QUASI ON TWITTER!

As one of the coolest cats in cyberspace (if I don't say so myself), I've signed up with Twitter... well, actually Steve signed me up. Anyway, if you would like to follow me and stay current with all the latest minutia in my life (naps, mealtimes, work on the followup to The World Is Your Litter Box, etc.), please visit at twitter.com/QuasiCat. Be sure to leave your URL so I can follow you as well.

Are these Internet time-wasters great or what! And doesn't that little bird in the Twitter logo look delicious? (Hey, just kidding!)

EARTH DAY 2009

This Wednesday, April 22nd is Earth Day... a day when humans take the fight for clean energy and a cleaner environment to the streets (and the Internet, among other places).

The annual celebration of Earth Day began with the birth of the modern environmental movement on April 22, 1970. The concept of Earth Day was the brainchild of former U.S. Senator Gaylord Nelson, who felt that a nationwide protest was needed to shake up the populance and bring environmental issues to the forefront. Since then, millions of humans have particpated in Earth Day protests against the deterioration of the environment, and their efforts led to such achievements as passage of the Clean Water Act and the Clean Air Act. Way to go!

Needless to say, with global warming and other environmental problems such as unchecked pollution in developing countries, Earth Day is more relevant than ever. On this Earth Day, I urge all humans to do their part in making the earth a cleaner and better place to live. After all, a cleaner environment is good for cats and all other living things!

THE NEW "FIRST DOG"

Here’s something you’ve never seen on my blog before… yes, that’s right, a post about a DOG! No, I haven’t lost my kitty mind or become soft on doggie-ism. However, in the spirit of bipartisanship, I want to send a big meow out to the Obamas’ new puppy, which Sasha and Malia named Bo.

As you may already know, Bo is a Portuguese water dog, which means that his breed is trained to jump into the water and retrieve things… something a cat would NEVER do, obviously. Originally, President Obama intended to get a rescue dog, but the girls wanted a Portuguese water dog and pups of this breed are rarely available as rescues. So, the Obamas accepted Bo as a gift from Senator Ted Kennedy and will, instead, make a generous donation to the District of Columbia Humane Society.

Now, since Bo is just a puppy, and since all dogs tend to be rubes regardless of their stature, I’d like to offer him some tips from the feline perspective…

• Don’t bite the president
• Don’t lift a leg on the corner of the desk in the Oval Office
• Don’t get doggie hair on important diplomats
• Don’t eat Sasha and Malia’s homework
• Don’t beg at state dinners
• Don’t growl at Secret Service dudes
• Don’t track mud in from the Rose Garden
• And for God’s sake, DON’T hump the legs of female world leaders

That being said, Bo, I wish you a long and happy life as “first dog.” And the next time I’m in Washington, to show you what a good sport I really am, I’ll let you chase me under the bed in the Lincoln bedroom.

WHO'S CUTER? CATS OR THE EASTER BUNNY?

Who's cuter? Cats or the Easter Bunny? For your edification, here's the "Easter" section from the "Holiday Fun (& Danger)" chapter of The World Is Your Litter Box...

Easter: A nice holiday, but one in which our kitty cuteness is subject to competition and severely put to the test. For many, Easter is synonymous with that most adorable of holiday characters – the Easter Bunny Some adult humans buy real bunnies for the little ones and tell them it's THE Easter Bunny, and little humans, with their gullible under-developed minds, believe them. Now, if there’s anything that comes to close to rivaling a cat for cuteness, it’s a bunny. Like us, they have soft fur and cute little noses, which they tend to wiggle in an irresistibly-charming manner (damn them). And, what’s worse, this Easter Bunny character tries to buy the affection of little humans by bringing them candy and colored eggs. UNFAIR! UNFAIR! How can we cats compete with that?

Well, you could simply get tough and run the “Easter Bunny” off like so much riff-raff. However, doing so will NOT endear you to your human. No, the best thing is to meet the enemy head on and fight THEIR cuteness with YOUR cuteness. One on one. Mano a Mano.

But how, you ask? Well, first of all, remember that you are much smarter than the average bunny. After all, how many of THEM know the distance from Earth to the nearest Quasar? Very few, I can assure you. Hey, they don’t even know how to purr. Furthermore, because of your stellar personality and superior intellect (and because of the “How to Look Cute” chapter in this book), you have a full arsenal of cuteness ammunition at your disposal. Believe me, you have much more going for you than some Johnny-Come-Lately Easter Bunny. So be resourceful and don’t be intimidated. Trot out your most time-tested antics and attention-getting strategies. Use every word or sound in your vocabulary. Perform feats of astounding acrobatic prowess (let’s see an Easter Bunny run up a screen door). Sing cheezy Las Vegas-type ballads like Wayne Newton. Pout like an anorexic overpaid fashion model. Do whatever you have to do to send the “Easter Bunny” packing with his tail, cute as it may be, between his legs. And most importantly, remember that cuteness is only skin deep.

And if this doesn't work, simply let your human know that while the Easter bunny may be the "cuteness" champ this Sunday, you provide cuteness 365 days a year with no strings (or Easter baskets) attached.

So, happy Easter everyone! And don't forget... The World Is Your Litter Box makes an excellent (and inexpensive) holiday gift for the cat lover in your life! (Hey, you KNOW I can't pass up an opportunity to shamelessly plug my book!)

THE CAT VERSION OF PASSOVER (PURR-OVER)

With due apologies to cats and humans of the Jewish faith, here’s a little story about the annual religious holiday of Purr-Over, the kitty version of Passover.

Many years ago, a big mean dog named Fay-Roe lived with his pack in Egypt. Fay-Roe despised all cats and kept them enslaved by means of his sharp teeth, horribly-bad doggie breath, thunderous bark and long sharp claws (Fay-Roe didn’t make it to the groomer too often). Yes, fellow cats, Egyptian kitties had to hew wood and draw water for dogs! They even had to clean up the yard after slovenly uncouth dogs used it as a bathroom (to this day, dogs still haven’t figured out how to use a litter box, the rubes!).

The leader of the cats was named Meez-es, who cleverly disguised himself as Charlton Heston (that’s him in the photo above). Naturally, all the kitties hated being enslaved by dogs and wanted to escape, so Meez-es came up with a plan. He arranged for a plague of fleas and ticks to attack the dogs, but leave the cats alone. While the all dogs were busy itching and scratching, Meez-es purred very loudly to create a distraction and all the kitties got away! Hence the name, Purr-Over.Before the dogs knew what bit them, the cats had escaped to the Promised Land (Paris? Hawaii? L.A.?) where they were adored and worshipped by humans as they should have been all along. The kitties were smothered with affection, fed whatever they wanted, and given treats day and night for 40 years (which is a VERY long time!) If you don’t believe me, read the Cateuronomy book of the Bible or watch “The Ten Cat-Mandments” if you can sit through it without falling asleep. And on this Purr-Over holiday, when your human is giving you treats, take time out to remember those long-ago kitties who suffered and struggled, yet triumphed in the end.