 'Em Both Together!

Just in time for your summer reading pleasure, Amazon is offering a couple ways to save money on purchases of The World Is Your Litter Box and The World Is STILL Your Litter Box.

If you already bought The World Is Your Litter Box, but don’t yet have The World Is STILL Your Litter Box, you can now save 10% off the cover price of the sequel (that’s a jaw-dropping savings of $1.20!). If you don’t yet have either book, you can purchase them together for the incredibly low price of $20.70. Astounding bargains like this don’t come along every day, especially when we’re talking classic (and extremely funny) cat literature. In fact, to put everything in proper perspective, here are several good reasons why you should buy both books together…

• When you finish the first book, you can start the second one immediately (Yes, that’s right… instant gratification!)
• You’ll get twice as many laughs.
• Shipping both books together requires less fossil fuel and helps the environment.
• Both books together are cheaper than the complete works of Shakespeare (and WAY easier to understand).
• The two covers complement each other and will look nice on your coffee table.
• Double is ALWAYS better (think double cheeseburgers or two scoops of ice cream).
• You’ll be the envy of all your cat-loving friends.
• Your cat(s) will acquire twice as much wisdom from yours truly.
• I’ll earn twice as many royalties (Hey, might as well be honest here!).
• Your cat(s) will be doubly thankful and doubly nice to you (for a few minutes, anyway).

No serious cat lover should be without The World Is Your Litter Box and The World Is STILL Your Litter Box, so order now! For more info on both books, and a link to Amazon, visit the official The World Is Your Litter Box website.

Write a Book Review of The World Is STILL Your Litter Box

Have you ever read a convoluted book review by some snobby self-absorbed intellectual and thought to yourself, “I could write a better review than THAT!” Well, fellow cats (and cat lovers), here’s your chance. If you bought The World Is STILL Your Litter Box from Amazon.com, you’re entitled to write a review and tell everyone on Earth what you think of the book. Start by going to Amazon’s page for The World Is STILL Your Litter Box. Click on “customer reviews,” which is right under the title info. This will take you to the “Reviews,” page, where you can click on “Create Your Own Review” and have at it. Needless to say, it would be most helpful if you said something nice, but all constructive comments would be welcome… hey, I can take the heat! We’ll also add your review to the “Reviews” page on the Litter Box website.

And while I’m shamelessly plugging The World Is STILL Your Litter Box, let me remind you that the book makes a perfect Father’s Day gift for the cat-loving dad in your life. Let’s face it… what father wouldn’t rather get a cat book than socks, a tie, or some type of power tool?

How Kittens Are Made

Throughout the history of cinema, certain films have come along and made such an impact that they elevated the art form to new plateaus and pointed the motion picture industry in an entirely new direction… films such as Citizen Kane, Casablanca, Gone With the Wind, The Bicycle Thief, Star Wars, The Godfather, and anything with Jennifer Aniston to name but a few.

Now, another rubicon in the history of filmmaking has been crossed. Yes, movie aficionados, for your viewing pleasure, I have channeled Orson Welles and directed my first film, “How Kittens Are Made,” a groundbreaking two-minute slice of cinema vérité featuring my friend and protégée, Andy. Here are some of the early reactions from film buffs around the world…

• “OMG… what a mancat!”
• “Mon Dieu… le chat du amour!”
• “Made my pulse race!“
• “LOL funny!”
• “Get that cat a hooker!”

Now, a brief word of warning… “How Kittens Are Made” is a bit on the risqué side, so if you’re easily offended by humor that might be considered by some to be racy and slightly twisted, don’t watch it. However, if you think you can stand it, here’s the link…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bUGQqN87LNI

Enjoy!

Why My Book Promos Are Less Annoying Than Political Ads

One thing about being a writer these days is that unless you’re really, really famous (or a nauseating celebrity with a tawdry lifestyle), most publishers will do very little to promote your books. What this means is that many authors, like me for example, have to shoulder the majority of the PR load and get the word out any way we can.

Now, I acknowledge that sometimes, my incessant hyping of The World Is Your Litter Box and The World Is STILL Your Litter Box (notice how I cleverly slipped the names in there!) can get a little irksome. But consider this… when compared to political ads, repeated references to my books are like a breath of fresh air. In fact, to illustrate the point, here are ten good reasons why promos for my books are far less annoying than political ads:

My book promos…

1. Are not on TV every five minutes
2. Do not include nonsensical B.S. from candidates
3. Do not ruthlessly batter opponents (in my case, other cat books)
4. Do not include phrases like “Commie” and “Right-Wing Nut Job”
5. Are not full of untruths (that’s a polite way of saying “lies”)
6. Do not single out ethic groups for subtle-but-slimy attacks
7. Do not include frenzied cheers such as “Lit-Ter-Box, Lit-Ter-Box”
8. Do not state that I will solve ALL problems without raising taxes
9. Are amusing and entertaining (I think so, anyway)
10. Are not self-serving (Well, okay, they are… but in a good way!)

So the next time you see one of my promos for The World Is Your Litter Box or The World Is STILL Your Litter Box (yes, once again I’ve slipped the names in, ha-ha!) and think to yourself, “Will Quasi NEVER go away?” just be glad that I’m not a politician running for office. Or, you could simply succumb to the hype and buy the books (The World Is Your Litter Box and The World Is STILL Your Litter Box in case you forgot!).

Don't Go In There!

Here’s another kitty-in-trouble story that fortunately (and amazingly) has a happy ending.

Last week, in a suburb of Sydney, Australia, a four-month old Persian kitten named Kimba climbed into a front loading washing machine and curled up on the clothes. (I know… this sounds bad already). Another member of the family, who didn’t know that Kimba was in the washing machine, closed the door and started a full wash cycle, which included a high-level spin.

Anyway, when Kimba’s human went to pull the clothes out of the washing machine, they found Kimba, who “looked like a drowned rat,” but was miraculously alive. Kimba was rushed to the vet, where she was treated for shock and hypothermia (the wash cycle was set for "cold"). She also received treatment for her eyes, which were irritated by the detergent. Luckily, however, Kimba is expected to make a full recovery. Whew!

The moral of this story, and this is directed primarily toward humans who have a kitten in the house, is to BE VERY CAREFUL when doing laundry, and MAKE SURE no cats are in the washer or the dryer before you shut the door and start the machine. Need I say more?

The one good thing that came out of this misadventure for Kimba is that she is now so clean, she won’t have to wash herself again until she’s at least one year old. Still, all you other cats and kittens out there, I would highly advise you to use your sandpaper tongue for cleaning and leave the washers and dryers to humans.