Black Friday

Well, fellow cat, today is Black Friday… the official start of the Christmas shopping madness. This is the day humans everywhere rush to shopping malls to take advantage of incredible bargains and spend money they don’t have on items they don’t really need. And the reason today is called “Black Friday” is that many stores open ridiculously early (when it’s still dark... hence the name) and humans line up hours earlier to take advantage of “Doorbuster” sales. Just thinking about all this makes me shake and shiver and want to hide under the bed until the return of sanity.

Now, having said all that, I would like you to remind your human that in the midst of their shopping frenzy, they should NOT forget about my book, The World Is Your Litter Box. Yes, what would Black Friday be without a crass, shameless plug from ‘ole Quaz! The World Is Your Litter Box is the perfect holiday gift for cat lovers (and for you)… and, at the recession-friendly price of just $9.95, it’s a perfect stocking stuffer.

So happy Black Friday everyone! Let the holidays begin!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Yes, once again it’s Thanksgiving… that wonderful time of year when we stop and give thanks for all the wonderful things we have. Oh, heck, who am I kidding? Sure, even in these difficult economic times, most of us have a lot to be thankful for, but right now, the big thing for humans is getting together with loved ones and slamming as much food as possible into their gaping maws.

Here’s a little Thanksgiving missive from a cat’s perspective… from the “Holiday Fun (& Danger) chapter of The World Is Your Litter Box…

Thanksgiving: A good holiday for cats, even if it’s not so good for turkeys. At Thanksgiving, human families get together to gorge themselves and good feeling is in the air (as are an abundance of good cooking smells!) In most households with male and female humans, the male usually spends the day watching football on TV while the female toils in the kitchen preparing Thanksgiving dinner. In addition to providing engrossing tension and lively, entertaining arguments, this situation will afford you a good lap to sleep in, unless your male human becomes over-exuberant and spills beer on you, and plenty of interesting activity in the kitchen. Once the table is set, you might want to jump up there and make sure all the silverware, plates, and glasses are properly arranged. And when dinner is finally served, be sure to go from person to person looking as cute (and hungry) as possible. There is nothing better than Thanksgiving turkey. Yum! Then, when dinner is over and everyone is sated beyond the point of decency, including you, you can go into the bedroom and have a nice snooze on everyone’s coats, just like on New Years Eve and other holidays during cold seasons. Yes, there is much to be thankful for.

Along with Steve and Judy (my humans), I want to wish everyone - cat, human and otherwise - a very safe and happy Thanksgiving!

THE WORLD IS YOUR LITTER BOX - THE LATEST NEWS

This weekend, Steve will wind up his Southern California book tour for The World Is Your Litter Box with signing events at Barnes & Noble in Palmdale from 1-5 PM on Saturday (11/22), and at Barnes & Noble in the Del Amo Fashion Center in Torrance from 2-5 PM on Sunday (11/23). For more information on the Palmdale event, call 661-272-9958, and for more info on the Del Amo signing, call 310-370-5552. Hope to see you at one or both of the stores.

And many thanks to those of you who have sent in photos for the “Photos of Cat Readers” page of the official The World Is Your Litter Box website… but we want MORE, MORE, MORE! If you bought The World Is Your Litter Box, (or if you intend to... it would make a great holiday gift for the cat lover in your life!), simply take a photo of your cat (or cats) posed with their copy of the book and send it to the email address shown on the “Photos of Cat Readers” page of the website. Be sure and tell us the names of any and all cats in the photo and the city where you live. We look forward to adding your kitty to the site!

RETURN FROM PARIS COLLATERAL DAMAGE REPORT

As most of you who read my posts know, Steve and his female recently returned from a week’s vacation in Paris. During their absence, I remained at home and was cared for by my pet sitter. Now even though my pet sitter is very nice and does pretty much whatever I want, it was still not the same as having Steve and the female around at all times…for me, it was inconvenient, irksome and problematic. In other words, it was UNACCEPTABLE HUMAN BEHAVIOR for which they had to pay! And if that wasn’t enough, Steve even went so far as to pet a Parisian chat, as evidenced by the above photo. Zut Alors!

Here is the room-by-room collateral damage report for the week Steve and his female were having fun in Par-ee. Needless to say, I had to do most of this on the last day so my pet sitter wouldn’t clean up my handiwork:

Kitchen:

• All accessible cabinets opened and investigated


• Bag of flour opened and spread around floor


• Bag of pasta opened and spread around floor


• Roll of paper towels unraveled and shredded


• Kacked-up hairball on counter near stove


• Excessive cat hair on everythin

Living Room:

• Arm of couch mercilessly shredded


• Chew marks on leaves of all accessible plants


• Dirt from accessible plants flung onto carpet


• Favorite paper bag shredded (I was tired of it anyway)


• Kacked-up hairball on coffee table


• Excessive cat hair on everything

Bathroom:

• Roll of toilet paper shredded into microscopic-sized pieces


• Litter from litter box excavated and flung onto floor


• Hand towels pulled down into litter box


• All items on counter knocked over and/or batted around


• Kacked-up hairball in bathtub


• Excessive cat hair on everything

Bedroom:

• Ridiculous number of pillows on bed disrupted and/or pushed onto floor


• All items on female’s dressing table knocked over and/or batted around


• Sliding closet doors opened and contents thrashed (wherever possible)


• Lamps on bed stands tipped over


• Kacked-up hairball on bedspread


• Excessive cat hair on everything

FIRES IN SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA

Our thoughts and prayers are with all the humans, cats, and other living creatures in the paths of the devestating fires that are currently raging in Southern California. The area is tinder dry and unusually hot for this time of year, so the fire conditions are very severe. We also want to send major thanks to all the firefighters who are doing what they can to put the fires out.

A minor, but related note: Steve's book signing for The World Is Your Litter Box, which was to have taken place at Barnes & Noble in Palmdale on Saturday, was canceled due to the fires and extensive freeway closures in the Los Angeles area. The event has been rescheduled for Saturday, November 22nd, from 1-5 PM.

BACK FROM PARIS & BOOK SIGNING

Steve and his female have returned from their vacation in Paris (thank God), so now they can get back to paying FULL ATTENTION to me! Naturally, they had to pay for leaving me alone with my pet sitter, so I was forced to do a certain amount of collateral damage around the homestead. I'll have the full damage report in a couple days.

Meanwhile, on Saturday November 15th, from 1-5 PM, Steve will be signing copies of The World Is Your Litter Box at Barnes & Noble in Palmdale, CA. If you live in the area, please drop by and say hi. Barnes & Noble is located in The Marketplace at 39228 10th Street West in Palmdale. For more information, please call 661-272-9958.

PARIS VACATION FOR STEVE & HIS FEMALE

Incroyable! On Wednesday, Steve and his female are leaving all their cares (and me) behind and going to Paris for a week’s vacation. A week in one of the most beautiful cities in the world … the sights, the ambience, the street life, the wine, the food, the Parisian chats.

Now, if I were a more magnanimous creature (in other words, not a cat), I would be happy for them. But while Steve and his female are enjoying themselves in the city of l’amour, I’ll be HOME ALONE with no one to care for me but my pet sitter. Boo-hoo-hoo, you say? Well imagine being left on YOUR OWN for eight full days and nights. Sure, I’ll be napping most of that time, but that’s not the point! With my humans gone, I won’t be able to get EXACTLY what I want EXACTLY when I want it! And, needless to say, I won’t be blogging or doing any other writing for a week, being that my typist, Steve, will be in dispose.

But, being the bigger cat, I’m putting my own selfish concerns aside to wish Steve and his female bon voyage… but don’t think there won’t be a VERY HIGH DEGREE of collateral kitty damage around the household to teach them a lesson for leaving me alone while they gallivant around Paree. Mon Dieu!

VOTE!

Well, the big day is about to arrive. After months and months and months of name calling, mudslinging, proselytizing and good old-fashioned B.S., Election Day is finally upon us. I don’t know about your humans, but Steve and his female have become fanatically obsessive about politics to the point where I’m afraid their heads are going to explode. Thank God it’s just about over.

All kidding aside though, this is a VERY important election for humans, cats, and all other living things, Planet Earth included… so if your human has not already voted, tell them to get up off their lazy you-know-what and get down to their polling place. Too much is at stake for any human to sit on the sidelines this time around.

DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME - SOUND IDEA OR CONFUSING NONSENSE?

In their ever-amazing infinite wisdom, humans have developed something called daylight savings time, which involves setting the clocks ahead one hour in the spring and setting them back one hour in the fall. Why? Who the heck knows? To me, it just seems like one more thing humans have come up with to confound themselves and make their lives more complicated. And of course, there are always those ninnies who forget to turn their clocks back (or forward) and end up early (or late) for work or whatever.

But Quasi, you ask, how does this daylight savings thing affect us cats? Well, as you know, all felines have internal kitty alarm clocks, but our clocks are not really sophisticated enough to be turned back and forward on a moment’s notice. We require a period of adjustment, and during that period of adjustment, our humans MUST PAY for their folly. For example, let’s say you wake your human at 7:00 each morning. When clocks are turned back one hour, as they will be on Sunday, 7:00 AM becomes 6:00 AM… so, until your kitty clock resets, your human will be awakened at 6:00 AM, or, what used to be 7:00 AM. I know, confusing, huh? Oh, well.

At any rate, make sure your human sets all their clocks back before they go to bed on Saturday, or when they wake up on Sunday. Hey, one positive thing (for you, anyway) is that you’ll get your breakfast an hour earlier!